Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
LIVIANNA/LILY
Then
Borrowed Sweatshirts & Unsteady Pulses
His fingers pause at the edge of my skin and it doesn’t feel like kindness anymore.
“Jeez, Livianna.” Jax leans over, picks up the blanket from the floor, and brings it to his lap to cover his obvious erection.
Impressive, Mr. Crowne. Very impressive.
“Sorry, to…” I glance to the side, ignoring my slight hangover. “Oh, there’s my purse.”
“I apologize for snapping at you.” He adjusts himself. “Things happen to men’s bodies when they sleep. I wasn’t out here getting—”
“I know, Jax. It’s not like I’ve never woken up next to a man.” I venture out and sit in the chair next to the couch. “I’m surprised you’re tackling this subject upfront and as open as you are.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because you always seem to be in control.”
He squares himself and gives me his full attention. “I like keeping my emotions in check.”
“From what I gather, you’re also a private person.”
“How did you come up with that?”
My cheeks grow warm. “I will not confirm or deny that I looked you up on the internet.”
He bursts out laughing. “That’s one way of coming clean with your cyber stalking behaviors.”
“I guess.” I smile and shake my head. “Are you saying you’ve never tried to find out more about a person by searching for information about them online?”
“No, I’ve never done that. I have researchers and analysts who help me with any companies I’m thinking about investing in. As far as people I know, if I have a question about them, I’ll ask them myself.”
I relax a little. “That’s refreshing. Most people want the gossip.”
“I don’t rely on fake news.”
“Which is another reason I find you quite fascinating.”
“There’s not that much to know about me, Livianna. If you spent any time with me, you’d find that out real fast.” He reaches over to the coffee table and pulls a black leather folder off it. “Would you like to order some breakfast?”
Well, isn’t he being welcoming? I thought he’d be in a hurry to get me out of his suite.
“Thank you for the offer.” I pull my legs up and bring them beneath me. “Food and coffee sound perfect.”
“Here, you choose what you want and I’ll call room service when you’re ready.” He hands me the folder. “The menu is inside. While you do that, I’m going to go into the bedroom and get some clothes on.”
I take it from him and he leaves the room with the blanket wrapped around his waist. I stare at his muscular back and broad shoulders as he strides away, then disappears when he closes the door behind him.
He’s got to be one of the most in-shape men I’ve ever seen. He’s trim and chiseled like he was cut from stone.
I fan myself with the folder. “You are one attractive man, Jaxon Crowne. If only you would let your guard down with me so I could have a taste.”
The shower turns on. I realize I have a few minutes to find what I want to eat and grab a bottle of water.
Surprisingly, I don’t feel as bad as I should. Throwing up and getting rid of the alcohol in my stomach probably helped, but I am dehydrated.
Once I’ve done all that, I get my purse and check the messages on my phone. As soon as I power it on, text alerts start to ding.
I glance at the screen, bracing myself for the worst. One after another, Callum’s messages stack upon each other. The constant burn in my heart scorches me to the bone.
I hesitate to open them as I stare at his name listed as The Cheater and chew on my thumbnail. These texts are either him giving me hell or begging for forgiveness.
It doesn’t matter. He told me this is the year he’s moving on, so why read any of them?
I swipe across the pile and delete every one without reading them. I notice a text from Gia.
Gia: I know you’re with Jaxon, but I wanted to make sure you’re okay. Let me know when you get this.
Me: I’m doing better than I deserve. I just woke up and we’re getting some breakfast. Plan to see me in a couple of hours. Hopefully, you’re still sleeping since you worked all night. Oh, Happy New Year. Sorry I missed celebrating with you.
I plunge myself into the corner of the couch and consider what I want in this upcoming year. My business comes to mind first.
It’s doing well, but I’d love to take it to the next level. Maybe asking Jax for some guidance about how to do that would help.
My stomach growls. I get up and scour through his minibar. I need something to settle the little bubbles in my tummy.
Once I find a bag of chips and a soda to sip on, I go back to look over the menu. A few minutes later, Jax comes out of the bedroom.
“I thought you might want to change into something more comfortable. I know your dress is silk and…if you want to wear these, you can.” He holds out a sweatshirt and some shorts. “These have a tie so they won’t fall down.”
“Oh, that’s sweet of you.” I stand and show him my snack. “Sorry, I raided your minibar for food. I hope that’s okay.”
“That’s perfectly fine. Hunter comped the room, so don’t worry about it.”
I take the clothes and wander into the bedroom as I continue to speak to Jax. “How does he make any money if he’s giving suites away?”
“He owns casinos. This room means nothing to him other than a way to keep high rollers here longer,” Jax hollers back to me. “I’ve advised him on a couple of personal investments before. It’s his way of saying thanks.”
“That’s considerate on both your parts.” I place the stuff down that I have tucked under my arms and in my hands and proceed to change.
As I’m putting the sweatshirt on, his warm, smoky, and leathery cologne floats into my nose. Butterflies swirl around in me.
Jesus, that gets me every time. His scent causes my sexual desire to rise in an instant. I swear his pheromones short-circuit me.
I get into the clothes and tie the shorts securely. Even if they fall down, the sweatshirt covers all of me. I’m swimming in it.
“Thanks again for letting me borrow something to wear.” I pull my hair out from underneath the material as I meander into the living room area. “That was thoughtful of you to consider my comfort.”
“I always want that.” His heavy gaze trails over me.
Warmth covers my skin. “Want what?”
“Um…” He clears his throat. “For you to be comfortable around me.”
“I want that, too.”
“Did you decide what you want for breakfast?” He peruses the menu. “We could share a couple of items, or you can decide something for yourself.”
The thought of sharing food with him seems a little intimate and I like it. “Let’s pick out something we both like and split our meals.”
He nods and keeps his focus away from me. We chose a fruit plate, eggs Benedict, and some chocolate chip pancakes, which were his choice. He calls and orders for us and then we both settle in to wait for our breakfast.
I curl up in the corner of the couch. “It’s nice to see you’re human.”
“What does that mean?” His question comes out somewhat offended. He sits sideways next to me and faces me.
“You ordered pancakes with chocolate chips. With a body like yours, I was expecting a meat tray or a protein platter.”
His eyes light up, and I swear he stifles a smile. “A body like mine?”
“Yes.” I dip my chin and stare at his chest. “You don’t get that cut without being disciplined.”
“Yeah, well. I need something to do to release the stress I’m under.”
“Jaxon Crowne gets stressed?”
He connects with my gaze with a gentle sincerity. “Like you, Livianna, I used to suffer from panic attacks.”
“Oh…” My insides tighten and I shift. I glance at my wrist and tug the sleeves of the sweatshirt down. “I should’ve said this earlier, but thanks for taking care of me last night.”
“Of course.”
“I guess I drank too much.”
“I’m sure that was part of it.”
“Meaning?”
He scoots closer and pauses. “May I?”
When I nod, he pushes the sleeve up and flips my palm over. My heart races.
He gently traces the cuts and scars on the insides of my arm with his pointer finger. “I’d say these have a lot to do with why you got sick last night.”
My head grows light and I whip my arm away from him. “These are just… I get nervous and—”
“Livianna, it’s okay. You don’t need to explain. I was just making an observation. That said, if you ever want to talk about it with someone who understands, I’m here for you.”
I knit my brows and try to figure out if he is truly safe enough to discuss something so deeply personal and terrifying for me.
There’s nothing but a calm aura surrounding him. He has a quiet strength about him that puts me at ease.
I pull in a breath and relax. “Have you ever… You know…hurt yourself?”
“No, but I researched panic attacks when I was diagnosed with them. I found out that anxiety can present itself in various ways. And I discovered different ways people cope or use techniques to get through them.”
“I can see you doing that.” I try to make light of the subject and toss him a soft grin.
“Is that so?”
“Yes, but in all seriousness, you don’t come across as someone who has had to deal with issues like I have. I mean, you’re strong and successful. If you don’t mind, I’m interested in knowing more.”
I hadn’t noticed until just now, but he’s still making little circular trails over my wrists. It’s soothing and I sink into his touch a little more.
He tilts his head and follows my line of sight. He pulls away suddenly as if he didn’t realize he was caressing my skin.
“Sorry.” He shifts back and adjusts the sweatshirt he’s wearing. “What would you like to know?”
“Tell me how you figured out how to handle your anxiety. I’d love to learn the secret.”
“I was a bookish kid for years. You know the type.”
“No, not really. I’ve never seen anyone one way or another.”
His gaze flits around my face and his expression grows into confusion. “You must have judgments about people. Everyone does.”
I shrug and shake my head. “I’m sure I do, but I don’t like to put labels on people. It’s not fair without really sitting down and talking to them first.”