4. I’m A Father #2
I couldn’t contain my anger. The most stable force in my life had just tossed a bomb into that sense of security I’d had.
Simple? This had been far from simple. I still couldn’t think about where I’d gone wrong.
I’d been careful with Lola. Pregnancy just didn’t seem possible. But it was real. I knew it was real.
I moved out of the parking spot and continued to drive until I got to Lola’s place.
She still wasn’t there and the sun had started to set in the sky.
I sat back in the car numb as I waited for her to return.
It couldn’t be long now. And then I’d ask her why she’d lied to me.
I’d tell her about what I was prepared to do to ensure I didn’t have another Rose situation again.
When Lola’s car pulled up, she didn’t notice me. She walked into her house and I waited for the door to close before I followed her. When I walked up to her door, I tried to calm myself down. I didn’t want to scare her. I didn’t want to unpack all my rage on her. Even if I was mad.
I knocked. From the surprised look on Lola’s face I can tell that I’d done a poor job of hiding the fact that I was pissed off.
“Mark? What are you doing here?” She asked.
“I need to come in Lola.”
She blocked the door with her frame.
“You can’t come in Mark. We’re over. And I think it’s best we keep it that way.”
So she hadn’t yet figured out the crucial mistake her assistant had made. Her face was still colored with shock that I was sure wouldn’t have existed if she knew what her assistant had done.
“I’m coming inside Lola. And I’m not here to try to get in your pants.”
She could tell I was serious. Plus, I’d rested my arm on the door over her head so she couldn’t close it on me. I had no plans to leave Lola’s property without getting some real answers. She sighed, defeated, and allowed me into her house.
Her home was clean and smelled like fresh peonies and vanilla. Lola set her stuff down and then turned to me.
“Were you waiting for me to get here?”
I nodded, “Yes. It’s important. We need to talk.”
“About what?”
I didn’t have the right words. So I knew that I needed to just power through and hope for the best.
I started after clearing my throat, “I called your office today and I spoke to Dawn.”
“Okay…”
She still didn’t get it.
“I think we experienced a case of mistaken identity because Dawn thought I was your doctor.”
I saw Lola’s face take on a sallow, grayish tone.
“My… doctor?”
I kept going, “She told me that you were pregnant.”
Lola just stared at me, her mouth opened in a wide “o”.
“Mark…”
“Don’t say a damned thing Lola, just answer my questions and don’t you dare lie to me.”
I didn’t want to be, but I was shaking in rage. She could tell so she nodded and took a step back.
“Okay. Fine. I’ll be honest.”
“Are you really pregnant?”
She bit down on her lower lip. I could already see the tears in her eyes that told me the answer before she did.
“Yes.”
A lump dropped from my throat to my stomach.
“No… No, no, no,” I mumbled.
She continued crying. I knew this wasn’t the response that she wanted, but I couldn’t control my reactions.
I thought about when I’d found out about Poppy and Preston how different it had been.
But I couldn’t bring myself to feel happy — not with the way having my first set of kids out of wedlock had been.
For a guy who was obsessed with protecting himself, it felt like a strange irony.
“Another question,” I asked her, “How long have you known?”
Lola’s tears turned into sobs. It was like the news had just hit her. She cried for a while but I couldn’t exactly bring myself to pity her. I was too messed up from Rose chewing me out and then the shock of the news.
“Weeks.”
That was all she said — “weeks”. All the times we’d met up and all the times she’d acted like she cared about me, she’d really been holding onto this secret. Every kiss and every touch was a lie.
Before I could ask another question, Lola cried out, “I’m sorry Mark! I wanted to tell you… I really wanted to tell you…”
Her tears were bigger and her sobs shook her body where she stood. I thought she would tremble and pass out from the shock. I stood there arms folded, forcing myself not to go to her.
“Then why didn’t you tell me?”
She wiped her nose, “I know what you’ve gone through with your ex. I didn’t want to put you through that again. I didn’t know what to do…”
“But you lied Lola. You lied to me.”
She started sobbing again, “Just go then Mark. Just leave… I’m sorry okay? But I don't need you to take care of this.”
“I can’t just leave!”
“Why not?! This is a nightmare situation and arguing is only making this worse. I ended our relationship so consider it over.”
“You owe me more than that Lola.”
She looked at me with melancholy.
“I’m sorry Mark. There’s nothing that either of us can do. We’ve messed this whole thing up between us.”
“You’re carrying my child Lola… Why the hell didn’t you just let me know?”
She started walking me towards the door. I reluctantly followed her lead. I was afraid if I stayed with her any longer I’d blow up, fueled by the rage I’d already built up dealing with Rose.
“This isn’t as easy for me as you think it is,” She said, “This isn’t how I wanted any of this to happen. I’m sorry I screwed things up Mark. But I’ll just have to live with the consequences.”
She pushed me outside and I stood there stunned.
I turned back to look at her door. She turned down the lights to her house and I could hear her footsteps as she disappeared up the stairs to her home.
I held my breath and waited at the door, wondering if I should defy what was rational and bang on the door, begging her to come back down.
Maybe on another day, we could have worked things out, but with Rose riding my ass for more and more cash, I didn’t think I could take any more pressure.
I noticed how cool and quiet her street was.
Beautiful. Of course Lola would make a home in a place that was as gorgeous as she was. But our relationship was doomed.
I had no place in my world for lies.