Chapter 10 The Party
Everyone Is There
By eight thirty on Saturday evening, Ethan was already wondering why he had agreed to come.
The party was being held at an off-campus student house a few streets from the university.
It was one of those places students seemed to know about without anyone ever explaining who actually lived there.
By the time Ethan and Ryan arrived, music was already shaking the windows, voices filled the front yard, and groups of students were gathered along the sidewalk.
Ethan stopped at the gate.
Ryan looked at him.
"You okay?"
Ethan nodded.
"Yeah."
Ryan studied his face.
"You don't look convinced."
"I'll be fine."
Ryan smiled.
"We don't have to stay long."
Ethan glanced toward the crowded house.
"I know."
They walked inside.
Immediately, Ethan felt the temperature change.
The house was packed.
Students filled the living room, hallway, kitchen, and stairs. Someone had opened a few windows, but the air still felt warm and heavy from the number of people inside.
Ethan's skin began warming almost immediately.
He tried not to think about it.
Ryan stayed beside him.
They moved through the crowd slowly, greeting people they knew.
"Hey, Ethan!"
A teammate waved from across the room.
Ethan lifted a hand.
"Hey."
Another student stopped Ryan to talk about an upcoming sports-science event.
Ethan waited nearby.
He could feel sweat beginning to collect beneath his shirt.
Not yet.
Please not yet.
He shifted his backpack strap.
Ryan finished the conversation and returned.
"You want something to drink?"
"Water."
Ryan nodded.
"I'll get it."
Ethan watched him disappear toward the kitchen.
He looked around.
People were laughing, talking, dancing, and moving from room to room.
Almost everyone seemed to know someone.
Ethan recognized faces from his classes.
People from the athletic center.
Students from the dorms.
Several members of the swim team.
Even some of Ryan's friends from the sports-science department were there.
It felt like the entire university had gathered in one overheated house.
Ryan returned with two bottles of water.
"Here."
"Thanks."
Ethan drank quickly.
Ryan looked at him.
"Better?"
"A little."
They found a quieter spot near the wall.
Ethan tried to relax.
For a few minutes, it worked.
Ryan talked about something that had happened during class, and Ethan laughed.
Then Ethan noticed the back of his shirt.
The fabric felt damp.
His stomach tightened.
He discreetly touched it.
Sweat.
He looked toward the kitchen.
Maybe they could leave.
Then someone approached.
"Ethan!"
It was Marcus.
Ethan smiled.
"Hey."
Marcus looked at Ryan.
"Didn't know you two were coming together."
Ethan felt his body tense.
Ryan answered casually.
"We're roommates."
Marcus laughed.
"Right."
The word made Ethan uncomfortable.
He forced a smile.
Marcus started talking about swimming.
Ethan tried to listen.
But all he could think about was the warmth of the room and the dampness beneath his shirt.
He shifted his arms closer to his body.
Ryan noticed.
He stepped slightly nearer.
"Want to get some air?"
Ethan looked at him.
"Yeah."
They moved toward the back door.
Before they could reach it, another group stopped Ryan.
"Ethan, come here!"
One of Ryan's classmates waved from across the room.
Ryan looked at Ethan.
"You okay?"
"Go."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
Ryan hesitated.
Then he walked over.
Ethan stood alone.
He immediately regretted telling him to go.
The room seemed hotter without Ryan beside him.
He wiped his forehead.
The movement made him more conscious of his own body.
He could feel his heartbeat speeding up.
He needed air.
He headed toward the back door.
Outside, the temperature was cooler.
Ethan stepped onto the small patio and took a deep breath.
For a moment, relief washed over him.
Then he heard the door open.
Ryan stepped outside.
"There you are."
Ethan smiled.
"Sorry."
"You don't have to apologize."
"I know."
Ryan stood beside him.
"You okay?"
"Just hot."
Ryan nodded.
"It's awful in there."
Ethan looked at him.
"You're sweating too."
Ryan smiled.
"Obviously."
That made Ethan laugh.
Ryan's expression softened.
"See?"
"What?"
"You laughed."
"I can still laugh."
"I know."
They stood together for a few minutes.
Ethan felt calmer.
Then voices came from inside.
Someone called Ryan's name.
Ryan looked toward the door.
"We should probably go back."
Ethan nodded.
They returned inside.
This time, Ryan stayed close enough that Ethan could feel his presence without making their relationship obvious.
He didn't touch Ethan.
He didn't stare at him.
He simply stayed nearby.
That was enough.
They moved toward the kitchen.
Ethan noticed a few people looking in their direction.
His stomach tightened again.
He looked away.
Ryan leaned closer.
"Don't worry about them."
"I'm not."
Ryan gave him a knowing look.
"Okay."
Ethan sighed.
"I hate this."
"The party?"
"The feeling."
Ryan understood.
He handed Ethan another bottle of water.
"Drink."
Ethan smiled.
"You sound like my coach."
"Your coach probably doesn't care about you as much."
Ethan looked at him.
Ryan immediately smiled.
"Too much?"
"No."
Ethan took the water.
"Not too much."
They found two chairs near the kitchen.
Ethan sat down.
Ryan stood beside him.
A group of students nearby were laughing loudly.
One of them glanced toward Ethan.
Ethan became self-conscious again.
He wondered whether they could smell him.
Whether his shirt looked damp.
Whether anyone was noticing.
Ryan saw the change in his expression.
"Hey."
Ethan looked up.
"Look at me."
Ethan did.
"You don't have to worry about anything right now."
"I am."
"I know."
Ryan kept his voice low.
"Just breathe."
Ethan took a slow breath.
Ryan smiled.
"Better?"
"A little."
"Good."
Ethan looked around the room.
He knew Ryan was trying to help without drawing attention.
That mattered.
Ryan wasn't touching him unnecessarily.
He wasn't making a scene.
He wasn't saying anything that might make someone curious.
He was simply there.
Quietly.
Steadily.
Ethan felt grateful.
They stayed another half hour.
Ethan tried to enjoy himself.
He laughed when Ryan made jokes.
He listened to Marcus talk about an upcoming swim meet.
He even joined a conversation with some classmates.
But the heat continued to build.
His shirt became damp.
His skin felt warm.
His anxiety followed.
He kept wondering whether anyone was noticing.
At one point, Ryan leaned toward him.
"We can leave."
Ethan looked at him.
"Are you tired?"
"No."
Ryan smiled.
"I'm just giving you an option."
Ethan appreciated that.
He looked toward the crowded room.
Then back at Ryan.
"Not yet."
Ryan nodded.
"Okay."
They stayed.
As the night continued, more people arrived.
The house became even more crowded.
Someone turned the music louder.
Students filled every available space.
Ethan felt trapped between bodies and noise.
He shifted closer to Ryan without thinking.
Ryan noticed.
He didn't comment.
He simply moved slightly so Ethan had more room.
That small gesture made Ethan feel safer.
Still, the heat was becoming difficult.
He wiped his forehead again.
Ryan handed him a clean napkin.
Ethan looked at him.
"Thanks."
"Anytime."
Ethan smiled.
For a moment, everything was okay.
Then someone behind them said, "You two are always together."
Ethan froze.
Ryan turned.
A student they both knew was smiling at them.
"Seriously," the student continued. "I don't think I've seen one of you without the other lately."
Ethan forced a laugh.
"We're roommates."
"Yeah, but still."
The student laughed and walked away.
Ethan's smile disappeared.
Ryan watched him.
"Ethan."
"I'm fine."
"You don't have to say that."
Ethan looked at him.
"I know."
Ryan lowered his voice.
"We can go."
Ethan looked around.
The room felt too hot.
Too loud.
Too crowded.
And suddenly he wanted nothing more than to get somewhere quiet with Ryan.
But he was also afraid of what people might think if they left together.
That contradiction left him frozen.
Ryan didn't push.
He simply stayed beside him.
Ethan took another slow breath.
The party continued around them.
Music.
Laughter.
Voices.
Heat.
Every part of the environment made Ethan more aware of himself.
He could feel sweat gathering again.
He could feel his old insecurity returning.
And although Ryan was beside him, trying to keep him comfortable without drawing attention to them, Ethan couldn't stop thinking about the people watching.
For the first time since they had started dating, Ethan wondered whether being happy with Ryan would always come with the fear of being discovered.
He looked at Ryan.
Ryan gave him a reassuring smile.
Ethan smiled back.
But inside, the fear remained.
The party was crowded.
The room was overheated.
And Ethan was becoming painfully aware that keeping their relationship secret was becoming harder with every passing day.
Almost Caught
Ryan could tell Ethan had reached his limit.
The crowded house had become louder as the night continued. Music shook the walls, conversations overlapped, and students moved through every available space. The windows were open, but they did little to cool the rooms.
Ethan had been trying his best to stay relaxed.
Ryan could see how hard he was trying.
He also knew the signs.
Ethan had started rubbing his palms against his jeans. He kept adjusting his shirt. His eyes moved around the room whenever someone looked in their direction.
Ryan stepped closer.
"Want to get out of here for a minute?"
Ethan nodded immediately.
"Please."
Ryan led him through the hallway toward the back of the house.
They found a narrow porch behind the kitchen where almost nobody was standing. The music was still audible, but it sounded distant.
Cooler air moved across them.
Ethan closed his eyes.
"That's better."
Ryan smiled.
"I thought so."
Ethan leaned against the railing.
"I don't know why I agreed to this."
"You wanted to come."
"I wanted to try."
"You did."
Ethan opened his eyes.
"I lasted longer than I thought I would."
Ryan laughed.
"That's true."
Ethan smiled.
For a moment, the tension disappeared.
Ryan looked at him.