37. Chapter 37 #3
The worst part was that he had touched a fear I already had.
I loved being safe with him. I loved his hands on me, his voice, his bed, the way the world seemed manageable when his arms were around me. I had no idea yet how much of that was simply Lachlan and how much had been forged while we were trying to survive.
The question frightened me, but acknowledging that it existed was not the same thing as letting him answer it for me.
“You think I might confuse loving you with what happened to us.”
His expression changed at the word loving, but he didn’t interrupt.
“I think you deserve the chance to know the difference without wondering someday whether you stayed because I was the first safe place you found.”
I swallowed. “So what are you suggesting?”
He was quiet long enough that unease crawled higher.
“I think I should step back for a while. Give you room to sort through all of this without me influencing the answer.”
For a moment, I could only stare at him.
“I didn’t ask you to step back.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you deciding that’s what I need?”
“Mouse—”
“No. Listen to yourself.”
I pulled my hand from his.
“Nik convinced himself he was protecting me when he made a decision that should have been mine. Now you’re so determined to make sure I’m free to choose that you’ve decided I need distance from you before you’ll trust whatever answer I give you.”
“That isn’t what I’m trying to do.”
“I know it isn’t.” My voice rose anyway. “That’s what makes this so maddening.”
I wiped the new tears from my face.
“If you want my choice to be free, stop telling me what I have to do before you’ll believe me.”
He had no answer for that.
“When do I get to decide what I need?”
“You get to decide right now.” Lacey’s voice came from behind me.
I turned and found her standing in the office doorway, dressed in leggings and a soft sweater with her hair twisted into a messy bun. Scarlett stood a few steps behind her, concern written all over her face.
“I heard enough to understand what happened,” she said as she came into the room, her attention settling on Nik.
Nik held his hands up. “Lacey, I know I—”
“Baby, I love you, but you screwed this up. I understand why you did it. That doesn’t make it okay.”
Lacey turned to Lachlan. “And you were trying so hard not to do what Nik did that you went too far in the other direction.”
His brow pulled together. “I’m trying to make sure whatever Isabella decides is actually her decision.”
“I know exactly what you’re trying to do.
You love her, and you’re terrified she’ll choose you now and someday wonder if she only did it because you were the first person who made her feel safe.
” Lacey glanced at me before continuing.
“You’re so afraid of influencing her choice that you’ve started deciding what she has to do before her answer passes whatever test you’ve created in your head. ”
“That isn’t what I want.”
“I know it isn’t.” Lacey’s voice softened. “But you don’t get to decide what Isabella has to do before her choice counts as real. Neither does Nik. Neither do I.”
Lacey held out her arms. “Come here, sweetheart.”
I stepped into them, and she wrapped me in a hug. When we separated, she kept one hand around mine.
“You don’t have to make any decisions about your future today. Not whether you want to speak to your mother’s family, not what you want from Lachlan, not where you want to live, and not what any of this means for your future. You’ve had enough life-changing decisions dumped on you for one morning.”
“I think deciding nothing sounds wonderful.”
“It’s highly underrated.” Lacey gave me a small smile. “You’ve had a hell of a morning. Give yourself time to catch up before you start demanding answers from yourself.”
Scarlett came farther into the room and stopped beside us. “And taking time doesn’t mean you have to be by yourself. We’ll stay with you if you want us to.”
“I really don’t want to be alone.”
That much I knew. Sitting alone in an unfamiliar room with all of this in my head sounded unbearable.
“Then you won’t be,” Lacey said. “We can figure out somewhere neutral if staying here feels like too much. We could get you a hotel suite somewhere quiet and—”
“No,” Nik and Lachlan said at exactly the same time.
Lacey turned slowly toward them.
Nik had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. Lachlan did not.
“Not without putting a security team on top of her,” Nik said.
“She just said she doesn’t want to be alone,” Lachlan added. “Putting her in some hotel room with guards outside the door isn’t going to help.”
Lacey stared at both of them for a long second. “Do either of you hear yourselves?”
“I don’t want a hotel. Lachlan’s right about that part. I don’t want to be somewhere unfamiliar with no one around except security.”
“If you want somewhere familiar, you could still stay at my penthouse,” Lachlan offered.
“I’ll go to Boston with Lucian. Scarlett will be next door, and Lacey can come over whenever you want.
And your things are already there.” He paused.
“Only if that’s what you want, Mouse. If you’d rather stay here with Lacey, we’ll make that work too. ”
“I’d rather go back to your penthouse. Not so sure how I feel about Nik,” I said, glancing at him.
“All right. Then it’s yours for as long as you want it.”
“But I don’t know how long that will be, and I don’t want to impose.”
“Don’t worry about that. Take as long as you need.”
Lachlan’s answer came without hesitation—God, he was a good man. I wanted desperately to cross the room and put my arms around him, which only made the next words harder to say.
“But I think I do need some time without talking to you too. I need to know what I think when you aren’t standing in front of me, making it so easy to choose you.”
Lachlan’s eyes closed briefly. “It hurts like hell, Mouse, but if that’s what you need, I’ll give it to you.”