38. Rule #38 Let honesty behind the wheel.
Matis
“Spend the night with me.”
Amelia’s hand is clasped in mine as we walk together down the dark city streets. She has spent the last thirty minutes of our walk talking excitedly about what happened back at the club. She’s beaming with excitement, and it makes everything worth it to see it.
Over these past weeks, I’ve watched Amelia come out of her shell, no longer hiding and shaming herself for her differences. This Amelia is empowered and confident, and I have so much pride swelling in my chest I could die a happy man right now.
For some reason, I find myself thinking, I’m going to miss this. It’s such an odd and out-of-place thought, but I think deep down, I know what this means.
I belong in London. I should take the job.
“Amelia,” I say, feeling my melancholy tone sour the mood. “I feel like I’m being torn in two.”
She pauses, her feet halting on the cobblestones. Her eyes are soft and moist as she gazes up at me longingly. I turn toward her and put myself within inches of her.
“You mean about London?”
“I don’t know what to do,” I complain, pressing my forehead to hers. “I want to feel that excitement again that I felt when I was younger, starting L’Amour.”
“Then you should take it, Matis,” she replies. “Look at how strong we are. I have to believe we can make it work. I’ll come out every weekend. Or you can come back here. There has to be a way.”
Holding her face firmly in my hands, I tilt her chin until she’s staring into my eyes. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“I’m afraid, Matis,” she whispers.
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid that if you pass up this job for me, and I can’t be everything you need…”
I kiss her lips. “Amelia, don’t ever think that again. Whether I take this job has nothing to do with you being what I need.”
“Then what are we going to do?” she replies, a hint of sadness in her eyes.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I say, kissing her again. “Let’s go back to my place. Let’s live in the moment.”
With a feigned smile, she nods. “Okay.”
Amelia doesn’t leave my side for the rest of the walk. When we get to my apartment, I pull her directly to the bedroom. Her lips find mine in desperation, and my hands don’t leave her body for a second.
There is a sense of fear and excitement in our movements. I’m holding her a little tighter. Kissing her a little longer. Like each moment is precious.
She grips me tightly around the back of the neck as if she needs me. As if I could save her from what our futures hold. My fingers latch on to the hem of her dress, and I rip it off her, yanking it over her head. She tears at my shirt, and I work to open my pants.
Within minutes, we are both standing naked in my bedroom.
“Matis,” she pleads in a desperate whisper. “I want to be yours forever.”
It’s as if she’s reaching into my chest and pulling out my heart. But she doesn’t need to take it. It’s already hers.
As I lift her off the floor and toss her onto the bed, she lets out a yelp. Then I drape my body over hers, boxing her in with my arms on either side of her head. As she waits for my response, I spread her legs wide and run my fingers between them to find her dripping for me already.
Still gazing into her eyes, I grip my cock in one hand and thrust inside her in one slow, forceful motion. She gasps and writhes beneath me from the sudden invasion.
I don’t thrust, not yet. And as her body adjusts to my cock, I kiss a line along her jaw to her ear. Once there, I mutter as clearly as I can.
“Amelia Kade, you will be mine forever. No matter what. My body is yours. My cock is yours. My heart is yours.” Lifting back up, I gaze into her eyes. “Understand?”
Her expression frozen between bliss and surprise, she softly whimpers. “Yes.”
“That’s my girl.”
With that, I pull out to the tip and slam back in. Her eyes roll and her back arches.
My thrusts are slow and hard. Somehow, I need each one to convey to Amelia that I am here. That I am serious. That everything I have said is true. That her fears and insecurities are unnecessary with me. I will always want her, and she does not need to hide behind her voyeurism to prove it.
Her eyes stay glued on me. Her hands stay clasped around my neck as she holds on for dear life. She wants to say something, judging by the way her lips are parted and her brows are pinched.
“What is it?” I ask, stilling my thrusts to wait for her response.
“I’m ready.”
My head slants in confusion. “Ready for what?”
“Don’t pull out, Matis.”
At the realization of what she’s asking, I let out a guttural whimper. She’s really giving herself to me. Really giving me everything I want. Everything I love.
“You’re not just saying that for me, are you? Because of what I said earlier.”
“No,” she replies, shaking her head. “Let’s let fate decide.”
Bordel.
This woman will be the death of me.
This beautiful, sexy, bold angel will be the absolute death of me, and I welcome it.
Leaning down, I kiss her gently. “I can’t let you take that risk, Trouble.”
“We’ll take it together.”
The sight of her laid out before me, naked and stunning with my cock buried in her cunt…it feels like a dream.
This is Amelia. My Amelia.
Getting to know her like this, I’ve discovered that she’s so much more than I ever imagined. She is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. And more.
This is about so much more than the very real risks we’re taking. It’s about this base, carnal desire we both have. To give in to our instincts. To fuck for more than the sake of fucking. To take it all to the next level.
Laying my body over hers, I start to thrust again, slowly at first. Her eyes are glued to mine as if I am her life raft. I have never stared at someone so intensely during sex, but our eyes are saying more than our mouths can.
This is love.
Before long, it becomes too hard to hold back, and I pick up speed. She moans with each pound of my hips against her, and I gather her up in my arms as I fuck her.
“Louder, Trouble. Let me hear you.”
She obeys beautifully, opening up for me and letting me hear her.
“Oh God, yes,” she cries. “Harder, Daddy.”
It all feels like it’s all too much. She is too perfect. Her pleasure is mine, and I want nothing more than to watch her come with my cock buried in her.
Just before I come, I pull out to stop myself. Staring down at my cock, I hold back my orgasm as we both catch our breath.
Then I grab Amelia’s hips and flip her onto all fours. Her hands grip my headboard as I ease into her from behind. Yanking her up until she’s flush against me, I reach around and strum her clit. As I fuck her, I watch her spine glisten with goose bumps and a sheen of sweat.
Her moans and grunts are like music to me. The soft high-pitched tone of her voice as she takes every inch of my cock is a gift. She is a gift.
“That’s it,” I mutter between the pounding momentum of my hips. “That’s my girl. Taking me so well. My filthy girl wants to take it all, don’t you, Trouble? You want me to pump my seed into you?”
“Yes,” she screams. “Don’t stop. Oh God, I’m about to…”
She never finishes her sentence when her orgasm slams into her, and it’s like nothing I’ve felt before. She’s shaking violently with the onslaught, and I feel the dripping evidence of her orgasm. She’s soaked, and it’s exquisite.
“Regarde ce que tu me fais… Je vais jouir,” I groan.
“Come inside me, Matis. Please,” she begs. “Breed me.”
My grip on her hips tightens as I stare at her. She looks over her shoulder at me as my balls tighten and my cock swells. She’s asking me to do something I’ve never done before. The image alone sends me reeling into a fantasy because I’ve never filled anyone up.
I have never been this close with anyone.
So when I feel the orgasm begin to crest, I slam into her and feel the pleasure explode inside me. A roaring sound of ecstasy flies from my lips as my cock twitches inside her, emptying everything I have.
It’s not just an orgasm. It’s a testament. An undoing.
I am a changed man because of her. And not just because of her body or the sex we share but because with Amelia, I no longer feel the need to hide. I’m not cowering behind flirtatious smiles and meaningless intercourse.
She has cracked open my soul and reintroduced me to a part of myself I forgot existed. I saw it tonight on the dance floor. I saw it the first night we kissed in Trocadero. I saw it the night I climbed through her window.
These are the inklings of delusion that go through my mind as I come inside her.
When I’m completely spent, I pull out and watch my cum drip from her.
“My God,” I mumble.
Amelia collapses onto the mattress with a satisfied sigh. I climb off the bed and walk into the bathroom for a washcloth. Then I return and clean her delicately before planting a loving kiss on her back above each of her cheeks. Once she’s clean, I lie on my bed and pull her into my arms.
Amelia sleeps silently on the pillow next to me as I peel my eyes open to see the morning sun shining through the window. It makes me smile to see her curled up in a ball on her own side of the bed. She really does hate to cuddle, but she has kept one foot buried beneath me all night.
Sliding my hand slowly up her leg, I think back to last night. About the promises we made. I wish I knew what the future held for me and Amelia. Will she get into her design program? Am I going to run a whole new club?
These things seem so trivial when all we truly want is each other.
I meant what I said: Everything begins and ends with Amelia. I want no one else. Our paths will lead back to each other. I cannot live without her now.
She didn’t just fall in love with me; she exposed me. She has taught me that I am worth far more than what my body can offer. More than the pleasure I can elicit. I am a man worth loving.
But what about our futures? Her education? Her career?
Do I belong at that club? Was I a fool to think I could be a settling-down kind of man?
I don’t know. I truly have no idea what the future holds, but I can be in this moment.
“Trouble,” I whisper.
She stirs, slowly opening her eyes.
“Good morning, mon trésor.”
“Good morning,” she whispers.
Gently, I stroke her face and try to kiss her on the mouth, but she recoils, squirming out of my grasp.
“No! Let me clean up!”
As she climbs off the bed, I call after her. “I don’t need you to wash up before kissing you.”
Amelia kicks on the shower in the bathroom, and I lie naked on my bed as I savor this moment.
When my phone buzzes on the nightstand, I pick it up to find a text from Ronan.
The sight of his name is like a punch to the stomach.
There is no living in the moment when this decision looms over me.
My own fate threatens to ruin everything.
I can’t be in two places at once. I can’t be two men at once.
Ronan: Would love to talk about the London club today if you have time.
I stare at the text, unsure of what to say. My mind is swirling with indecision.
“What are you doing, old man?” she calls from the bathroom. “And why aren’t you joining me?”
Leaving my phone on the bed, I hop out and join my love in the shower.