27. Nik
Nik
Gran called to let us know Ash is in labor, and I’m so excited I could scream. It’s been a tough year for all of us, and we really need a bit of sunshine.
Plus, I can’t wait to be an aunt.
Katie and JT had Scarlett a few weeks ago, and we’ve visited a couple of times, but Katie’s gone a little neurotic. She read all the pamphlets and watched all the mommy bloggers, and now she’s paranoid her baby might get typhoid fever or some shit.
Colette says that’s just the new mom thing, and she’ll chill out when she has more, but I’m not sure how they’ll manage having more if she never takes her eyes off the first one long enough to make another.
When we finally arrive at the hospital, everyone’s gathered in the waiting room.
“Did we miss it?” I ask as Jess runs over to hug us.
“Yeah, but they haven’t let us in yet. She’s getting stitched up.”
Wincing, I say, “Ouch.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I want kids.” She laughs.
Brenda sits in a chair, glaring over at me. Honestly, not even her scowl can ruin the rush I have knowing I’m about to see my new niece.
Fuck her and her dirty looks.
“Ignore her.” Jess looks over her shoulder at Brenda before waving her off. “She’s just mad Ash wouldn’t let her in the delivery. She had Gran instead. I thought she was going to explode.”
“Shane,” Denny says, nodding at my boyfriend who’s still as stone behind me, his discomfort almost tangible. I hate that his family has the ability to make him feel like this. Especially considering how well he’s been doing.
Since everything happened a couple of months ago, he’s been trying really hard to stay clean. It’s been on and off, but this time he’s made it two whole months.
I’m so proud, I want to shout it from the roof.
He nods back before finding a seat on the other side of the waiting room. I follow, threading my fingers with his before kissing his shoulder.
“I’m good,” he mutters.
It’s almost an hour before they finally let us all in the room. Ash looks beautiful with her hair pulled up on top of her head, not at all like she just had a baby.
After they’ve passed the little nugget around the room, I finally speak up, “Okay, my turn.”
Ash hands her to me, and my heart melts. I’m not really a kid person. Or I didn’t think I was, but I love this baby. Her little face is perfectly round and squishy, and she has a dusting of white fuzz across her head.
“She’s beautiful,” I say, smiling.
I walk over to the chair Shane’s sitting in and perch on the arm, holding her to where he can see.
“Isn’t she perfect?” I squeal.
His glassy eyes fixate on the tiny human in my arms. He sniffs and touches her little palm with his finger. She wraps her hand around it, and he smiles a big bright smile.
I think you can hear my ovaries screaming from the parking lot.
Somewhere buried under all of the doubts and pain, I want this with him one day.
There are times I’ve daydreamed about him getting healthy and us finally living a normal life where we get married and have babies of our own.
But as quickly as the vision paints itself across my mind, the pain tears through me, telling me that it will never happen.
So, I tuck that little dream away.
But he is healthy now.
We’re nowhere near ready for all of this, but you know, maybe one day.
“Careful,” Gran says, watching us from across the room. “That baby fever will get you.”
“Fuck that.” Shane laughs, but his eyes go right back to the perfect baby in my arms, and that vision sinks it’s claws into my heart a little deeper.
“Wanna hold her?” I ask, holding her out to him.
“No. I’m good.”
“Come on. She won’t break. Just hold her,” I tease, basically placing her in his arms.
He swallows hard and adjusts her in his hold. His eyes soften, and the corners of his mouth fight not to tip up.
When he loses that battle, and a faint smile peaks through, he asks, “She’s pretty cute, isn’t she?”
I nod.
“I didn’t do too bad, huh?” Ash asks from where she sits cross-legged in the hospital bed.
“You did great,” he answers, never looking up from Magnolia.
I have to pry myself away before my ovaries literally burst. Moving across the room, I ask, “So, how bad was it?”
She laughs as I perch on the end of her bed.
“Horrible.”
“Jess said they had to stitch you back together. That sounds awful.”
“Uh, you think? I feel like I’ve been ripped in half.”
Shane groans. “Okay, can you two do this when I’m not here? I don’t need those images.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re such a baby.”
“No. There are just certain things I don’t need to know about my sister.”
Ash goes quiet, her eyes drop to the bed, and she twists her mouth to the side, biting her cheek. “She kind of looks like him.”
Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I pull her into me. She squeezes for a moment before I finally say, “Maybe the old him, but he’s so ugly now. I don’t know what happened after you left, but the man literally turned into a troll.”
She laughs, pulling away from me and wiping her eyes. “Yeah?”
I nod. “It’s the craziest thing.”
Still grinning, she says, “I love you.”
I wink at her and stand. “I’m gonna go find a vending machine. Want anything?”
Ash shakes her head, and my gaze flicks to Shane, who I’m not sure even knows any of the rest of us exist as he stares down at his new niece.
When I step into the hall to get a drink, Gran follows. “Thank you for coming. It means so much to her to have you here. And Shane.”
“Of course. He wouldn’t miss it for the world, neither would I.”
Her expression turns sober, and she looks like she’s trying to decide what or how to say something before asking, “How is he?”
I know she worries about him, and I doubt he’s told her how well he’s been doing. He’s always worried about disappointing everyone that he’ll just not tell them. Then, they won’t have any expectations of him. I wish he felt like he could share his wins with others.
“He’s doing really well.”
She smiles. “He looks so good. I just didn’t want to assume.”
“Yeah, he’s been clean two months.”
“Oh!” She grasps her chest. “I’m so proud of him. I mean, I’ve always been proud of him, but that is wonderful.”
“I know. I’m proud of him, too.”
“What are you two talking about?” Shane asks, coming out of Ash’s room.
He throws an arm around her, and she grabs his face, kissing his cheek with the biggest smile.
“You.”
“Should I leave so you can keep talking shit?”
“No, we’ll tell you what a pain in the ass you are right to your face.” I laugh, heading back to Ash.