ANTONY
It feels like every day I’m having to explain to Aaron and Elizabeth that Erin isn’t coming back, and they have to accept the fact.
Auli'i is still working as my nanny, and despite everything, she’s doing a fantastic job. I appreciate the effort she’s making, and how difficult it must be for her to adjust to our situation, and deal with the twins missing Erin.
After a couple of weeks, I’m starting to think things might just work out, when I get a call from the school in the middle of the day.
I know it’s serious by the fact they’re calling while I’m at work, and not contacting Auli'i first.
“Mr. Braddock, I’m sorry to bother you at work, but I need you to come to the school straight away,” Mrs. O’Connor, the private school’s principal, says over the phone.
“I’ll be there straight away,” I say, then end the call and turn to Dale.
“Can you handle the lunch service alone? There’s some problem at the school with the twins.”
“Yes, go. I have everything under control,” Dale promises.
As I leave the restaurant, I call Auli'i and explain that the school called and that I’m collecting the twins. I ask that she come back to the house later, so that I can return to work for dinner service.
When I arrive at the school, Mrs. O’Connor has already informed the receptionist, Gail, to expect me and she lets me straight in.
“Aaron and Elizabeth are with Mrs. O’Connor in her office, it’s just down the corridor and then on the left.”
“Thank you,” I say, then head in that direction.
As I walk down the brightly decorated corridor, my heart pounds. What could have happened that’s so terrible that Mrs. O’Connor needed to call me while I was at work.
I knock on her office door, and a moment later, she calls, “Come in.”
As I open the door, the sight that greets me leaves me shocked.
Aaron is covered all over in black paint, and by the looks of things has tried hacking his hair off with scissors. Elizabeth’s hair is tangled, her clothes are torn, and she has a smudge of blood on her face.
“What happened?” I ask, unsure if I want to laugh, cry, or shout.
“Do you want to tell him, or should I?” Mrs. O’Connor asks calmly.
The twins sit in silence, neither of them looking at me, or the principal. Elizabeth is staring around the room looking at anything but me or Mrs. O’Connor, while Aaron has his eyes tightly shut.
I sit down in the chair between them, facing Mrs. O’Connor.
“It all started when another child made an offhand remark about the twins having a new nanny. It wasn’t anything nasty, just childish curiosity.
But Aaron completely broke down. He started crying, and then grabbed a pot of paint and poured it all over himself, screaming that everything was black and sad without Erin. ”
“The other children were shocked. Their class teacher tried to get things under control, but none of them have ever seen anything like this before. One boy started snickering, and said Aaron had gone crazy, and Elizabeth snapped. She started screaming and hitting the boy. Unfortunately, she even drew blood. The boy is with the school nurse, and there’s no permanent damage done, but Elizabeth will need to be suitably punished.
I also insist that the twins begin seeing a child therapist before I can allow them to return to school.
I can give you recommendations for some excellent therapists in the area. ”
For a moment, I sit in stunned silence. I can’t believe Aaron and Elizabeth are capable of the things Mrs. O'Connor just told me they did.
But the evidence is right there beside me.
Finally, I clear my throat and say, “Yes, of course. And please accept my sincerest apologies. I will get to the bottom of this and promise that when the children are deemed ready to return to school, they will apologize to their classmates and teacher.”
“Thank you, Mr. Braddock. I appreciate the difficult position you’re in.
It’s always hard when a caregiver leaves, but I imagine it’s especially difficult for Aaron and Elizabeth, considering all they’ve been through.
The school is willing to help as much as we can, but we must safeguard the other pupils too. ”
“I understand, and you have my word, Aaron and Elizabeth won’t return until a therapist says it’s okay for them to.”
My mind boggles that it’s come to this. I knew the children missed Erin, but I had no idea it was affecting them so badly.
Mrs. O’Connor gives me the details of some local therapists, and then we sign the paperwork for the twins to take a hiatus from school.
Finally, with everything finalized, Elizabeth, Aaron and I leave the principal’s office. They remain silent as we walk along the corridor, and don’t even say ‘bye’ or anything to Gail on reception. They still haven’t spoken a word when we get into the car, and I’m at a complete loss what to do.
The drive home is agonising, as my children sit there sullenly. I know they heard everything Mrs. O’Connor said, and I know they’re struggling, but they won’t open up to me.
When we enter the house, I calmly say, “I know you both need some time to process what happened, so I’m not going to force you to talk yet.
Let’s get you cleaned up and have some lunch first. But I need you to understand, we have to talk about what happened, and start the process of getting help for both of you. ”
To my relief, Elizabeth and Aaron nod.
“We’re sorry, Daddy,” Aaron says quietly.
I pull my children into an embrace. “I know you are, and I’m not angry. I just want to help you both feel better and make everything okay again.”
My words seem to break some sort of floodgate, as Aaron and Elizabeth start sobbing in my arms. My heart breaks knowing my children are in so much pain.
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I’ve just finished bathing the twins when Auli'i turns up. Not sure if I will be able to return to work for dinner service or not, I tell the nanny she can go home.
“No, let me stay. Let me help,” she offers, her voice soft and understanding. “Even if it’s just cooking dinner for you all and being here for moral support.”
“Thank you, Auli'i, I appreciate it.”
While Auli'i makes us all something to eat, Aaron, Elizabeth and I settle in the living room to talk about what happened at school.
“I’m sorry, Daddy,” Elizabeth says meekly. “I just felt so angry. Angry that Erin isn’t coming back. Angry that Grandma and Grandpa had to leave. Angry that we don’t have a mama. And then that boy laughed at Aaron, and I don’t know what happened. It’s like I turned into a wild beast.”
“I’m sorry baby, I underestimated how hard all this is for you. You have every right to be angry, some of the things that have happened to you would make anyone angry. I’m angry and sad, too. I miss Erin, and of God, I miss your Mama. I miss her so much.”
“What was she like?” Aaron asks.
“You and Elizabeth are the best parts of her. She was smart, brave, and creative. And so, so loving. She loved you both with her whole heart.”
“You hardly ever talk about her,” Elizabeth says sadly.
“I know, and I’m sorry for that. Losing her was the most difficult thing that’s happened to me, but it isn’t right that my grief is stopping you learning about your mom. I promise, I will be more open. But we all have to work to make things better, okay?”
“Like seeing a therapist, like Mrs. O’Connor said we have to.”
“Yeah, like seeing a therapist, but don’t worry, it’s a good thing. A therapist is like a teacher, only to help you understand your feelings. They can help you understand why you might feel angry, or sad, and what’s the best way to deal with it.”
“Will you come, too?” Aaron asks.
“Of course.” I pull the twins closer. “No matter what happens, I will always love you, and I’ll never leave you.”
“How can you say that? Mama left. Grandma and Grandpa left. Erin left,” Elizabeth says sadly.
“Grandma and Grandpa just went on vacation, they’ll be back in a few months, and when they are, you can see them again.”
“What if they don’t come back? What if they have an accident, like Mama did? Like our other Grandma and Grandpa did before we were born?” Aaron questions.
My heart aches. The twins aren’t even four yet, and they’ve suffered so much loss.
“I can’t promise that no one we care about will ever have an accident, and you know that death is a fact of life.
Everyone passes away eventually. But I can promise that everyone you love does all they can to stay safe and avoid accidents.
What happened to my parents, and then what happened to Mama were terrible tragedies, but those types of things are rare.
Talking to a therapist about this sort of thing will help you feel better and understand it more. ”
The twins fall silent as they process what I’ve said, and Auli'i quietly enters the room with bowls of tomato soup and plates of grilled cheese.
After we eat lunch, I decide it’s best if there’s no more heavy talk for the rest of the day. The twins have already been through so much, they need to just be kids and have fun.
“Will you be okay if I go back to the restaurant? Or do you want me to stay here?”
“Will you get in trouble for missing work?”
“Of course not. Until you’re both feeling better, Dale can handle things. We’ll hire more staff if we need to. What matters is you two being okay.”
“Then we want you to stay,” Elizabeth says.
“Then I’ll stay. And Auli'i is here too, if you need anything. I’m just going to make a few quick calls, and then we can all play together.”
I step out of the living room and ask Auli'i to keep an eye on the twins, while I call Dale and update him on what’s going on.
I then call Ryan and suggest we hire a temporary chef to help out while the twins adjust to everything.
Ryan agrees and says he and Alicia will search for and interview candidates.
Knowing Alicia will be helping puts my mind at ease.
She’s an excellent chef, and I know with her input everything will be okay.
After that, I call the various therapists Mrs. O’Connor gave me the contact details for and set up preliminary appointments with them all so that the twins and I can get a feel for each therapist and decide which one we’d like to continue seeing.
When I return to the living room, Auli'i is playing with the twins, as Elizabeth and Aaron stack bricks.
“We’re being Menehune,” Elizabeth says with a grin.
I raise a questioning eyebrow in Auli'i’s direction.
“An old Hawaiian folktale about tiny people who live in remote areas of the islands, spending their days building houses and other structures,” she says, and I smile.
One of the things I appreciate about Auli'i is her willingness to share her heritage and culture with the twins. Aaron and Elizabeth love learning about new places, and people and I think widening their worldview can only be a good thing.
The four of us spend the afternoon playing together, before I make us all a simple dinner of pasta and tuna. Then, Auli'i helps me with the twins’ bath and bedtime routine, before I read them to sleep.
Finally, Auli'i and I head downstairs.
As she starts loading pots and pans into the dishwasher, I say, “I can do that. You can go home if you want.”
“Are you sure? I’m happy to stick around in case the twins wake up.”
“Thank you, I appreciate it. But I think I’ve got it covered.”
“Okay, if you’re sure. Just make sure you’re taking care of yourself, too, Mr. Braddock.
I couldn’t help overhearing some of what you and the twins were talking about, and if Aaron and Elizabeth are struggling with their losses from their past, I’m sure you are too.
You don’t have to open up to me, but please talk to someone. ”
“Thank you, Auli'i. I will,” I promise her, taking over the loading of the dishwasher.
As Auli'i leaves, I realize I do need someone to talk to. The problem is the person I want to speak to most isn’t here. My heart breaks with the realization of how much I miss Erin.