Spanish Marriage Solution

Chapter Seven

HEWASRIGHT. Even now, despite last night, she was still pretending.

Pretending she didn’t want him with every breath in her. Pretending she wasn’t desperate to touch him, to taste him. Pretending his physical presence didn’t spin her world entirely on its axis.

Pretending had become such a deeply ingrained habit, though, that it was difficult to break. Difficult even to say the words out loud.

You’re not alone, though. He always wanted you too.

All this time. From the moment he first saw her. It seemed impossible. He’d been so cold, so distant, and she’d thought the electricity in the air that always seemed to hover around them was only on her side. There had been times where it had felt as if he might feel the same way, that last Christmas Eve they’d all had, for example. But he’d never said anything. Never given her any reason to think that he even liked her, let alone wanted her.

But he had. And last night he’d proved it.

Now, in the kitchen, he was so close, his body hot, and the scent of him irresistible, and she had no idea what to do with his marriage proposal, no idea at all. It was so complicated. The prospect scared her, filled her with guilt and yet at the same time there was also a traitorous joy, as if being his wife was all she’d ever wanted to be.

It seemed easier to reach for him, touch him. Kiss him. Because the only thing that made any sense was the need inside her. That, at least, was simple.

Yet when she lifted her hands to him, his fingers closed around her wrists, holding her at bay, his golden eyes blazing.

‘No, Alice,’ he said softly. ‘Give me the words. I want to hear you say them. You won’t get anything until you do.’

She took a shuddering breath. His grip was unbreakable, the force of his will in every line of him. He wasn’t going to move until she gave him what he asked for, that was clear. Which meant if she wanted him, she was going to say it, out loud.

Yet even now it still felt dangerous to admit, almost a transgression even though both Edward and Emily were gone, and she was betraying nothing but their memories.

They found each other. Why can’t you and Sebastián?

Except Emily and Edward had clearly been in love, and she was not in love with Sebastián. Just as he was not in love with her. And she didn’t want him to be. She wasn’t ready for love again, not after what her marriage had turned into, and, in fact, she might not ever be ready. Love was far too demanding and required so much, and she didn’t have it in her to give anyone that except her nephew. But desire, passion...those she could do.

You need this. You need him. You need to be wanted.

Her heart ached. She did need it. In fact, she couldn’t recall the last time anyone had wanted her the way Sebastián did. His desire healed something painful inside her.

‘Well?’ he prompted. ‘Are you going to say it?’

Her mouth had gone dry at the fierce look in his eyes, her skin burning where he clasped her wrists in a strong grip. He’d given her the truth, surely she could do no less?

‘I...want you, Sebastián,’ she said huskily, the words feeling forbidden in her mouth and yet also so very right.

The glow in his eyes became brighter. ‘How long, Alice? How long have you wanted me?’

She swallowed and gave him this truth too. ‘Since I first saw you. When Emily first introduced us.’

His hard mouth curved slightly, but there was no amusement in the smile. Only an intense and very male satisfaction. He released her hands, but didn’t otherwise move. He was waiting for her, that was obvious.

It wasn’t a choice. Nothing was going to stop her from reaching to take his face between her palms the way she’d wanted to from the moment she’d walked into the kitchen. From relishing his hot skin and the prickle of his morning beard. From staring into his eyes and loving how he stared right back, and the relief that they could do this. That there was no reason to hide any more.

Then she went up onto her toes to press her lips to his. He didn’t stop her this time, his mouth opening to greet her, and then the heat between them burst into flames, the feverish intensity leaping high as he took charge and utterly devoured her.

She loved it. She pushed her palms flat to the hard wall of his chest and kissed him back just as feverishly, just as hungrily, and just as demanding as he was.

Her fingers dropped to the buttons of his shirt, pulling them open so she could touch his bare skin, and then she was stroking him, feeling the iron-hard bands of his muscles flex and release as she traced them. He growled something against her mouth and the rough timbre of his voice thrilled her. Edward had been so unmoved by everything she did that she’d begun to doubt everything about herself, worried that she’d lost her attractiveness along with her fertility.

Yet that was patently not the case with Sebastián. He took her hands and pushed them down to the buttons of his fly, holding her palm against the denim. She could feel him, long and hard for her, making the pulsing ache between her thighs sharp and needy.

He said something rough and demanding in Spanish, but she didn’t need any translation. She knew what he wanted.

She gave him a little push back so she had some space, then she dropped to her knees in front of him. It had been a long time since she’d done this—Edward hadn’t enjoyed it, or at least that was what he’d told her—and she hadn’t insisted. Her sexual confidence had taken a beating after losing the baby and Edward’s withdrawal hadn’t helped. But...here, now, Sebastián wanted her. He was on fire for her and he wanted to know if she was on fire for him, too.

Well, she’d show him. She’d prove it to him.

With shaking fingers, she pulled open the buttons of his jeans and released him. He murmured something in his deep voice, his fingers sliding into her hair, caressing. She didn’t hesitate, gripping him, stroking velvety hot skin and steel, then opening her mouth and taking him in. He tensed, a low growl escaping him. His fingers flexed and tightened in her hair as she took him deeper.

‘Alice,’ he murmured, her name sounding like music in his accent. ‘Mi cielo...’

She had no idea what that meant, but she knew it was an endearment of some kind and it wound through her, a thread of gold gilding everything inside her. Edward had never called her anything but Alice, even when they’d first started dating. No sweetheart. No honey. No darling. Not even my love. Just Alice. Plain old Alice.

But then even that thought vanished as she tasted him, loving the sounds she brought from him as his hips flexed and he drove himself into her mouth. She lost herself in that moment. Lost herself to the pleasure she gave him and when he made a low, guttural sound of release, it was her turn to take everything he gave her, and she did.

When he was done, he gave them a few moments then pulled her up and lifted her onto the kitchen counter, so she was sitting on it. He reached for the tie of her robe, tugging at it so the edges of the fabric parted. Then he slid one hand in her hair, pulling her head gently back, and he bent, covering her mouth with his.

Alice shuddered. He tasted of dark coffee and sin and when she leaned into his lips, kissing back hungrily, he made another of those low, masculine sounds that thrilled her so much.

‘Slow down,’ he murmured against her lips. ‘We have plenty of time.’ Then he slipped a hand between the parted folds of her robe, his touch a flame on her bare skin, and his kiss became slower, deeper, more intent. His fingers spread, cupping her breast in his palm, his thumb stroking over her hardened nipple, sending waves of shocking pleasure through her.

It felt so good. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. There was only his stroking hand moving over her skin, touching her, tracing her with such care it was as if he was committing every inch of her to memory.

Edward hadn’t touched her that way, not even the first time they’d slept together. He’d been attentive, but he hadn’t touched her as if she was rare and precious. As if he’d been dreaming of the feel of her skin for years and years.

But Sebastián did. Every caress of his fingers layering pleasure upon pleasure, until she was trembling with the force of it. His mouth had found its way to her throat, tasting the frantic race of her pulse, his hand dropping down between her thighs, stroking and teasing the soft flesh there with such lightness she could barely stand it.

‘Oh, my God,’ she whispered, her head tilting back, her eyes closing. ‘Oh...please...’

‘What do you want, mi cielo?’ His voice was dark and deep as his fingers stroked over the sensitive part of her, making her shudder and shake. ‘Tell me.’

She had her hands on his powerful shoulders, her fingertips digging in, her hips lifting against the movement of his hand. ‘You.’ She had to fight to get the words out. ‘I want you.’

‘Then look at me,’ he ordered roughly.

She opened her eyes, obeying him without question, and there he was standing in front of her, his gaze full of a desire and a possessiveness that stole her breath. He pulled her to the edge of the counter, his fingers pressing hard against her flesh, and her thighs automatically parted to let him stand between them.

He stared at her so fiercely and kept on staring as he pushed inside her, long and slow and deep. She groaned, her whole body trembling, unable to look away from him, his golden eyes inches from hers. It was intensely intimate, as if he could see inside her head and she could see inside his. And he didn’t flinch from her stare either. He let her see the fierce passion inside him and how it blazed, and all she could think about was how wrong Emily had been. Because he wasn’t cold or distant. No, he burned like the sun. She could barely look at him.

Did Emily make him burn like this? Or is it all you?

But she couldn’t think about her sister, not now, not like this. There was no room for Emily. There was only her and Sebastián as he began to move, holding her tightly, the rhythm a dance and both of them in perfect time.

It had never been like this with Edward. Never ever.

The pleasure built and built until there was no keeping it inside and the moment it exploded through both of them, he leaned forward and took her mouth. They shuddered and shook together, the flames consuming both of them.

They remained like that for long moments, locked together, his powerful body pressed to hers, his large, warm hands spread on her hips. She couldn’t stop shaking with the aftershocks, the thought of him letting her go almost unbearable.

Finally, an eon later, he lifted his mouth from hers and pressed leisurely kisses along her jaw and down the side of her neck, his hands moving slowly over her hips and thighs, not inciting this time, but soothing.

‘Well?’ His deep voice was rough and frayed as worn velvet. ‘Are you going to marry me, Alice?’

It must have been the effect of the orgasm, she thought later. Or maybe she was simply sick of fighting, and this seemed to be the easiest solution to a very complicated problem. Because all she could think about was that yes, she would marry him. If he could make her feel like this every day, despite the guilt, it would be worth it.

‘Yes,’ she said thickly. ‘Yes, Sebastián, I’ll marry you.’

He shouldn’t have felt so satisfied at her quiet ‘yes’ but he did. Maybe it was no wonder. She’d knelt for him, taken him into her mouth, made him feel like a god, and it had been such a long time since he’d felt that way. A very, very long time.

It wasn’t that Emily hadn’t wanted him—she had. At least initially. Yet she hadn’t much enjoyed his rougher, earthier passions, and had made that clear, so he’d got into the habit of restraining himself with her.

Then, later, Emily had slowly withdrawn from him, radiating a hurt she wouldn’t admit to and that he couldn’t seem to do anything about.

They’d taken to sleeping in separate rooms, because she’d claimed she slept better on her own, but he’d known it was more than that. It was him. It was his inability to give her what she’d wanted: love. He couldn’t blame her for finding that with Edward.

The failure had always been his and he couldn’t forget that.

Perhaps you will fail Alice too?

No, it would be different with Alice, because he wouldn’t promise her anything he couldn’t give. And he’d be completely up front about it so there’d be no misunderstandings, no pressure. A legal partnership and a family for Diego, and sharing a bed to satisfy their physical obsession with each other. That was all. It didn’t have to mean anything more than that. It didn’t have to be complicated.

He shifted, sliding his hands to cup her backside and pulling her even closer against him. She was so warm and she smelled of sex, and he was hardening yet again. He still felt as if he was starving for her and was already desperate to take her to bed yet again, but first, he needed to be absolutely clear on what the rules were for this situation so there would be no mistakes.

Her chin lifted as he gripped her, her dark eyes meeting his. There was uncertainty in them, but she didn’t try to hide it. ‘I can’t help but think you’ve just manipulated me into saying yes using sex.’

He almost smiled. Things were going to be interesting in his household, since it was apparent that she wasn’t going to shy away from difficult subjects. A refreshing change from Emily, who always had.

‘That goes both ways, you know.’

‘True.’ She relaxed into him in a way that made him want to growl with possessive satisfaction. ‘Okay, so how is this going to work? We’re going to have to wait six months, because I don’t want any commentary on how quickly it’s all happening between us.’

‘We don’t have to make a performance of it,’ he said, relishing the feel of her bare skin against his palms. ‘We can get quietly and legally married at a register office. My parents are dead, so are yours, who needs to know?’

She nodded slowly. ‘I suppose I’ll have to live with you, then?’

‘If you want to give Diego the family he needs, then yes.’ He paused a moment then added, because he wanted to acknowledge the fact that she would have to be the one shifting countries, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t move to New Zealand. My place is here, on my estate. And I can’t move the business either. But I’ll buy you a house in Auckland that you can visit whenever you like.’

Again, she nodded, her expression thoughtful. ‘I have an investment company, you know that. I don’t want to give it up.’

‘I would never ask you to. Could you work remotely?’

‘Yes, I think I could do something like that.’ She paused. ‘What about the rest?’

He didn’t need to ask what she was talking about. ‘You’ll live with me at the hacienda. You can have your own room if you want the space and you can live your own life however you choose. But at night you will sleep with me, yes? I won’t have a sexless marriage, Alice. And I will be the only man you sleep with.’

This time a flicker of her temper glinted in her eyes. ‘You say that like I’m immediately going to go out and sleep with lots of men.’

And he could feel it growing inside him, a certain electric excitement at the thought of having her. Of finally having her. In his bed, in his house, in his life. Of having her whenever he wanted her, no need to hide, no need to control himself either. Sure, it was about sex, but he’d also appreciate getting to know her a bit more in a way he hadn’t been able to before. She was such a passionate spirit. He couldn’t wait to match wits with her. And anyway, shouldn’t he know the woman who would be Diego’s mother and his wife?

Are you sure that’s a good idea? This has the potential to become something more if you’re not careful.

No, it wouldn’t. Because he was careful. He’d always kept his heart guarded and that wouldn’t change just because she was in his bed.

‘You’d better not,’ he murmured, unable to resist teasing her. ‘I could get quite unhappy if you did.’

Some of the anger in her eyes eased as she caught his tone, the tension around her mouth relaxing. ‘Seriously, though. Have you really thought this through? What if we get to the point where we’re not attracted to each other any more?’

He squeezed her a little, making her gasp and shiver. ‘It’s lasted for five years so far. I can’t see it getting less any time soon.’

She slipped her hands into his open shirt, sliding her fingers over the bare skin of his chest. ‘Perhaps it won’t be as exciting if we no longer have to worry about other people.’

He knew what she was doing. She was trying to find excuses, voicing her fears. ‘What are you worried about?’ he asked. ‘That I’ll stop wanting you?’

Her stroking fingers paused, her gaze flickering away. ‘It happens.’

It did and it had happened to both of them.

‘This is about Edward, isn’t it?’ he asked.

She shifted restlessly, her hands dropping from his chest, but he caught them before they did, pressing her palms to his skin and holding them there.

‘Tell me,’ he said, because he was tired of not knowing, tired of her being such a mystery to him when all he wanted to know was more. ‘Remember, it happened to me also.’

She sighed. ‘Yes, it’s Edward. After I lost the baby he...withdrew from me. And we...we didn’t...’ She stopped, a thread of pain in her voice. ‘He didn’t want me any more.’

Gently, Sebastián reached for a lock of her silky black hair and tucked it behind her ear. ‘I can’t tell you what was missing for Edward, but I can tell you that the fault wasn’t with you. I have wanted you for five years, Alice. And like I said, I don’t see that changing any time soon.’

Colour bloomed in her pretty olive skin, deepening the post-orgasmic flush already there, and he watched it, mesmerised. ‘They were childhood sweethearts,’ she said softly. ‘He and Emily. We were all friends at school and I was in love with him for years as a teenager. I never thought he’d choose me. But for some reason, after high school he did, and I was so...happy. Except... I suppose I was always his second choice. He never fully moved on from her, did he?’

Sebastián had been aware of Emily and Edward’s history, but he’d never suspected that Emily still had feelings for Edward. It was only after the accident that he’d realised.

‘Did you love him?’ he asked, unable to stop the flicker of a jealousy he shouldn’t be feeling, not when he wasn’t in love with Alice, and Edward was dead and gone.

‘I thought I did,’ she said. ‘He didn’t love me, though, that was clear.’

That had hurt her deeply, he could see it in her eyes, and of course it must.

‘He was an idiot,’ Sebastián said bluntly, because she had to know that was the case. ‘And if he didn’t see or appreciate what he had in you then he didn’t deserve you, either.’

‘He was always very respectful, very gentle. He was nice to me, so I don’t—’

‘Nice?’he demanded, oddly angry for reasons he couldn’t have explained. ‘If he wasn’t at your feet worshipping you or spending all night feasting on your body because he couldn’t get enough, then he was a fool. If the best you can say about him is that he was nice to you, then your marriage was doomed from the start.’

Alice’s eyes widened, shock flickering in them, before that gave way to the familiar glitter of sparks. Her mouth opened, but he found himself saying, before she could, ‘Don’t defend him. If all he could give you was half-hearted caring and gentleness and niceness, then he shouldn’t have married you. I have no respect for a man who squandered what he had.’

Says the man who did the same with his own wife.

Guilt ate at him, but he shoved it away.

Again, Alice’s chin came up, her temper flaring. ‘Are you going to give me more, then?’ she demanded. ‘Is that what I can expect from you?’

He gripped her tighter. There were things she couldn’t expect from him, it was true, but at least he was honest about that. And he wouldn’t be a hypocrite. He’d do better with her than he had with Emily. He’d certainly never make her feel as if she was anyone’s second choice. ‘I will never squander what I have in you,’ he said fiercely. ‘I will respect you, care for you, desire you. I will do everything I can not to hurt you. The only thing I can’t give you is love, Alice.’

Emotions flickered through her gaze, though what they were he couldn’t tell. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said, her voice very neutral. ‘In fact, it’ll be a long time before I’m ready to love anyone again anyway. I’ll settle for what you can give me.’

The word ‘anyone’ caught at him, as did the word ‘settle’. A scrape against his skin and oddly painful. He ignored the sensation. ‘If you do happen to fall in love with someone, we can discuss it. I don’t want a divorce, but I’m sure we can come to some arrangements if need be.’

Her gaze suddenly became sharper, focusing on him in a way that wasn’t comfortable. ‘What about you? What if you fall in love with someone?’

‘I won’t.’ He said it with the utmost certainty, because that was the last thing he’d ever do. ‘Any love I have to give will go to Diego and that’s all.’

‘You didn’t love Emily, then?’

The question sounded like an accusation, but then he supposed that was fair since he’d asked her the same thing about Edward.

‘I tried to,’ he said slowly, and he’d thought he’d managed it until Alice had come on the scene. ‘But trying wasn’t enough in the end.’

The sharp focus faded from her eyes, replaced with something like sympathy. ‘No,’ she murmured, regret in her voice. ‘It never is, is it?’

She wasn’t wrong. Love was never enough for anyone, or at least his wasn’t. Not for his mother, not for his father, and not for Emily. Only the horses accepted his and didn’t require anything more.

Part of him wanted to know why she thought the same and what had happened in her family to make her think so, because it wasn’t just about Edward. Yet, another part of him was done with talking, especially when there were better things to be doing.

‘Any other questions?’ he asked abruptly. ‘I’m hungry and not for breakfast.’

She didn’t answer. Instead, she slid her arms around his neck and kissed him. And there was no more talking for a very long time.