Chapter 33
Darlia
I don’t leave the bed for two weeks, only being fed by Bella or Cayden as they force me to sit up and digest something I have no interest in eating.
I killed Lauren. Me. The person who swore to protect her from all evil, The Academy.
The person who fixed her every wound, who taught her how to fight.
Me.
I killed my friend, my sister.
“Are we getting out of bed today?” Bella asks, walking into the room with a fresh tray of food I’ll no doubt be forced to eat, as well.
Managing to shake my head, she sighs and sits at the edge of the bed.
Taking two seconds to debate whether it’s worth fighting me, she obviously decides against it and lays down next to me again.
“Cayden is literally miserable. All the other boys are cool, but I miss you.”
The words are stuck in my throat. I want to respond, but I can’t.
“By the way, I got the downlow for you since you have absolutely sucked at getting information this week. All the boys: Weston, Caleb, and Luke were a part of the first Academy trial run. They have this weird brother bond, but honestly they’re all a bit crazy.
Caleb is the jokester, Weston is the baby of the group, and then Luke is the blond one and like the boss of them, in a weird way.
I need Darlia back. Darlia would love them. ”
“I killed Lauren.” My voice breaks on the words as I turn to Bella.
“And? Darlia, I love you but being depressed isn’t going to bring her back.
And despite my attempt at letting you grieve, at some point I have to draw a line.
You stink, you need to change, god only knows what’s going on with your hair, and I miss my badass best friend who would shoot shit with me, not this… mope.”
Something stirs within me, probably because Bella’s right, not that I would ever admit it. I know Lauren isn’t coming back, very well aware of that fact. It’s not the fact that Lauren is dead that upsets me, I had already assumed she was.
It’s the fact I was the one to kill her.
And they said it was all a part of my ‘re-education’ like it wasn’t psychological warfare.
“Read me another entry, something recent,” I plead. Bella takes the journal from the bedside table before beginning to read.
Darlia saved my life again today.
She has a habit of saving me, I’m sure to her I’m just a burden, some fragile thing that needs to break and bend to The Academy. But I just can’t.
Not when I don’t agree with it.
Something has never felt right about The Academy. If we were truly helping the citizens and truly protecting the Zones, why are we locked away and hidden? Why don’t we patrol the Zones, stopping real crime instead of only killing select people?
Our new target, 106, is different. I almost find myself liking him. He’s challenging Darlia in ways she never has before, and part of me hopes she’ll see The Academy as I do, before I run out of time here. Cayden, I think she said his name was.
He caused her to have a panic attack, which is more emotion than I have ever seen from Darlia. In the twelve years I have known her, I’ve barely seen her shed more than a single tear, and this man made her have an entire panic attack.
Honestly, it’s quite funny. I do hope she doesn’t realise I found humour in the moment. I’m not sure Darlia would be too happy with me. And as much as she tries to delay my death, it is inevitable. I’m a weak link and The Academy doesn’t do weak. I don’t know how much time I have left here.
I just hope when I do die, Darlia doesn’t blame herself. I hope she knows she is the sole reason I survived as long as I did. And if by some miracle Darlia, you find this journal. Just know I love you like the sister I never got to have.
Tears are freely falling down my face as I read the words.
Lauren, you sweet soul. I wish you could see how right you were; how Cayden changed everything, how you changed everything.
If I had known that day before I was assigned with Bella, I would’ve hugged her, consequences be damned.
I would’ve told her I love her. I would’ve done so many things differently.
I would’ve treated her differently.
“Well, the words are there in black and white. Lauren doesn’t want you to mope.”
“She wrote that before I killed her,” I argue, knowing there’s no point. Lauren would’ve known they would do something that brutal, which is exactly why she would have written that final note to me in her journal. So I decide to write one back to her.
“Bella, can you find me a pen?”
She doesn’t hesitate to leave the room, returning just as quickly with a pen before walking out again, knowing I need this moment for just me. I open Lauren’s journal to the next blank page and start writing immediately.
Lauren,
If by some miracle you can see this, there are so many things I want you to know. One, I could say this a million times, even hearing your voice nagging me saying ‘it’s fine’, but I am so sorry for what I did to you.
But if I loved anyone, it was you and Bella.
I have never had a sister, but you were the closest thing I’ll ever get to one, and for that, I will forever miss you and our stupid arguments that now seem so small.
I still remember the times we would braid each other’s hair in the beginning because neither of us could get the top part perfect.
I remember your laugh, the sound that would make everyone smile despite themselves. Before feeling anything was banned, back before things got messy, complicated and I changed. I wish I never did. I wish I was still the girl that braided your hair and whispered secrets past curfew.
But I’ll get them out. I’m not sure how yet, but I promise I’ll get everyone else out of The Academy. I will make sure no one else ever has to lose the spark you had before it all.
I love you, even if I don’t know what the words mean. If I love anyone, it’s you.
Please forgive me,
D xx
Closing the journal, I let the tears fall down my face as I place it on the bedside table. Part of me still wants to sit in this bed and lay around, but I know Lauren wouldn’t want that. So one foot after the other, I force myself to the bathroom and turn on the shower.
As the warm water hits my skin, it almost burns at first. I let myself stop caring for a few days and have the oil build up on my skin to prove it. But I grab the bar of soap, lather it in my hands, and scrub my body clean.
It’s what Lauren would want. So from now on I’ll live by that motto instead of ‘moping’ as Bella called it.
There isn’t a lot to wash myself with other than the soap and an odd-looking bottle I assume is shampoo, so I squirt the muddy-looking texture into my hand and lather it before working it through my hair.
By the time I’m finished and step out of the shower to change, Bella is sitting on the foot of the bed, hairbrush and hair ties in hand. “Now let’s fix the mop.”
I roll my eyes and smile, but sit down in front of her nonetheless. If there’s anyone I trust in this moment, it’s Bella.
Working the brush through my hair, Bella pulls hard on the knots without warning, making me yelp in surprise, to which the bitch laughs at me.
“Stop being a baby, I’m just brushing your hair.” Although she does start brushing gentler.
Once we finish with my hair and Bella has done some fancy braid ‘half up half down’ style, as she called it, we walk out of the bedroom and out to the boys who all stare at me, shocked.
Cayden doesn’t move, his eyes on me like he’s trying to read me, and I wonder what he’s seeing when I’m not even sure myself.
“Well if it isn’t the belle of the ball.” Caleb laughs at another joke I don’t understand, but Cayden smirks before elbowing him in the ribs.
“Shut it, asshole,” he mumbles the words, but he’s smiling, and that alone makes me smile.
“Can you show me how to make those ration packs? I’m kinda hungry.”
Cayden’s smile widens as he stands and walks over to me. “Sure thing, darling. What are you in the mood for? We have shit, shit, even worse, and decent.”
I can’t help the giggle that escapes and I go with the best sounding option. “Decent will be fine, thank you.”
Moving through the cupboards, Cayden pulls out a standard ration pack and hands it to me. “Alright, darling, open it up.”
I look down at the packet and see Mac and Cheese written on the dark green packaging, beneath the Zone Two Standard Ration Pack—Single Person which is written on every pack.
We did cover the basics on ration packs in The Academy, mostly for overnight trips if we were stranded somewhere and needed to eat.
Though most of them need a kitchen to make them.
It was intentionally designed that way, so that the citizens still felt in control of what they were making. Like if they completed the meal themselves it would somehow make it taste different than if it were ready-to-eat. Or at least that’s what The Academy said.
I open the green packaging only to find several more bags inside, this time most of them clear. My brows knit in confusion as I look up to Cayden, who is holding back a laugh.
“Bet you miss my money now, don’t you, darling?”
There’s a brief moment our hands touch as he takes the packaging from my hands and it makes me feel instantly safer, more relaxed. It doesn’t seem to get lost on him as Cayden holds his hands up in surrender stepping closer.
“I’m going to hug you now, and you’re not going to grab a kitchen knife and kill me. Okay?”
I nod. “Okay.”
Instantly his arms are around me, his comforting scent invading my senses, and everything just feels okay again.
It’s a superpower Cayden has; that when he’s close, everything just feels okay.
It stops my heart when it’s racing, it calms my breath when I can’t, and it makes my mind go quiet in ways no one else can manage.
“There you are, my Darlia. I’ve missed you.”
“Thank you…for not trying to fix me, these last few days.” I needed it, to process what happened to Lauren, what I did. But more than that I needed to not be pressured into feeling something I just wasn’t, and somehow Cayden knew that.
“You’re welcome, love. Now, time for you to learn how to cook.” There’s a slight chuckle to his voice as he pulls out some sort of metal object; no stone, no steel. I’m not entirely sure what it is, but I’ve never seen anything like it before.
“This, my beautiful girl, is a pan.”
Marcus, Weston, and Caleb snort from behind us as if needing to be explained what a pan is, is hilarious. “Shut it. You know damn well they didn’t teach her this shit.”
This time Bella laughs. “Yeah, but it’s still funny.”
I don’t miss the way Cayden bites back a smile before giving them all a glare.