21. Nik
Nik
My feet scream as I take another tray of plates to one of the four booths.
I picked up a double today at Dee’s, and I’m already regretting it, but I need to make as much money as I can now that I’m living on my own.
Normally, I don’t mind because I love working here, but we’ve been busy today, and I’m exhausted.
For as tiny of a place as it is, it feels like I’ve walked to the moon and back.
I’ve just placed the last plate on the table when the bell above the door dings. One of our regulars, Slim Jim, walks in and takes his place at the counter, tossing his keys down.
“Slim.” My manager, Doris, nods at him.
“You hear about the Riders yet?”
My ears perk up, and I slow my steps to listen on my way back to the kitchen.
She pours him a cup of coffee. “Nope. Been here all day.”
“There was a shooting about an hour ago. Cops, medics, and the coroner are still there.”
It takes a moment for my brain to fully comprehend what he just said.
The coroner.
My heart sinks and blood rushes in my ears.
Doris flicks her eyes to me, and it’s as if someone pressed play on my paused form.
Everything comes to life as I toss my tray down on the counter and rush to the back.
As the door swings open to the kitchen, I rip off my apron and pull my phone from my pocket.
My fingers numbly fumble to dial Shane, and I press them to my lips as it rings.
And rings.
And rings.
“Come on, Shane. Pick up the fucking phone,” I mutter under my breath as the door snaps behind me.
His voicemail picks up, and I spin to find Doris standing behind me before calling him again.
She stares at me with tight lips and appraising eyes. My heart thunders against my chest. This time when his voicemail picks up, and I curse under my breath; Doris runs a hand down my arm.
She nods. “Go. I’ll cover.”
I grab my purse from my locker before racing out of the diner, continuing to call him over and over the entire time. When I get to my car, I try Ash. Surely, if he was there, she’ll know. She has to know something.
The phone rings as I start my car and pull out of the parking lot, but she also doesn’t answer.
It only takes ten minutes to get from the diner to the clubhouse, but in a cruel twist of fate, I hit all three stop lights on my way through town. My thumb taps against the steering wheel to a beat much faster than the song playing on the radio.
Red and blue lights come into view before the shop does.
So many lights.
I’m going to throw up. They’ve got the parking lot blocked off, so I pull to the side of the road across the street before throwing open my door. My feet pound the pavement as I run toward the building.
“Excuse me,” I shout, pushing past the crowd formed in front before ducking under the caution tape. The coroner’s vehicle is still parked next to the shop door. Everything around me blurs and fades into the background, and my legs start moving. I’m sprinting without realizing it.
I have to get to him.
“Shane!” I scream, not even recognizing the voice that leaves my lips. “Sha—”
An arm wraps around my waist, stopping me in my tracks and yanking me back before a hand grips the back of my head, pulling me into a chest. “Shhh… It’s not him.”
I try to pull away, frantic to get to him.
“Hey,” Lily grabs my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her. Her piercing green eyes bore into me as if she’s able to reach into my head and force me to understand. “It’s not him. Shane’s not in there.”
It takes a minute for that to sink in and for my shoulders to relax. “What? Where is he?”
She sighs with a slow blink, her lips pursing before she says, “Jail.”
I squeeze my eyes closed, sucking in breath after breath.
I think I stopped breathing at the diner; my heart may have stopped beating for a second too, I’m not sure.
I open and close my mouth like a fish, trying to figure out what to say.
It’s like I’ve been held under water for the last ten minutes, and now that they’ve pulled me out, I’m disoriented.
Glancing over my shoulder, my brows pinch.
The coroner.
I can’t get Slim’s voice out of my fucking head. Those two words have just been on repeat from the moment I heard them. Ricochetting in my skull the whole drive over here.
I turn back to her. “Then, who?”
When my eyes reach hers, they’re brimming with tears. She swallows, and my stomach turns sour.
I’m not sure how, but I know the name she’s going to say before it comes off her lips. It’s in the way she looks at me, like she knows she’s about to bulldoze through my heart when she says it. And there’s only one other Rider that would do that.
Knowing it’s coming doesn’t dull the sharpness of it when she says, “Akers.”
My eyes sting, and I shake my head. “No.”
Turning, all I care about is going to him. They have to be wrong. Akers is fine.
She grips my arm. “I’m so sorry.”
“No.” I pull away from her, holding up my hands, like if she can’t touch me this might not be real. “You’re joking.”
“Nik.”
“No. Don’t fucking say that! He’s fine. He’s not even a full member. He doesn’t even want to be in this stupid club.” I don’t even realize I’ve started screaming.
Lily doesn’t say anything, she just steps toward me and wraps her arms around my shoulders, pulling me to her.
I heave, trying to suck in a breath, but I can’t get enough air into my lungs.
A shiver wracks me despite the fire building in my gut.
A strand of her copper hair floats in the air over her shoulder.
It whips with the wind, the evening sun reflecting off of it, making it almost look like it’s covered in glitter.
“I have to tell you one more thing,” she says, not loosening her grip on me even as I try to pull away. She just keeps me pinned to her as she adds, “Ash was also shot. They took her to the hospital.”
Numbness starts in my legs, spreading up my body. I hold onto her for dear life because I’m not sure I know how to hold myself up anymore.
Her hand runs down my hair. People move around us in the parking lot, but it’s almost like we’re not really here. Maybe we aren’t. Maybe this is all just a bad dream, and I’ll wake tomorrow with my heart racing and sweat-covered sheets, and I’ll have to tell myself it was just a dream.
Lily’s voice rips me from that hopeful train of thought. “I can give you a ride somewhere if you want. Home or—”
“To the hospital,” I croak. “I need to be with Ash.”
She nods.
I’m not sure how my legs carry me to her car, or how I manage to get back out and walk into the hospital when we arrive.
I stare at her Gran blankly as she tells us that Ash’s still in surgery and that she’d call and update me when she’s out.
I want to stay. I can’t fathom leaving and not knowing if she’ll be here when I come back, but her Gran insists I go home, so I call my mom.
I don’t say a word as she drives us to my apartment. What would I even say? One of my best friends is in surgery, one is in jail, and the other is—
Akers and I met in kindergarten. He was my first real friend. Even after I was held back and we were no longer in the same grade, he continued to be one of my best friends. He was there when Tristan dumped me, even offered to slash his tires if I wanted.
And now…
My stomach churns.
I don’t know how many days pass exactly.
My brain feels like slime that’s stuck in the carpet.
Even as I try to work a piece of my thoughts free, the majority of it slips right back through my fingers and onto the floor.
My mom’s been placing food in front of me on the coffee table, and at night when my eyes get too heavy to keep open, she must cover me because every morning I wake with a blanket.
And every day, I wish Shane would come home, but he doesn’t.
Eventually, when Ash is able to have visitors, I exhaust every ounce of energy I have to pretend everything’s okay. I was hoping maybe she’d see him, but apparently, it’s not just home he’s been avoiding.
The morning of the memorial, I’m just coming out of the bathroom from my shower when my mom stops in the doorway. “You sure you don’t need me?”
I nod. “I’m fine. Really. Thank you for being here.”
She eyes me skeptically. I’ve been trying to convince her I’m alright without her here for the last couple of days. Yesterday she agreed she’d go home after the memorial. Now, I assume she’s having second thoughts.
“I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, sweetheart.” She moves across the room and wraps her arms around me. “If you need me, I’m just a call away.”
I slip into my one black dress, and my mom and I drive to the church in silence.
Once inside, I sit alone near the back, scanning the room for familiar dark hair or warm whiskey eyes. As the service starts, I realize he’s not coming.
Theo barely holds it together in the front.
They were always really close so I can’t imagine what he must be feeling.
The place is packed. I think most of the town showed up.
That always happens when someone dies too young, doesn’t it?
Everyone gathers to try and make sense of such a tragedy.
It kind of feels like a cyclone hit our little town, tearing us all apart and forcing everyone to bind together.
When it’s over and my stomach is twisted into knots, JT approaches with Katie at his side and throws an arm around my shoulders. “Hey. You okay?”
I nod. “Have you seen Shane?”
He shakes his head.
“He hasn’t been home since everything happened.”
He gives me a sad look. “I’m sorry. I’ll send him your way when he shows up.”
I go home alone to sit and wait for him.