Chapter Twenty-Three September 2
Chapter Twenty-three
Early September, and both time and daylight are slipping away.
Theo and his mom spent Labor Day at our house.
My parents invited them over for a barbecue.
Georgie was also here visiting with her family.
Her family. I’m still trying to get used to the fact that my sister has a family.
She’s married. And she no longer lives with us.
The lead-up to Georgie and Paulie moving out was worse than them actually being gone.
Or maybe that’s just a lie I tell myself to deal with the truth, a “truth” the logical part of my brain says is just my insecurity speaking, or my tendency to create situations that don’t exist. But I can’t help wondering if maybe there’s a reason why people keep leaving me.
Having a baby around brought a lightness to our home. Now that they’re both gone, it’s sad. I think we all feel it. The loneliness. At least my parents have each other. And I guess the other truth is, I’m not completely alone either.
When I was helping Mom clean up after dinner, Theo asked my dad if it would be okay if we went to Main Street to watch the Labor Day fireworks.
Theo said it was an immediate yes. It is unbelievably easy going out with him.
So much so that I almost feel guilty about lying to them about our relationship status. Because maybe they wouldn’t mind?
After that first time we hooked up, I hid out in Theo’s room until Mom and Georgie returned from their vendor meetings, saying Paulie was fussy and needed me to be with her. Theo and I didn’t speak again until Georgie’s wedding, one week later.
He asked me to dance, and I accepted, because the truth is, I wanted to.
There was something so romantic about the entire setting.
Theo’s backyard. The moon and the stars and the music and the general ambiance of love.
It felt like, for the first time in a long time, we were all happy.
And I realized part of my happiness was due to Theo.
“I’m sorry if I made things weird between us,” he whispered as we danced to a slow song.
I shook my head slightly, taking in the scene.
Twinkle-lights hung along the wooden fence.
A wedding cake, half of it gone, sat on a small table, surrounded by gifts.
My sister and her new husband appeared to be blissfully in love.
My parents were chatting with family and friends, smiles on their faces.
Petra held baby Paulie. On the surface, everything looked perfect, and I allowed myself, in that moment, to believe it was.
“It’s not your fault. I started it,” I said, taking responsibility for ruining our friendship.
“I’m glad you did,” he said, his eyes locked on mine. They were so clear; a tiny version of me was reflected in them. If anyone had seen how Theo was staring at me right then, they’d have known there was something going on between us. We were one spark away from setting the entire backyard on fire.
“It was…I wasn’t planning…I guess I just…” I scrunched up my face. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”
“You think too much, you know that, right?” he teased.
“Yeah. I do,” I said, looking down.
“You also worry too much,” he said, lowering his head to meet my eyes.
“I do,” I said around a swallow.
“And my guess is that when you and I were together, you weren’t thinking or worrying too much about anything. Correct?”
“Correct.” At least in the moment.
“So why can’t we just go with that?” he asked, as his lips grazed my ear.
“You mean, just hook up?”
“No.” He shook his head as his eyes traced over me softly. “I don’t want to just hook up with you. I like you, Lennon. A lot. And I want you to be my girlfriend.”
My body tingled at his words. No one had ever asked me to be their girlfriend before.
My gaze met my father’s. He was at the other end of the backyard, and he was smiling, watching me and Theo dance.
My mind flashed forward to our own wedding.
It would be all the same people and probably two hundred more.
Theo makes sense. He just does. And I like the fact that even though my parents think he’s perfect, he’s different around me.
“I can’t stop thinking about you, Lennon. I’ve never…” He cleared his throat. “You do something to me. Something no one else has.”
I pressed my hand into his shoulder, watching as his chest rose with every breath. His fingers gripped me tighter, and I was back to that moment in the pool when all I wanted to do was kiss him.
“Say we do this,” I replied. “I want to do it the right way. I need you to tell John, so he’s not blindsided by the sight of us together.”
“What about our parents?”
“When we’re both ready and we know that this is something real, we can tell them together,” I answered.
“I already know it’s real,” he said with a confident smile.
Something about being around a person who felt so sure about me made me want to take the plunge.
“Regardless, we should wait. Maybe October? That way they won’t think anything happened between us this summer. We don’t need them connecting the dots.”
“Whatever you want.”
“Okay.” I nodded, meeting his eyes.
“Okay.” He gently pressed his forehead to mine. “Does this mean you’re my girlfriend?”
“I think so,” I said, sucking in my cheeks.
“You don’t know how happy you’ve made me.” He placed a soft kiss on my temple as the song came to an end, and it made me feel as if I’d made the right decision. For once.
We spent the rest of the night apart so as not to draw attention to our new relationship status, but we couldn’t stop gazing at one another across the backyard, like we were the only two people in on this secret.
And in that moment, we were.
“So, are we really going to Main Street to watch fireworks?” I ask Theo now.
“We can do whatever you want,” he says, stealing a glance at me as he drives. “You want to go for a night swim instead?”
“I don’t have a suit,” I say. “And what about your mom?”
“Haven’t we already established that you don’t need a suit?” He says it in this arrogant, suggestive way, but it still causes a small fleet of endorphins to rush through me. “Your father invited my mom to stay for cards. You know how they get when they play. They lose track of time.”
Theo and I haven’t done more than steal a kiss here and there since that day in his basement.
After the wedding, I felt ready to try with him again, but we haven’t had the opportunity.
Georgie and Zach went to Niagara Falls for their honeymoon, which meant I was on Paulie duty.
I’d bring her to Theo’s, or he’d come over with his mom, but people were always around us.
Theo has sent me a couple racy texts, pictures too, but I’m too much of a wimp to return the favor.
Besides, I really want this thing between us to be more than physical.
I’m sacrificing a lot by choosing him, and it needs to be right. For both of us.
“What about my hair?” I ask. “I can’t exactly come home with wet hair.”
He holds a hand to his heart. “I promise not to dunk you.”
I snort laugh, and he grabs my thigh, shaking it. “Come on. You can wear your bra and underwear. I’ll throw them in the dryer after we’re done. Or we can save that step and just…”
“Okay, fine. Let’s go night swimming.”
Theo smiles a victorious little smile.
Once we arrive at Theo’s, I go straight to the backyard from his bedroom while he grabs us towels. I undress quickly, leaving my clothes in a splash-free zone, and step into the pool before Theo can view my half-naked body.
“Damn. You’re fast, Hadid. I didn’t even get to sneak a peek.”
“That was the point,” I say, moving methodically through the pool, making sure to keep my head above water.
Theo squints at me before putting down the towels. He turns on the pool lights and plays music over the Bluetooth speaker.
“Not too loud,” I say. “We don’t want to draw any attention.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he says, lowering the volume slightly. He steps into the pool carefully, and it warms my heart seeing him try so hard. He nods up at me and smirks. “Come here.”
Theo watches with sharpened focus as I make my way toward him. He’s got this look on his face like he can’t believe I’m his, and as I study his strong jawline, long eyelashes, and the hard edges of his body, I can’t believe he’s mine either.
I practically glide over to him in the shallow end, making sure to keep my shoulders above the surface, my dark hair safe in a messy topknot. I’ve already timed out in my head that with my curfew we only have an hour to hang out here before heading back.
“Why were you so mean to me when we were kids?” I ask, never one for small talk.
“I was mean to everyone,” Theo says, snaking an arm around my waist and pulling me to him.
“Not true. I’m very observant, and I observed that you were tougher on me than everyone else. Was I really that weird?”
Theo rolls his head before his eyes find mine. “I was going through a lot. My dad was sick. In and out of the hospital. Mom was a mess. I wasn’t getting the attention I wanted at home, so I acted out in public. The thing is, everyone else fought back, but not you. You just sat there and took it.”
I think about that younger, lost version of me. “You weren’t the first person to be mean to me. By the time you came around, I’d learned how to dissociate. To the point where I was mostly able to block out your words. Your looks. All of it. At least as it was happening.”
“God.” Theo shakes his head. “I’m so sorry. It crushes me knowing that I was just another asshole who made your existence harder.”
“You were young and dealing with something you probably didn’t know how to process.”
“But you didn’t know that then. It also doesn’t excuse my behavior.”
“I forgive you,” I say, locking eyes with Theo.
His lips curve in a smile as he pulls me in closer. “For the record, you were really weird but also really pretty. Even with the unibrow.”
“Shut up,” I say, pushing him away playfully, but he pulls me back in.