Chapter Fourteen
Carmen opened her eyes to the sound of music. She slowly eased up in bed and wondered how long she’d slept. It was daylight outside her window so hopefully it hadn’t been long. A glance at the clock on the nightstand showed she’d slept for several hours.
Where was the music, a classical number by Mozart, coming from? She then saw the cell phone in the chair beside her bed and knew Redford had left it there. Had he been sitting there while she slept?
When she suddenly felt nausea coming on, she quickly got out of bed to rush into the bathroom. It was a full half hour later before she came out and almost collided with the hard figure standing there. “Are you okay, Carmen?”
Where had he come from? Had he been outside the bathroom the entire time? Now she was glad she’d closed the bathroom door. She was about to answer and say she was fine when he traced his fingertips across her cheek. She went still beneath his touch. The look on his face displayed both tenderness and concern.
“Carmen?”
He was looking at her with intense dark eyes—eyes a woman could drown in. “Yes?”
“Are you okay?”
Quickly reclaiming her common sense, she said, “I’m fine. Just the regular. I’m going to have a lot to tell my little bun one day.”
He stroked her braid. “Your little bun?”
“Yes,” she said, using that opportunity to scoot around him and sit on the edge of the bed. Each time he touched her, she wanted more of the same. And that wasn’t good. “My little bun.”
He nodded. “Is that your pet name for our baby?”
“Yes, for now. I might change it when the doctor tells me the sex.”
He nodded. “Would you want to know the sex of the baby before it’s born?”
“Don’t know. Sloan and Leslie couldn’t wait to find out.”
“You and I both know, as well as a thousand others, why they wanted a girl. However, I’m sure they would have welcomed a son if Leslie had had a boy.”
Carmen nodded, knowing that was true. Sloan had been obsessed with having the first Outlaw granddaughter, and he had. “Do you have a preference?” she asked him.
“No. Just a healthy baby, which means I need to make sure there’s a healthy mom. That leads me to ask, are you ready for dinner?”
Carmen couldn’t help but grin. The man was as smooth as he was handsome. “I guess I slept through lunch.”
“Yes, you did. For a minute I thought you would sleep through dinner, too, but then I heard the pitter-patter of feet above my head.”
That meant he’d been in the guest bedroom downstairs. The thought that he was sleeping in the bed directly beneath her sent sensuous chills through her body. “Are you cold?”
He must have seen her tremble. “No, I’m fine, and yes, I’m ready for dinner.”
He smiled. “I made you another soup. This one has bits of chicken in it. That way you’ll be getting some protein.”
She didn’t have a problem eating anything, even protein, the problem was keeping it in. “Sounds good, but before you go, we need to talk.”
“Okay.”
He sat in the chair and looked at her expectantly. After taking a deep breath, she said, “First, I want to say I liked the music. It was soothing and nice to wake up to.”
He smiled and her tummy tingled. “I’m glad you liked it. I researched what type of music might relieve nauseousness. I guess it didn’t work because you threw up anyway.”
She couldn’t help the smile that touched her lips. “I think it’s going to take more than music to help me with that, Redford. However, I appreciate the effort. When the baby grows up and becomes a teenager, I will tell them what I went through to bring them into this world.” She paused. “I want you to know, Redford, that I’ve decided to put your name as the father on our baby’s birth certificate.”
She could tell by his smile that he was happy about it. “Thanks, Carmen.”
She nodded. “Since you don’t have to prove anything to me about wanting the baby, you can leave.”
“Leave?”
“Yes.”
“Isn’t Leslie leaving at the end of the week?” he asked.
“Sooner if I can convince her. Although I’m still having bouts of nausea throughout the day, I know what to expect now and I can take care of myself.”
“Who will cook meals for you?”
“I can hire someone to bring food to me, Redford.”
“Leslie said you have a doctor’s appointment next week.”
“Yes, but it will be virtual, and the doctor has arranged for a nurse to start coming here to check on me at least twice a week.”
He leaned forward in his chair. “Regardless, that’s not going to work, Carmen.”
She lifted a brow. “What isn’t going to work?”
“You taking care of yourself.”
“It will work, Redford.” Now that she had agreed to legally acknowledge him as the baby’s father, did he assume that meant he could boss her around or have a say in her affairs? She was about to ask him that when his next words stopped her.
“I think I should stay here with you.”
She tilted her head to look at him. “Why?”
“Because of that other issue you and I discussed.”
Carmen arched a brow. “What issue is that?”
“Our bonding of friendship for our child. Have you forgotten about that?”
Yes, she had. “We can do that after the baby is born.”
“I prefer starting the process now.” He captured her hand in his, pausing as if he was trying to collect his thoughts. “It’s important for me to see you through this period of your pregnancy, Carmen.”
“Why?” she asked, trying to ignore the sensations flooding her being while he held her hand.
He looked down at their joined hands before glancing back up at her. “Just like you said, there are things about your pregnancy you intend to tell our baby when he or she gets older. There are things I’d want to tell them as well. More than anything, I want him or her to know I was here with you during that rough time. I want them to know I’m a father who cared and loved them from the very beginning. Since we won’t be getting married, that’s important to me. Will you give me the chance to do that, Carmen?”
Redford stared at her, taking in the way she nibbled on her bottom lip as she thought about his request. Although she was the one who’d suggested they talk, he figured she hadn’t counted on the turn their discussion would take. More than likely she’d assumed that the moment he was told he could leave, he would do so and that would be the end of it. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she’d been surprised he wanted to stay. There was no way he could leave her like this.
He had stood outside the bathroom door and heard her. She might be getting used to all that throwing up, but he wasn’t. He had done his research and knew if it continued or worsened, her condition could escalate into hyperemesis gravidarum. He didn’t want that and figured she didn’t either.
While waiting for an answer, he knew the one thing he should do was stop looking at her mouth. Otherwise, he would recall how it had tasted each time he’d kissed her that night, and the shape of her lips beneath his and how they were a perfect fit.
Redford forced his gaze to the bright yellow gown she was wearing. It was sleeveless and showed a pair of beautiful shoulders. He also noted the way the tops of her breasts were visible beneath the V-neckline. That’s one thing he’d taken notice of since being here, her sexy gowns. Although they weren’t anything too revealing, they looked sexy on her nonetheless.
Thinking it was best to tame the lust he felt humming through his veins, he lowered his gaze to her hand, which he was still holding. He suddenly noticed how it felt—smooth yet tense. He sensed vulnerability and had a feeling he was responsible for it. That night they’d spent together had been nothing but a one-night stand for him, but it had meant a lot more than that for her.
He raised his gaze from their hands to look into her eyes. That’s when he saw a multitude of emotions in their depths. He saw the vulnerability he had suspected, as well as uncertainty and fear. Fear? What was she afraid of? He stared deeper and saw what she was trying to hide. Desire.
He now understood her apprehension. She was concerned that if he hung around, she would let her guard down and something would develop between them. He had to assure her that wouldn’t be happening. He broke the silence between them by saying, “Just so you know, Carmen, I made a decision to come here to see you even before I knew about the baby.”
“Why?” Her voice conveyed her surprise.
“Because after that night I spent with you, I wasn’t myself.”
Her forehead bunched. “You weren’t yourself how?”
He could feel the tension slowly easing from her hand. Satisfied with that, he released it to stand up. He paced, gathering his thoughts. It was important that she understood why the last thing she should do is fear him. If anything, he should fear her.
He stopped pacing and stood in front of her. “A lot happened between us that night that I hadn’t counted on.”
“I bet my pregnancy was one of them,” she said.
He knew her statement was meant to shake off the awkwardness between them, to lighten the mood. “You’re right. Your pregnancy was one of them because I honestly thought we’d used sufficient birth control.”
He didn’t say anything for a minute and then spoke again. “What I hadn’t counted on, Carmen, was still thinking about you days and weeks later. Reliving that night in my mind and thinking it was the most perfect night I’d ever shared with a woman. So perfect that...”
She lifted a brow when he paused. “That what?”
“I haven’t desired another woman since then.”
Carmen stared at him. “You’re kidding, right?”
He frowned upon hearing amusement in her voice and seeing her smile. He stared at her, his expression serious. She stared back and then the smile vanished. “You aren’t kidding.”
“No, I’m not kidding, and I don’t appreciate it worth a damn.” There was no reason to tell her he had dissected every second, minute, hour of their time together in order to determine what the hell had happened to him. Making love to her had literally blown his mind. He could truly say sex had never been that good with any other woman. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being totally great, he would give it a damn twenty for being undeniably exceptional. In the end, he figured it had to have been those multiple orgasms. He refused to believe such a thing was common. Okay...maybe doubles, but quadruples had to be outside the norm.
“Are you saying you haven’t slept with another woman since me, Redford? And that you haven’t desired one?” Although there was a blush tinting her cheeks, he didn’t miss the sly smile around the corners of her lips that she was trying to keep from showing. Did knowing she was the last woman whose bed he had been in please her for some reason?
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. However, I did research on the matter and discovered a way to cure my problem.”
“Research?”
“Yes.”
“And just what were the findings of your research?”
He was glad she asked. “Some of the top relationship experts all suggest we have the power of controlling our body and mind. I have to believe no one else has that control. That would be giving in to a weakness. Being strong and not vulnerable is the key. In order to accomplish that, I would have needed to take you out on a date.”
“A date?”
“Yes. A date where we would have spent a nice evening together without ending up in bed again. I would have used my willpower to control my body’s urges and not let them control me. I believe I could have done that.”
She didn’t say anything for a minute. “There’s no way I would have gone out on a date with you, Redford.”
Sloan and Leslie had said the same thing.
“Not even if you were the last man on earth,” she added. “In fact, it had been my fondest desire to never see you again.”
They’d said that, too. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “The reason I told you all that, Carmen, is to clear the air between us. There’s still a strong physical attraction between us, and we both know it. However, I want to assure you that you don’t have to worry about me acting on it because I will never again let lust control me. I now have power over it.”
She didn’t say anything, and Redford hoped he’d reassured her. He wouldn’t seduce her no matter how hot things got between them. What she might not realize was that even while she was under the weather, she was still sexy as hell and beautiful as sin. Lust was a powerful thing, but he intended to prove that his control was even more so.
“Okay.”
He lifted a brow and stared at her. “Okay?”
“Yes, okay. Because when it comes to you, you don’t have to worry about me acting on anything either. I’ve regained control of all my senses since that night, and I didn’t have to research anything to come to a certain conclusion.”
“What?” he asked.
“I was wrong. We were never soulmates and it was never meant for us to be together. I accept that.” She was quiet and then when she spoke again, she said, “I understand you wanting our child to know you were a part of its life in the early stages, Redford, and I appreciate you for wanting that. Some men wouldn’t. As long as you believe you’ll be able to control your lust, like I know I will control mine, then I have no problem letting you stay. However, I don’t think we should think about anything long term. I suggest we take it a week at a time to see how things work out.”
He intended to be around long term, but he’d go along with her suggestion. “I’ll agree to that,” he said, pulling his hands from his pockets. “Now, I’ll get your dinner.”
“Alright, and please let Leslie know I’d like to see her. I need to tell her of my decision.”
He headed for the door. Before reaching it, he turned around and said, “Thanks, Carmen. You won’t regret it.”
When the door closed behind Redford, Carmen stared at it for a long moment. Although she might not have any regrets, there was a chance he might. For her, this connection between them had never been about lust but love. She shook her head at his assumption that he could research almost every single thing. Did he not know there were some things that couldn’t be analyzed?
Then for him to admit that he hadn’t had the desire to sleep with another woman was hard to believe, but she had seen the look in his eyes and knew he had been telling the truth. He hadn’t seemed happy about it either.
And he was right that the sexual attraction between them was still hot, even in her less than attractive condition. That was proven wrong when he’d been holding her hand. And when their gazes had met, she had seen it. Intense desire. She had felt it. A longing she shouldn’t be feeling.
A longing like the one they’d shared that night at the cottage in Westmoreland Country. The night that had produced the baby she was carrying.
Knowing Redford would be returning soon with dinner, she moved to sit on the love seat where the mobile table was still in place. She couldn’t help but be amazed at all the stuff Redford had said, and couldn’t wait to see if all his research would pay off.
She had accepted that she was not his soulmate. Yet, frustration was building inside of her because there was a part of her that refused to move on. Namely, her heart. As much as she wished otherwise, she was still very much in love with Redford St. James. However, he would be the last person to know that.
Maybe it was time she did her own research. Specifically, on how to stop loving a man who would never love her back.