43. Shane
Shane
September
“What’s this all about?” I ask, waltzing into the club house behind JT. We were all called for a meeting this afternoon, but that’s all the info Theo gave me.
JT shrugs. “No clue.”
“Have you talked to Gabe today?”
He shakes his head, stopping shy of the meeting room. “I uh… it’s not my business, so you can tell me to fuck off if I’m out of line here, but is Nik… is she okay?”
My brows pinch. “Yeah…? Why?”
“I don’t know. Katie keeps asking.” He scratches the back of his neck, not looking at me when, he adds, “She said something about setting Nik up with her therapist or something and Nik refusing to go.”
I don’t say anything for a beat, taking it in and trying to decide what I should tell him. Nik’s been seeing someone for years. She probably just didn’t tell Katie that because she doesn’t like people knowing all her shit.
I smack his arm. “She’s good. Thanks for asking.”
Passing him, I walk into the room. There are already guys around the table, but no Gabe.
Finding my spot to the right of his seat, I scan the room. Everyone’s got about the same look on their face.
So… no one knows what this is about.
“Anybody know where our fucking leader is? I got shit to do today,” Phil, Theo’s dad, barks.
Before anyone can answer, Gabe appears in the doorway, shooting him a glare. He stands tall as he moves to his spot at the table but doesn’t sit.
“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve called you here.
I won’t draw this out, but first I just want to say, this club has done a lot for me.
It was my grandfather’s dream, then my father’s, and I don’t take that lightly.
I wish I could say I feel the same way about it that they did.
The men around this table have been my brothers, and I can’t thank you all enough for getting me through the last several years after losing my dad. ”
He swallows, his gaze flicking to Dean for just a moment.
Dean nods.
“That being said, my father also taught me the importance of family and being the kind of man your family needs. I don’t think anyone in this room could deny that he’d have done anything to protect my mother.”
Running a hand over his mouth, he says, “Including walking away from the club.”
You could hear a pin drop as the words leave his mouth, and everyone looks around the table unsure what to do.
“I can’t protect my daughter while I still occupy this chair. I wish that weren’t the case, but it is. She comes first.”
“Gabe—” JT says.
Our president throws up a hand. “Dean’s willing to step up and take it over.
I think that’s what my dad would want. The shop’s still mine.
It’s where it all started, and I’ll never give it up, but I can’t be your president anymore.
I would appreciate it if we could keep this between us until I have a chance to tell my mother and Maggie’s mom.
It’ll probably take a few weeks, but once everything’s settled, I’ll hand the reigns to Dean. ”
No one says a word, watching as he wages an internal battle right in front of us.
“If anyone has questions, I’d be more than happy to answer them later. I just wanted to make you all aware of my decision.”
He nods, taps a finger on the back of his chair, and walks out of the room without another word.
I stand, racing out of the room as voices erupt behind me.
“Gabe!”
When he doesn’t stop, I grab his arm. “Hey.”
His eyes are glassy as he meets my gaze. “Don’t. I made my decision. I’m done.”
“I’m not here to talk you out of it.” Grabbing his shoulders, I look him dead in the eye and say, “I’m so fucking proud of you, man. And if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
Then, because I don’t even know who the fuck I am anymore, I pull him in for a hug.
He’s stunned for a minute before patting me on the back. “Thanks.” His voice cracks when he says, “I love her.”
He could be talking about Maggie, but I know he’s not. He’s in love with my sister. Always has been. “I know. You won’t hear a word about it from me.” Clapping him on the back, I add, “Are we good?”
His jaw ticks, and he looks away for a beat before meeting my stare with a curt nod. “We’re good.”
The whole drive home, I can’t get JT’s question out of my head. I don’t know that Nik’s okay actually, but I think she will be. We’ve just been through hell and back, it’s probably natural to be a little shaken after that, right?
When I walk into our apartment, the TV’s playing on some true crime show, and a pot of something is simmering on the stove, but Nik’s nowhere to be seen.
“Nikki?” I shout, walking across the room.
She doesn’t respond, but when I reach the bathroom door, I can hear the water running. The door isn’t latched and swings open as I knock.
All the air leaves my lungs. “What—”
Nik looks over her shoulder to me from where she sits on the edge of the tub with a razor blade in her hand and blood rolling off the sides of her thigh.
My eyes widen as I rush toward her, snatching the blade away. “What did you do?”
She doesn’t answer as she looks through me.
“Nikki!”
Finally, lifting her eyes to mine, she snaps out of her daze. “What? I’m fine.” Standing from the tub, she grabs a towel from the rack and wipes her leg. “Chill out.”
“Fine? You’re bleeding!”
She rolls her eyes.
“No. Don’t roll your eyes. What the hell is going on with you?”
“Nothing.” Tossing the towel down, she brushes past me to pick up her sweats from the floor.
I knew she’s seemed off since I came home from rehab.
Honestly, she was probably off even before that, but I was too fucked up to know what was happening outside my own head.
But I didn’t realize things were this bad again.
I can’t even remember the last time I noticed new wounds on her skin. Years.
“Are you taking your meds?”
Under her breath, she says, “Fuck off with that shit.”
As she slides the pants on, I grab her chin.
“Answer me! Are you taking them?” When she still doesn’t respond, the reality crashes down on me. I huff, stepping away from her. “What the fuck! You can’t just stop.”
She laughs, storming past me. “They weren’t working anyway, so what’s the point?”
“Obviously, they were. You weren’t doing…” I gesture to her leg.
She places a hand on her hip and lets out a breath. “Yeah, and ask me how long I’ve been off them? Go ahead?”
My brows draw together, but I don’t say anything.
“You have no idea. How would you?”
I rear back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you wouldn’t know anything about me because you were never fucking here!”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is! You disappeared for days at a time, and when you were here, you were fucked up or asleep! And now suddenly you think you know everything when you have no idea!”
I grind my teeth because she’s not wrong. I’d like to say I was there for her in the recent years, but I wasn’t. “Okay. Then, when?”
“What?” she bites.
“When did you stop taking them?”
She huffs a laugh. “The first time? Five years ago, right before Jon died.”
My heart breaks a little at that. I really didn’t have any idea. How is it I never fucking noticed all this time?
“After six months, they put me on something else. I stopped taking it in April. Five months, Shane! Five months, I’ve been just fine.”
I take a step toward her. “Nikki—”
Throwing her hands up, she says, “Don’t. I’m fine. Just like you’re fine. So, let it go.”
I stop, staring at her with wide eyes. “I just want you to be okay.”
“I’m fine! I’ve been fine! Just leave it alone!” she snaps before storming to our bedroom and shutting the door.
Standing in the middle of our apartment, I feel like I could fall to a heap, the weight of what I’ve put her through and what I’ve been blind to washing over me.
When we first met, I watched as she’d morph herself into whatever version of her others needed.
She’d bury everything to be easier for those she loved.
I loved that I could see through that, and more than that, I loved that she’d drop the bullshit and show me what was underneath.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped seeing.
Going to the bedroom door, I turn the knob, but something keeps it from opening. “Nikki, let me in.”
“Fuck off.”
Resting a hand above me on the door frame, I lean my head on the wood. “Nikki…”
She tears the door open. “What?”
Sucking in a breath, my eyes sting as I say, “Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—I don’t want—Shit. I don’t know what to say. I’m just worried about you.”
“I’m fine.”
I nod, grab her arm, and pull her to me, saying, “Come here.”
She lets me but leaves her arms at her sides.
Leaning forward, I grab the backs of her legs, and she wraps her arms around my neck as I lift her feet from the ground before walking us back to the bathroom with her face buried in my neck. I sit her on the vanity, before digging through the cabinet below.
“I can’t find the Band-Aids, but this’ll work.” I hold out the gauze and tape.
A blush spreads across her cheeks, and she tries to snatch the items.
I pull my hand back. “Let me help you.”
Three long seconds pass before she caves and slides her sweats down her legs.
“Shit,” I breathe before grabbing a washcloth and reaching around her to wet it. Then I softly wipe it over her leg, cleaning up the smeared blood before placing the gauze over it and taping it down.
There are several raised places across the tops of her thighs.
“Nikki, I’m so sorry.” My voice breaks as my heart climbs up my throat. I just left her to suffer on her own.
She takes my face in her hands, lifting my gaze to hers. “You’re not responsible for my issues. I’m okay. You’re here and you’re clean and you’re mine. What else could I want?”
My brows draw together. “Then why are you slicing up your legs in the bathroom.”
She doesn’t say anything for a beat before crashing her lips to mine. “What—” I pull back. “Nikki.”
Rolling her eyes, she jumps down and pulls up her sweats with a groan. “Can we not do this. I’m fine. Drop it.”