16. Jaxus
SIXTEEN
JAXUS
“ T his has gone far enough. It’s a lost cause, and it’s cruel. Plus, we are wasting valuable time down here on a fool’s mission. I have to tell him to put this madness to an end.” Kiera turned away from the undead. The more time she spent studying the thing, the less she could look at it.
“I know you do, but do you think you should do it now?” After the past week of meetings and the King acting the way he was, I wasn’t sure Nyx could handle more being added to his plate.
She tilted her head. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“You saw how he acted when he brought it here.” I didn’t like feeling caught between the two of them, but I knew the stability of the kingdom may come to rest on this.
“What are you not saying? ”
“I just don’t think he’s going to take it well.”
“What makes you say that?” Kiera asked.
“You haven’t seen how he’s been?” I asked her honestly.
She shook her head. “He seemed fine last night.”
“Of course he seemed fine last night. He was drunk and the evening was entertaining. But have you not noticed day to day how he’s—” I didn’t want to say erratic or losing it, but it was the closest thing to the truth, and I wasn’t going to lie to her. “He’s—all over the place. He’s up, then he’s down. He doesn’t sleep or eat enough. He’s not dealing with anything well at the moment.” It was the most diplomatic answer I could give.
“Of course he’s not. He lost his brother. His twin brother.” Her voice softened.
“This isn’t a normal reaction. Grief is a process, but he’s—getting worse—not better,” I said. Not sure how to really get it across without making Nyx seem too far gone to be in control of the armies.
He was still the general. It felt like treason to even utter the words I wanted to say.
She searched my face. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t want to—go too far across the line. I know he’s your friend.”
“He is my friend,” she pleaded. “Which is why you have to tell me what’s going on with him. I can’t help if I don’t know.”
“Look, I didn’t know him before this. I only know what I’m seeing now. Do you not see it?” How anyone could be missing Nyx falling apart piece by piece was beyond me.
“He’s grieving.”
“No, this is more than grieving. He’s losing his fucking marbles.” There. It was out. I felt immensely better not carrying the weight of it alone and incredibly guilty at the same time.
A crease formed in her brow. I could tell she was thinking back over all their interactions. “Honestly, I wasn’t too concerned before. Now you’ve got me worried. How bad is it truly?” she asked it at length.
“Like I said, I haven’t known him long enough to say for certain.”
“Well, considering he’s always been pretty level-headed and is now serving as our general, I think anything beyond level-headed is alarming.”
“He’s my commander. What do you expect me to say?” I asked.
“I’m asking you to tell a healer the truth about whether he needs help or not.”
“I think half the Twelve Kingdoms armies can see he needs help,” I said in a rush of frustration.
“Then why is nobody saying it?” she demanded.
“You don’t think they’re afraid to say the general is mentally unwell?”
Kiera pushed her hands into her hair, gathering it like she often did when she was trying to think through a difficult problem. “We all deal with death differently.”
“I know,” I assure her. “But where is the line? When is it unsafe for him to still be in command?”
She sighed. “Goddess knows.”
I lifted a shoulder and shook my head. “If I knew the best course of action, I would have taken it already. But I don’t.”
“Do you think he’s a danger to the kingdoms?” she asked carefully.
I could see her thought process. She was dancing around the issue so as not to say it out loud.
“I don’t think he’d recover from that,” I said with caution.
Her eyes flashed to mine. “Recover from what?”
“I can see what you’re thinking,” I replied.
“Don’t say it.” She exhaled, and I knew she was silently asking me if she needed to go to her father and have him removed .
“I don’t want to, but we may be left with no choice if something doesn’t change soon.”
“And what are we doing in the meantime?” she asked, seeming to really be taking this as seriously as I was now. My relief was palpable. “What of the King? Is he concerned?”
I huffed out my frustration. “The King sees what he wants to see. He finally has an Asra back in command. Do you think he is looking for problems to put that in jeopardy? He wants to present a solid, united front, especially after everything with Octavian. Removing Nyx would only further destabilize the command. I don’t think we can afford to do that with the threat of the undead.”
“Have you taken your concerns to him?” She asked.
“Goddess, no! Where would that get me? Nyx chose me as his second in command, and nobody but him fucking trusts me.”
“They trust you,” Kira said with another frown.
“No, the King doesn’t trust me because—” I bit my tongue, not wanting her to question my origin like the King was. “Because I’m brand new to the council and he can tell Nyx only trusts me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because it’s clear none of the flyers have any respect for my authority, Kiera,” I’d taken an oath, so I couldn’t exactly tell everyone that I was a well-respected leader where I came from. To this kingdom, I was an orphan from the fringes of society with no experience or real knowledge of the kingdoms. “It’s not exactly rational to make someone as new as I am his second.”
“Isn’t it easier to trust you rather than anyone Octavian could have turned?” Kiera asked, and I was glad she didn’t press.
“Yes, but neither is good, and the King has every right to be suspicious after Octavian. And a brand new, freshly bonded dragon being posted to the second highest rank in the kingdom, isn’t normal.” It wasn’t an act of an irrational man. I knew it was probably best for the kingdom, so I didn’t blame Nyx for his choice, but I knew how it looked.
“We get new dragons in all the time. It’s the law.”
“But still, why trust me over fae who have trained here their whole lives? The King doesn’t know me. None of the commanders know me, not the flyers. And then with Nyx acting erratic, how do you expect them to see it?”
“You make a good point,” she said, gathering her things before leading the way out of the dungeons. “So then, what do I do? I have to tell him this is hopeless. We have to put this thing down. We can’t keep it.”
“Why?”
“It’s not right. There is nothing that can be done for him. I have tried everything I could think of. I don’t even know what presence it has, but it’s against the natural order.”
“I know. It’s against the Goddess.”
“Which is why we stopped necromancy in the first place. His soul will never rest.” The worry lines on her forehead were becoming permanent and I hated it.
“If we don’t release his spirit by giving his body a proper ritual, his soul may wander forever.”
“I know,” I said softly, letting her get out her emotions.
“Whoever this fae was deserves to be laid to rest so he doesn’t wander the valley of the dead forever.”
“I’m worried Nyx will tell us to keep going,” I admitted. “He’s too close to it to see reason.”
“That fae has a family. He doesn’t deserve to be in a secret fucking dungeon.” Kiera insisted.
“You’re right.” But if Nyx was pushed any further, what would he do?
“Have they found his family?” she asked.
“I don’t know if Nyx has really looked because he doesn’t want anybody to know. I’ll look into it.” Another thing I’d have to do behind his back. The weight of all the secrets I kept would drown me.
“We have to talk to him, but maybe I should talk to Zaria first?” she suggested.
“If you think she can help, it can’t hurt, can it?” I asked.
“I guess not. Maybe she’ll have some insight into what’s going on with him, too.”