Chapter 41 #2
“Hi, little man!” Jessica forced brightness into her tone, determined to be everything Sam needed in this moment.
Giving in to the overwhelm enveloping her right now wouldn’t be helpful.
Besides, it wasn’t like she hadn’t had practice at masking her emotions.
The last twenty-five years had been a masterclass in that.
She curled a hand around the raised side guards of the bed, using her other one to brush the hair off Sam’s forehead. His eyes were heavy and red, dried tear tracks painted onto his cheeks.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.”
“Folks, we’d better keep this moving,” the orderly at the base of the bed said.
“Let’s go,” Rob said in a detached voice that Jessica recognised immediately. It was the one he’d used all the time towards the end of their marriage, their life together. “We’re blocking the hallway.”
She twisted to look at Teddy.
“Do you want me to stay?” he asked.
Rob tutted loudly. This conversation wasn’t going to go well.
“Go.” She smiled. “I’ll call you in a bit, okay?”
And because she didn’t want to make things worse with Rob than they already were, she waited until he’d looked away to mouth love you to Teddy.
His smile was sad, but it was better than nothing.
Jessica had experienced plenty of bad days, but this was officially the worst one. Sam’s surgery had gone well, and now there wasn’t anything else they could do except rest. The cast went almost all the way to his shoulder, and a bend near his elbow held his arm at a right angle.
A loud sigh from the corner of the room drew her attention away from her sleeping son.
Rob shuffled to his feet. Conversation between the two of them so far had been … polite. Sure. She’d go with that. That was a nice way to describe it if she wanted to preserve the gains they’d made on their co-parenting journey.
“I’m guessing you want to stay overnight?” He gestured towards the chair that supposedly transformed into a bed. Jessica couldn’t fathom how it could possibly be comfortable. Not that it mattered. No way was she leaving Sam’s side.
She nodded, her throat dry and her head still a mess.
“Do you need anything?” he asked, moving until he was on the other side of Sam’s bed.
“No. Teddy’s bringing me stuff tomorrow morning. I can get by until then.”
Rob crossed and then uncrossed his arms. “Your husband, Teddy? I didn’t realise things had got so serious.”
She raised her eyebrows. “It was unexpected.”
“I see,” he said quietly.
But did he?
Rob’s grip on the bed rails tightened. “You should have told me.”
Pinching the bridge of her nose, Jessica counted to five. Once she was sure she could keep herself calm, she said, “Yes, I should have.”
Her ex’s lips pinched together.
“Sam loves him,” she said.
Rob scoffed and ooh, that was a bad move. “Sam’s four.”
Deep breathing wasn’t going to be enough to get through this conversation.
She shook her curls off her face, made sure they were eye to eye.
Just like her earlier conversation with her mother, it was time to be brutally honest, even though it was going to hurt Rob’s feelings.
“I didn’t mean to fall in love with Teddy, but I won’t apologise for it either. ”
“Great. That’s great. I thought …” He dragged a hand over his face, and Jessica froze. He was still wearing his wedding ring. Even after all this time.
“Rob.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Please, don’t.”
But it had to be said. “I know you wanted things to work out differently.”
His face pinched like he was in pain.
“But it was never going to.”
“We could’ve had everything, Jess.”
She shook her head. “No. We couldn’t.”
“But—”
“We were never right for each other.”
Rob fixed his gaze on the ceiling.
She softened her tone. “And we’re so lucky because we have Sam. He’s the best of both of us. But we’re not ever going to get back together. You need to accept that.”
“He told him that he loved him, you know.”
“Teddy said that to Sam?”
“No. I mean, yes, he did. But Sam said it first. And then he asked for him. Instead of me. I didn’t think it would hurt as much as it did.”
If the situation were reversed, Jessica didn’t know how she’d feel.
She hoped that she’d be grateful Sam was surrounded by even more love and support.
Hoped she’d be proud of her part in helping raise a boy who was in touch with his feelings and able to articulate his emotions.
A boy who was so open to receiving love.
But—she paused—because, honestly, it would hurt as well. She was only human. So was Rob. Families were complicated.
“It doesn’t mean that he loves you less, Rob. You’re his dad. You’ll always be his dad. And I’m really sorry for not telling you about Teddy. That wasn’t fair. I want us to find a way to put Sam first and communicate effectively. It’s the only way this can work.”
Rob rubbed his face. “I just wasn’t expecting it. I knew you were dating, but …”
Jessica relaxed her grip on the bedrails. “I should’ve been up-front about it.”
“Is he going to live with you both? I mean, I’m guessing he is. Or already does?”
Jessica nodded. Now that she’d had a chance to catch her breath, she could see how badly she’d handled this whole situation. As someone who usually planned everything and avoided anything risky, lately she’d done nothing but cross her fingers and hope for the best.
Wrong.
She’d followed her heart, too. And her bravery there had rewarded her in ways she’d never dared imagine could come true.
“In the house that you’re buying. In Wattle Junction.”
“Yes.”
“My lawyer says it will be hard to fight against that.”
“I don’t want us to fight, Rob. I really don’t. We might not be able to give Sam the idealistic perfect family, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still give him everything we’ve both got.”
“I think I was trying to show you how capable I could be. That maybe that would be enough for you to want me again.” Rob teared up.
His logic was flawed, but Jessica didn’t need to point that out. It was written across his face. “Rob.”
“I know, I know. You’ve been clear from the start. I think I just thought if I could get you to forgive me, then I could forgive myself. For everything I did.”
“Rob—”
“I said some unkind things to Teddy earlier. It just hit me that you’ve really moved on and I wasn’t expecting it. I’ll apologise.”
“I’m sure he’d appreciate that. And I’m sorry too.
I should’ve told you how serious things were but I swear wanting to stay in Wattle Junction isn’t just about about Teddy.
I’ve worked so hard to build a strong foundation there for Sam and me.
Teddy is part of that now, but I still believe it’s the best place for Sam. ”
Rob smiled sadly. “I can commute to the city from Somers Gully. I would’ve had to travel in from Mornington anyway.”
Hope sparked in Jessica’s chest. “Really?”
Rob’s nod was swift but not in a curt way.
More resigned than anything else. Despite her relief that she and Rob finally, finally seemed to be on the same page, she could understand his grief over their lost future.
If he could accept that they were really over, Jessica could lead with kindness like she was always telling Sam to try to do.
Just like Teddy always did. “I know we can be friends, Rob. All of us, for Sam. And for ourselves.”
They’d be able to move forward as a team. With Sam at the heart of everything they did. It wouldn’t be perfect. It would be messy and uncomfortable for a while yet, but if they all promised to try, there was no reason it couldn’t work.
Rob ghosted his hand over Sam’s head and then fussed with his covers. He re-tucked the new teddy that was cradled under his uninjured arm.
“You don’t need anything before I go? You’re sure?”
She shook her head softly. “We’re going to be fine, Rob. I promise.”
Once Rob had left, Jessica tucked herself into the shadowy corner of the room, the lights from the city outside muted by the thick curtains over the window, and she allowed herself to draw a proper breath. One that went all the way down to her diaphragm and left her feeling lighter.
They were all going to be okay.