Chapter 39 #2
“I want to be your everything, your first thought when you wake up, the last one when you fall asleep. The male you dream about and the one occupying your every waking moment. Let me be the one who gives you comfort and security, and let it be my name, only mine, you’ll cry out in pleasure.
Yes, I’m a greedy bastard. No one else but me should give you satisfaction.
Still, the most important part is that all this would be worthless if it’s not given freely, but only because I crave you more than air itself.
” His eyes stared into mine, deep wells full of emotions that scared me senseless.
“You’re everything to me. Every dream come true, and every prayer answered.
You dragged me out of the void and gave my life a purpose.
I never want to be without you ever again.
Jama, my poison. Nayana, mine. My love, my forever home. ”
His steadfast gaze was full of hope and vulnerability, and he was observing every inch of me, head slightly tilted.
Gods, what could I reply without hurting him?
His infatuation—because I was still sure it was nothing else but that—ran so deep, and even though I had to admit how my feelings for this infuriating male were all over the place, my opinion about not believing in the concept of relationships or love hadn’t changed.
With a patience he’d never shown before, Dion was still examining me.
And only after an eternity could I perceive a shift in his stance.
He was done waiting for an answer I didn’t have.
My silence spoke louder than words anyway, even though I felt like the worst person in both worlds.
What was it with males and thinking I was relationship material?
And yet again, the prince surprised me when hope left his gaze, and instead of the hurt I feared to find, steely determination took its place.
“I’m going to prove this to you, Nayana. You have your convictions and just haven’t realized yet that you’re simply wrong about them. You’ll discover soon enough that every word I said is true. You just have to give me a chance. That’s all I’m asking of you.”
Brooding, I gently freed myself from the embrace of the fae male and sank into one of the chairs. Dion’s passionate declaration reverberated inside me. Was I a monster for not voicing my thoughts or my concerns?
The existence of lifelong loving companionship was not only a lie invented to keep people content and hopeful, but also something to strive for when life got too bleak, dangling in front of everyone’s noses like a carrot on a stick.
Why no one else could figure out that there wasn’t such a thing was a mystery to me.
There was no doubt Dion believed what he’d declared so passionately.
Of course, I was overwhelmed by his intensity, by the raw openness he’d never exhibited before, but also by the audacity that he had simply decided that I was his.
And if I were honest with myself, the nagging voices in my head were like toxins.
What if Dion only mistook sympathy for something more? Or confused the physical attraction and the wish to possess with deeper feelings?
What if I believed him, and he’d figure out his mistake?
Or maybe all this stemmed from his need for dominance? Or that he wanted something, anything, to claim for himself alone, and he’d decreed the object of his obsession had to be me?
Was there a chance I was fussing about nothing?
Admitting this was hard, but I was scared that all those pretty words, all those declarations, would potentially turn sour.
At least, I was sure I’d never allow Dion to control me, no matter how fiercely loyal, devastatingly beautiful, and perfectly imperfect he was. But then again, he knew me and how stubborn and damaged I was. And still, he desired me? How could he?
Of course, I would grant him a chance. Surely, I could do that. Right?
That he’d break through my convictions and fears was highly unlikely, but after everything, he deserved at least some open-mindedness from me.
I eyed Dion from the side, and he appeared to be just as deep in contemplation as I was. Determination was still etched in every line of his face, and although he didn’t show any discomfort, I sensed that my silence was causing him pain.
Gods, what was wrong with me? This incredibly private male hadn’t only opened up to me but had also said so many beautiful things to me; other women would have swooned just because of a fraction of what he’d confessed, and I wasn’t even appreciating what he’d done.
Gods, he’d kneeled in front of me. Kneeled.
Rewi’s voice joined the others in my head, and the biting comments she hurled at me didn’t help at all.
Dion must have sensed me observing him since he turned his head and caught my gaze.
His expression shook me because there wasn’t an ounce of pain or accusation in his amethyst depths. No, his eyes shone with resolve—and hope. “Don’t worry, Nayana. I’ll wait forever for you to admit that you and I are inevitable.”
This male. “Dion—”
“Keep one fact in mind. Fae don’t fall in love often or easily, but when we do, we immerse ourselves, and the result is all-consuming, intense, burning, and deep—and all that more than often for eternity.
My species has flaws, admittedly, but being devoted and faithful?
We are to a fault. If one of us commits to someone because of emotions, that’s it.
The endgame. The most precious treasure of all.
A rarity to protect and cherish at all costs. Does that scare you?”
“If I were totally honest, yes.” To my human standards, what he’d described sounded so much like an unhealthy obsession and not like a stable basis for any partnership.
Maybe that was one of the problems.
More often than not, I forgot that, just because Dion was humanoid-shaped, he was far from being a human.
Accepting our cultural differences, in addition to the ones arising from being different species, could be the first step.
Learning more about fae and their society while keeping my mind open would require time—which, much to my surprise, Dion was ready to grant me, even though he’d never been the most patient male.
“I’m glad it’s fear that’s holding you back.
Because that’s something unfounded, and I’ll make convincing you my mission.
You care, but your own anxieties hold you hostage, and I’ll do everything in my power to give you the security to ease your apprehension.
Any part of you being scared of any part of me is simply unacceptable.
Everyone else can see me as an abomination for all that I care.
But not you. Never you.” Dion’s voice was a seductive purr, defuncting certain parts of my rational brain. How was he always doing that?
And how could this male, who had such strong innate urges, deal with something akin to rejection so well? It was as if someone had handed me a part of a picture supposed to fit into the whole, but the color was off, and so were the shape and the design.
Dion’s jaw was set, determined to show me the truth behind his words. Gods, I didn’t deserve that. Didn’t deserve—him.
I was in dire need of a change in topic before I could start to loathe myself—enough others had done that for me today already.
So, I gently took his hand and sucked in a breath.
“We should return to your ball before your grandfather explodes and decides that another punishment is in order.” I’d rather cross the Restless Desert on foot without carrying a drop of water with me, but someone had to be the voice of reason, and such a description didn’t fit the fae prince next to me at all.
To my biggest relief, though, he was much calmer, almost composed. How long had all this stewed in him? Since Amalach?
“You’re right. However, I’d rather face the Breocharn naked before taking you back into the shithole in there.”
“Do you know what’s funny?”
“Mh?”
“You always use the Breocharn as a metaphor when you really don’t want to do something but have to.”
“Yes, and?”
“I do the same with the Restless Desert. Both, as I learned from the map in your suite, are in the same region of our respective worlds.”
A chuckle pearled from Dion’s lips as he got up and hauled me to my feet as well. “Meant to be, you and me.”
Ugh.
Dion dropped the darkness separating us from the rest of the world, and, more than a little reluctant, we left the balcony behind.
“There you are, Scriosta. Where did you disappear to? I’ve searched everywhere for you. What did you think, leaving me stranded on the dance floor like that? You owe me another dance.”
My eyes narrowed as Danartha appeared and treated Dion as if he weren’t the most dangerous male in the room.
There were more than a few choice words on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed every single one down, waiting for the prince to snap at the female himself, maybe even separating her head from her neck, especially when she grabbed for his hand.
I wouldn’t even give him a hard time for being his murderous self just this once.
But what did the royal bastard do?
Frozen to the spot, I gaped after the female who ushered Dion along.
After all the pretty words he’d showered me with, and especially after the vow to prove to me how wrong I was to hold on to my convictions, I hadn’t been sure what to expect.
But being left standing like an idiot hadn’t been on my list of potential outcomes.
Two minutes, and every promise was already forgotten.
The biting sting of tears shot into my eyes, but I blinked every bit of moisture away, then lifted my chin and stalked back to my pariah table with my head held high. Only I didn’t get so far.
“Sweetie, you have to dance with me. No excuses.”
I whipped my head around and was confronted with Thain’s smiling face. Once I was at least semi-confident that my voice wouldn’t tremble, I shook my head. “You've had better ideas before, Thain.”
“No, actually, this is a great one. Not only do I want to dance with you, but you also give the impression that you have a point to prove to a certain someone.”
“Wink as much as you like, but I prefer you alive. And with His Royal Highness in a mood, who could tell how a confrontation between you two would end? Also, I’m neither petty enough to use his weaknesses against him nor so cold-hearted as to weaponize you to exploit said flaws.
And I’m definitely not risking your life. ”
“What about you forget Dionadair for a few minutes and simply share a dance with me?”
“You want to poke the bear, don’t you?”
“My methods of dealing with my prince might be more unconventional than, for example, Antas’, but they work, wouldn’t you agree?
He’s not an empty shell anymore, even though he acts as dumb as one sometimes.
” Thain winked, but right afterward, his face turned more serious, more grown-up in a way.
Even his voice held an unfamiliar edge, something so unlike him that my curiosity reared its ugly head.
“Come. This is a ball. Let’s treat the revelry as such. ”
A frown marred my forehead as I attempted to grasp the implications behind Thain’s words, and I didn’t resist him anymore when he dragged me to the floor.
“Whatever you do, darling, don’t even glance in the general direction of His Royal Bastardness. Trust me.”
“Thain—are you trying to…push him on purpose? Gods, you are. And not because you’re mean or thoughtless, but—”
“Because I care, yes. How could I not?”
“But your reputation…aren’t you just a shallow flirt who isn’t bothered by the fallout he creates?”
“Wouldn’t you say I’m playing my role very well?”
“Play a role.”
“Well, partly. Sweetling, don’t you ever believe I’m not authentic.”
My mind was officially closed for business after this revelation. “You have to confess this to him before he kills you for real.”
“Not yet. He might still need me as an outlet. And between us, it’s rather amusing to watch him fly off the handle, in my opinion.”
“Amusing. Huh. You’re really one of a kind, Thain.”
“I take that as a compliment, sweet thing.”