Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
Austin
I APPEARED CALM AND STILL, much like the static coastline we passed on the drive back to Haroldeen Lane. Still, the desires burning within me could set saturated fields ablaze. My desire to care for Elle collided with my desire to rid her mind of Jesse, leaving me lost in our unknown future.
I so badly wanted to tell Elle everything I knew to be true—that I would do anything to make her mine, that she deserved better, and that I was the one who’d written her the letters. The girl who lived in my dreams had no idea she’d kept me afloat like a buoy for so long.
Would she ever be ready to know?
Would I ever be ready to tell her?
Sneaking a peek at her in my passenger seat, I bit down on my tongue to keep it quiet. It was abundantly clear in the immense effort it took that my truths were desperately searching for their way to shore; they were searching for their lighthouse. She was my lighthouse.
My truths belonged to her.
I imagined us sharing a home someday, perhaps the one we were sharing now, and how hugely her simple existence within it would impact my life.
Could I even fathom what it would be like to wake up next to Elle Madelyn, possibly naked and in love with me?
Legendary was what it would be. To endlessly fuck away our weekends, wishing our weekdays away like ice cream in the summer sun, just to do it all over again.
To cook breakfast in our kitchen, much like I had done this morning, except I could serve her a side of honesty with her eggs instead of a lie.
My hips sank further into the heated driver’s seat, warming my already sweltering thighs. It all sounded phenomenal, but the question remained: could she love someone like me after discovering the truth?
The salty old chief who’d kept to himself for a decade and waited so long for her that he forced fate to side with him.
I’d still be tied to the Navy for at least another year.
Deciding to reenlist or not wasn’t a choice I’d yet made.
Having someone waiting for me on the other side of the decision would make it easier.
Age was another factor to consider. She had to be in her mid-twenties if she was well into a graduate program.
My age—thirty-three—still felt young to me.
Would it be too impactful of an age gap for her?
If she wanted to travel the world, live in a mansion made of envy, and lead a life of delirium, I couldn’t provide that.
I wasn’t the type of guy who could keep up with the Joneses, nor did I want to be.
However, I was overqualified for the job if she wanted to live a life of loyalty and infatuation, where she’d be cared for in ways so pure and unspoken that they’d feel tantric.
To me, a well-lived life had little to do with money, although I had enough of that to give her the things that mattered too.
I wanted to give her everything I had.
Elle’s exhales clouded the passenger window she rested her head against. The soft sound of her breath stole my attention as I grounded my thoughts and surveyed the Jeep.
By design, “Crash into Me” by Dave Matthews Band pulsed through the audio system.
Noticeably quiet after leaving the hotel, Elle remained lost in her thoughts.
She’d had high hopes for that room; I couldn’t blame her.
Were they as high as the hopes I had for us?
Doubtful.
Mine were sky-fucking-high.
“I forgot to ask; how did the weather look when you checked?” She straightened, finally turning her attention my way.
The forecast wasn’t unusual for April. We usually got a few good snows before the real spring weather officially kicked in. The news had indicated colder temps and heavy snowfall throughout the night though, which would likely ground flights for at least a day or two.
I hadn’t mentioned it earlier because it excited me endlessly.
Being snowed in with Elle sounded like a fantasy; being unable to act on it was my worst nightmare. Elle could stay with me as long as Mother Nature wanted her to, as long as Mother Nature agreed to help me keep my testosterone in check.
Acting normal around her was getting harder.
“If I’m being transparent, it looks like we may get some heavy snow tonight. I didn’t want to worry you. If your flight gets canceled tomorrow, it’s not a problem. You can stay as long as you need,” I reassured her.
“Great …”
Her apparent sarcasm stung me. She’d rather leave tomorrow. I could feel it.
“I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but there are worse places to be stuck, right?” I nudged her arm.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Her fingers brushed my forearm before landing on my hand.
I froze. “I’m just ready to be back in my own space to cope with everything.
I need to take my mind off things, and being here keeps me close to the day I want nothing more than to forget.
” The fingers on her left hand retreated from mine and intertwined with her right ones, like she was keeping something safe between her palms.
It felt … different, having her ride shotgun next to me.
It was peaceful, like the calm before our inevitable storm.
Deep down, I knew there was a real possibility it could be one of our last rides together.
I needed our night to count. She had nowhere to be, and I had nowhere better to be than beside her.
Plus, the weather wasn’t due in until late into the night.
We still had hours to take advantage of.
“I have an idea,” I announced, admiring the disheveled hair she’d layered into a messy bun atop her head. The style screamed off-duty model.
She could be a three-eyed alien, and I’d still find her insanely attractive. It wasn’t only her outer beauty that choked me. It was the whole damn package.
“Let’s hear it,” she said, unamused.
“I wish circumstances were different, but I have to say, this is the most enjoyment I’ve gotten from another person in a long time.”
I heard the distinct sound of the gulp she attempted to bury in her throat as the words left my lips. Redness kissed her knuckles as they tightened. Were my words making her nervous?
“It’s your first time here; I’m a native, so it only makes sense for me to show you around, right?”
“That does make sense, yes. Only I look like shit, and I’m not sure I’m up for being your little tourist right now,” she admitted.
I can show you places you’ve never seen, little tourist.
“Sorry. That was rude of me.” She laughed after a pause. The sound exposed how well she knew her feelings and how little she knew mine.
It was sexy.
“No, it wasn’t rude; it was honest.” Unlike Jesse, I wanted her to express her feelings freely. It meant she felt comfortable enough around me to tell me how she really felt. “Life has been cruel to you lately—I get that. But …” I paused, hoping to entice her curiosity.
“But … what?” She took the bait.
“But I know a place that might make you smile through that cruelty. A place where you can’t help but feel good.”
“And where exactly is that?” The muted glow in her eyes sparked brighter than I’d seen all day. It was brief, but apparent to someone who paid attention. Operation Cheer Up Buttercup was underway.
“It’s a surprise,” I revealed too quickly.
I desperately wanted to share my optimism with her. If she let me, I’d show her an unforgettable night.
“I’m not sure I’m up for any more surprises this weekend, but I’ll give it a try,” she said.
Once again, she stared out of the passenger window. Fatigue pulled her shoulders down. Her expression followed the setting sun.
“Oh, I think you’ll be up for this one.”