Chapter Twenty-Two August 8 #3
His face lights up. “Because you want to see me naked?”
“Get over yourself,” I say, pushing him with my free hand. Instead of moving away, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me beneath the surface. Our eyes meet under water, and he smirks before removing his trunks. He floats up and I catch a glimpse of him—all of him—before I rise.
“Theo!” I say, shaking the water off my face.
He throws his shorts out of the pool. “Did you get a good look?”
“No. I’m not a pervert.”
He swims up to me, and my heart races so fast I’m afraid I may go into cardiac arrest. Eyes above the surface.
“Wanting to see me naked doesn’t make you a pervert, Lennon.”
I look away, feeling my throat catch. “That’s not what my dad would say.”
Theo swims closer, snaking one arm around my waist while the other hand traces the strap of my bathing suit. “I don’t really want to talk about him right now.”
“What are you doing?” I ask, studying his hand on my shoulder.
“Can I slide this down?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“Don’t think. Just answer honestly.” His eyes bury deep into mine. “Do you want me to slide this down?”
I shake my head, but the word “yes” comes out.
“I need a clear answer,” he says. His tone is so level, as is his stare.
I swallow, thinking it over, but truly, there isn’t much thinking happening in this moment.
“Yes,” I say, nodding.
He keeps his eyes on me as he slides both straps of my bathing suit down. He stops just above my breasts.
Without thinking, I wrap my arms around his body and kiss him.
With my mouth on his mouth and his bare body up against my almost bare body, I’m very aware of how much he wants this, and it feels so good knowing he does.
But that’s not the only thing that feels good.
Being wanted after seven months of wondering, analyzing, obsessing over what it was I did to push John away really messed with my confidence.
We pull apart and he looks at me in complete awe. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
I don’t say anything back because I don’t want to lie to him.
The attraction I’m experiencing is new. It’s intense.
And it’s different from the way I feel around John.
It’s like Theo can satisfy this part of me that John was never able to.
With John, too many words and feelings got in the way of us coming together fully, and with Theo, we both just want each other on a physical level.
And in this moment, I’m not afraid to act on it.
“Can we go inside?” I ask, almost breathless.
His jaw clenches as sun-glistened droplets of water trickle down his neck. Theo nods and we swim to the stairs. I get out first, adjusting my straps and passing him his trunks. I turn away as he puts them back on. We grab our towels and the monitor before heading inside.
“Paulie’s in my room,” he says, dripping wet, his body this impressive specimen I can’t believe I’ve only recently come to appreciate. “The basement.”
He takes my hand, leading me to the stairs. It’s cold and damp down there but it’s also dark, and private.
We kiss again in front of the couch. His kisses are different from John’s.
I didn’t realize kisses could be so different.
Theo’s tongue is a lot more active, and he kisses harder, like he wants to consume me.
I can’t tell if I like it or not. I’m experiencing way too much at once.
All my senses are currently battling for first place.
We drop our towels and lower ourselves onto the couch.
He begins moving my straps down again and I let him.
He stops once my suit is at my waist and he swallows as he takes in the sight of me, half-naked, in front of him.
He kisses me again while simultaneously removing his soaked trunks. His body is wedged between my thighs and he presses himself up against my lower half, his hands caressing my goosebump-covered skin. He thrusts against me in a slow, rocking motion and it feels indescribably good.
“I need to…you know,” he says after a few minutes, nodding at me as if I’m supposed to understand. He looks down, his breathing heavy. “Are you okay if I…?”
“Oh,” I reply, realization dawning, along with some disappointment. “Yeah.”
He pulls himself off me and goes into the basement bathroom to finish. I sit and put my suit back on, then pick my towel up from the floor and wrap it around my body, shivering.
Did that just happen? Did I just hook up with Theo?
A noise comes from the baby monitor. I grab it while making my way up the stairs, which creak with every step.
I sneak into Theo’s room to check on Paulie, who is thankfully sound asleep.
Her angelic face fills me with both love and another feeling I can’t quite name.
My gaze falls to Theo’s bed, and I shut my eyes tight, trying to erase the memory of John from my mind.
It doesn’t work. It never works. Instead, I sit on the edge of the bed, burying my hands in my face, and cry as quietly as I can, rocking back and forth.
Regret.
The other feeling is regret.