42. Declan
“Are you ready to get your head out of your ass?” Shane barks.
I swing away from my latest basement project–tiling the shower in the guest ensuite–and frown. “The fuck is your problem?”
“You.” He stalks over, his black jeans and henley matching the dark expression on his face.
“The fuck did I do now?”
“It’s what you haven’t done, dipshit.”
I rear back, eyes wide. “Shane, brother, I’m going to need a fucking shred of context,” I bite out, wiping my hands on my ratty tee.
“Lex Livingston. That enough context for you?”
My gaze narrows. “I haven’t spoken to Lex since we got back.”
“I’m fucking aware.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“The problem, Dec,” he growls, “is that you’re going to ruin everything.”
“How?!”
“By completely fucking it up with Lex!”
“She doesn’t want me!”
“How would you know if you haven’t. Fucking. Talked to her?” he growls, hands up to emphasize each word.
“Ugh!” I throw my hands up in frustration, turning away. “I’m tired of this, Shane!”
“Wow, we actually have something in common.”
“God, I hate being on your bad side,” I grouse, glaring.
“Pretty sure I hate it more.”
Lincoln thunders down the stairs in his running gear. “And I hate it the most. What are you two yelling about now?”
He glances between us then sighs, hands interlaced on top of his head as he stares at the ceiling. “Not sure how much more of this I can take, guys. This shit is toxic.”
“No kidding,” I mutter.
Glowering, I cross my arms and lean against the wall. Shane closes his eyes, taking a deep breath through his nose before exhaling it sharply.
“Okay.” His blue eyes shoot straight to mine when they open. “Let’s start with why you’re icing Lex out, yeah?”
I shift uncomfortably, glancing between them. “It’s a recipe for disaster, isn’t it? She set her rules.”
“You don’t want to get hurt.” Shane’s tone is blunt, matter-of-fact.
“I don’t want you getting hurt,” I challenge, gesturing to them both. “It’s what I’ve been most concerned with from the beginning, when Linc first announced their little arrangement.”
“Hey, Dec,” Linc pipes up. Sitting on the floor, he has his back to the wall and his arms draped over his knees. “One problem with that.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s not your call, man. You don’t get to decide what risks I take with my heart.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to protect you,” I grumble.
“Sure,” he nods affably. “I get that. I hate seeing you hurt, too. But you haven’t even asked us what we think, you know?”
My lips purse. “What do you mean?”
“If we think she’s worth it.”
I study his expression. He’s calm, collected, almost relaxed. My eyes flick to Shane, finding his shoulders dropping minutely and his eyes intent on Linc’s. They both seem surprisingly comfortable with the topic at hand.
“Do you?” I ask. “Think she’s worth it.”
“Without a doubt. One hundred percent. That woman could turn around tomorrow and tell me she never wants to see me again, shattering my heart into a million tiny pieces, and I’d still do it all over again. In a heartbeat.”
Shane nods. “It’s the same for me. She’s it.”
“You…” I swallow. “You mean that.”
“Fuck yes, I do,” Linc vows. “I love her, Dec. I’m not holding onto the fear anymore. I’ve let it go. Did I worry when I first realized how wound up I was in her? God, yes. I was scared shitless.”
Shane chuckles, glancing down. “Me, too, man.”
“I know!” Linc cries, throwing a hand toward Shane. “I know. You fucking said it: love isn’t always enough. And it’s not, not always. I get that. Love looks different for everyone; it’s a personal fucking journey.”
My little brother gets to his feet as I wonder when the fuck he got so wise.
“When we were in Paris, it fell into place for me. That day…” He trails off, looking into the distance before a smile curves his lips. “Lex called it magic, and it was, but it wasn’t Paris. It was us. The four of us, how we laughed and talked. How we loved.”
His amber eyes slowly meet mine. “How we made love, because that’s what it fucking was. The magic wasn’t because we were in France or on vacation. It was just us. Who we are, together.”
Shane steps closer as Linc talks. He claps a hand to his shoulder and touches their foreheads together for a moment, eyes falling closed. Linc grips his arm in return, and they just stand there. Their eyes lock as Shane straightens and moves back, unspoken words heavy between them. They’re closer than ever.
The realization strikes me dumb. And I worried she’d tear us apart. I’m a goddamn fool.
“You both deserve magic.” My voice cracks. “So does Lex.”
My best friend turns to me. “You’re part of the magic, Declan. It doesn’t work without all four of us. But you have to be all in, and you have to get over what’s holding you back.”
Looking down, I consider his words. I’ve been reacting for weeks, too afraid of what it could mean to truly examine what I feel and why.
“You deserve her,” I rasp. “The both of you, you deserve everything.”
“So do you, Dec,” Linc insists.
“I don’t know if that’s true, little brother.”
Shane glares. “Why don’t you deserve her?”
My jaw ticks.
“Come on, Dec,” he goads. “Spit it out. What’s holding you back, huh?”
I scrub a hand over my jaw, chest tight. “I don’t know.”
“Try again. What are you worried about?”
“I don’t know!”
“You do!”
I yell, throwing my hands in the air. “She could have anyone!”
“Yeah, so what?” Shane challenges.
“Anyone, Shane! Fuck, what can I offer a woman like her?” I grip my hair, tugging sharply. “She’s a goddamn billionaire. The strongest person I’ve ever met. I mean, fuck, look at her!”
Linc and Shane are watching me, but I don’t glance toward them.
“She’s the most beautiful thing on the fucking planet. What the hell gives me the right to think I have a hope in hell with her?”
“What about us?” Linc’s voice is quiet, gentle.
I whip toward him. “Linc, you are everything good in this world. I see the way she lights up around you, how you make her smile. She has a laugh she only does around you, have you noticed that?”
Searching his gaze, I smile. “Her eyes get soft and she bites her lower lip. It starts out as a little chuckle, but then she throws her head back and she’s completely lost to it, and it takes my breath away. And that’s all for you.”
Linc’s lips part as he blinks. Shane knocks a shoulder into his.
“It’s true,” Shane mutters.
Linc scoffs, swiping at his eyes.
“And you,” I look at Shane. “I think she trusts you more than she trusts herself. You’re her safe place. Every time she’s on uneven footing, she gravitates toward you. You walk in the room and she breathes easier.”
“I know.” Shane dips his chin.
“She’s got everything she needs.”
“She doesn’t have you,” Linc presses. “Not yet.”
“She doesn’t need me.”
Silence settles between us, heavy and uncomfortable.
“That scares you, doesn’t it?” Shane’s deep voice scores straight through me.
I raise my gaze. “What good am I to the woman who has everything?”
Linc clears his throat. “She might not need you, Dec, but what if she wants you?”
Shaking my head, I grip my neck. I can’t answer Linc’s question out loud. Why would she?