Chapter 36
THEN
Mid August
I slid the card out of the envelope.
On the front, it said:
Happy Birthday, to our special daughter
I swallowed and flicked it open.
Love, Janine and Dad.
I recognised Janine’s swirly handwriting. Not that it was surprising. She always took care of things like this. Buying gifts. Signing cards.
It still felt odd though. Her handwriting. Her name first. Almost as though Dad was an afterthought.
I shook my head and carried the card to the TV cabinet, standing it beside the others.
There weren’t many. One from my aunt. A couple from work. Another from Sarah, an old friend from university I hadn’t spoken to in months.
I stepped back slightly, tilting my head as I looked at them lined up.
There was still room for one more.
The most important one.
I frowned.
Ryan wasn’t always the best at remembering things like this, though…
Two Years Ago – Mid September
The box was still there. Unopened.
Every time I walked into the guest room, my gaze drifted straight to it, like it was a beacon. One that signalled something wasn’t quite right.
‘We’ll exchange gifts later,’ Ryan had said when I’d tried to give it to him.
I’d nodded my agreement, even though it had been a statement rather than a question.
He hadn’t asked if I’d mind. He just decided.
That wasn’t a good sign either, was it?
I shook my head, desperately trying to push that question away.
It wasn’t his fault.
The last two months had been a strain since we arrived at Blackwater. Anyone would be stretched too thin in his situation. Thrust into running a business. Worrying about his dad’s health. And trying to support his mum as she struggled to cope with it all.
He was a good son.
A good man.
I let out a slow sigh, releasing the frustration that had been building inside me.
How could I be angry at him for the qualities that had attracted me to him in the first place?
And, yet, I still couldn’t shake the question that niggled in the back of my mind. How much later?
The anniversary of the day we met had been two days ago, and he’d made no further comment or plan. It was as though it had simply been forgotten.
A heavy ache in my chest told me it wasn’t really about the gift being neglected and unwanted.
The problem was I felt that way too.
Maybe things would be different if we had our own space.
I glanced around the guest room. Thanks to Charlotte’s interference, we didn’t even get to share a room.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out, my heart lifting when I saw Ryan’s name.
How’s your day going?
I smiled as I read his message. Just because he was busy, it didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking about me.
My thumbs flew across the keyboard as I typed quickly. Eager for the connection he was offering.
All good thanks. How about you? Anything I can do to help?
I waited, watching the screen for the little ticks to turn blue as he read my message.
They didn’t change.
Another sigh slipped out of me as I realised he’d already moved on. I’d been a fleeting thought in the busyness of his day. So fleeting he hadn’t even waited for my reply.
Did that mean the message wasn’t genuine? A moment of missing me? Or was I just an obligation? Something to check off his list before returning to the people, the things, that deserved his full attention?
I shook my head.
A message on a screen wasn’t enough to sustain a relationship any more.
Maybe it never had been.
I set the phone face down beside the gift.
‘Hey.’ Ryan’s voice pulled me back to the present.
I turned and smiled a big beaming grin. ‘You’re early.’
‘Yeah, it was such a nightmare of a day, I just needed to get home, take a shower and—’ His gaze dropped to the cards behind me. ‘Your birthday.’
He let out a groan as his body seemed to crumple before me.
‘It’s okay,’ I said with forced lightness.
‘I promised to take you out for dinner, didn’t I?’
I nodded, hopefully. Clearly, he’d forgotten to get me a card, but that didn’t matter. We could have dinner together. Celebrate.
‘Do you mind if we go tomorrow instead?’ he asked wearily.
Something hollowed within me. ‘I’m on the night shift tomorrow.’
‘Right.’ Ryan ran his hand through his hair. ‘The weekend then. That’ll be easier.’
‘Easier?’ I tried not to cringe.
‘Yeah, it’ll give me time to pick up a card, and figure out something for your gift.’
‘You don’t have to—’
‘It’ll be better that way,’ he said, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.
I moved closer, my arms already reaching to give him a hug.
‘Let me just jump in the shower first,’ he said, pulling away from me as my fingers brushed his arm.
I recoiled instantly.
He was being thoughtful, I told myself, as I watched him saunter off to the bathroom. He’d been around horses all day, he just wanted to freshen up before he hugged me.
I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, suddenly feeling cool.
I couldn’t quite recall the last time he had given me a hug.