21. Emery #2
His lips tipped up into a smile and my heart started singing. I shushed it as he nodded.
“Okay. I’ll join you,” he said as he leaned forward.
Needing to move on from this conversation, I started walking toward the hot tub, hoping that he would follow me. I was already so discombobulated from this conversation and I feared what else I would say when given the freedom.
Steam rose up from the bubbling surface as I approached. I could feel my body relax in anticipation. The contractor didn’t skimp on the hot tub, stating that it was the crown jewel of the pool area. I had to agree.
I unwrapped my towel and set it down on one of the pool chairs. When I got to the stairs of the hot tub, I slipped my foot into the water, welcoming the heat. At least in here, it would be a lot less evident when I got embarrassed which seemed to be happening a lot more.
The water warmed me as I lowered myself under the surface. I found a nearby seat and settled on it. I couldn’t help but watch Noah as he moved to join me, taking the spot two seats down. We sat in the water, the bubbles rising up around us, filling the silence.
I took in a deep breath and glanced over at Noah, wanting to say something but fearing what I would say when I finally opened my lips. Never in my life had communication been this much of a struggle. I wanted things to be easy but I was Emery Torres, nothing was ever easy.
“Did you have a good day today?” I finally asked once the silence felt like it was going to eat me alive.
Noah glanced over at me and nodded. “Yeah, I did.” He paused. “You?”
“Yeah.” Out of instinct, I yawned so I quickly moved to cover my mouth. “Sorry,” I whispered.
He chuckled. “No need to apologize.”
I shook my head as I dropped my hand back into the water. “It’s so strange that I’m this tired. I haven’t slept that well in years.”
Slowly, Noah glanced over at me.
“Really?” he asked, his voice low and smooth.
The realization of what I had just alluded to settled around me. Last night, I slept with Noah. In his bed. Wrapped in his arms. My cheeks warmed and I was grateful for the hot air around us.
“Ever since Carson passed away, I haven’t been able to sleep in.” I paused as emotions coated my throat. “Or sleep soundly.” I was studying the water surface now, unable to meet his gaze.
“But you slept well last night?”
I could hear caution in his voice. Like he was trying to understand what I wasn’t saying, but he was worried that he would misinterpret.
“Yeah. Last night was the first night that I slept hard.” I slowly brought my gaze up to meet his.
“Oh,” he said before he paused. “Was it the bed?”
I shook my head as courage took over and I slipped off the seat.
His gaze turned dark as he studied me. “Was it the sheets?” He frowned. “I think they were cooling sheets.”
I took a few steps in his direction, shaking my head. “It wasn’t the sheets,” I whispered.
I was tired of being scared. I was done feeling trapped. All that existed right now was Noah and I. I didn’t consider myself to be a brave person, but right now, I was picking up my shield and sword and charging into battle.
“Then what was it?” he asked.
I was standing directly in front of him now. His voice was so low and I was so close that I could hear it rumble in his chest.
Instinct took over and I threw caution to the wind as I reached out and began tracing the outline of the tattoo on his left peck. His skin was warm and soft and the sensation sent electric waves up my arm.
“I wasn’t alone,” I whispered.
His gaze pinned me in place and for a moment, the entire world around us slowed. All that existed was us. That was all that mattered.
His hands were on my hips and I gasped as he pulled me to him. I didn’t think as I straddled him and then pushed myself up with my hands resting on the hot tub behind him. I held his gaze as he held mine, so much being said between us.
He wanted me and my heart sang at the realization.
“Emery,” he growled as he ran his hand from my hip and up my back before his fingers tangled in my hair. He used his hold to control the angle of my head before his lips crashed into mine.
I pressed my body to his as our lips began to move.
This kiss was different from the one last night. I had been nervous and scared, worried about what he was going to think of me. Worried that I was never going to feel for another man what I’d felt for Carson. Scared that I was going to live a lonely life forever.
But now, this kiss was different. I wasn’t doing it for Timothy, or Abigail, or for the board. I wasn’t doing it because Carson wanted me to move on.
I was doing it because I wanted to. I wanted to kiss Noah. I wanted to feel his hands on my body. His fingers brushing my skin. I wanted to feel desire spark inside of me again. I’d been dead for so long and I wanted to feel alive.
Noah broke our kiss, but didn’t let go of me as he started to press his lips along my jawline, to the soft skin below my ear. I let out a moan as I tipped my head back, reveling in the feeling of his kisses as he planted them down my neck and across my collar bone.
I closed my eyes in an effort to block out everything else around us. All that existed was Noah and me. I was going to let myself feel for the first time in years.
When he finished pressing his lips across my other collar bone, I settled myself back down on to his lap, caging him in with my arms so I could study him. His grip on my hips was firm and possessive. I held his gaze. I wanted him to know exactly how I felt.
His eyes were dark and I found myself falling as I studied him.
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his before I pulled back. His eyes were closed and he slowly opened them. I kissed him again, and pulled back, enjoying the fact that I was comfortable enough to tease him.
“Emery,” he growled, his fingertips digging into my skin.
“Noah,” I whispered, the smile pulling at my lips felt natural.
I had finally discovered the woman that I’d buried so many years ago. When I was with Noah, I wasn’t Emery the widow, single mom, and CEO. I was just Emery. And it felt so good.
He swept his gaze over my face before he moved to study me. My skin warmed from his attention. I studied him back, letting myself just feel. All of my worries and fears from before had melted away.
“Are you okay?” he asked as he furrowed his brow.
I nodded. “I’m okay.”
He paused. “Is this…is kissing me helping?”
At first, his question threw me off guard. It took a moment for me to process what he was insinuating. That I had only kissed him to help me move on. He didn’t know that I wanted to be here.
“Did Abigail—”
“I wanted to kiss you.” I steadied my gaze so he would understand that I was serious.
“You—you did?” he asked.
I nodded. “And it wasn’t because I want you to help me move on.” I raised my eyebrows.
“So, you…wanted to kiss me,” he repeated, hesitation still apparent in his voice.
“I…” I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. “Wanted…” Another kiss. “To Kiss…” And another. “You…” I let the last kiss linger as I wrapped my arms around him and pulled my body to his.
His hands moved from my hips to my back as he straightened and pulled my body against his. I parted my lips and let him in, his tongue dancing and moving with mine.
I don’t know how long we kissed until we finally broke apart. He stared up at me and I held his gaze. My lips felt swollen, but I didn’t care. I was exactly where I wanted to be.
“I want to kiss you, too,” he said, his voice gruff and possessive.
My heart sung at his confession. I’d allowed myself to think that I was the only one who felt this way, and with six little words, all of my fears and doubts flew out the window.
All that mattered right now was Noah and me. We were both being brave, unlocking our hearts and stepping out onto the precipice of what a relationship between us would look like.
I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. I didn’t know what this meant for Timothy and I. I didn’t know how this changed our wedding this weekend.
All I knew was I was exactly where I wanted to be. Wrapped up in Noah’s arms, where I felt alive for the first time in a very long time.