Chapter 10 The Party #2
His hair was slightly damp, and there was a faint sheen of sweat along his forehead. His shirt clung lightly to his shoulders from the heat inside.
Ryan knew Ethan would once have been horrified by that.
Now Ethan simply stood there.
He wasn't hiding.
At least not from Ryan.
"You okay?" Ryan asked.
"Yeah."
"Really?"
Ethan nodded.
"I'm better out here."
Ryan stepped beside him.
"Me too."
They stood quietly.
The cool air felt good.
The porch light cast a soft glow across Ethan's face.
Ryan wanted to touch him.
He wanted to forget about everyone inside.
For several seconds, he resisted.
Then Ethan reached for his hand.
Ryan looked down.
Their fingers intertwined.
It was such a small thing.
But Ryan felt his chest tighten.
Ethan looked at him.
"I hate hiding."
Ryan's expression softened.
"I know."
"I hate that I have to think about whether someone is watching before I can hold your hand."
Ryan squeezed his fingers.
"We'll get there."
"When?"
Ryan didn't have an answer.
"Soon," he said carefully. "When you're ready."
Ethan looked away.
"I don't know when that will be."
"That's okay."
Ryan stepped slightly closer.
"I'd rather wait than make you feel pressured."
Ethan looked back at him.
"You really mean that?"
"Of course."
Ethan smiled.
"You're too good to me."
Ryan shook his head.
"I'm just trying to be the person you need."
Ethan's expression softened.
"You already are."
Ryan's heart jumped.
For a moment, they simply looked at each other.
The party seemed far away.
Ryan lifted his free hand and gently touched Ethan's cheek.
Ethan leaned into the touch.
Ryan smiled.
"You know you don't have to be afraid with me."
"I know."
Ethan moved closer.
Ryan lowered his hand.
Their faces were inches apart.
This time, Ethan smiled before their lips met.
The kiss was brief and gentle.
When they separated, Ethan rested his forehead against Ryan's.
Ryan closed his eyes.
For a few seconds, nothing else mattered.
Then the porch door opened.
They immediately stepped apart.
A student walked outside holding a phone.
"Oh."
Ryan's heart dropped.
The student stopped.
His eyes moved between them.
"Sorry. Didn't know anyone was out here."
Ryan forced a casual smile.
"No problem."
The student looked at Ethan.
Then at Ryan.
There was a brief silence.
Ethan's face had gone pale.
Ryan could feel him tense beside him.
The student shrugged.
"I'm just looking for a quieter place."
"Sure," Ryan said.
The student walked to the opposite side of the porch.
Ryan glanced at Ethan.
He could see the panic in his eyes.
Ethan looked toward the door.
"We should go."
Ryan nodded.
"Okay."
They went back inside.
Ethan walked quickly.
Ryan followed.
When they reached a quieter hallway, Ethan stopped.
"He saw us."
Ryan lowered his voice.
"He saw us standing together."
"He saw us."
"Maybe."
Ethan looked terrified.
"What if he tells someone?"
Ryan stepped closer.
"We don't know that he will."
"He had his phone."
"So did everyone else in that house."
Ethan shook his head.
"You don't understand."
"I do."
"No, Ryan."
Ethan's breathing became faster.
"This is exactly what I was afraid of."
Ryan reached for his hand.
Ethan pulled it back.
Ryan stopped immediately.
"Ethan."
"I can't."
"Look at me."
Ethan shook his head.
"I knew this would happen."
"We don't know that anything happened."
"He saw us."
Ryan kept his voice calm.
"Yes. He saw us talking on a porch."
"He saw us kissing."
Ryan paused.
"Maybe."
Ethan looked at him.
"That's not helping."
"I'm trying to be honest."
"I don't want honesty right now."
Ryan understood.
Ethan was overwhelmed.
The noise from the party seemed to grow louder around them.
Ryan moved slightly closer but didn't touch him.
"You are safe."
Ethan looked at him.
"We don't know that."
"We're okay."
"What if someone posts something?"
"We'll deal with it."
"What if people start talking?"
"Then we'll deal with that too."
"What if my teammates find out?"
Ryan waited.
"What if my coach finds out?"
"Ethan."
"What if it affects my scholarship?"
Ryan finally stepped closer.
"Stop."
Ethan went quiet.
Ryan's voice softened.
"You are imagining ten different disasters at once."
Ethan swallowed.
"I can't stop."
"I know."
Ryan looked directly into his eyes.
"But none of those things are happening right now."
Ethan took a shaky breath.
"Right now, you're here."
Ethan nodded.
"Right now, nobody is confronting you."
Another nod.
"Right now, we're okay."
Ethan closed his eyes.
Ryan waited.
After a few seconds, Ethan opened them.
"I'm sorry."
Ryan shook his head.
"Don't apologize."
"I ruined the night."
"You didn't."
"I should have stayed away from you."
Ryan's expression changed.
"Don't say that."
"But if I hadn't—"
"No."
Ryan's voice was firm.
"You don't get to blame yourself for caring about me."
Ethan looked at him.
Ryan continued.
"We knew this might happen someday."
"I didn't think it would happen this soon."
"I know."
Ethan looked toward the crowded living room.
"Maybe we should leave."
Ryan nodded.
"Okay."
They walked toward the front door.
On the way out, Ryan kept enough distance between them to avoid attracting attention.
Ethan noticed.
He looked at Ryan.
Ryan gave him a small smile.
Outside, the night air felt cool against their faces.
Ethan took a deep breath.
They walked down the sidewalk together.
Neither spoke for several minutes.
Finally, Ethan said, "What if this changes everything?"
Ryan looked at him.
"It might."
Ethan stopped.
Ryan stopped too.
"But not necessarily in the way you're afraid of."
"What does that mean?"
Ryan thought for a moment.
"It means we've been trying to keep this hidden because you're scared of what people will think."
Ethan looked down.
"And tonight showed us how difficult that will be."
Ethan nodded.
Ryan reached for his hand.
This time, Ethan let him.
"I don't want you to feel ashamed."
"I'm not ashamed of you."
"I know."
Ryan squeezed his hand.
"But I think you're still ashamed of being seen."
Ethan didn't answer.
He didn't need to.
Ryan could see it.
That was the larger problem.
They could hide in empty rooms.
They could choose quiet corners.
They could avoid holding hands on campus.
But eventually, someone would notice.
Someone would ask questions.
Someone might take a photograph.
Someone might make a joke.
And Ethan's old fear could return stronger than ever.
Ryan didn't know what would happen next.
But he knew he didn't want to abandon Ethan because the world had finally started noticing them.
He looked at Ethan.
"We'll figure it out."
Ethan nodded.
"Together?"
"Together."
Ethan leaned against him for a moment.
Ryan put an arm around his shoulders.
They stood beneath the streetlight outside the party.
For now, there was no crowd.
No music.
No watching eyes.
Only the two of them.
But Ryan knew the night had changed something.
Until now, their secrecy had felt like a temporary choice.
After tonight, it felt like a problem waiting for them.
Someone had seen them.
Maybe nothing would come from it.
Maybe the student would forget.
Maybe tomorrow would be completely normal.
But Ethan's panic had shown Ryan how deeply the fear still lived inside him.
And Ryan knew that if they wanted something real, sooner or later they would have to face the world outside Room 318.
For tonight, though, Ryan held Ethan close.
He couldn't promise that nobody would ever judge them.
He couldn't promise that no one would ever talk.
But he could promise one thing.
He wasn't going anywhere.
And when Ethan finally relaxed against him, Ryan hoped that would be enough to get them through whatever came next.
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