Chapter Thirteen
Redford noted the lifting of Carmen’s brow the moment she tasted the soup. Before returning to her home, he had gone to the grocery store and purchased ingredients for a soup he’d wanted to make for her. He’d also made a stop at a retail store to purchase one of those over-the-bed eating tables versatile enough to be used when she was out of bed and sitting on the loveseat like she was doing now. He sat in the chair across from her bed and was surprised she hadn’t asked him to leave so she could eat in private.
She glanced over at him. “This isn’t the soup I had yesterday.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s a recipe I discovered that’s rich in nutrients. I thought it would be good for you and our baby.”
“And you discovered this how?”
He smiled at her. “During my research.”
She must have been amused by what he said because she returned his smile and began eating again. He had wanted to make her a sandwich to go along with the soup, but before leaving Leslie had warned him the only solid foods she could consume were the ones on the list the doctor had given them. He had studied the list and already his mind had conjured up several recipes he could put together for her. That is, if she decided to let him stay.
Although he had wanted to use his powers of persuasion and negotiation, after she had accused him of having an ulterior motive for wanting to claim their child, he knew the only thing that would work would be the truth.
It had been hard reliving that part of his life, which he’d done twice now in the past twenty-four hours. First to Leslie and then to Carmen. He hoped that would be the last time he’d have to bring it up to anyone. He had moved on. It was in his past and he wanted it kept there.
“This is really delicious, Redford.”
“Thanks. I recall telling you that I liked to cook but not bake.”
“Yes, that was one of the things you did tell me.”
Had her comment been meant to remind him of what he’d said about not wanting kids? Leslie had warned him that even after telling her about Candy, it might not matter. A part of him wanted to believe that it would.
“Tell me about your childhood, Redford.”
Her request caught him off guard. He glanced over at her. “Any particular part you want to know?”
“Yes, your younger years, like before you started school.”
“Whoa. Not sure if I remember that far back. I would say I was a good child; however, my parents might beg to differ.”
She nodded. “They only wanted one child?”
“Nope. I understand they wanted a house full but didn’t get that. It wasn’t for lack of trying. However, pregnancy doesn’t always come easy. They’d been married close to eight years when Mom finally got pregnant with me. They declared if she got pregnant again that would be great. If not, then I would be their only little blessing. Their words, not mine.”
He hadn’t told that to anyone else before. But then no one had ever asked him about his early childhood. “Any reason you wanted to know?”
She stopped eating and looked at him. “I was just wondering what I’d be in for...if my child’s temperament mirrors yours.”
Did that mean she was no longer considering their child as just hers? “What kind of child were you growing up?” he decided to ask.
A smile touched her lips. “I’m told I let it be known very early on that since I was the baby in the family, I wanted all the attention. And they all gave it to me. My sister Chandra was just as bad as my parents. There is a five-year difference in our ages, and she claims the only reason she helped them spoil me rotten was because she was tired of playing with her dolls alone. She had warned my parents that if they had a boy, she would order that he be sent back.”
Redford couldn’t help but find that amusing. “I don’t think that’s the way it works.”
“You couldn’t convince Chandra of that, so I’m glad I was born a girl. Mom and Dad tried having another child. She got pregnant but lost it. It was a boy.” She stopped eating again and met his gaze. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot. Comparing my pregnancy with hers. But she lost the baby due to a car accident that almost killed her. A man ran the traffic light.”
“Wow, that’s sad. How far along was she?”
“Six months. I remember Dad sneaking me and Chandra into the hospital to see her. I was five at the time and didn’t fully know what was going on. All I knew was that my mom was inside that big building in a little bed with all those big machines connected to her, instead of being home with us and sleeping in her own bed. She stayed in the hospital for almost a month.”
She paused. “Dad took care of Mom, refusing to accept assistance from his mother or Mom’s. He said he wanted to be the one to take care of her, and that they needed that time together to heal after losing their child.”
He nodded and wondered if she saw the similarities. In case she didn’t, he said, “I understand your father’s position. I want to be the one to take care of you. Although we might not love each other, I honestly believe we need time together to bond, Carmen.”
“To bond?” she asked, looking at him curiously. He also noted the cautious look in her eyes.
“Yes, for the sake of our child. You, as the baby’s mother and me, as their father. We’ll need that bond for the rest of our child’s life. It will be unbreakable. Regardless of the fact that we won’t be getting married, we need our child to know that above all else, we put them first and always will.”
An unbreakable bond...
Could such a thing exist between them? Carmen wondered, shifting in bed. She had been thinking about Redford’s words most of the night when she should have been sleeping. It didn’t help matters that when Leslie returned and came in to check on her last night, she had forgotten to ask her to close the blinds. That meant whenever Carmen woke during the night, she saw the stars, forcing her to remember a night when she and Redford had gazed up at them together.
Carmen had told Leslie just how good Redford’s soup had been and that she hadn’t thrown up after eating it. She had taken a nap and had slept until Leslie returned to check on her. She hadn’t seen Redford anymore that night.
“Good morning.”
She glanced over at Leslie and raised up in bed. “Good morning.”
She should be glad it wasn’t Redford greeting her, but for some reason she wasn’t. Had he changed his mind about the bonding thing because he thought she was being too difficult, too wishy-washy? Or had he thought about it overnight, and after seeing her empty her stomach yesterday, decided taking care of her was too much?
“Did Sloan get off okay, Leslie?”
“Yes. Since he flew here in Redford’s jet, Maverick volunteered to fly in and pick him up.”
Maverick was Sloan’s youngest brother. Leslie had once told her that due to Alaska’s very limited road system, one of the most common ways of getting around was by aircraft. It seemed that more Alaskans owned personal planes than cars. “That was nice of him.”
Leslie smiled. “The one thing I discovered upon meeting Sloan’s siblings years ago was that they were close. Although they give each other a hard time once in a while, they look out for each other.” A concerned look etched into her features. “Did you sleep well, Carmen?”
“Not really.” There was no need to say more.
Leslie gave her one of those looks. “What bothered you enough to interfere with your rest? Rest that you need?”
She didn’t say anything for a minute and then she said, “Redford and I had a deep discussion yesterday. He told me why he’d never wanted kids.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
“After what that girl did, I can only imagine his pain and heartbreak at seventeen.”
“Yes, but he’s thirty-six now. Shouldn’t he have moved on?”
Those had been her feelings yesterday, too. However, she had thought about it during the night and now she kind of understood Redford’s position. “Moving on isn’t always easy for people, Leslie. You of all people should know that. Need I remind you what you went through when you thought Sloan had wronged you?”
“No, you don’t have to remind me so withdraw the claws,” Leslie said, chuckling. “I thought I’d play devil’s advocate and remind you.”
Carmen frowned. “Why did you feel the need to do that?”
“Because I recall, during that time when I thought Sloan had betrayed me, you were very insistent that I be fair with him. Just like you wanted me to be fair to Sloan and give him the benefit of doubt, I think you should do the same for Redford.”
Carmen didn’t say anything as she considered Leslie’s words. “He wants to develop a bond between us for our child’s sake.”
“I think you should. Remember when you taught public school before getting into the college system? One of your pet peeves was the absence of fathers in their kids’ lives. You felt they should be there, whether they were married to the mother or not.”
“Yes, I recall that.”
“That’s all Redford is asking for, Carmen. He not only wants to claim your child as his, he wants to be a part of his or her life. But the bigger question is how do you feel about that, knowing the three of you will never be a real family? How do you feel knowing that although he wants to be a father to your child, he doesn’t want to be a husband to you?”
Carmen released a deep sigh. “Redford has made it very clear that although he wants us to bond for our child, he has no plans to give up his single status, and I’m fine with that. I won’t marry a man who does not love me, and Redford doesn’t love me. I was wrong to assume he did. Nor is he my soulmate. Redford and I are alike in one way now. He never intends to fall in love again and neither do I.”
“I think you and Redford are both making a mistake by giving up on love, Carmen. Especially you. I also remember something else you would constantly preach to me when I was going through my troubles with Sloan.”
“What?”
“To see the good in everyone and not the bad. I would think that even includes Redford.”
“I tried doing that, Leslie. That’s the reason I fell in love with him in the first place. Although I admit I had false assumptions about that night we spent together, it doesn’t negate the fact that he broke my heart.”
“Then tame the heartbreaker. Specifically, tame your heartbreaker.”
Carmen rolled her eyes. “I recall you once warning me that Redford couldn’t be tamed.”
“I might have been wrong. He never wanted fatherhood, yet because of you he is embracing it now. All I’m saying is that Redford feels he has no reason to trust his heart to another woman. He might see things differently after spending time here with you. God knows you are the most positive person I know.”
Carmen shook her head. “I used to be. I can’t risk getting my heart broken again, Leslie.”
“Then maybe this time you should approach things differently than just announcing to the world that you intend to marry Redford, like he didn’t have a say in the matter. Let him get to know you, Carmen. Now is the perfect time.”
“Honestly? While I’m in this condition? Sick most of the time while fighting to give our child a chance at life?”
“Yes, because both of you are fighting for the same thing. Already I can see where the two of you have made some progress.”
Carmen lifted a brow. “What kind of progress?”
“Redford wants to prove your child’s the most important thing in his life, and it seems he’s already proved it.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because you referred to the baby as ‘our baby’ and not ‘my baby.’ That’s a good start, Carmen.”
Carmen was about to say the jury was still out as to whether it was a good start or not when she quickly got out of bed to rush to the bathroom.
“Come in.”
Redford entered Carmen’s room to find her sitting on the love seat. The same place she’d been sitting when he’d last seen her yesterday.
“Good morning, Carmen.”
The moment their gazes connected, a shiver shook him. He was getting used to her beauty overwhelming him, but now their baby was growing inside her. And the sexual vibes between them were just as strong as always.
“I understand you had a rough morning,” he said, taking the chair across from her.
She shrugged. “No more than usual.” After downing the last of her apple juice, she glanced over at him. “I have another question for you.”
“Regarding what?” he asked, extending his legs out in front of him. He rather enjoyed his conversations with her.
“Your family.”
He lifted a brow. “What about my family?”
“I want to know their history.”
Did she think there was something in his family’s history she should be concerned about? “Why?”
“So I can one day share it with...our child.”
He could see the emotional struggle in her gaze. She had referred to the baby as theirs. Did she not think he would be around to share that history with their child?
Pushing such thoughts from his mind, since he knew there was no way he would not be around, he asked, “How far back do you want me to go?”
“I understand your family are Native Alaskans. Did they come from Russia?”
He shook his head. “No. My father’s ancestors are part of the Tlingits tribe. They were known as the Southeast Coastal Indians, and began inhabiting Alaska over ten thousand years before Russia sold it to the United States. They, along with several other Native Alaskan tribes, were living on the land together peacefully.”
“How did they get there if not through Russia?” she asked, tucking back a loose tendril of hair. Why did seeing her do something so insignificant increase his desire for her?
“In school we were taught our history, which I’ve always been proud of,” he said. “It is believed all the Native Alaskan tribes came to North America by way of the Bering Strait Land Bridge.”
Over the next hour, while she nibbled on dry cereal, he told her of his heritage. The legacy that would be their child’s. She seemed to enjoy listening and he definitely enjoyed telling it. It was history not only told to him in school, but relayed to him by his parents and grandparents. He told her how even after the sale of Alaskan land to the United States, very little changed. Any Russians living in Alaska at the time of the sale vacated the land, leaving it completely to the Alaska Natives. It was only close to thirty years later that the land became more inhabited due to the Klondike Gold Rush. During that period, over one hundred thousand prospectors migrated to Yukon in search of gold.
He could tell by the drooping of her eyes that she was getting sleepy. When he got tired of seeing her fight back sleep, he stood. Crossing the room, he swept her into his arms.
“What are you doing?” she asked. He figured she was exhausted since she wasn’t putting up much of a fight.
“I’m putting you in the bed. Time for your nap.”
She cuddled her face in his chest. “You smell good.”
He chuckled. “Thanks.”
When he reached the bed, he placed her on it and watched as her body automatically shifted into what he perceived as her favorite sleeping position. He drew in a deep breath that held her tantalizing scent and fought like hell to ignore the tightening in his groin as he watched her. For the first time since arriving on her doorstep, he wondered if he was making a mistake by being here. How would he give her the proper care she needed when her beauty and desirability were playing havoc on his senses?
She hadn’t demanded that he leave. But she also hadn’t said if she would agree to put his name on their child’s birth certificate. They had a lot to work out.
Yet even while she slept, Carmen had a calming effect on him. Redford had to believe everything would work out between them in the end. He had to believe that.