Chapter Twenty-Three September 2 #2
I wrap my legs around him as he continues to hold me close. He places a kiss on my shoulder, then my neck. His finger traces the skin below my collarbone. “M-I-N-E,” he spells out, and my heart swells. Just as he’s about to kiss me, I pull back slightly.
“How many girls have you been with?” I ask, my autistic timing on point.
He shrugs. “Like, girlfriends?”
“No. Like been with sexually.”
He flushes, swallowing hard before clearing his throat. “What kind of sex are we talking about?”
“All forms?” I ask. My voice sounds like a twelve-year-old’s. I don’t know why I’m so nervous.
“I’ve had sex with four girls, and I’ve fooled around with a few others.”
Four?
“What does ‘fooling around’ entail? Like what we did?”
Theo cranks his neck, his shoulders rising with the motion. “Lennon, come on. Can’t we just enjoy this moment?”
I cross my arms in front of me and he sighs. A space growing between us.
“No,” he finally answers. “More than what we did.”
“You mean oral sex, right?”
He laughs. “I love how to the point you are. Yes. Oral sex. Hand jobs. Etcetera.”
“Girls did that to you, or you did it to them?”
“Both.” He answers the question so casually, like he’s being interviewed by a nighttime talk show host.
I swim away to the pool stairs and sit. I’m so self-destructive. Every time things feel too good, I swipe away the surface and dig below, trying to find the buried truths, in an attempt to reveal that none of this is real.
“I don’t know why you’re so upset,” he says, swimming to me. “All of that was before we were even friends. You don’t see me grilling you about what you and John did, or didn’t do.”
Just hearing his name causes my entire body to react. I shrink into myself, and I have to force my eyelids open when all I want to do right now is squeeze them shut and disappear. Old habits die never.
“Come on,” Theo says, reaching out to me.
“Where?”
“My room.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re my girlfriend and I want to be with you.”
“This feels more like you placating me,” I say, rolling my eyes as I press my folded arms closer to my chest.
“Come on,” he says, still holding out his hand.
I think about it for a second. About his offer or suggestion or request…I’m not sure which it is. But I’m also kind of intrigued to see if Theo can make me feel the way John did. As quickly as John did.
“Fine,” I say, placing my hand in his. I rise from the pool step, pulling my wet bra and underwear away from my body, as if that is going to help hide anything.
His eyes take me in. “Yes, you are.”
I push him away, but he pulls me to him, and we kiss again like we did that first time in the pool. I move my lips off his and take his hand, grabbing a towel and walking into his room.
“Turn around,” I say then, and Theo rolls his eyes playfully as he obeys.
I undress and wrap the towel around me, then hand him my wet things.
“I need you to put these in the dryer first,” I say, thinking practically as he closes the door behind us.
No matter how worked up I am, I must always think practically.
I need to walk through the doors of my home looking like I did when I left.
Pretty.
Put together.
Clean.
He takes my things to the laundry room, and I wait on his bed. I check my phone. A few texts from Andie. She wants to know what I’m wearing tomorrow. Then a text from Mom.
Mom: Georgie and Zach are going to Main Street too. Text her so you can be together.
Me: Ok.
“Shit.”
“What is it?” Theo asks as he enters his room, a towel wrapped around his hips.
“My mom just texted. She said Georgie’s on Main with Zach and to text her.”
“So, text Georgie and tell her the truth. She’ll cover for you,” he says, sitting next to me.
I nod and start typing furiously to Georgie, explaining that I lied to Mom and Dad about Main Street and that I’m out with Theo.
Georgie: Where are you and Theo?
Me: Hanging out with his band in John’s garage.
Georgie: That’s boring. Come here.
“She wants us to meet her there.”
“Tell her you can’t.”
“I don’t want to lie to her again,” I say, frowning at Theo and my phone.
Me: I don’t really want to go to Main. It’s too loud and busy. You know how easily I can go into sensory overload.
Georgie: Are you lying to me?
Me: No.
Me: Yes. Theo and I are hanging out alone.
Georgie: I knew it!
Me: Can you cover for me?
Georgie: Yes. Just don’t do anything stupid. Like get caught.
Me: So if mom asks you’ll tell her we met up, right?
Georgie: Yes. Don’t worry.
Me: thx
Georgie:
I exhale a shaky breath and place my phone face down on his night table, making sure to turn on sound notifications first.
“All good?” he asks.
“Yeah. But now Georgie knows about us. Which means Zach will too.”
Theo smiles and leans in to kiss me.
“Wait,” I say, leaning back. “Can you turn off the lights? And close the curtains?”
“Sure.” He gets up and does what I ask, his towel barely hanging on.
“And lock the door. Just in case,” I demand, my nerves taking over. It’s like speaking to my family broke the spell. We said we didn’t want to sneak around, and yet here we are, sneaking around and lying and getting other people to lie for us.
Theo returns and sits next to me again. He runs a finger over my lips, studying my face. “I’ve thought about this a lot,” he says, his voice low. “You, here, with me, in my room.”
“Oh yeah?” I say, nodding casually like he just told me he enjoys pineapple on his pizza.
“You’re so funny.” He kisses me and it’s hard. Passionate. Intense. I wish he would ease in. Maybe take it easy with the tongue. But I can’t tell him that. It’s Theo Petropolis. He doesn’t need kissing lessons from me.
I start to feel my body moving back. He’s trying to get me to lie down but it’s hard to move my legs with the towel wrapped so tightly around me.
Theo stops and licks his lips, his eyes flicking down. “Can I take this off?”
“Do you have a T-shirt I can wear?”
“You want to put clothes on?” he asks.
“Just a shirt.”
“Okay,” he says, like he gets it. I hope he does.
Theo walks confidently to his dresser to find me a T-shirt. He passes it to me, and I throw it on before finally removing the towel and tossing it to the floor.
“Can I…?” I reach out, my hand resting on the part of the towel that meets his hip.
“Yeah, I mean, if you’re sure?” he asks, standing across from me.
I nod and remove the towel from around his waist. My lips part at the sight of him.
I’m not sure what I was expecting. I’ve never seen one outside of textbooks.
That time in the pool didn’t really count, and by the time I realized what I was looking at I was already above the surface.
Even though I’d been tempted to look online, something always stopped me—probably the fear of getting caught.
I swallow, forcing myself not to freeze up.
Taking in a deep breath, I gently wrap my fingers around him. He places his hand over mine, tightening my grip. “It’s not as delicate as we make it out to be.” He laughs, and it helps lighten the moment. A little.