Chapter 54
LILA
Ihad almost given in. I was so close to saying yes, that I wanted to try again, despite everything, because I still loved the bones of that man. I hated his reasons—that we’d been distant, and that I was angry. Of course, I was fucking angry—I’d been going through the perimenopause!
But I hadn’t sought any help either. For me or the marriage, and that was the only reason I was willing to give this a shot. Well, that and the fact I still loved him.
I stared at my laptop screen, my heart thundering in my chest and my palms sweaty.
Marriage counselling.
Could we even still qualify for this? We were divorced.
I clicked on an image of a female therapist and sent an email before I could change my mind. My god, could we do this? How would I be able to move on?
I scrolled down, reading about other couples that had rebuilt their marriage after infidelity, and a tiny spark of hope lit in my chest.
A therapist can help you look beyond the immediate issue and understand what's happening underneath it.
Hidden insecurities, unmet needs, or fundamental differences in the relationship may come to light.
When both partners are willing to be honest and vulnerable, those discoveries can become the starting point for healing and personal growth.
We both felt honest—and definitely vulnerable. I chewed on my lip and kept reading.
Therapy can open the door to healing, but it's the work done outside the therapy room that often creates lasting change.
Christ.
The baby moved, and the sensation still made me smile.
I loved knowing she was moving around in there, blissfully unaware of the turmoil her parents were going through.
She was a blessing, and I couldn’t wait to meet her already.
I stroked my stomach while scrolling through the website, my fingers tickling the area she was moving in.
Then my email pinged.
It was the therapist, offering us a consultation. My heart skipped a thousand beats as I gnawed on the skin around my thumb.
I reached for my phone and took a deep breath before messaging Vanessa.
Lila: I think I'm going to suggest therapy to Victor.
The little dots showed me she was typing.
Vanessa: I think it’s probably the best thing to do or you’ll just end up setting fire to him in a few months.
I chuckled as the door unlocked, and I almost dropped my phone. Why the hell was I so nervous? This was Victor. The man I’d been married to for over twenty years.
He walked in, stomping his feet on the mat while searching for me. His eyes soon locked onto mine, and a big smile broke across his face.
“Hey,” he said softly, and the smell of brick dust, his sweat, and hard work filled the air. It was my favourite smell. I could bottle it up and inhale it.
“Hey.”
He kicked his boots off and peeled off the high visibility vest he wore over his navy fleece, and my mouth actually watered at the sight of him.
His hair was damp from the rain, and the veins in his forearms were on display thanks to him shoving up his sleeves.
God, the weakness I had for this man was insane.
“How has today been?” he asked, leaning on the sofa with both arms, staring down at me.
“I thought we could talk,” I replied throatily, like I was coming down with a cold. Nope, just good old-fashioned lust.
His eyes widened, and he nodded. “Sure. Want me to get changed first?”
My eyes trailed over him once more, and I didn’t care that he saw. “You’re fine like that.”
His eyes twinkled. “Am I?”
My cheeks flooded with heat, and I sank my teeth into my bottom lip.
Down, girl.
“Don’t get any ideas.” I scoffed, avoiding looking at him. “Your ego doesn’t need boosting.”
“Oh, but it does. I’ve got the most beautiful woman in the world looking at me with heat in her eyes and flushed cheeks. I’m praying it’s because of me and not something I just interrupted.”
I stared at him. “Like what?”
He laughed. “Self-care maybe? Or is there another man hiding in the house?”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
His eyes flashed. “There better not be.”
Oh, this was becoming dangerous. I needed to stop before things got out of hand.
“Why, what would you do?” I asked him, unable to stop myself.
“I’d knock him the fuck out for being anywhere near you.” Victor answered in a low tone. “I’d bury him outside in the garden, near that tree you love so much.”
There had to be something wrong with me because the throb between my legs was intensifying as he talked about murdering someone.
“You liked that tree too,” I remarked with a shrug.
“I love that tree.”
Our gazes locked.
“If we even consider trying to move forward—” I began, as he raced around the sofa and fell on his knees before me. “Jesus!” I yelped, and he grabbed both my hands and stared at me with such intensity it burned.
“Anything. I’ll do anything.” Victor searched my eyes, and I sighed.
“We would need to go to therapy.” I lowered my gaze. “I think if we’d have done that a year ago, you’d never have gone to that whore.” Tears stung my eyes still, and that told me how much I needed therapy.
“I’m so sorry,” Victor whispered.
“And we take it really slowly.” I met his gaze and he nodded.
“Okay, anything you want.”
I watched him. “No sex. We do therapy before anything else.”
Victor didn’t even flinch. “Absolutely, baby.”
I tilted my head. “And if you so much as look at another woman because you can’t be without sex—”
“Never again. Hey, look at me.”
I lifted my gaze to his. His warm brown eyes felt like they were piercing my soul, trying to get past my barriers and reach my inner self.
“I was a fucking idiot. I can’t be without you, Lila. I’d go years without sex if that’s what it took to prove it to you.”
“That’s not exactly what I meant…”
He laughed, his cheeks flushing. “I mean, good. I’m not going to complain either way.”
I nodded and for the first time in a long time, I held his hands in mine.
Victor sucked in a breath and bit his bottom lip, shaking his head.
“If we do this, we have to be completely honest with each other.” I watched as his shoulders shook beneath the weight of the motion he was carrying. “If we do this, there isn’t any room for fuck ups. Not like last time.”
He shook his head almost violently. “No. Never.”
The baby moved, and this time I moved his hand to my tummy, tracing her movements. He’d been hoping to feel her for a few weeks, but the timing wasn’t ever right.
But now? How was she moving now? Like she knew…
I pressed his hand to my bump, my heart thumping with excitement for him. He stared at my belly, his eyes wide and brimming with tears.
Then she moved against his hand, and he let out a choked sob. “Oh, baby…”
I rested my hand on his, and he said nothing as tears rolled down his cheeks. Then when she’d stopped moving, he spoke, his voice a whisper.
“I’ll never let you down. Either of you. I promise.”