Chapter 21 #2
I kept going, my voice on autopilot now.
“I remember feeling so angry that she was gone and how it wasn’t fair.
Everyone else still had their moms. I’d get so mad whenever I’d hear my friends complaining about their moms for some reason.
Anyway, that’s what hurt the worst for me.
But life without her was the only life I knew. ”
I sucked in a breath and dared another look at Jake. He looked stricken by my confession. Even his eyes were rimmed with red.
“I’m sorry, Tuck,” he whispered.
“You asked me not to sugarcoat it. So there you go.”
He nodded, but I wasn’t done.
“Everybody’s got hard, Jake. That’s just life.
You can’t protect Sophie from everything.
Miranda chose to leave. That’s on her. But you stayed.
And Sophie knows that she has a dad who loves her enough for two parents combined.
And she’s got your mom and Miranda’s parents and women on this ranch who would do anything for her, including me. ”
When he only stared at the sky, I continued.
“Want to know something else?”
“Probably not.”
I nudged his arm. He nudged me back.
“When I was crying in the bathroom that night, I randomly got a text from your mom, asking if I needed help with anything.”
I felt Jake look at me, but I kept my gaze averted as a small tear slid from my eye at the memory.
“I sent her a blurry picture of my face, and she was at my house five minutes later, fixing my makeup. And my hair.”
“She wasn’t much better with that stuff than you were.”
Grinning, I said, “No, she wasn’t. But she was better than me, and she was exactly what I needed.”
“You were always her favorite.”
I snorted in disbelief.
“And when I got older, and Chad left home, and my dad needed me to help cook for us both, Tessa and my Aunt Nancy came over and walked me through a bunch of recipes while I took notes.”
“Was Tessa still as bossy back then?”
“Yeah, but my dad and I were too grateful not to eat spaghetti every night to care. The point is, when I needed them, there were women I loved who always showed up for me. And it was good enough. I had a really great childhood. And at the sake of your big ego, you and your mom were a huge part of that. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all of this, it’s that life has a way of providing the things we lack. ”
Jake turned his face back toward the sky and spent some time scratching his eye.
“You’re one of the best, Jake. You’ll be fine, and so will Sophie. With any luck, she’ll grow up to be just like her Aunt Shelby.”
He smiled, though he wouldn’t look at me. “Heaven help us all.”
I scoffed while he laughed softly, both of us appreciating the lighter tone.
“Alright. I’m going to sleep.” I snuggled down in my bed, pulling my hoodie over my head and ears. The tips of my fingers were frozen solid, so I tucked them into my sweatshirt and tried to think warm thoughts when he spoke.
“Hey, Tuck?”
“Hmm?”
There was a long pause before he spoke, giving weight to the moment. “You were the best part of my childhood too.”
I looked at him then, the orange embers of the fire highlighting his face.
His eyes were on mine, and our gazes held.
The longer we stared, the more erratic my heartbeat became.
Memories of his kiss not so long ago began replaying in my mind.
And then he held his knuckles out for me to pound them, effectively ruining the vibe and causing me to doubt the entire moment.
“Except, now that I’m thinking about it,” he said, “if you had stayed in town and chased off Miranda, this whole thing could have probably been avoided. You really dropped the ball there at the end.”
I grabbed a small rock I found by my sleeping bag and tossed it toward him, missing him on purpose.
“No wonder you didn’t go pro.”
I fluffed the pillow under my head, pulled the covers up to my shoulders, and turned away from him, giving him the only parting shot I could. “Sleep tight, Nancy.”
Sometime later, I woke to Jake unzipping my sleeping bag. It felt like I hadn’t even gone to sleep; I was just sort of frozen in a numb state of mind and body.
“What are you—“ I started to ask before my body began violently shaking at the cold blast of air coming through my newly unzipped sleeping bag.
“You’re freezing. I fell asleep for too long, and the fire went out. You’re going to break your teeth with how hard they’re chattering. Get in with me for a minute to warm up.”
All I heard was “get in with me,” and the plan seemed reasonable enough. I crawled into his sleeping bag while he settled in after me, pulling mine around us like a blanket.
A sigh escaped me immediately as his arms pulled my back to his chest, the heat from his body sending a blast of relief to mine.
“How are you so hot?” I moaned, my teeth shivering.
Jake rubbed his hands up and down my arms, attempting to revive me. “If I had a dime for all the times I’ve been asked that question…”
“Why couldn’t we have a tent again?” I asked.
“I didn’t count on you being such a wuss.”
With that, I rolled over and snuggled into him, burying my chilled nose in his neck while I shoved my frozen fingers into his armpit.
Jake sucked in a breath. “Holy crap, woman.”
“If you tell anybody about this, I’m publishing your full name in the Eugene Gazette.”
Jake brought his arms tighter around me, pulling me close. “I think Tessa’s doing a great job spreading my full name around, thanks to you.”
After a long while, my shaking subsided, allowing my body to thaw and my breath to even out, leaving me wrapped in the cozy cocoon of Jake’s arms.
Somewhere in a completely relaxed state, I heard Jake say, “You’d better go back to your own bed, Tuck.”
“I’m going,” I whispered, inching closer to his warmth.
“Good. Get out of here.” Jake shifted to his back, bringing me with him so one of my legs tangled with his and my head rested on his chest. I ran my right hand across his stomach before I buried it in his armpit once more.
“What happens on this mountain stays between us, Nancy,” I declared, never planning on leaving.
“Well, in that case…anything else you want to do while sharing a sleeping bag?”
I pinched his side until he yelped and caged my hands against his stomach.
I felt the laughter in his chest, and when his arm tightened his hold on me, it took some time for the smile to leave my face.