Chapter 14
I t may have been optimistic of me to presume our journey would be all excitement. We still endured the undeniable discomfort of sleeping on the bumpy ground, never knowing where our meal would come from, feeling the aching pains in our feet from walking endless miles, and keeping late night watches to ensure no one stabbed us for our coin. While slightly more enjoyable with company, those things hadn’t changed.
The merchant had only been able to take us a half day out, and since then, we’d been entirely on foot. We were a couple of days into our travels now, and we’d all started to fall into our roles naturally. Kallistra and Zorinna, with their extensive knives and bow skills, respectively, were delegated as our game hunters. If they failed to secure a kill, Kaz was our next hope, with his… albeit subpar fishing skills. If all else failed, Alandris and I were multitasking—foraging while we practiced magic. And if even that went poorly, we had some rations we could spare.
The forests south of Fernfallow were fortunately full of edible plants, fungi, and berries I was familiar with. I popped a tiny, red rose hip into my mouth as I gathered a handful of the fruits from a nearby bush. The sweet and tart flavor swam against my taste buds. They wouldn’t be enough to sustain us, but they were easy to pick and better tasting than most things we’d found thus far. Edible, sadly, didn’t always mean delicious…
“What do you think?” Alandris called me over, pointing to a cluster of small brown mushrooms with white stems.
Alandris was going to get us killed, and not in a peaceful ‘fall into an endless slumber’ kind of way, but in a ‘vomit up your entire insides and bleed from your eyes’ kind of way.
“I think if you’re attempting to murder us all undetected, then you have found the perfect mushroom with which to do so.” I knelt down next to him, twirling one of the shrooms in my fingers. “I’ll give you a pass because these little guys are not common in your region, but do not eat one. Ever.”
He winced. “I am possibly the worst person to forage with. I’ve gained somewhat of a reputation at the Consortium for exploding potions and accidental toxic fumes. I find the whole subject a bit boring. I never could focus during those teachings.”
“You can’t be good at everything.” I giggled, imagining his haphazard creations terrorizing his fellow Mages .
“Perhaps not, but I’d appreciate your teaching me.” He smiled awkwardly as he emptied the pouch he had already filled with the poisonous mushrooms. “It will help me as an Arch Magus. If they test my knowledge on such things again, I won’t have such a glaring weak spot.”
“Oh no, Alandris…” I frowned, watching the mushrooms fall to the forest floor. “You should just burn that pouch.”
“It’s that deadly?” He gaped.
“It is. Let’s wash our hands in the river.”
Alandris set the pouch aflame, snuffing out the embers before they could spread through the grass. “So, you’ll teach me, then?”
I nodded. “I suppose I owe you. And besides, if you are to be my foraging partner for the remainder of our travels, I’d like to increase our odds of survival.”
It was a refreshing change to be better than Alandris at something magic related, even if the subject was something separate from the magic itself. Not that he ever made me feel foolish or incompetent when we were training, but it was difficult to witness him summon his magic with such ease while I struggled with the most simple of incantations. Whenever I got that look of defeat on my face, he would remind me he’d been practicing for years and years. He was an immortal Elf, after all, but it was hard not to compare.
“Look here!” I shouted excitedly toward Alandris, who was about ten paces back, examining a tree .
As he came up behind me, I pointed to the blue mushrooms with tiny purple bubbles poking from the tops. “These are called milkshrooms. They have a flaky texture when cooked, and the taste is perfectly rich and creamy—they’ll be amazing if the others can find meat for tonight.”
Alandris leaned over me, squinting at the shrooms. “You mean to tell me the perfectly normal-looking, boring brown mushrooms were deadly, and these creepy, bright ones are safe to consume?”
I shrugged, holding in my laughter. “Nature is strange sometimes.”
We both dropped to our knees, gathering the milkshrooms, which were growing across the bottom of a rotted tree. There were enough that we could grab several handfuls, but we needed to take our time extracting them, as even the stems were edible. No such thing as being wasteful when you didn’t know how much food you’d have for the night. These could potentially be our only meal if Kallistra, Zorinna, and Kaz were unsuccessful.
“Where did you learn all of this?” Alandris questioned as his hands dug through the withering wood.
“It was part of my training to undertake the pilgrimage. My village expected Kallistra and me to spend most of our time on the road away from society, so they spent a lot of time teaching us survival skills. As my Keeper, she focused on the hunting and killing bit, and I focused on the… less violent things. Books kept me company. ”
Alandris paused, turning toward me. “Why wouldn’t they teach you how to use your magic?”
“I wonder—I don’t think they knew how.” A pained smile made its way to my face. That, or more likely, they were afraid to get too close. To do something wrong and face the consequences of the Elders.
I didn’t want to think of them. The people—my people—who treated me as both a Saintess and a fragile little bird. Few would speak to me, fewer would touch me, and no one would treat me as a friend. Of course, no one would teach me to control my magic. Who would dare get so close to someone like me? Kallistra and her family were all I had, and teaching me magic wasn’t their role to play.
His hand reached out to cup the side of my face, so warm and delicate, I gasped.
“Nairu… please don’t make such a face.” Alandris’ eyes were on mine, such an intense icy blue, I was overcome with the need to hold my breath. “They were wrong. The only thing they should worry over is who you will become without them.”
“A faithless heretic.” The words left my lips in a whisper.
“Someone who doesn’t need them.”
All of my efforts to not be captivated by this male seemed in vain. The flutters of emotion that had appeared that night in the library, which I had so carefully shoved back into my heart under heavy lock and key, were pounding at the door to be let out. That door was struggling not to burst on its own, and each time he touched me, it was like an ax slamming straight down onto the hinges. It was torture. He was obliterating my will to stay away from him.
Alandris did not relent. If he had any indication of his effect on me, he made no mention of it. He did not drop his gaze. He didn’t move. “There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing.”
For a moment, it was just the two of us, and that raw energy buzzing between us. There was silence, save for the humming of insects, the rushing of river water, and the drumming of my heart. Yet he pulled back in the next moment, shattering that peace, taking with him the warmth of his touch. The temperature was rising as we continued south, but I’d never felt colder than when his hand left my cheek.
He stood and turned his back to me. “I believe we got them all. We should head back. The sun has nearly set.”
“R-right.” I stood from my spot on the ground, brushing the dirt from my leathers and cloak.
I followed behind him in silence toward our main camp. All the while, I was considering how I could avoid someone I was spending nearly every waking, and non-waking, moment with. The more I saw him, the more I realized how much I looked forward to it. The more I realized how much he’d changed me. To be stronger. Braver. Though… change may have been the wrong word. It felt as though he’d awoken something dormant within me, long forgotten. Something that had always been there, and merely needed a reminder.
And it was exactly what I didn’t want. I wanted my freedom. I didn’t want to be anything to anyone, and I didn’t need anyone to be anything to me. I’d already made up my mind. After this job, I was taking my share of the earnings, and I was forging my own path. Alone. Somewhere where I could be ‘Nairu’ and only ‘Nairu’. Nothing more.
Much to my dismay, neither Kallistra, Zorinna, nor Kaz had been successful in securing meat, which meant the milkshrooms were to be the bulk of our meal, cooked up in a pot over our campfire with herbs to make a soup. It wasn’t the worst meal I’d had on the road. Not by a long shot. Kallistra and I had once eaten nothing but insects, after much debate over whether we could last another day if we chose to consume nothing at all. I, in favor of starving, had not won the argument.
“Smells delicious,” Kaz said, bumping me with his hip. He’d been gentle, but he’d still nearly knocked me off my feet.
I was stirring the pot with a large wooden spoon, waiting until the herbs had boiled down some before adding in our milkshrooms. “It’s nothing much.”
“It’s thanks to you we have something to eat at all. Don’t discount your efforts.” He took a seat on the ground beside me. “I’m going hunting next time, though. I’ll wrangle a boar with my bare hands if I have to. Bastard fish. ”
“Perhaps Alandris could take over fishing.”
Kaz cocked his head to the side. “Sick of our pretty little Elf already?”
“No!” I answered too quickly, too loudly. In a panic, I peered across the way and found Alandris chatting with Zorinna, oblivious to the mention of his name. “It’s only that he is not particularly great at foraging.”
“And you, my girl, are not particularly great at hiding your emotions.” His laughter bellowed out, earning us the temporary attention of our companions.
“It—well, never mind.”
I threw the milkshrooms we’d gathered into the bubbling soup, inhaling their delicious scent as they hit the hot liquid. With the herbs we’d found, the base would have a smoky flavor. The perfect complement for the shrooms. My mouth was already watering in anticipation.
I scooped up a spoonful and held it out to Kaz. “You are the official taste tester.”
“Are you going to poison me, girl?” He smirked, but didn’t hesitate to slurp down the soup.
“No. Actually, you should be very thankful that I was in that forest today, or this very well may have been your last meal ever.”
“Ah! Then you weren’t entirely lying.” He gave a thumbs up and handed the spoon back to me.
I grabbed it from his hands and turned my attention back to the pot. “Are we back to this again? It was a passing comment. Nothing more.” There was more bite to my words than I’d intended, and I hoped he wouldn’t notice my frustration.
“Very well.” To my relief, Kaz took the hint and shifted the subject. “Should you ever make your way to Rajandi, I will introduce you to my people’s cooking skills. Nothing compares to our spices.”
Rajandi. I’d heard that name before—it was the place Kallistra had wanted us to go to search for a priestess. “You’re from Rajandi?”
His eyes flicked up. “Have you been?”
“No. No, I’ve only heard about it.”
Rajandi was a city located on the coast, beyond the Sea of Sands. A tropical paradise—if you could make it through the brutal stretch of desert which protected it. It was a twin to the city right beside it, Jakabri. One king ruled over both cities and their outlying villages. Not much else was documented about the land. They were extremely private people who didn’t see many outsiders.
“I miss it.” He ran a hand through his long locs. “I haven’t been back in two years. Planning a visit after this job. About damn time.”
“I’m sure it’s beautiful.” Something about the wistful look in his umber eyes had me wanting to wrap him up in a tight squeeze.
He seemed to notice and rose to his feet. “Don’t go getting all misty eyed on me, girl.” A hand clapped down between my shoulder blades. “I’m going back there, and my door will be open. And when you get there, I’ll cook you up something delicious to return the favor for tonight.”
I didn’t have the heart nor the courage to tell him I had no intention of seeing anyone again after this job. So, I simply smiled. Smiled and filled a bowl of the finished soup for him, scooping up some extra shrooms, as if that would make it better.