Chapter 20
My heart was doing somersaults in my chest.
This was different than any other time I’d been in this man’s presence.
It wasn’t just us sharing family time for our daughter.
Something in the air was different. There wasn’t any tension.
Regret didn’t linger in the air. We were just here, in this moment together, and it felt .
. . nice, . . .right, . . . complete? If KJ was here, we would have felt like a real little family.
As it got closer to his bedtime, Kerrion paused the movie so he could FaceTime KJ to say goodnight. His grandmother answered on the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Ms. Anita. Where’s my boy?”
“About to go down for the night.”
“Let me see him.”
She angled the phone so we could see KJ. His little eyes were heavy, but the moment he saw his father, he perked up.
“Hey, Fat Man. Daddy misses you.”
KJ grinned. “DaDa!” he sang.
Kerrion matched his grin. “Yeah, you know your daddy. Say hey to your sister and Ms. Neha.”
“Hey, KJ!” Nayelli said, waving at him. “I miss you, bubby. I hope you’re having a good time with your grandma.”
“Hi, cutie pie!” I said, smiling. “Don’t you look adorable in those PJs?”
“Has he been good?” I asked Ms. Anita.
“He’s been an angel. I took him to visit some family today. He was eating up the attention. He’s such a sweet baby, Kerrion.”
I chuckled. “Everybody says that until they are with him long enough. Fat Man, let me find out you only terrorize daddy.”
As if he understood, KJ laughed. He was such an adorable little boy.
“Daddy, we need a movie night with KJ too,” Nayelli said.
“Movie nights with KJ consist of countless hours with Ms. Rachel, baby girl. I can’t handle another second of that lady.”
“I’m sure we can find something he would sit and watch,” I said. “Just make sure it’s something colorful.”
“I’ll let you pick the movie then,” he informed me.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get us together.”
Ms. Anita gave an awkward smile. “Well, you all seem to be having a good time. I really should get him to bed. We have church in the morning.”
Kerrion wore a look I couldn’t really read.
“Yeah, . . . it is his bedtime. “Good night, Fat Man. Daddy loves you.”
“Good night, bubby,” Nayelli said, blowing him a kiss.
“Good night, KJ,” I added, blowing him a kiss too.
Ms. Anita took his little hand and waved it before ending the call.
Kerrion was quiet as he started the movie up again.
He climbed out from the tent and disappeared.
I could tell he was bothered by the call.
I gave it a few seconds, before excusing myself to go find him.
He was standing on the back deck, gripping the railing, taking deep breaths.
“You okay?” I asked, stepping out.
“Yeah.”
I walked over and stood beside him, waiting for him to tell the truth. He sighed heavily.
“I think she has a problem with me having another child. Like, when I went to drop KJ off, she made a comment about making sure I had time for two kids and how KJ needs me because I’m his only parent.
I’m with my son every day, man. If I’m not at work, he’s with me.
I love that little boy to death. There’s enough of me to share with my daughter.
My pops took care of five kids when I was growing up.
Six when Mia came out the blue. None of us ever felt a lack of love, support, or attention.
“That man had us together every single weekend and sometimes during the week. When we weren’t with him, we were together at one of his baby mamas’ houses. Ain’t no reason I can’t be present with two kids. I get it. We lost Donna, but life didn’t stop just because she’s gone.”
I nodded. “You’re right. It may not count for much coming from me, but you’ve been doing an amazing job with both of them.
Nayelli adores her little brother, and I can tell he loves her too.
Both of them are crazy about you, Kerrion.
I swear I hear ‘my daddy’ fifty times a day.
Don’t let her grief make you feel guilty about doing what you have to do for both of your children. ”
He looked down at me. “Thanks.”
I gently rubbed his back. “No thanks needed.”
He turned to me, caging my body between his and the railing.
My eyes widened as he leaned in and captured my lips.
For a moment, I froze. When his tongue slipped into my mouth, I came alive.
I kissed him back with passion, want, need, and desire.
My body was lifted in the air, and my legs wrapped around his waist.
I used to love when he picked me up like I was a featherweight. I wasn’t a small girl, and the way this man used to toss me around like it was nothing lived rent free in my head.
“Ooooo!”
We broke our kiss and looked back to see Nayelli standing there with the biggest grin on her face.
“Y’all were kissing!”
I palmed my face. “You are nosy.”
“I was just coming to tell you that the movie went off.”
Kerrion placed me back on my feet. “Give us a second, lil’ bit.”
“Are y’all gonna kiss again?”
“Go inside, lil’ girl,” I demanded, fighting back a laugh.
She broke into a fit of giggles as she closed the door.
“You know we are never going to live this down, right?” I asked, turning back to Kerrion.
“I’m already aware.” He cupped my face and kissed me again. “Stay with me tonight? I just . . . I want to hold you like old times. We don’t have to do anything. I just need to feel you.”
I didn’t hesitate to nod my head. “Okay.”
He pecked my lips, then led me back inside.
Nayelli was sitting Indian style, grinning at us.
The next movie was already geared up on the TV.
She patted the spot behind her in the tent.
Kerrion and I chuckled as we climbed in.
No sooner than we had settled against the pillows did she press play and crawl into the small space between us.
She grabbed both our hands and kissed them before making herself comfortable.
I smiled, loving how happy she was.
Maybe we had a chance at happiness like this too.
It was after eleven when Nayelli tapped out on us.
We decided to let her sleep in the tent since she was already comfortable.
Quietly, we moved around, picking up the leftover food and snacks, then carrying them into the kitchen
“This was fun,” I said as he placed the snacks into the pantry.
“It was. I’m ready to take my ass to bed. That food is on me bad.”
“Can we sit outside for a little bit? I just know this view is beautiful at night.”
“Sure.”
He opened the sliding glass door and led us out back. The moon was high in the clear sky, and the stars were bright. He grabbed my hand, and we started walking the perimeter of the yard in comfortable silence. It reminded me of our late-night strolls through campus.
“Can I ask you something?” he finally said.
“Sure.”
“You been serious with anybody since us?”
I shook my head. “No. I’ve just been in work and mommy mode.
I mean, . . . I had needs, but it was never a serious relationship.
No man has ever been around her other than family.
I don’t believe in that. There’s no reason every man or woman you entertain should be around your kids, especially if it’s not serious.
Even then, you have to be careful with people.
I may look harmless, but I will fuck up the world behind my baby. ”
He chuckled. “Okay, mama bear.”
“Exactly. The claws will come out, and I will maul your ass over that one. Luckily, nobody has brought that out of me yet. Principal Joe and those kids at that school were close until somebody here pulled that man over his desk.”
“You see we haven’t had any problems since. She has her cousins and Jaiden. Plus, my girl has been dominating her self-defense classes. She’s good, and she knows not to fight unless it’s a last resort. My baby will never start shit, but I made sure she can finish it.”
“So, is that your role in the family?”
“Pretty much. I train everybody for hand-to-hand combat. Sometimes you don’t need a weapon.”
“Have you . . . have you ever beaten anybody to death?”
He stopped. “A few times. Back when we broke up, I was releasing my pain on targets. Pops almost sat me down. I got it together, but after I found out about Nayelli, I had a blackout moment on a mission. We were rescuing a group of kids, and I walked in on this nigga ra—” He swallowed hard.
“He was assaulting a little girl no older than Nayelli. I’d never seen that shit in real time.
She was screaming and begging him to stop .
. . I just lost it. All I could think about was her and what I would do if somebody ever hurt her like that. ”
I could tell that bothered him. He took this job seriously, as he should have. I couldn’t say I wouldn’t have had the same reaction if I saw half the shit he did. But that, . . . a child? Anybody that hurt children deserved whatever horrible fate was handed to them.
“I know you’ll always protect her,” I said, squeezing his hand. “The girl is crazy about you, Kerrion.”
He smiled. “That’s my baby, man. Her and KJ are my heart. I can’t picture me without them anymore. I’ve prayed for my babies before they even existed. Being their father is my greatest flex.”
“And you are exceptional at that job.”
“So are you. You’re a great mother, Neha. I always knew you would be.”
He cupped my face and kissed me, long and hard.
God, if you want me to have this man, just say that, I thought.
When he pulled away, he grabbed my hand. “Let’s get ready for bed.”
He led me back into the house and locked up.
We checked on Nayelli one last time before going upstairs.
Upon entry, he went to his drawer and grabbed me something to wear to bed before he stripped down for a shower.
I watched him, mouth watering as his naked form began to take shape.
His smooth skin was covered in more tattoos than I remembered.