15. Jaxus
FIFTEEN
JAXUS
O ur silly drunken training session was two nights ago and although we hadn’t tried it again, I felt optimistic. Something had happened that night between us.
Nyx had led the session, and really, we were all too tipsy to achieve anything. But while I’d stood mostly silent, a prop in her journey to overcoming her fears, there was a change between us. A trust in me she could not deny. A knowledge that I would keep her safe at all costs, and I felt the same from her.
Our bond was strengthening finally, despite her attempts to block it by keeping away from me. Proof that it could never be denied. She just needed the space to adjust to it, but that didn’t mean I was going to stay away from her. Oh no. I was keeping up the momentum I had built.
So even though we’d spent several hours in the dungeons together earlier, I couldn’t keep away .
I found myself leaning against the door frame of her workroom, watching her go about her alchemy with such seriousness. I eventually gave myself away, unable to suppress my chuckle.
She looked up and froze.
“Hi,” I said, stepping into the room.
“Hi,” she replied hesitantly. “Everything okay?”
“You said you had a lot to do this afternoon. I came to see if you needed any help.”
“Don’t you have things to do?”
“Nope. I’m at your disposal.”
She frowned at me, disbelieving. “For Nyx’s second in command, you seem to have shockingly little to do some days.”
I looked at my feet. I didn’t intend to bring this up, I just simply wanted to be around her. I wanted to keep things light because it was working for us, but there was no other explanation. “Well see, I don’t currently have a ryder. So, when my flight goes out, I have free time.”
I looked up to catch her eye, just as she too, looked down at her feet.
“I didn’t come to make you feel guilty,” I assured her. “We will get there. But until we do, can I make myself useful helping you?”
Her shoulders relaxed and she nodded. “Sure, but there’s a lot to do, so you have to keep up, not slow me down, okay?”
“You’re the boss,” I saluted.
She busied herself as soon as she had her apron tied around her waist. I found a pleasure in watching her work that I never expected. “You don’t have to stay. I’m sure you have training or somewhere to be.”
I had a million things to do, but none that called to me. I didn’t want to fight with Nyx again, or sit in another meeting about a war that no one expected to win. In all my years, my mortality had never felt so heavy. The fleeting moments never felt so important as they did with Kiera .
Before I realized what I was doing, I slid an apron over my head and my fingers brushed her elbow.
She looked over her shoulder as I stepped in behind her. “What are you doing?”
“Figuring out what you’re doing so I can help.”
She prickled a little.
“Without bulldozing over your methods,” I finished.
“I thought you said you helped the healer in your village. Shouldn’t you know?” She didn’t pull away from my touch as I reached around her to grab a knife.
“I’ve found every healer has their own subtle ways of doing things. Isn’t it better for me to study?”
She cast another look over her shoulder, causing her hair to tickle my face. “Watch yourself.”
My lips pulled into a smile. “What am I watching?”
“What I’m doing.” She followed an open book that was propped up on a stand, the pages well-worn and lightly splattered with years of dried herbs.
The pages were yellowed but easily readable. I scanned the words, stepping out from behind her to take a place at the station next to her. The space was big enough for many healers, but the times I’d found Kiera in here, it was just her or maybe one other. Did these places used to be full and bustling with healers? I wondered about the half-empty stores and the lack of alchemists. We always had alchemists to make potions, not healers. But I guess if I thought about it, they were all healers but with different focus.
I grabbed the next thing on her list. Prepping it while she worked on hers. She kept glancing over with her eyes narrowed.
“Be sure to chop evenly,” she scolded. “If I have to go over your work, then you are no help at all.”
I held my smirk in. I knew she was doing her best to seem bothered by my presence, but we’d spent plenty of time together since Nyx captured that poor soul in the dungeons and I was not going to let her push me away anymore. Besides, I wasn’t even convinced by her act. She was warming to me. I just had to persevere.
Taking extra care to give her no reason to criticize, I worked my way through the ingredients she begrudgingly handed me. I left them accumulating on the bench beside her as we worked in tandem. Reaching around her for the next bunch whenever I ran out, using the opportunity to be in her space and feel the brush of her arm against mine as she moved with practiced precision.
She pulled some huge, waxy leaves from a basket on the counter and began cutting them into rough strips, one long slice at a time. My hands itched to intervene with a better method, and I couldn’t resist. The worst she could do was resist my help.
I stepped in behind her and she froze as my arms came around her to still her knife. I paused, giving her a chance to push me away and when she did nothing, I pressed in, picking up the huge leaf and flipping it onto its reverse side, knowing they rolled more easily this way. I reached for a couple more and stacked them on top, then rolled them up tightly into a long tube.
She watched silently as I slid the knife from her hand and began slicing into the roll, creating long, perfect ribbons on her cutting board.
While I worked, she stood between my arms, transfixed and barely moving but not pushing me away. I reached the end of my leaf roll and set the knife down, breathing the sweet scent of her flame colored hair in before reluctantly stepping away.
Moving out of her space seemed to break the spell for both of us, and she smoothed her apron down reflexively and murmured some thanks before turning to the cabinet on the opposite side of the workroom. I watched her for a moment as she busied herself by collecting some bottled ingredients from a cabinet.
She was so self assured, going directly to everything she was seeking because this was her territory. Everything in her workroom was catalogued in her incredible mind. I was transfixed. She reached for something on a high shelf and her tiny form stretched as high as possible, but with several things already gathered in one arm, she did not have the height she needed.
I was across the room without a thought, reaching over her head to secure the obviously seldom-used item in her collection. My hand skimmed hers as she pulled back, startling her. She sucked in a breath and must have loosened her hold on her collection of bottles as they cascaded to the floor, smashing and spilling their contents around her feet.
I reacted immediately, sweeping her off her feet. Not knowing exactly what dangers the contents of so many brown and black glass bottles could house, but knowing enough to suspect that mixing such things together in random quantities might not be good. I strode away from the mess before things could really begin mixing together.
“Jaxus!” she gasped. “Put me down.”
“Is it safe?” I asked urgently. “Did you get anything on you?” All I could think of was a time when I was a child that an alchemist from our village was badly burned when a particularly old and overcrowded shelf collapsed on her and I feared something similar might happen to Kiera.
“Of course it’s safe. Put me down.”
I carried her to the counter and set her on the surface, scanning her apron and robes right away for any splashes or burn marks. Shifting the folds of fabric, to be sure.
She shooed my hands away. “What are you doing?” she snapped.
“Making sure nothing harmful got you.” There was nothing, and I felt relieved and foolish in equal parts.
“There was nothing harmful there,” she sighed, peering over my shoulder. “Just my entire stock of goldenseal root powder, which is now full of broken glass and borage seeds. For the love of the Goddess! Goldenseal is almost impossible to acquire until the spring thaws in the Ice Kingdom and exposes the ground in the lowlands.”
I looked back at the destruction, guilty for surprising her and causing the damage. “I’ll help you find some,” I swore.
She turned her gaze on me and looked unimpressed. “Oh, you have knowledge of the goldenseal trade as well as all of your other random knowledge, do you?”
Annoyed with myself for inadvertently placing myself back on the wrong side of her good graces, I considered my response. “No, but I have a strong motivation to acquaint myself with it now.”
She sighed, weary of my persistence, I assumed. I tried not to feel defeated. If I didn’t stay optimistic and keep trying, she was going to think she could push me aside for good.
“Good luck with that. I only know of a few traders who ever have stock, and they travel the Twelve Kingdoms selling at festivals and markets. They could be anywhere in the land right now.”
I perked up at this. “Festivals like the one on the palace show grounds this coming weekend?”
Kiera’s face whipped towards me at that. “Really?”
I smothered a laugh. “Yes, really. The festival of Nanaya.”
“So soon? I thought it was weeks away.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know, you ought to leave your work occasionally. There are notices all over the city.” I paused, knowing there would never be a favorable time to put myself out there, so I just said what I wanted to say: “I was actually going to ask if you would accompany me?”
Her face softened, and I was taken aback by the lack of resistance she seemed to show for the idea. So I gave another little nudge. “I was hoping not to have to go alone.”
She swallowed and then nodded. “I’ll go with you.”
I couldn’t read her expression, but it seemed troubled. “Tha?— ”
“I’m sor?—”
We both spoke at the same time, cutting ourselves off to listen to each other.
“Sorry. You first,” I insisted with a smile.
“No, you go,” she countered.
I chuckled. “I was thanking you for agreeing to accompany me.”
She lowered her eyes, dipping her chin with an almost regretful expression. Without thinking, I used a finger to lift her chin and bring her eyes back up to mine.
She blinked, her eyes shining glassy with some emotion.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I was just going to say I’m sorry,” she replied.
“What for?” I frowned.
“For the fact that you feel alone.”
“Ah,” I cleared my throat. I felt instantly guilty for laying that on her. “I wouldn’t say I feel alone. I’d just like your company.”
“No, you have been alone. You’re new to the kingdom. You didn’t know anyone. Nyx is—well—Nyx has his own things going on, and I’ve been pushing you away. You must feel terribly alone.”
I pressed my lips together in a sheepish smile. “I’m not your responsibility, Kiera. I chose to be here.”
“Yes, but I’m your— we’re—” She couldn’t say the words still, but the acknowledgement of our bond was enough. It meant the world, even without the actual words. “I should have made sure you were settling in okay. I’ve been incredibly selfish. The least you deserve is a friend here. I’m so sorry, Jaxus.”
I brushed a strand of hair out of her face and took my chance to really stare into her incredible blue eyes since she wasn’t averting her gaze for once.
I was drawn into her space even further by the intoxicating scent of her. Mine, my dragon told me. Ours .
I realized my breathing was affected at the same time as I noticed hers had become more rapid as well. Was she as affected by this proximity as me?
Before I knew it, our lips were brushing, and we shared breaths for a hesitant moment. I was giving her the space to tell me no at every turn. I would not push this. It would happen naturally. I was sure.
She didn’t flinch as her eyes searched mine.
I was hungry for her, desperate to impress my need on her with touch and sensation, but I didn’t attack. I melted into her. Our lips pressed, our tongues slid, and I was surely transported to the Goddess’ garden. No other place in all the realms could feel this wonderful. The Shores of Avalon would have nothing on her tender lips when I’m finally accepted there by the Goddess in death.
Breathless, we broke apart, and she gasped. I kissed along her jaw and drew in a lungful of the heady scent of her that was most potent along the soft skin of her delicate neck. I could get addicted to it, and I knew it was a sign of what she was to me.
Hands came up to my chest, and she clenched the fabric of my tunic in her fists for a moment, drawing me closer, before releasing it and smoothing her hands there instead, gently pushing us apart.
I breathed some clean air and the fog cleared somewhat. I waited for her to brush me off, to tell me that was a mistake—something akin to what I’d come to expect from her.
But nothing came. Instead, she touched her kiss-swollen lips and smiled.
I smiled back, just enjoying the small amount of progress.
Then she glanced behind me and sighed. “We’d better clean up.”
I held out my hand and she took it, hopping down from the bench. She lingered in my space for a moment before pointing at the corner by the door with a smirk .
“You fetch the broom. I’ll see what’s salvageable from the mess.”
I saluted like my flyers were supposed to do to me, and she turned on her heel and went back to the wreckage. I watched her for a moment, crouching to gather some pieces that were still intact. Then I went to find the broom with a huge smile on my face.