22. Shane
Shane
“Hey, man.”
I groan, rubbing my eyes and squinting from the light pouring into the room from the hallway.
“You can stay here as long as you need, but I only have about a gram left. I can hook you up with something else, though,” Marcus says, standing in the doorway of the bedroom I’ve been crashing in.
Once I found out Ash was out of surgery, I hightailed it out of there. After a long night in jail, the last thing I was in the mood for was to listen to my mother tell me what a worthless brother I am.
I already know.
I wasn’t ready to face my life. I thought if I couldn’t silence the noise in my head, maybe the drugs would fucking kill me. Either way, I figured everyone else would be better off if I kept my distance.
“I’m good. I probably need to get going. It’s been almost a solid day since I talked to my girlfriend. She’ll burn the damn town down looking for me.”
“Well, I don’t know about all that, but you’ve been here for a week, and she’s yet to burn anything down that I know of.”
“What do you mean a week?”
“What I said.”
“Oh fuck,” I mutter, running my hand over my face.
Fuck, I am a selfish prick.
“You owe me a small fortune by the way.”
“Yeah, I’ll get it to you. I don’t even know where my wallet is.” I feel around, but I’m just in a T-shirt and boxers. “Or my phone, for that matter.”
“You’re good. I know I’ll see you again.” He taps a finger on the door frame, grinning before walking away.
I stand and pick my pants up off the floor, wobbling a little as I step each foot into a leg. I’m so screwed.
My legs feel like Jell-O as I stumble out of the room and out of the house. When I step outside, I have to lift a hand to block the sun from my eyes.
A fucking week? What the hell.
I’ve never gotten so fucked up that I’ve completely lost days like that. I don’t even know what I’ve been doing all of that time.
My truck is parked on the curb, and after climbing in, I spot my phone on the floorboard and grab it.
Fuck. Of course it’s dead.
I plug it in and start the truck. She’s going to have my ass when I get home. I rest my head on the steering wheel while I wait for it to charge. When it finally turns back on, I have dozens of missed calls and messages.
Nik
Where are you?
Hello?
Shane, where the hell are you?
Seriously fucker, answer the phone.
I’m really starting to worry.
Please call me.
I love you. Please be okay.
That last message makes me feel like more of an asshole than I already did.
The messages just keep going. There are over a dozen for each day I’ve been missing.
I hate that I’ve done this to her. It takes me a long time to finally put the truck in gear and drive home.
Not because I don’t want to, but because she deserves so much better than me, and I’m not entirely sure she’ll see that even after what just happened.
I’m not sure she’ll give me the ass chewing I so very much earned.
When I finally step into our apartment, she’s sitting at the island. She whips in my direction when I close the door.
“Shane—” Her voice breaks as my name rolls off her tongue. She practically falls off her chair trying to launch herself at me. When she reaches me, she clings to my body, trembling.
“Nikki, I’m so sorry.” I place a hand on the back of her head and breathe her in.
“Shhhh,” she says, sobbing. “I don’t care. I’m just glad you’re okay. I don’t care. I don’t fucking care.”
She hiccups, pulling back to look at me. With her hands on my cheeks, her face crumples. “You’re here. Holy shit. You’re really here.”
I drop my forehead to hers.
“I’m here,” I whisper.
She wraps her arms around my neck and sobs into me. This is the first time I’ve ever seen her completely break down. Watching her cry makes my chest burn. Of all the things this poor girl has experienced, I’m the thing that’s breaking her.
“I fucked up. I’m so sorry, Nikki.”
I’m aware that I just keep saying that, but I don’t know what else to say. I can’t take back the week of pure hell and dread she’s just experienced. I can’t take away the fact that she’s lost one of her best friends, and I wasn’t there. So, I’ll just keep apologizing.
“I know. I forgive you. I’m just happy you’re here.”
“You shouldn’t.” I pull back to look at her. “You shouldn’t forgive me, Nik. I’m a shitty fucking boyfriend. You don’t deserve this.”
“Is that what you want?”
“What?”
“For me to be mad at you? Is that what you want?”
“No, but you should be. I fucked up. I’ve been fucking up,” I start to shout.
“I know, but I can’t—” She stops to pull herself together. Wiping her face with her palms, she clears her throat before saying, “I don’t want to be mad at you. Shane, I love you.”
“I know, but damn, don’t you want someone who doesn’t do this shit? Don’t you want someone who treats you better than this?”
It’s just now occurring to me that she really doesn’t care how people treat her. She’s never cared. She’s willing to tolerate any treatment if it means someone will stay.
“No. I just want you.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, taking a long deep breath, wishing I didn’t desperately want her too.
“Okay.” I pull her back into me and kiss the top of her head.
I don’t fucking know what to do. I know I can’t keep putting her through this, but I don’t think I can stop. The only way to give her what she deserves might be to let her go. But I’m too selfish to do that.
I shower and head straight to bed. Despite the fact that I just woke up an hour ago at Marcus’s, I’m fucking exhausted. My body hurts, and my head pounds. I’m pretty sure I’m out before my head ever hits the pillow, not waking until she crawls in next to me hours later.
“Have you talked to your sister?”
I’m so fucking tired.
“No, why?” I prop up on my elbows to look at her lying next to me.
“Promise me you won’t leave?” She sits up and crosses her legs under her.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because when I tell you, you’re going to be pissed. You’re going to want to fly off the handle and storm out, but I need you to promise you won’t.”
I eye her skeptically.
“Shane, I’m serious.” She grabs my face and looks into my eyes.
I sigh. “Okay, fine. Tell me.”
“Gabe dumped her.”
“What?” Blood rushes to my ears. “When?”
“At the memorial. I don’t know what happened. She’s crushed.”
Shit. The memorial.
I missed Akers’s memorial.
“He’s fucking dead.” I rip the blankets off myself and barrel to the closet to get clothes on.
“No, you promised!” She climbs out and races to grab my arm. “Get your ass back in this bed!”
“He fucking broke my sister’s heart after I specifically told him not to date her in the first place.”
“Yeah, I know. But you just got back. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, and now you’re home. Please don’t leave me again.” Her brows pinch, and she looks like she’s about to get down and beg. “Shane, I need you to stay with me. You can kill him tomorrow, but please, tonight stay with me.”
She looks at me with tears in her eyes. I’ve never seen her look so small and fragile. It’s gutting. I run a hand through my hair and pull.
“Fuck!” I shout, stomping back to the bed and slipping in.
“Thank you,” she whispers, crawling back in beside me.
“Is she okay?” I ask through gritted teeth, my blood on fire.
“No, not really. He told her she was just a placeholder. Why would he do that? I thought he really loved her.”
“He did not say that.” I turn my head sharply to look at her.
She nods.
“Okay.” Turning my gaze back to the ceiling, I groan. “No more details. If you tell me anything else I’m going to kill him tonight.”
Propping an arm under my head, I take a couple of deep breaths before asking, “Are you okay?”
She nods. “I’m fine.”
She’s lying.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
She sighs. “It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re here now.”
She lays her head down on my chest. Moonlight peeks in through the curtains, and even though I’ve slept all day, I still attempt to fall back to sleep with her.
However, my racing thoughts and crushing guilt have other plans for me, which involve tossing and turning.
And the rage thumping under my skin doesn’t help either.
When I finally get up the next morning, I’m still fuming.
He’s supposed to be like my brother. But she’s my actual fucking sister. He should have just left her alone. Now, I have to choose between two of the people I care about most in the world.
I storm into the shop and find him at his station.
“Shane—”
He looks like shit. Dark circles frame his eyes, looking like he hasn’t slept either. Good. I hope the fucker never sleeps again.
“Don’t fucking talk.” I throw up a hand. “I told you to stay away from her. I told you to leave her the fuck alone. You promised!” I shout, slamming my hand down on his toolbox. “You fucking promised not to hurt her.”
He looks at the floor. “Yeah. I know.”
“You know? That’s all you have to say?”
“Yeah.” He lifts his head.
“Fuck you!” I point at him. My hands shake with rage, or maybe it’s from the week-long bender I just went on, I don’t know.
He walks toward me with his arms out, looking like he’s all but given up. “I’m right here.”
Maybe if I weren’t so pissed I’d be concerned, but I just want to kill him.
“What?”
“If you wanna beat the shit out of me. I’m right here.”
He looks like he actually wants me to hit him. I stare for a moment, my chest heaving. Then I swing, connecting with his nose. He stumbles back, holding his face.
“We’re done.” If I take it any further, I will kill him.
I march straight to Jon’s office and rip the door open. He lifts his head and quirks a brow.
“What are we doing about Tony?”
He rests his elbow on the desk. “We’re not doing anything. I’m handling it.”
I scoff. “He fucking shot my sister.”
“Shane—”
“No. I want his fucking head!”
“Enough!” He slams a hand down on the desk. “This is my club.”
My nostrils flare, and I stare at him for a beat. “Take care of him, or I will.”
“Shane—” he warns, but I’m already storming out.
I don’t give a shit. He can have my fucking patch. That fucker touched my sister, and I’m going to put him in the ground for it.