Chapter 19
Storm
I rub my temples, trying to ease the fucking ache in my head, but it does no good. I’m sick of this shit. I’m sick of feeling like I’ve lost it all. But I’m torn. I’m torn between hating her and wanting her. I’m torn between taking her and letting her fucking walk away.
“Headache?” Patch asks as he comes to sit next to me at the bar.
“Yeah. Just thinkin’ too damn much,” I tell him.
“That’ll do it. How’s the leg?” He asks.
The leg? My leg. It’s fucked up. Doc said I probably won’t be able to walk without a fucking cane anymore.
I can still ride, though, and that’s what matters most to me, but the thought of not being able to go out on recon and handle business with the guys doesn’t sit well with me right now.
“It's fucked. Doc tell you what he thought?” I ask him. Patch shakes his head.
“No.”
“Said I probably wouldn’t walk without a cane for the rest of my life.”
“Fuck, Storm.”
“Yeah. I know. That means when shit goes down, how the fuck am I gonna be there?”
“Shit, I’ll drag your ass in a wheelchair if that’s what you want,” he chuckles.
“I want to be there, Patch.”
“I know you do. So does that little hellion,” he says nodding toward Kenzee. I follow his gaze and watch her with the other girls, but she doesn’t look happy at all. Maybe she’s not.
“You’re not lettin’ her are you?” He shrugs.
“Why not? She has just as much right to be there as the rest of us. Hell, it was her dad and her old man that got fucked, yeah?” Now he looks over at me waiting for me to say that I’m not her man.
I swallow hard and think about saying it but fuck, that shit is harder to say than I thought it would be.
“She’s not a killer, Patch.”
“No shit. I figured we’d let her rough a few people up and then move her on,” he says as I nod my head.
“Sounds like a plan.”
“So, when are you gonna pull your head out of your ass and talk to her?” I choke on my drink as he laughs at me.
“Who said I wasn’t talkin’ to her?”
“I can see the look in her eyes, Storm. She’s pissed.”
“It won’t work.”
“No? Well, I don’t think she’s goin’ anywhere, brother. You’re kinda stuck with that girl,” he laughs as he slaps a hand on my shoulder and stands to walk away. I look back down at my drink when she walks over and sits next to me.
“Heard you wanted to go when the time comes,” I say to her.
“I am going.”
“Not if I say you’re not.”
“Who the fuck do you think you are? You’re not my fucking boss, Storm. You don’t make my decisions,” she snaps at me. Her eyes are dark, darker than I’ve ever seen them and I love it. I love that she finds her own voice and uses it.
“Who am I? That fuckin’ cut you’re hell bent on wearin’ is who I am.” She raises her eyebrows at me, standing from the stool starting to pull the cut down her arms. “Think about what the fuck you’re about to do, Kenzee.” Her eyes find mine and I can see the war in them.
“You’re the one that said you didn’t want me, right? So this is useless to me,” she sneers at me.
“I mean it, Kenzee. You take that off and that’s it.”
“You remember a week ago when you wanted it back?” I nod my head.
“I know what I said.”
“Do you still want it back?” She questions me. She knows what she’s fucking doing and she’s breaking me the fuck down. I don’t like that she has this kind of power over me. In fact, it pisses me off.
I run my hand over my face before I sigh and look up at her.
“Take it off and we’re done,” I growl. She takes a step toward me, leaning down so that she’s in my face.
“You said we were done anyway.”
“And you said we weren’t. Now make the fuckin’ choice, Kenzee.” She can feel the rage in me. There’s no way she can’t but I almost smirk in her face when she pulls the cut back on and turns to walk away from me.
“What the hell is goin’ on now?” Jenson asks as she storms through the room.
“Not much.”
“Doesn’t look like ‘not much’,” he says nodding toward her.
“Can I ask you somethin’?”
“Sure.”
“Why didn’t you ever take on an old lady?”
“Didn’t want one. Let me rephrase that. I didn’t want one in this lifestyle. I saw the pain, I saw the hurt, and I couldn’t bring myself to do that to anyone,” he tells me.
“So you think that Kenzee deserves this shit?” He shakes his head no.
“No. She deserves more than this. But we don’t get to choose who we love, Storm.
That shit just happens and there’s nothin’ we can do about it.
We can either love them back or we can watch them walk away, and find a new life without us.
That girl,” he says pointing at her. “She found what she wanted and I don’t think she’s gonna walk away that easily. ”
“I saw the look on her face, Jenson, when they shot me. She was fuckin’ devastated. I’ve never seen anyone with that look in my life and I never want to see it again.”
“Yeah, I can understand that. But, she’s her own person, Storm, and that girl has one hell of a hard head on her shoulders.” I nod my head knowing that he’s right.
“I just don’t want her to waste her time, you know?”
“You think she’s wastin’ her time on you?”
“Look at me. What can I offer her?”
“Love. You can offer her love, Storm.”
“That’s all I can give her. I’m an ex-con, Jenson.”
“No shit. So are half the guys in this club,” he laughs. “And who says she needs more than love?”
I let that sink in although I’m not sure how true it is. I want her to have everything. I want to give her everything but at the same time what if that’s not what she wants? What if he’s right and all she really needs is my love? I’m not even sure I know how to give her that.
I finish off my beer and stand off the stool, grabbing the damn cane so I can walk to my room. Once I’m inside, I start to close the door but notice she’s right behind me. I leave it open, her choice if she comes in or not.
“You didn’t slam it in my face,” she mumbles under her breath.
“Should I?”
“Not if you want to keep your balls attached,” she says, causing me to laugh.
“I’ve grown fond of them over the years.”
“I don’t want to fight, Storm.”
“I don’t either but this shit isn’t easy for me, Kenz.”
“It’s not easy for me either. You think I wanted to go through that again?” I shake my head.
“No. And that’s why I didn’t want to do this with you,” I admit.
“I get it, you know? I get why you wouldn’t but I’m not sure I’m ready to let you go just yet.” Now I look up at her and see her staring back at me. Her eyes are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen and she’s staring right into my black soul.
“If I’m tellin’ the truth, I don’t think I’d ever let you go, Kenz. And that could be a bad thing.”
“Why?”
“Because if you ever decide that you want to leave me, it’ll be through death.” She understands. She can see the reality in my eyes. She knows what I mean and what I’m saying.
“I can live with that,” she says softly.
“Can you? Because I don’t want to hurt you, Kenz.”
“You won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that. You’ve done nothing but help me see clearly. You help me see who I want to be, Storm. I want more out of life. I want you.”
“What if I can’t give you what you need?” I ask her.
“All I need is standing right in front of me,” she adds. She steps towards me, and I let go of the cane. It falls to the floor and I grab her, pulling her into me. Her hands land on my chest and I feel like everything is falling into place for us.
I lean down and press my lips to her, kissing her like I’ve never kissed her before. My tongue snakes into her mouth, toying with hers until she moans. I let my hand slide down to her ass, gripping it in my hand roughly.
“How are you feeling?” She whispers against my lips.
“Like I wanna sink my cock into you,” I tell her. Kenz laughs and I kiss her once more.
“You’re not healed yet,” she tells me.
“And?”
“And I want you to be one hundred percent, Storm.”
“I won’t be able to walk without that cane anymore.”
“So? That doesn’t make you or break you.”
“It won’t bother you?”
“Not in the slightest.” I nod my head before kissing her once more, savoring the taste of her on my tongue.