Chapter 52
Fiery confessions
The fire sends sparks up into the night, tiny little flames that die before they get more than a few feet. I can’t stop looking at them and wondering what it’d be like to float away.
“I’m so glad you survived,” Mia says. “When they told me you had stayed behind, I was so mad that I didn’t talk to Legion for three days.”
Legion looks up at his name. He’s sitting beside Mordecai, who is sitting with Jarek and Cadel beside me. On the other side of Mia is Sophie, Theo, and Bear.
I like Theo; he’s got a good sense of humour and is quiet and level-headed. His sandy blond hair and boy-next-door grin just make you feel like you could trust him with anything.
“So in the story, you said you met the Warden?” Bear asks.
Mia pulls a face but sits back, happy to wait until he’s done.
I shrug. “Yeah, we had a few close calls with him.”
“The Warden is the most evil of evil,” Bear says with absolute confidence that I don’t share.
“I’m not so sure,” Mia mutters.
“Don’t be ridiculous. You always romanticize things, Mia,” Bear says with a mocking laugh.
Mia flushes, even in the fire’s light I can see the humiliating red burn on her cheeks. “It’s not like that, I just—”
“Enough, let’s talk of the future, not the past,” Bear says.
He’s had a few cups of their home-brewed alcohol, and he’s jolly, almost happy. I can see how close he is to Mordecai.
I almost feel sorry that I’m going to be taking him away.
I let everyone else talk of other things, content to sit back and listen. Mia murmurs to me every now and then, but it’s just nice to be with her again.
“How did they find this place?” Jarek asks.
“This place has always belonged to the Resistance. They found it years and years ago. It’s our utopia. Bear’s parents were part of the Resistance and told him how to find it. He ended up here and fought his way up to the top and has been leading us for the last ten years,” Mia whispers.
“How old is he?” I ask because, looking at him, he could be twenty-one or forty.
“He’s twenty-eight.”
So, he’s been in charge of the Resistance since he was eighteen. He must have done a lot to earn their trust. They would be like family to him. No wonder he wants to save them.
“How did you all get caught?” I ask and take another sip of my drink. I’ve still got an almost full glass. But drinking reminds me of Taryn and the promise that we would be friends.
Her death in Foreen feels so long ago.
“We didn’t all get caught, just most of us.
Some of us went down to rescue some people who were caught, then we got caught.
The people who went to rescue us got caught.
It was a disaster. We don’t all live here.
A lot of us lived in the cities and were rounded up.
But we’d heard rumours, and Bear decided he was going to enact his plan this year, so those that could went in and started preparing. ”
Bear waves his arms and he, Theo, Mordecai, Cadel, and Jarek laugh like it’s the funniest thing in the world. Legion drains his cup and pours another one.
Mia leans in to me. “The Warden is the one who came for me. He caught us on the road and brought us straight to Foreen.” She pauses, licking her lips and glancing at Bear. “He didn’t seem evil.”
That catches my attention. “What do you mean? You were caught?”
“Yes, while I was doing a run into the city.”
“No, I mean what do you mean about the Warden?” I say, trying to puzzle through her intoxicated murmurs.
“I don’t know; he just doesn’t seem like an evil person. He seemed like he was just doing what he had to do. He kept his hands to himself; he was gentle; he spoke politely.”
“He doesn’t have to do it, though. He’s got no reason to. That’s the point, he chooses to,” I say, not liking the fact that she’s defending him.
“He saw me and let me go,” Sophie says. “When I was on the streets in Foreen, he had an easy shot, but he just turned and rode away. I’m telling you, he’s not that bad. It’s bizarre. I’m not saying he’s innocent, just not the worst.”
“One good deed doesn’t negate a lifetime of bad ones,” I say through my teeth.
“I’m not saying he’s a good person, Kaida, but he doesn’t take pleasure in it like the Beta’s Fang does, and he’s not fanatical like the Beta’s Claw. He just seems to be doing it. It’s strange.”
“Please do not try to approach him and try to convert him, he won’t,” I say in alarm.
Sophie and Mia exchange looks and laugh, but I get a cold chill because I think they were thinking about doing exactly that.
“He’s just interesting,” Sophie murmurs.
“He’s deadly and without remorse. Stay away from him,” I say again through my teeth.
Jarek runs a hand down my back, sensing my unease no doubt through the bonds I’m still getting used to.
I hate that we’re all wearing scent-suppressing patches, and our scents are almost nonexistent, but I can understand why it would be important for the camp.
There are too many people here; it would be an uncomfortable soup of different smells.
I sit back and go return to staring at the fire.
“He looks happier to have you back here,” Mia says, jerking her head in Legion’s direction.
I glance at him staring morosely into the fire. “Was he more upset than he is now?” The bite of sarcasm isn’t entirely without worry.
Mia chuckles and grabs the end of her blond hair, twirling it around her finger. “Legion is deep and full of secrets. I think he probably feels things more deeply than all of us.”
“You love him.” It’s not a question.
She glances sideways at me, but when she looks back at him, her expression softens.
“I do. He’s kind and smart, compassionate, and with this deep side that just blows my mind.
When I look at him, I see the kind of world I want for my future.
One day, I hope he can look at me and see me and perhaps return my feelings, but until then, I’m just content to watch him and wish him well.
At least that way, if there are gods still around, he will have one person praying for him. ”
I reach out and take her hand, squeezing her fingers in mine. “I hope you find someone worthy of you one day, Mia.”
She smiles, but her eyes fill with tears. She swipes them away and pulls her hand free. “On that note, I might bid you a fond goodnight. Thank you for coming back. I don’t have many friends.”
“You have one more in me forever,” I say.
She smiles widely, and with one last glance at Legion, turns and disappears into the dark. Sophie and Bear stand up.
“We’re heading off, too,” Bear says and holds out his hand. She takes his hand, and the two walk away.
I stare at the spot where they were, contemplating the smile on Sophie’s face. When I look up, I find Theo looking at me with a knowing grin.
“They make a strange couple, but it works.” He drains his cup. “Sophie’s pregnant.”
I wince.
“He’s been overprotective with the group and will probably continue to be so now. An alpha with a pregnant omega is a very dangerous situation.”
“When we’re gone, pass my congratulations to them,” I say stiffly.
Theo abruptly smiles. “Tomorrow I’ll be leaving, with any luck.”
“You are?”
He nods. “So, tell them when you have a chance; who knows when we will all be together again. Good night, Keres. It was wonderful to meet you officially. I can see why they chose you.”
What?
Before I can ask, he stands up and disappears into the darkness.
That leaves us and Legion.
He doesn’t look like he’s getting ready to move anytime soon, but I can sense a heaviness in the air, like we’re waiting for something. Jarek leans against my arm and plays with my fingers while the camp gets quiet.
The wind howls over the cliffs, and the smell of smoke is all around us, but this one smells like fire, and it’s pleasant compared to the burning smoke that haunts my nightmares.
“I remember sitting on the roof of a building with a fire like this, watching the sparks swirl in the wind. I thought I might catch the entire city on fire and panicked, but I couldn’t get it to go out.”
Legion is watching me with eyes that reflect the flames. His mouth is downturned, and his hands are loose between his knees.
He looks so sad, like someone has broken him, and he can’t help but allow us to see what’s beneath the cracks.
“I…” he stops and swallows hard. He slams a hand to his face, and then again.
“Hey!” I protest, but he abruptly sits forward, letting out a deep, frustrated snarl. He’s weaving where he’s sitting and muttering under his breath.
He’s drunk, I realise. Very drunk.
“I met my alpha, the one I’m supposed to be with, on a night like this. He was leaning on a wall, staring into a barrel of fire. I almost burnt the building, but he saved me.”
Legion closes his eyes, rocking.
“You did? Congratulations, Brother,” Mordecai says, but his smile fades.
“I was eighteen,” Legion slurs. “He was nineteen.” Legion collapses down, his head almost on his knees, and sobs.
I sit up; my body breaks out in goosebumps. Whatever Legion is about to tell us, this story isn’t going to end happily.
“I was so young,” he whispers and thumps his hand on his chest, “and so stupid. I wanted to impress him, so I followed him home. There was this path between buildings. Why did I follow him? I wish I’d never seen it.
I was a stalker, a freaky stalker. There I was, skipping along like some loser.
I thought he’d be so happy to see me. I should have known better,” he mutters wrathfully.
“Legion,” Mordecai murmurs. “You don’t have to tell us. You’re drunk; you need to sleep.”
“Isn’t that what the night and alcohol are for?
Telling secrets you’d never tell a soul.
Things the world should never hear? We whisper them in the dark to people we trust won’t say them back in the light of day.
Our friendship seals our lips, and we share the weight of the things that are,” he looks around helplessly, “killing us.”
“What happened when you followed him home, Legion?” Cadel asks.
“Lucian,” he murmurs. “My name is Lucian. And I ruined everything.”
A single tear tracks down his cheek, glowing in the firelight.
“They followed me; I was so arrogant, so confident. I didn’t know!” Legion waves his arm in front of him towards the fire. “How was I supposed to know? It’s not my fault. Please, oh, omega goddess, please, it’s not my fault. Tell me I dreamed it; tell me it was a nightmare.”
“Legion, what happened?” I ask gently, but my mind is reeling.
“My alpha will never love me because I got his whole family killed.” His hissing whisper is so full of self-hate that I have no words. I can’t even imagine how he feels.
“Legion,” Mordecai reaches out, but Legion pulls away.
“Lucian! I’m raw, and I’m real. No matter how I try to erase that other part of me. No matter how many good deeds I do, I can’t undo the crimes I’ve committed. I will never feel his touch, I will never hear his voice whisper my name, I will never…” he stops, his chest heaving.
“Lucian, there is always hope while you are both alive. There is hope.”
He laughs. “We are star-crossed lovers, destined to ruin each other in every life we meet in. I have loved him in so many ways, but my love destroys him. My love destroys everyone. I am toxic.”
Legion stands up, swinging his long black hair behind him, and then drops to his knees in front of the fire.
“If I can’t wish upon a star, can I wish on fire? Can there be any way that the gods hear me and have mercy?”
I stand up, ignoring Jarek and Cadel, and kneel beside Legion, wrapping my arms around him.
“It hurts,” he says hoarsely. “Why does it never stop hurting? I’m forever wearing this facade, covering myself up, trying to hold it in, but I’m breaking.
Living without him is torture. Existing knowing how badly I hurt him makes me want to die.
But who do I think I am to die before he does? I have not earned his mercy yet.”
“You don’t need mercy; you need forgiveness, not his but your own,” I say fiercely.
“I knew him for days, and he remade me. And then I ruined him. Minutes. Just a handful of minutes. He was everything, and he was mine.”
“Lucian, Lucian,” I whisper, stroking his back. “You need to sleep. You’re drunk, and no good will come from opening these wounds. They will just hurt you more tomorrow.”
“They hurt me every day. I don’t deserve to have her look at me like that.
She thinks I am something special, but I am the worst kind of coward.
I hid and watched them, and I ran while he tried to fix what I broke.
They came back for his family, but there was nothing I could do.
There were so many. I tried. I tried to save them. But they were so heavy.”
Legion collapses in a ball, sobbing.
I turn to Mordecai. He slips around the other side and lifts Legion up. The omega leans into the alpha’s strength and whimpers.
“He should have been mine. We could have been happy.”
In the shadows, Mia lifts a hand to her face and wipes away her tears. Before I can say anything, she backs away, disappearing into the dark.
I stand there staring after them long after they are gone. It occurs to me how lucky I am. To have found not one but three scent matches, three of my alphas, and I have them with me. Does our happiness feel like salt in Legion’s wound?
I never would have guessed that all that emotion, that trauma and heartache, was hiding buried beneath the mask he wears.
Cadel takes my hand and leads me the short distance to the tent that has been made available for us. When we get in, he strips my clothes off me piece by piece. He grabs a cloth and wets it and drags it over my body, slowly and meticulously.
It’s not to arouse, though it does. But it’s a comfort, leaving me feeling like he’s stroked the stress out of my skin. When he’s finished, he tucks me into bed and repeats the process with a startled Jarek.
With Jarek warm beside me and staring intently at Cadel as he bathes himself, I start to nod off, falling into the deep dark where I dream of people screaming as evil drags them away.
And then the dream changes, and I’m staring at a locked door. There’s a snick, and when I creep forward and turn the knob, the door to my cell in the citadel opens. I peer out and look into a pair of familiar dark grey eyes.
I wake up panting and covered in sweat with just one question repeating through my mind.
Did Walker get me out of the citadel?