Chapter 21 Thayla #2
“I meant what I said. She’s as much mine as she is either of yours. We, as in her and me, will talk about the rest. Without all of you.” Creed slides off my counter agonizingly slow. I don’t take my eyes off him. “Are you hungry?”
My lip’s part, but no sound comes out, so I shake my head. He gives me a nod, then leaves the bathroom, and a hint of disappointment slithers through me.
It’s washed away a second later by a flutter I’m growing more familiar with.
That sneaky asshole.
I told them I’ve felt sensations and only a handful of times have I been able to pinpoint who it was coming from. That particular movement in my chest is distinct. Heavier. I’ve always assumed whichever of them it was must have been experiencing stronger feelings at the time.
It’s been him.
He’s been touching my soul this whole time.
“I’m going to my room, but I’ll come check on you later.
Most of my plans need to be reworked and this conversation has derailed completely from what I originally wanted to address, but I believe you’ve had enough for the day.
I’ll gather my considerations and present them to everyone in the morning. ”
My eyes drift shut as Amick kneels and lays a kiss on my forehead.
“Is everyone purposely avoiding talking about the power that came out of me because it’s…”
“An ability of Obliteration?”
I nod.
“I don’t want to say anything based on an assumption.” His tone is light, but the worry is clear and my throat closes.
“He gave me some of his power, didn’t he? Like I thought after the temple?”
“I…don’t know, Mysenta. V, Derivius, and Verlet aren’t answering me. I asked V if I should continue to teach you in the way he instructed me, but he won’t address it.”
That gives me no hope that I’m wrong and I swallow back the emotion building in my chest.
“I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m going to figure out everything I can, I swear. I’ll check on you later.”
My fists clench beneath the water as he walks out of the bathroom and I stare around, dumbfounded, as Kyzen snatches Riven’s clothes off the ground.
“Come on, Riven. Give Thayla some privacy.”
Without a complaint, joke, a glance at me, or anything, he unceremoniously jumps out of the bath, causing water to splash over the side and go everywhere.
Kyzen huffs and slings the towel from around his waist at him.
“I’ll be back after I change.”
I return his small smile with one of my own as they leave, but it slips away the second they shut the door.
The silence and now open space of my bathroom immediately overwhelm me. No part of me wants to relax in here alone or allow myself time to drift into my own thoughts.
There’s far too much to think about.
To worry about. Process.
I don’t want to deal with any of that…alone.
Muffled voices coming from my room have my eyebrows scrunching together and I don’t think twice before climbing out of the bath.
My toes grip the wet floor so I don’t bust my ass as I make my way to my door and press my ear against it. I probably should’ve learned my lesson on eavesdropping when I did it the first time but call me curious.
Plus, they’re having a discussion in my room. That automatically gives me the right to listen.
“Why is it even up here? Why didn’t she put it under her bed or something?”
What is he asking about?
“She put it up there facing the wall ’cause she felt like his eyes were watching her bed, but you gave it to her, so she wants to be able to see it. It’s important to her even if it does creep her out a little.”
I stifle the laugh that tries to escape me. They’re talking about the High Chancellor’s head statue.
Did Riven really think I would’ve gotten rid of it or something?
It’s the funniest and weirdest gift I’ve ever been given.
If it wasn’t important to me like Kyzen pointed out and didn’t make me laugh fondly every time I look at it now, I’d crush the damn thing after the shit that asshole pulled today.
“Are all of you fucking with me?”
My heart skips a beat at the pain in Riven’s voice, and I jerk away from the door. I press my ear back to it just as fast, though.
“No, we’re not. I know it might be hard for you to accept, but she cares about you. Just the way you are.”
“Fuck you.”
I don’t know if Riven shoved him or punched him, but the grunt falling from Kyzen has me wrapping my hand around the doorknob.
“Stop doing this.” Kyzen’s tone holds me frozen, unable to open the door. Their heavy breathing is just as loud as my own.
“I’ve always been understanding about your feelings and why you react the way you do.
Always. I always will be, but I’m telling you right now, Riven, when she comes to you to have the conversation she wants and deserves to have with you, you better put this shit to the side and be real with her.
I’m not going to let you keep hurting her. ”
“Hurt her?” Riven shouts. “I’ve never hurt her, and I never will.”
“You hurt her feelings a little every time she tries to be the slightest bit real with you and you pull away. I know despite the steel of armor she surrounds herself in, you recognize it. You do the same shit. We all do, but at least Amick and I are trying to change. Hopefully, Creed is as well. That’s why I called him out tonight and why I’m doing it to you.
If you can’t be open and honest with her, though, then stop this shit now.
No more flirting, no more nicknames, no more leading her to believe there’s something forming between you two. Nothing.”
“So you just expect me to what? Either jump into this little Valtrue relationship and allow you to mediate me and everything I do or just have nothing to do with my Binder or any of you?”
“You’re putting words in my mouth so you can find an excuse good enough to dismiss your own feelings and blame me for why you and her can’t be together as well.
I’m not falling for that shit, Riven. I’m not going to mediate your relationship with her or any of the relationships she has with any of us.
This is me setting that record straight.
Again. You can be with her if that’s what you and her want.
The decision is completely on the two of you.
You just have to fucking be honest with her and most importantly, yourself. ”
A second passes, then my bedroom door slams with enough force to rattle my bathroom walls. I cover my mouth with my hand to hide the slip of sound that surprises me.
My fingers tremble as I grip my doorknob again and turn it impossibly slow.
I crack it open enough to see out but also keep my body hidden.
Everything within me hurts as I stare at Riven’s back, the fingers he has laced in his hair, and the tense energy he has pouring off him.
The internal fight he’s having is obvious.
I’ve been fighting it since the second Derivius split my soul.
It’s grown, morphed, and challenged me. Hell, it still does.
Every time I think about wanting all four of them, I argue with myself about how selfish, abnormal, and strange it is. I try to blame my soul or my self-isolated past life for suddenly making me crave connections.
I try to blame it on anything other than accepting the fact that it’s my desires, wants…needs.
I need them equally.
I choke on a gasp and hold my breath as Riven pivots his body the slightest bit, making my fireplace shine a different light on him. Everything inside of me burns and runs cold as my eyes trace his back.
The sight disappears as icy blue and burgundy stare back at me.
Stuck. Unswirling. Trapped in a war.
Both sides are losing.
So many things I want to ask, say, run across my mind, but he doesn’t give me a chance to voice them. He’s already slamming my door before I can cross my bathroom threshold.
The cool air isn’t the only thing that causes me to shiver. The pain, confusion, and I don’t know…desperation that was in his eyes were just as chilling.
It’s been a long day. We have time to face this later.
I walk into my closet with a defeated sigh as the weight of the day presses into me.
Drying my body and hair with one of the extra towels in here is overstimulating. I literally want to snatch at my roots and scream bloody murder.
I don’t, though. My lungs fill repeatedly with the deep breaths I take as I slip on a T-shirt and nothing else. The thought of a bra or underwear touching my skin right now could send me over the edge.
My bare feet patter across my floor to my bed and I rub the fabric of my comforter between my fingers before pulling it back.
Hands grip my hips, and a surprised shriek pours from my mouth as Kyzen pulls me down on top of him.
I brace one of my hands on his chest and sit myself up, smiling as I ruffle his wet hair with the other.
“Holy shit, you scared me. I didn’t even see you lay yourself down. Did you take a shower?”
He runs his fingers up my thighs, and his smirk widens as he grips my hips with nothing in his way. “I did. Record time. I didn’t want to be away from you for long.”
My gaze softens and the irritation leaks from my body as his masterful fingers run circles around my bare skin.
His words probably hold truth to them, but I know he also means, I know you don’t want to be alone, but you’re not going to tell me that, so I’m going to put all the blame on myself, then you won’t feel some type of way about yourself.
“Kyzen,” I whisper, cupping his cheek. “Are you okay?”
His face cracks for a millisecond. “Of course I am. You shouldn’t be worrying about me right now, though. Are you okay?”
My head shakes before my mouth even parts. “No, I’m not.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
His question drains the building pressure in my chest. I quit holding my weight and fully sit myself on top of him.
“I feel so guilty, for so many things. It’s eating me alive. The further I bury it, the more it unsettles me.”
He tilts his head to the side, slowing his soothing strokes on my sides. “Like what?”