39. Rule #39 Always look through the peephole before answering the door.
Amelia
“Your bathroom is far too small for this,” I giggle as I try to brush my hair in the mirror while he shaves.
His face is covered with white foam as he slides the razor along his jaw. Standing next to him like this, giving me a small glimpse of what our future could hold, feels like a fantasy.
“Not too small at all. I like having you as close as possible.”
My stomach does another flip. The grin on my face has a mind of its own and couldn’t be stifled if I tried.
I comb out my hair and slip on the same dress I wore yesterday. Leaving him in the bathroom to finish shaving, I walk back out to the living room and find my phone stuffed away in my purse, which I threw onto the couch last night in our passionate frenzy to get each other naked.
There’s a text from my mom asking me to check in, and honestly, I’m proud of her for not panicking when I didn’t come home last night. I did shoot her a quick text to tell her I was staying at a friend’s, but I didn’t divulge anything more.
Amelia: I’m fine. Be home in an hour or two.
As soon as I hit Send, there’s a knock at the door.
“Expecting someone?” I call.
“No,” he replies, stepping out of the bathroom in nothing but his pants while wiping the remnants of shaving cream from his face.
I’m so distracted by his cute smile and how hot he looks half dressed and shaving that I don’t think to look through the peephole or have Matis answer it himself.
Because I just open the door, still smiling at the man behind me.
And when I find my dad standing in the hallway, the earth stops turning.
For a moment, no one moves.
Not my dad. Not Matis. Not me.
Maybe none of us want to acknowledge the moment we’re in.
“Amelia?”
“Dad.”
His eyes fly to the man still standing behind me. “What…the fuck is going on?”
Matis sighs in surrender.
“I–I can explain,” I stammer.
“What did you do?” The venom in my dad’s words is so sharp that it makes me flinch, but he’s looking at Matis as he spews them.
“Dad, listen to me,” I cry but he doesn’t. Instead, he presses the door open and brushes past me, marching into the apartment.
“Ronan, please calm down,” Matis says with his hands up.
One minute, my dad is walking toward him, and the next, Matis is slammed up against the wall with my dad’s hand around his throat.
“Daddy, stop it!” I shriek.
“My little girl?” he sneers in his friend’s face. “My baby girl!”
“She’s not a little girl, Ronan. Let us talk.” Matis still has his hands up in surrender while I grip my dad’s arm, trying to pull away as a sob escapes my lips.
“No!” my dad bellows. “You crossed a line. You—” He releases Matis’s throat, glaring at him with a hate-filled expression. The anger on his face makes my chest ache.
“Daddy, listen, please,” I cry. “I love him.”
For the first time since he walked through the door, my dad looks into my eyes. “Did he hurt you? Did he…?”
“No!” I scream. “We love each other. We’re happy. Can you please just listen to me?”
“Love?” he shouts in shock.
“Ronan, can we just talk about this?” Matis asks calmly. “Hear me out. I am your best friend.”
“No,” my dad mutters with rage. “You are not my friend. Friends don’t do this. You were supposed to protect her! You are her godfather!”
“I am protecting her, Ronan. I would lay down my life for her. I would do anything for her,” Matis replies.
My dad spins away from Matis, burying his hands in his hair. “This can’t be happening. How long…? No, I don’t want to know.”
“It was recent. I promise.” Tears stream down my face. Seeing my dad’s anger, his disappointment, his feeling of betrayal…it all hurts so much worse than I thought it would.
“Go home, Amelia. Please,” he begs with anguish on his face.
And just when I open my mouth to object because I couldn’t possibly think about leaving him now, Matis appears at my side. His fingers intertwine with mine.
“She is home, Ronan.”
The look on my dad’s face shatters my heart. I can’t do this to him.
“I’m so sorry, Daddy. But I meant what I said. I love him.”
“You lied to me. You both lied to me,” he says. Shakily, he sits in a chair.
“Let us talk to you,” Matis pleads. “Please, hear us out.”
My dad puts up a hand. “I can’t. I need some time to process this.”
Leaving Matis’s side, I rush over to my dad. Kneeling on the floor in front of him, I take his hand in mine. Tears continue to stream down my cheeks.
My dad has been my constant my entire life. He ensured my childhood was happy and comfortable and safe, and I always knew no matter what, I could come to him, and he would love me unconditionally. He did what any father is supposed to do.
And now I’m breaking his heart.
“I’m so sorry, Daddy,” I sob, clutching his hands.
When he stares into my eyes, I can feel his pity, but it does nothing to repair my broken heart.
Then he looks up at Matis. With a wince, as if he’s seeing the man he’s known for thirty years in a new light, he turns away.
“I need to get home,” he says. “I just need…your mother.”
As my dad moves to stand, I rise with him, trying to clutch him as he moves toward the door. I want to beg for his forgiveness. Make him promise he’ll still see me as his little girl.
Instead, he walks out with a devastated sigh.
When the door closes behind him, I crumple against the wood. As my shoulders shake, Matis approaches me from behind, wrapping his arms around me.
“I’m so sorry, Amelia.”
Spinning around, I bury myself in his arms, and he holds me as I cry.
“He’s going to tell my mom,” I say through sniffles. Matis and I are on his couch as he holds me.
“Without a doubt.”
“Did you see the look on his face?” I ask as I lean back and wipe my eyes. “He looked so disappointed in me.”
“Listen to me,” he says, tilting my chin up toward him. “You are not a disappointment. They are your parents, Amelia. They will forgive you for keeping this secret, because the love they have for you is unconditional. You know that. I am the one to blame in his eyes.”
It still stings. My father looked at me as if I was breaking his heart.
“You’re not to blame for anything. You know that,” I whisper, looking up at him as I touch his face. The despondent expression in his eyes worries me. “Matis,” I say, urging him to hear me. “You are not to blame. Tell me you know that.”
“I know that, Amelia,” he replies. It’s the third time today he’s called me by my name, and I don’t like it.
“But?”
His hands softly rub over my knuckles as he holds off on his response. “Everyone will think me wrong for what I’ve done with my own goddaughter.”
“But we know the truth.” I put myself in his sight line, forcing him to look at me.
“We know the truth,” he replies.
I can’t bear the thought that he doubts us. That he doubts himself. After last night and how wonderful that was, it breaks my heart to think that any of this could end.
“I have to go home,” I say sadly. “I need to face them.”
“I understand.”
My mouth screws up in worry. “Won’t you come too?”
His head tilts as he gently strokes my cheek. “I don’t think they are ready to see me, Amelia.”
“Please stop calling me that!” I cry, taking him by surprise.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, mon trésor. This changes nothing. You know that. I am still here for you. I am still yours forever. But I don’t think your parents are ready to see me yet. I need to give them time.”
What about what I need?
I don’t say it, but deep down, I know he’s right. It would be better if I could speak to them alone. Even if the thought makes me sick to my stomach.
This is the price to pay, though, isn’t it? For being in heaven with Matis, living in a secret, this is the toll. Like all the locks on that bridge, the weight is just too much to bear.
“Please just kiss me,” I whisper, trying not to cry again.
He doesn’t hesitate. Gathering me up in his arms, he presses against my lips, following my lead as I lick along the seam of his mouth. He opens and tangles his tongue with mine until everything feels a little better.
Eventually, I do peel myself off his couch. He kisses me again at the front door and then again as we wait for the car to come pick me up.
As our driver, Lucien, drives me away from him, I watch Matis through the window.
We’ll get through this. I know we will. We have to. I don’t know how I’ll survive if we don’t.
When we pull up to my house, I take a deep breath before opening the door and climbing out. My hands are shaking at my sides as I walk up to the front door.
Letting myself in, the first thing I notice is how quiet it is. My mom isn’t playing the piano upstairs. My dad isn’t listening to music in his office. No television or talking or anything. It’s so somber it hurts.
Walking inside, I search for my parents in the main living room, but it’s empty. They’re not in the kitchen or my dad’s office. So I head toward the back of the house where their bedroom is, and when I turn the corner, I spot them standing on the courtyard balcony outside their room.
My dad is leaning against the railing, his head hanging dejectedly as my mom rubs his back. When my dad said he needed my mom, he meant it. She is his rock. His everything.
And vice versa.
It’s all I’ve wanted in my life, and now that I have it, it’s tearing them up. I shouldn’t have to feel so bad about it.
My mom spots me standing here watching. Her expression tightens, and I can’t read the look on her face. Maybe it’s a little concern, a little fear, a little pity. I’m not sure.
But after saying something to my dad, she waves me over.
I’d really rather not. In fact, my bed is calling me, and I’d love nothing more than to crawl into it and sleep off this entire day, but I can’t.
So I head to the balcony. Opening the French doors, I swallow down the pain seeing my dad again causes.
His back stays to me as I move to the opposite side of the space, crossing my arms over my chest and waiting for someone to say something. No one does for a while.
“Ronan, talk to her,” my mom says, running her hand along his back.
When my dad stands up, I see the redness around his eyes, and I know it means he’s been crying. It might as well be a knife to my heart.
“Dad, I’m sorry,” I cry, but he holds up a hand to stop me.
“No, Melly,” he says, and I shrink backward. Then he looks into my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“What? Why are you sorry?”
“Because I took that all as a shock today, and I reacted poorly. I just—” He stops as emotion rises to the surface.
My eyes fill up fast, stinging like crazy.
“I just can’t handle the thought of my little girl growing up.”
“Dad,” I say with a tilt of my head. “I shouldn’t have lied to you. We shouldn’t have kept it a secret from you.”
He nods as if he’s still burdened with his own regret. “If anything…inappropriate ever happened, you know you can—”
I step forward to cut him off. “I know that. I know I could tell you, but I promise, this was recent. Very recent. And neither of us could stop it. We tried. Well…he tried. He really did. He pushed me away day after day, but we couldn’t deny these feelings.
Because the truth is…we love each other.
” I take another step forward, this time looking into my mom’s eyes first and then back at my dad.
“We love each other more than anything. You wanted him to take care of me, and that’s what he’s always done and continues to do.
Matis gets me like no one else does. He knows what I need, sometimes even before I do.
“For so long, I felt as if I didn’t deserve him.
As if I could only love him from afar. Even after things started between us, I believed I would have to make sacrifices to keep him happy, but Matis understands me better than anyone.
I don’t have to sacrifice myself or my dreams for him.
He is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. ”
This time, it’s my mother’s turn to speak. “Amelia, you just have to understand how hard this is for us to accept. Matis has been in our lives since before you were born.”
“And what about you two?”
My mom flinches at my outburst.
“Don’t think I don’t know how you two met,” I reply a little more harshly than I intended.
“How did you know…?” my mom starts.
“Oh, you know, stories get around in our family, Mom. Elizabeth heard it from her parents and then told me. Dad once dated your mom.”
My mom puts up her hands with a wince. “That’s enough.”
“Then before you judge me and Matis for loving each other regardless of our ages or our relationship or others’ opinions, consider what it felt like when you did it.”
My dad is watching me with a guarded expression. But neither of them speak, and I start to feel as if I’ve made a point they can’t deny.
“We are not judging you, Mel. We are your parents. We are worried about you,” my mom says softly.
“Well, you don’t need to worry about me. In fact, you should be relieved. I’ve found a man who loves me for me. Who puts my needs first and always takes care of me. He makes me a better person and loves me unconditionally. If anything, you should be overjoyed at this news because I know I am.”
When I walk back into the house, I march directly to my room. I don’t give my parents a chance to counter or argue. I just need to move. I need to do something.
So without knowing why and with absolutely no plan in mind, when I get to my bedroom, I start to pack.