Chapter 19
For the second morning in a row, Jo woke up holding Felix. When they were awake, it tended to be the other way around; Jo cuddled up against his broad body, his arm slung protectively around her. But sometime in the night, as they slept, she became the one who protected him. His back curled against her chest, her arm around his waist, her leg covering his hip. The big spoon to his little spoon.
Was it weird that she wanted to stay in this moment forever? That she didn’t want to wake up without Felix beside her ever again? Must be some bizarre intimacy hangover from sharing a hotel room with him for three days. Sure, they’d heard each other pee through the wall and seen each other straight out of the shower, but they hadn’t even gone on a real date, for Christ’s sake. She really shouldn’t be thinking about what it would be like to live with the man. Maybe here, in this house. With its bright green door and its cabinet full of Lita’s old mugs. With the big tree in the front yard and this amazingly comfy bed. With the darling wooden ducks on the mantle and a real basement to stay safe from tornadoes in.
Jesus Christ, Jo. Stop it this instant.
Indi-Con with Felix hadn’t just accelerated their relationship. It had shoved them into a Formula One car and sent them flying around the track at hundreds of miles per hour without helmets. Jo didn’t regret a minute of their whirlwind weekend together, but now that they were back… what next? If they kept going at this breakneck speed, she’d be moving in by the end of the week. No way could that be healthy. Sooner or later, they would crash.
Ashville was meant to be her fresh start. To figure out where her life would go from here. To see what it was like to be herself, by herself. Felix made that complicated. Jo wanted to be with him more than anything else in the world. To use his phrase, she was very (very) into him. But, after Jeremy, how did she know she wasn’t simply grabbing onto the first man who came along who was good and kind? Who made her feel safe, and who claimed to tolerate her love of MnM?
Stay. Please.
Her arm tightened around Felix’s waist, and she rested her forehead between his shoulder blades. Closing her eyes, she let herself feel his deep, even breaths. She didn’t loosen her hold until he finally began to stir.
He rolled over and wrapped his leg around hers, locking their knees and ankles together. His hand splayed over her hip. Jo smiled and pushed his jet-black waves off his forehead.
“Morning,” he mumbled, his eyes still closed.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.”
“What time is it?”
She twisted to look at the clock on the nightstand. “Almost ten.”
Felix grumbled and ran his hand over his eyes. He slowly blinked them open. “I never sleep this late.”
“Cons are exhausting,” Jo said. “And you drove most of the way yesterday.”
“Don’t forget the part where you wore me out last night.”
“Are you complaining about that, old man?” She scratched her nails softly through his stubble, not unlike how she gave Merry chin rubs. Felix practically purred, a hum so deep it rumbled through his chest. He leaned into her touch as goosebumps rose over his neck and shoulders.
“Not at all.”
He scootched his head forward and kissed her.
As soon as they got up, real life would kick in. Felix would go to work and Jo would go home to feed and cuddle Merry. She’d go grocery shopping and soak off her nail polish and put away her MnM stuff. She’d do laundry and go to bed early for her morning shift.
And maybe, just maybe, she’d rein herself in a little bit. Think of Felix more like the new boyfriend he was rather than fantasize about moving in with him. Keep having the best sex of her life, obviously, but make sure she slept in her own bed more than his. She could do that.
Probably.
But not yet. All of that could wait a little longer. She kissed Felix back. She drew him against her body, and she held on tight.
From:Felix Navarro
To:Jo Rainier
Date:Tuesday, May 28, 2024, 4:50 P.M.
Subject:Advertising at ACC on Sunday
Dear Jo,
Ashville Community College is having their community outreach day this weekend dedicated to advertising summer programs throughout the county. Leni and I plan to attend on Sunday afternoon to hand out flyers about the library’s programs, which, of course, include MnM night. After hearing about Indi-Con this weekend, Leni wants to be more involved in the launch event.
Might you be interested in joining us this Sunday at the college to hand out flyers and answer questions?
Best,
Felix
~
Felix Navarro, MI
Junior Librarian, General Services
Butler County Library District — Ashville Public Library
From:Jo Rainier
To:Felix Navarro
Date:Tuesday, May 28, 2024, 5:07 P.M.
Subject:RE: Advertising at ACC on Sunday
Leni’s on board! That’s so exciting. She’s the coolest.
I’d be happy to join you at ACC this weekend. Let me know what time to meet you there. Or if you’re interested in carpooling, I’d be up for that.
Jo
Jo
I’ve seen your dick, dude. I think you can do better than “best” to end an email.
Even a work email
Felix
Hmm… how about “warmly”?
Jo
Much better.
Felix
Noted.
On another subject, may I take you
to dinner on Friday after our MnM lesson?
Jo
Hell yeah
“Spill it, California,” Vanessa said at lunch on Wednesday. “Who is he?” She reached across the break room table and stole one of Jo’s tortilla chips.
“Who is who?” Jo asked around a bite of turkey sandwich.
Vanessa’s expression practically screamed, are you kidding me? “Whoever’s had you grinning like a loon all day! I know what that look means.”
She hesitated. Felix wasn’t a secret, of course, but with Tito living here, she had hoped to be a little discreet at work.
“If you found someone in this town, you have to tell me,” Vanessa said. “My hunting grounds have completely dried up.”
“Hunting grounds?” Jo asked.
“I calls ’em as I sees ’em. C’mon, Jo! Let me live vicariously for a sec.”
She gave in. “He’s the librarian I’ve been working with on the MnM event,” she said, avoiding Felix’s name in case anyone could overhear. “He came with me to Indianapolis this weekend and… a lot happened.”
Vanessa smiled and clapped her hands. “I’m going to need way more details than that, California.”
“Some of us still have a filter at work, you know,” Jo replied and went back to her sandwich.
“You’re the worst. We’re going out tonight so you can tell me everything.” Before Jo could respond, Vanessa added, “Or we can talk about it now in terrible euphemisms. Did the train enter the tunnel?”
Jo coughed and tried not to choke on bread and mayo.
“Did the early bird get the worm? Was the banana—”
“Stop, stop, oh my God!” Jo laughed. “Fine, we’ll go out tonight.”
Vanessa cackled in triumph.
After work, she took Jo to a cocktail lounge called The Gandy Dancer, which she claimed was “the only upscale establishment in Ashville.” She explained that the name came from an old slang term for a railroad worker, which fit with the exterior aesthetic. The lounge was on the main street that ran through the middle of Ashville, where all the buildings were from the late nineteenth century. They were generally well-maintained, but they had a distinctly old-timey charm.
The interior, however, was another story. Dark walls, dim lighting, and low suede couches made Jo feel like she’d stepped inside a modern speakeasy. Back in Orange County, this kind of place would have been noisy and crowded, even on a weeknight, but here it was almost a respite.
Over craft cocktails, fancy sliders, and truffle fries, Jo told Vanessa about Felix. Once she got going, safe from the ears of eavesdropping co-workers, it was surprisingly easy to gush about him. It was nice—being fully honest about her boyfriend, not having to make excuses for his behavior, not having to leave things out for fear of someone giving her an odd look. Though she left out the specifics of the nights she and Felix had spent together, she told Vanessa just about everything else, including that his grandpa lived at White Hills. She didn’t even have to ask for discretion; Vanessa promised it immediately.
When she was done, Jo ordered them another round of drinks. Then, it was Vanessa’s turn to lament her own dating woes, which managed to upset her enough that Jo let Vanessa talk her into doing a shot of tequila together.
After that, the conversation somehow shifted to black-and-white sci-fi B movies they both loved, which lead to nerdy TV shows and then to Jo telling Vanessa that she absolutely had to watch Xena: Warrior Princess. Vanessa was just as adamant that Jo needed to watch something called Mystery Science Theater 3000.
By the time they were on their third (or maybe fourth? did the shots count?) round, splitting a peach crumble, and playing Fuck Marry Kill with Star Wars characters, Jo was having the time of her life. The work-friends wall between them had crumbled to dust, and she only wished they had done this sooner. Even if the woman did think it was acceptable to fuck Greedo, marry Yoda, and kill Chewbacca. Who the hell killed Chewbacca?
Jo didn’t check her phone until they were getting the bill, and she realized she had no idea what time it was. Her stomach dropped when she lit up the screen. She had a missed call and a text from Felix, both from almost two hours ago.
Felix
Do you want to come over tonight? I miss you, cari?o.
Jo dropped her credit card on the table, grabbed her purse, and excused herself. She made her way outside. Definitely not stumbling. Tipsier than she expected, but not stumbling. Heart pounding, she fumbled with her phone until she managed to call Felix.
He answered on the first ring. “Hey, J—”
“I’m sorry! Vanessa and I went out for drinks, and I guess I never took my phone off silent after work, so I just saw your message. I’m sorry. I promise I wasn’t ignoring you. Should I come over now?”
“Cari?o, hey, it’s okay,” he said soothingly. “I’m not upset.”
“Are you sure? I’m so sorry.”
“Of-of course I’m sure.” He sounded confused, but sincere. “Why would I be upset? I figured you were busy or working late.”
Jo pressed her palm to her sternum, breathing deeply and blinking fast to keep from crying. He’s not upset, she reassured herself, over and over. He’s not upset.
“Jo?” Felix said when she didn’t respond. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she croaked.
“You don’t sound okay. Do you need me to come get you?”
“I don’t know?” Jo was drunk. That was pretty goddamn obvious now. Her vision was swimming, and in the quiet street she could hear how slurred her words were. Plus, she still really, really felt like crying—always a sure sign she’d had too much.
Vanessa was younger. She could probably hold her liquor better. She might be okay to drive. She could take them back to White Hills, where Jo’s car was parked. Jo would just have to work really hard to sober up before they got there.
The front door slammed open. “Where’d you go, California?” Vanessa yelled, clutching Jo’s credit card in an unsteady hand. She gasped and pointed at the phone. “Is that your boyfriend? Hiiiii, Jo’s boyfriend!”
Felix’s voice reached Jo through a cloud of tequila and shame. “Where are you?”
“The Gandy Dancer.”
“Don’t get in a car. Either of you. I’ll be there in five minutes.”
The phone blooped. He’d hung up.
“He’s going to pick us up,” Jo said. She took her card from Vanessa and stuck it in her bra.
And then she burst into tears.
Felix pulled up in front of The Gandy Dancer, relieved to find Jo and a blonde woman, both of them in scrubs, sitting on the curb. Thank God they hadn’t tried to drive themselves anywhere. The blonde waved wildly at him with both arms. Jo’s face was in her hands, her elbows on her knees. As he hopped out of the car, she looked up miserably and started to cry. He resisted the urge to sweep her into his arms and kiss away all of her tears. He would do that as soon as possible, but Jo wasn’t the only person who needed a little help tonight.
“Vanessa?” he asked the blonde.
“That’s me.” She scanned him up and down, her entire head bobbing. “God damn, you’re a tall drink of water.”
He chuckled. “Thank you. I’m Felix. May I give you a ride home?”
“Hell yeah.”
Felix offered her his hand when she struggled to get up on her own and helped her into the backseat of the car. Then he reached out to his teary-eyed girlfriend. “May I give you a ride home too, cari?o?”
A silent nod, and Felix repeated the process of helping her into the car. Vanessa gave him loud, drunken directions to her house just a few blocks away. When they arrived, he verified that she had a way to get her car in the morning. She mumbled something about her sister as she climbed out and said good night to Jo. Jo gave a half-hearted wave in return.
He waited until Vanessa was safely inside her house before he reached for Jo. He kissed her hand, but she only stared listlessly out the side window. “I don’t know where you live.”
Jo sniffed. “Can I still come over?”
“Of course.” He kissed her hand again and carefully set it down in her lap.
The drive was silent but mercifully short—one of the benefits of a small town. Inside, Jo flopped onto the couch and buried her face in a throw pillow. Felix fetched a glass of water and a sleeve of crackers. He sat on the rug and offered them to her, but she shook her head without looking at him.
What the fuck had happened? It was eating him up inside to think he might have upset her without knowing it. He ran his hand up and down Jo’s back, letting her know he was there whenever she was ready. Finally, she sniffled and turned her face away from the pillow. Her puffy, bloodshot eyes pierced a hole clean through Felix’s heart.
“Cari?o mío,” he whispered. “Please talk to me. Did I do something wrong?”
Fresh tears welled in her eyes. “Oh, Felix, no.” She grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him closer. She touched her forehead to his chest, and he put his arms around her. “It’s me. It’s my stupid brain. I’m sorry. I was so relieved you weren’t mad at me that I lost it, and I’m too drunk to stop crying.”
Felix racked his brain for something—anything—he had done that would lead Jo to believe he’d be angry at her for ignoring a text for a couple of hours. He came up blank.
“Just so we’re clear, Jo,” he said. “You don’t have to respond to me immediately. You’re not beholden to me. You were out having fun with a friend. Getting completely hammered. On a Wednesday.” He injected some levity into his voice and was rewarded with a tiny laugh. Jo’s fist loosened around his shirt.
“I’m so sorry I worried you,” she said.
“It’s all right. I’m just glad you’re okay,” he said. “Besides, I think the hangover will be retribution enough.”
Jo groaned, low and drawn out. “Is that water still around?”
He kissed her forehead, helped her into a sitting position, and handed her the water. She gulped half of it down in one go.
“Thank you for coming to get me,” she said. “And Vanessa.”
“You’re welcome.” He climbed onto the couch and put an arm around her. She leaned against his side. “I guess my next hero’s calling is taking you to work tomorrow, huh?”
“If this water doesn’t do the trick, I might call in sick.”
In response, he handed her the crackers. Jo gave him a grateful look, tore the sleeve open, and ate two of them at once.
Jo didn’t call in sick, but the ache behind her eyes that lasted well into the afternoon made her regret that decision. Despite Felix’s gentle prodding, she hadn’t been able to haul herself out of bed in time to stop at home on the way to work. She kept extra scrubs in her locker in case of any bodily fluid accidents from the residents, so at least she had clean clothes. But she still felt gross all day. Vanessa, the young whippersnapper, was fine—and, luckily, completely nonjudgmental about Jo’s teary sidewalk breakdown.
“We’ve all been there, California,” is all she said about the matter.
Jo managed to make it through the day and dragged herself home to a cantankerous Merry. He yowled the entire time she fed him and cleaned his litter box. “I know, Mer-bear, I’m sorry,” she told him. “At least you didn’t have to wear yesterday’s underwear.”
After a long, hot shower, she made herself pasta with pesto and more parmesan than she could safely endorse as a medical professional. She curled up on the couch and found an episode of the show Vanessa recommended streaming online. She proceeded to watch a man and a couple of robot puppets make fun of a terrible movie from the fifties about giant killer crickets. Partway through, her phone chimed with Felix’s text sound.
Felix
How’s the head? Did you survive the day?
She smiled and paused the show to give him her undivided attention.
Jo
Alive. Pasta is helping. And clean underwear.
Felix
I’m glad to hear it. Pasta solves all manner of problems, I’ve found.
Jo
Speaking of food, I’m excited for our date tomorrow.
Felix
So am I. What do you think about going into Wichita? There’s a place there I’d like to take you.
Jo
Totally. I’d love to see the city.
Should I dress fancy?
Felix
Up to you, but I won’t complain if you do.
Jo
Gotcha.
I need to figure out what to teach you tomorrow.
For MnM, I mean
Not for the date
Anything you want to focus on?
Felix
How about I run a short game for you? I’ve got less than two weeks to practice my GMing.
Jo
Great idea! Would Leni be down to join so it’s more like a real game?
Felix
I’ll ask, but I wouldn’t doubt it. She said she found one of those online MnM shows last night and loved it. She already made a paladin.
Jo
How is she so cool???
Felix
She named him Spanky.
Jo
Amazing
Grax might have some competition for Veena’s BFF.
Felix
Grax isn’t worried.
So if you *were* going to teach me something for the date portion of our night, Jo, what would it be? What do you want me to learn how to do to you?
Jo
You’re already very good at a lot of things.
Felix
So are you, cari?o. Especially with that lovely mouth of yours.
Jo
I feel like I need a better name for you than hot librarian. It doesn’t really roll off the tongue in a fit of passion.
Felix
You’re changing the subject, Jo. What would you teach me?
Sorry, are you uncomfortable with this? I can stop.
Jo
No, I like it.
But I need a good nickname for you so I can tell you better.
Felix
You can use my name for now. I like it when you say my name.
Jo
Well then, Felix
I have this vibrator
Felix
I like where this is going.
Jo
And it has like 10 different settings
Felix
I bet you know exactly how to make yourself come with it, don’t you, my Jo?
Jo
Oh, I have my favorites.
But I would let you try them all on me, Felix.
And learn which ones I like best by the way I moan for you.
Felix
Fuck
Teach me
Jo
Have patience, hot librarian
It’s not date night yet
Felix
I can’t wait
Jo
Until then, go take a shower and imagine it
Felix
I might not make it to the shower. Might start imagining it now, from my bed.
Jo
Send me a picture, Felix
Send me as many as you like
Felix
As you wish, my Jo
Will you send me some in return?
Jo
Deal