Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
LIVIANNA/LILY
Now
Panic Rooms & Unsent Vows
I didn’t choose wrong. I read it wrong because the pages I needed never arrived.
The air between Jax and me thickens until I can’t tell if I’m standing in his office or on a fault line seconds from splitting. The glass windows blur, the city spins, and my pulse whooshes through my ears.
“I didn’t get anything other than legal documents.”
Jax’s face transforms, confusion replacing anger in a way that makes my stomach drop. My heart claws at my ribs, frantic, like it knows I’m seconds from losing him for good.
He huffs. “It was in the packet from my attorneys. I wrote you a note explaining everything. It came with the papers.”
“There was no letter.” My voice cracks. “Just legal documents. Your signature handing over ownership, and mine accepting the transfer.”
He takes a deep breath, like I’m trying his patience. “My team has never screwed up something as important as that.”
“So, you think I’m lying to you?” I stand taller, knowing exactly what he believes. “I wouldn't manipulate you, and you know it. I didn’t receive any damn letter.”
“Did you look through all the papers?”
I play the moment back in my head. I’m not sure I did. As soon as I saw the transfer, I jumped to the worst-case scenario.
“I pulled the contents out and there were only copies of…” My shoulders roll forward. “I don’t know, Jaxon. Maybe it got stuck between something.”
“Great, Livianna. That’s just great.” He turns his back to me. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re with Cash again.”
“What did you say in the note? Please help me understand.”
He faces me and stares at me as if nothing he says will make a difference. “I wrote you a two-page letter explaining why I was giving you the house, what I hoped for when I came back, and why I needed you to have something to remember what we were fighting for. At least what I was fighting for.”
The room tilts. Two pages. An explanation. Hope for when he came back.
“But Jax... Jaxon, even without the letter, you were gone. You sent me motivational quotes as if I were just another mentee. For two and a half weeks I’ve been wondering if what we had meant anything to you.”
“I already told you I was giving you space to breathe. I wanted you to figure out if you wanted forever with me or if you needed to explore what else was out there.” His voice stutters on the last word. “I thought if you chose me after having the freedom to choose anyone, it would mean something.”
“It already meant something. I didn’t need you to test me or my loyalty to you.”
“It wasn’t meant to be a test. It was space for you to decide whether you wanted to be in my life knowing there’s… Nevermind, but trust it wasn’t meant that way.”
My insides empty. “I was in love with you, you impossible man. I was ready to tell you that night before you left, but you blindsided me with talk of breaks and exploring options.”
“And look how well that turned out for you.” He folds his arms over his chest. “Where is Cash? Weren’t you two supposed to be at breakfast by now?”
“I told him I forgot I had a meeting, and I’d check in with him soon.” I shake my head. “That’s what you want to focus on? I just told you I was in love—”
“Stop, Livianna. I read your email and know how you interpreted the situation. I fucked up and I admit it, but it doesn’t change what was in store.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Maybe you and Cash were destined all along, and I was the stepping stone to make it happen.”
My heart cracks and tumbles out of my chest. “You can’t seriously be talking about fate right now.”
“Think about it.” He slips his hands into his pockets. “I held you while you healed and became the woman you are today. I backed him on everything, and he got his life in order. There was a missed love letter, a theatrical serenade for the world to see, and I was the one who put it all in motion.”
“And that’s where you want to leave this?”
“From what I gather, you’ve spent at least one night with him, and I saw him tell you he loves you. You’re back together with him, Livianna. Where am I supposed to take this?”
I shrink just thinking about how I would feel if I had walked in on Jax with someone else. “It’s not like that.”
“No?” He treks to his desk, putting the mahogany between us like armor.
“Then explain to me what I just witnessed in the hallway. Explain the magazine cover. Explain why you’ve been spending your nights with him, because the woman I’m in love with wouldn’t have been back in her ex-boyfriend’s bed within two and a half weeks of my leaving. ”
“What did you say?” My pulse stops. “You love me?”
For a second, the man I love shows his softness. “You know I do.”
Deep down, I know he’s being truthful, but that doesn’t mean I thought he was in love with me. I knew I meant something to him, but he never called it love.
He warned me once not to confuse his kindness with love, so I never let myself go there. But knowing it now changes everything.
“I didn’t do anything with Callum.” Even I know my explanation is weak. “I… I need to know exactly what you said in the letter.”
Jax sinks into his chair like the weight of this conversation is too much to bear standing. “It said that you were the best thing that had ever happened to me. I explained I was giving you the house not as a goodbye, but as a promise.”
“What?”
“I wanted you to have a place that would always be ours, whether I came back to find you waiting or came back to find you wanting to move on. I just wanted you to have something that was ours.”
Tears press on the back of my eyes. “What else did you say?”
“That I loved you, but I’d been too afraid to say it before because every person I’ve ever loved has been taken from me. But I was ready to risk it for you.” His voice drops to a whisper. “I told you if you wanted forever with me, all you had to do was be there when I got back.”
The sob that escapes me sounds like something dying.
“Livianna—”
“I would’ve been there.” I take a step closer to him. “You need to know that if I had received that letter, I would’ve been there.”
“But you’re not there now.” His brown eyes meet mine. They’re empty, professionally neutral. “You made your choice. You’re with him now.”
“It’s not like that.”
“But it is.” Jax glances at the door. “You have a date you should get to. You’re pale and look like you haven’t eaten in days.”
“I’m not with Callum. I’m standing in your office trying to figure out how we managed to destroy something beautiful because of miscommunication and missing letters.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.” But the way his hands shake as he straightens his laptop tells me it matters more than he’s willing to admit.
“Doesn’t it?” I inch toward him. “Because I’m looking at a man who built panic rooms in every office to deal with his emotions. You just came out of one, so I think it matters very much.”
His jaw tightens. “Don’t psychoanalyze me, Livianna.”
“I’m not. I’m trying to understand how we got here. How we went from vineyard dancing, moving back to the States together, and shared secrets to this.”
“We got here because you chose him.” The words come out flat and final. “And maybe that’s for the best because this was always going to happen.”
“Is that what you really believe?”
He stares at me for a long moment, a battle raging behind his eyes. The businessman who’s built his life on control, sparing with the man who risked his heart for me.
“What I believe doesn’t matter anymore.” He stands, straightens his tie, and rebuilds his shield in real time. “You have a life to get back to. A relationship to nurture. Don’t let me keep you from it.”
But I’m not ready to walk away. Not when I finally understand what went wrong. Not when there might still be something worth fighting for.
I clutch at my chest. “What if I told you I made a mistake?”
“What kind of mistake?”
“The email. Sending it without talking to you first. Not looking through all the papers carefully enough. Not trying harder for us.” I take a stabilizing breath. “You need to know my past with Callum is complicated. I’m just trying to make sense of it.”
“Livianna…” Jax’s heated stare warns me not to go down this path.
“I know you saw me with Callum. I know how it looked. But nothing happened the way you think it did.”
“And what do I think?”
“That I’m with him completely. Yes, I’ve stayed at his place. Yes, we kissed. But it wasn’t about choosing him over you. It was about trying to understand what happened in the past. And he’s been here for me when you weren’t.”
Jax’s eyes close like my words are physically hurting him. “Don’t.”
“Don’t tell you the truth? Don’t explain that every second with him, somewhere deep down, felt like I was betraying what we had?” Tears stream down my face. “I admit that even when he told me he loved me, I was thinking about you too.”
“Stop, Livianna. Just stop.”
“No, not when you’re looking at me like I’m already gone. Not when there might still be a chance for us to—”
The intercom crackles to life, Natalie’s professional voice cutting through the tension like a blade. “Mr. Crowne? I’m sorry to interrupt, but the Singapore team is asking whether you’ll be joining the conference call. They’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes.”
Jax’s mask slides back into place so fast it steals my breath. He reaches for the intercom button, his businessman persona reassembling in seconds.
“Tell them I'll be right there, Natalie. Technical difficulties on my end.”
“Of course, Mr. Crowne.”
The silence that follows is like a death sentence. He fixes his jacket, checks his watch, and becomes the man who can compartmentalize heartbreak like it’s just another business loss.
“You should go.” His voice is steady now, stripped of the emotion that was there moments before. “I have a call to attend.”
“Jaxon, please—”