Chapter 23 – Andie
ANDIE
“Fuck me, well that went well.”
My hands shook as the door slammed behind him.
I had hoped that he would have left before I got home, but I was quite pleased to see him.
It wasn’t lost on me how good he looked in his light grey joggers and navy hoodie.
I knew that I shouldn’t have mentioned Ben, but I also didn’t want to lie to him.
Ben was just a work supplier who had taken me out for a meal and to a rugby match. We’d had lots of fun and way too much alcohol—him, not me. I’d been off alcohol since that night I had hit Cindy, even the smell of it now made me feel sick.
We had both decided it was too far to travel home, and that we should just treat ourselves to a nice hotel in the city.
I hadn’t had sex with him, though he had offered it.
Not that he wasn’t a good-looking man, he was, but I felt guilty about Morgan.
I couldn’t explain it, but the thought of sleeping with someone else had me wracked with guilt.
I had missed Morgan a lot since we broke up. I didn’t realise how much I’d come to rely on his ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts and had found myself checking my phone to see if he had messaged, but of course he hadn’t.
I thought he’d moved on, but the way he said my name the previous day, and how angry he got when I mentioned Ben showed me that he still cared about me.
Part of me wanted to text him, to get him back here and fuck all the sadness, hurt, and anger out of both of us.
But that would have been counterproductive.
I still didn’t want a relationship… did I?
I wasn’t so sure anymore. A relationship was sounding better and better, someone to come home to, and ask how my days had been.
Someone to love me as I loved them—no, not someone, Morgan, but I had already ruined my chance with him.
I had hurt him, and I didn’t deserve someone like him.
I didn’t bother with dinner that night. I text the girls I was home, showered, and went to bed.
Morgan was at my house earlier than usual the following morning. He looked good in tight black jeans and a grey jumper.
“About yesterday-” I started, and he cut me off.
“Don’t worry about it. You’ve moved on. That’s good.” His voice caught and he tried to move past me.
“Morgan, I haven’t moved on. Ben is just a supplier, nothing more.” I stepped in his way so he couldn’t get by me.
“Nothing to do with me, anyway, right?” He picked me up gently.
My arms moved involuntarily around his neck. He turned around, put me down, and stalked off to the library room. My hips burned where his hands had touched me.
“I haven’t been with anyone since you,” I called out to his back.
I wanted to run after him and beg him to forgive me, but for what? I hadn’t done anything wrong. I took a cold shower and tried to get more work done before my shift at the club that night.
I looked up at my laptop and saw that it was after six. I got up and stretched out my stiff limbs before walking out and down the hallway to the library room.
“Morgan, it’s gone six,” I said to an empty room. He had done his work and left without saying goodbye.
I guessed we couldn’t even be friends, then. I walked around the room and admired his handywork. The shelving that he had started adding to the supports were beautifully done.
I texted him.
A: Hey, I didn’t hear you leave.
M: I didn’t want to bother you.
I picked up the phone and tried to call him, but he didn’t answer.
M: Sorry, I’m busy.
A: I don’t want to lose you, Morgan. Can we at least be friends?
M: I don’t think so, it’s too hard. Sorry.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked away the tears. “No one to blame but yourself,” I muttered to myself as I stormed into my bedroom and started getting ready for work.
“I think I’m going to go to the villa in Spain for a week or so,” I told the girls over drinks at the club that night.
I needed to get away from Morgan. Each time I saw him or something that reminded me of him, needles stabbed at my heart. My legs would feel weak and dizziness would engulf me.
“Sounds like fun. Some time in the sun with no worries or stresses will do you the world of good.” Lauren smiled, her eyes twinkling.
“Yeah, fun in the sun!” Betty agreed.
“Would you both come with me?” I asked, taking a sip of my coke and lemon.
“Yeah, as long as my boss gives me time off work.” Lauren grinned.
“I’m sure we can talk her into it.” I laughed holding out my glass.
“Well, I’m in,” Betty replied, holding up her glass for cheers.
“You should ask Kate to come, too. It must be hard for her what with you and Morgan…” Lauren trailed off.
“Yeah, I’ll call her tomorrow.” I nodded, but felt dread in my stomach like a rock, heavy and unmoving. I’d not spoken to her much since Morgan and I had called off our arrangement.
“The boys are in.” Laura pointed down onto the dancefloor to where Baz and his fiancée were dancing.
I jumped up and moved to the edge of the upper walkway that overlooked the dancefloor and scoured for any sign of Morgan, but I couldn’t see him. Baz saw me and waved, pointed to his phone, then to me.
B: He’s not here, said he couldn’t face it.
A: Ah, okay, thanks for letting me know. You and the Mrs are welcome up here. I’ll add your name to the list.
B: Thanks, and I’m sorry. I tried to talk to him but it’s not working.
A: That’s okay, thanks. My own fault.
Baz looked up to me and pulled a sad face, then spoke to his fiancée and pointed up the stairs. I went to meet them and asked Heidi to put his name on the VIP list for later.
As we got to the top of the stairs, he pulled me to the side and told his fiancée to go and sit with my girls. “Hey, you should tell him how you really feel about him.”
“At this point, I don’t think it would make a difference.”
“Trust me,” said Baz, looking into my eyes, “it would. He loves you and he’s hurt.”
“I love him, too. I just… no. I won’t hurt him again. We just need time that’s all.” It felt good to admit my feelings for him to someone.
Baz shook his head. “You two are as bad as the other.” He walked over to join the girls at the booth.
Not feeling like I wanted to join in the merriment, I rested my arms on the safety rails and looked out over the club.
I had worked hard for what I had, this club and the several other we had in the UK and the US.
But was it all worth it? I let out a sigh, shaking my head.
I suddenly felt a little nauseous and made my way quickly to my office.
“Hey, you okay?” Lauren asked poking her head around my office door.
I was laid across my sofa feeling rough. “Yeah, just lack of sleep I think.” My head felt fuzzy, and my stomach rolled.
“Uh huh,” she replied and picked up her phone.
“What?” I asked sitting up.
“Oh, nothing. I’ve called the car for you. Go home, rest, then call Morgan.”
“We’re done, Laur.” I shook my head, got up and picked up my coat, bag, and shoes that I’d kicked off before lying on the sofa.
“No, you’re not. You’re in love with him. Everyone else can see it but you. Stop being so fucking stubborn and call him.” She used her best mom voice on me.
“Nope, but I will go home and rest. Then I will book us the first flights out of here.”
“Okay. Don’t say I didn’t talk to you.”
“I won’t. Love you.” I kissed her on the cheek and went out the back to my waiting car.