52. Two Can Play At Being Aloof
Chapter fifty-two
Two Can Play At Being Aloof
Maggie
My heart pounded so hard that I knew I needed a break from whatever was happening with Paul.
He was breaking down the wall I’d put there to protect myself, saying the things I’d always wanted to hear but still holding back.
I couldn’t let him hurt me against, so, knowing that Rusty was in the cat tree, I decided to throw him into the conversation to stop myself from falling back into old habits.
Paul’s expression was stoic, but his eyes shone with pain.
“Another man?” he croaked. “Who?”
I swallowed hard, wondering how far to take this. “His eyes are golden, and his hair so soft.”
“Who is he?” he demanded.
Defiantly, I lifted my chin a little higher. “He loves to cuddle, too.”
Lowering his eyes, Paul shifted, jamming his hand in his back pocket. His breathing was labored as he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.
My heart seized, seeing how much I’d hurt him.
Rusty stood abruptly, yawning loudly and stretching languidly up the post that held a higher bed for him. He seemed to be trying to get Paul’s attention.
With Paul’s eyes darting up to find Rusty staring at him, his nostrils flared. “A cat?” he asked, advancing on me. “You were talking about a male cat?”
I held my ground. “His name is Rusty, and he’s the most important man in my life.”
Paul lowered his gaze, taking a few deep breaths.
“I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I can’t undo the hurt I caused, but I can spend the rest of our lives making up for it if you let me.
” He took a step back, glancing at my disaster of a counter.
“There are things I can do to help, like picking up for you while you’re busy with your art. ”
At the island, he pulled all of the takeout containers into the trash and placed the cups in the sink. With a little dish soap on a sponge, he washed them efficiently.
“Don’t mind doing the dishes. Not much of a cook, but I can learn. I want to make a life with you, be your partner in life, and handle all the chores together.”
I was crumbling inside. Was he really ready for forever with me? Was I ready to give us a try? It was what I’d been wanting for so long, but would this really work? He was so sexy doing the dishes that I dug in my memory for why this was a bad idea.
“You were uncommunicative for years. You pushed me away every time I tried to get close to you. How do I know you won’t do that again?”
“I won’t,” he said, rinsing the last cup, wiping his hands on a towel, and approaching me with an intense expression.
“We’ve already forgiven each other for those seven years, and I’m learning how to say what I feel and be more open.
We can do this, Mags. You and I. I’m all yours, so will you be mine? ”
Blood roared in my ears. He was breaking through my walls by pursuing me, but how could I risk my heart again?
Sensing my hesitation, Paul advanced on me with a sparkle in his eye. “You know, there are other chores I can do around here, things Rusty can’t, like change a light bulb or fix a cabinet. And you know, I’ve found some incredible things I can do with my long fingers and opposable thumbs.”
“Don’t be cute,” I chided, grinning despite my comment. “After all those times you abandoned me, leaving my alone in my hotel room after we’d been intimate, you can’t just fix that with some pretty words and expect me to believe your heart is true. Am I supposed to swoon?”
Trying to step around him, my foot landed on a hard cat toy, making me trip and lose my balance.
Paul lunged forward, tackling me to the sofa for a softer landing, but in doing so, he pinned me.
Paul balanced to move his other hand to push hair from my face before cupping the back of my head.
“I know I held back from saying how I felt about you, and I’m sorry, Mags.
I did it for the right reasons, I swear I thought that, but it still hurt us both.
I’ll never stop being sorry for that. But you have to know I didn’t leave you willingly after we were together.
I left you to sleep peacefully so the town wouldn’t find me in your room in the morning.
I thought that’s what you’d want but never again.
I’ve missed you so damn much that you’ll have to push me out of your bed. ”
His sincerity shone in his eyes.
“I’m here now, Mags, and I’m not going anywhere. Dammit, I can finally say it after all these years of feeling it. I love you.”
My heart swelled, wanting to believe him so much that all rational thought flew from my mind. Meeting in the middle, our lips crashed together. Feverishly, we devoured each other as I rode the high of finally hearing the words I always wanted to hear.
Not giving a damn about where we were or who could see through the open curtains, I pulled his head down to my neck. He ripped my shirt open, making my new favorite sound of buttons plinking on the hardwood floor, and lowered his lips to my bare breast while rolling the other one.
Refusing to stop pleasuring me, Paul’s boots fell with a thwump as he toed them off, continuing to trail kisses down my belly. Then, he yanked off my panties, I opened my legs, and he dove down, spearing me with his tongue.
“Paul, oh, wow,” I moaned, gliding my fingernails across his scalp as I held him in place.
Magical things happened when he was there until I came so hard that I was desperate for him.
When he came up for air, I snatched his T-shirt off his back as he stood.
“You know, I said those three little words, but I still haven’t heard them from you,” he complained as he swiped at his chin. “Why is that?”
I stood to take off my shirt. “Is that really something we’re focusing on now?”
While he removed his pants and boxers with a sort of pout about my lack of a response, he thought about protesting but took off his socks instead. A determined look he wore told me he may not let this go.
Then, our eyes met.
“Well?” he demanded, standing there in front of me in all his naked glory.
Damn, he was sexy.
“Now that you’re not farming, you’ll have to find some way other than moving hay bales to keep chiseled,” I said, changing the subject.
Honestly, I didn’t care if he stayed muscular or not, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for this part of this conversation.
“Mags,” he warned. “I wasn’t the only one holding back this summer. Didn’t you have something to say to me, too?”
“No,” I said quickly, knowing it was a lie.
I hadn’t held back exactly. I’d told him I cared about him, trying to get closer to him or get him to reveal his true feelings for me. Since every time I tried, he wasn’t interested in being more than friends, I’d let it drop.
Taking a step toward me, Paul’s eyes darkened as he raked his gaze over my body. “What about now? Something you wanna tell me?”
I knew what he wanted, to make me admit my feelings to him, but stubborn determination held me back. Just because he demanded it didn’t mean I had to say those important words yet.
“Nothing comes to mind,” I said with a shrug.
“When I tell you how much I love you, you really ain’t got nothin’ to say?” he asked, approaching me slowly.
The time apart from Paul should have made me stronger against his rugged charm and that dimple on his chin, but I was weakening with every word he spoke.
Hadn’t I waited my whole life to hear him say that?
Part of me longed to tell him in return, but how could I know if it was safe to offer him my heart one more time?