17. Kiera
SEVENTEEN
KIERA
I knocked on the door to Nyx and Zaria’s chambers, hoping I’d find her alone.
“Come in,” Zaria called from somewhere deeper in their suite.
I opened the door and found Zaria sitting with her feet up and a book in her lap.
“Hey,” she greeted, starting to rise.
“Don’t get up,” I insisted. I knew Nyx had her flying until the small hours, she must have been exhausted.
“You don’t have to tell me twice.” She laughed, patting the cushion next to her. “Come sit with me then. How are you? It feels like we hardly see each other these days.”
“The healer’s wing has me swamped. I barely have a minute to myself.”
“The healer’s wing? Or that new dragon of yours?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t even start.”
“Listen, he is putting in a lot of time to win you over, I hope you’re at least giving him a chance.” She smirked. “If you aren’t, there are plenty of females in the palace that will. He’s causing quite a stir. They haven’t seen a fresh face in a while and a face like his…” she drifted off with a dreamy expression.
I scoffed. “He’s not—” But I cut myself off. I was wasting my breath denying it. He was unreasonably attractive.
“He’s not what?” Zaria teased, and it triggered my stubborn side.
“He’s not even that good looking,” I said as assuredly as possible. But it was a lie as clear as day.
“You aren’t even convincing yourself,” she laughed. “Just give him a chance. He’s your ryder, you will be together for a lot of years. You never know. Something might blossom.”
My cheeks instantly heated and I could tell from the cunning look in her eyes that she didn’t miss it. Her eyes lit up. I groaned.
“By the Goddess! Did something happen already?” She reached over and clasped my arm as if pre-empting an escape attempt.
“No.” I tried.
Her eyes went wider, and I feared they might pop out. “You lie! Tell me now,” she demanded.
I let my head flop back on the chair and closed my eyes. “We kissed,” I whispered.
“When?” she shrieked and I winced, lifting my head to glare at her.
“Goddess, Zaria, calm down. I think the gargoyles in the Twelfth Kingdom just woke up.”
She was almost out of her seat. “Tell me everything.”
“There’s really nothing to tell. We’ve been spending a lot of time together working on—” I glanced around, even though we were in private. “The project. ”
Zaria nodded, then frowned. “Yuck, he didn’t make a move on you in the dungeons, did he?”
“No! He came by to see me in the healer’s wing and stayed to help me catch up on some potion orders.”
Zaria wrinkled her nose. “That’s not sexier.”
“It was quite sweet, actually. I spilled some things and he thought they might harm me, so he scooped me up and carried me to safety. Then we had a moment and it led to a kiss.”
There was a pause while she stared at me, grinning. “And?” she urged.
“And nothing, that was it.”
Her face fell. “That was it? When was this?”
“A few days ago.”
“A few days ago?”
“Is there an echo in here?” I deadpanned.
Zaria huffed. “You’re telling me you kissed a few days ago, and since then, nothing?”
“Yes. What did you expect?”
“Oh, I don’t know, lots of hot dragon sex?”
My eyes nearly pop out. “Zaria! What has happened to you?”
She smirked. “Lots of hot dragon sex.”
“Goddess save me, I do not want to know.”
She leaned in conspiratorially. “You know they can?—”
I pulled my arm out of her grip. “No. Nope.”
“And make it bigger?—”
“Do not finish that sentence. This conversation is done. I’ll see you in a few months. Or years.” I made to stand.
“Don’t be so dramatic!” She dragged me back. “I’m just being a good friend, giving you space to share.”
“Well, there are things I don’t need you to share with me. I’ve known Nyx since we were babes.”
“Fine, fine. But I’ve only known Jaxus for a short time, so I want all the details. ”
“You should see a healer. I think you’re a little too obsessed with my love life.”
“Love, is it?” She grinned stupidly.
“It’s just an expression, don’t get excited.”
“I am excited. At least one of us is having some excitement.” She admitted with a sad tone to her voice that gave me an opening.
“How’s Nyx doing?” I asked.
The mood sobered.
“I’m going to make tea.” She said and stood.
I feared for a minute that she’d shut down the subject, but she returned to the seating area with a tray of tea and resumed her seat.
“There are bad days, and there are worse days,” she said at length, and I could have sighed with relief.
“I’m sorry,” I said, pouring myself a cup of tea.
“I know he’s grieving, but I don’t even know him half the time.” She told me, confirming all my nightmares.
“That bad?”
“It is.” She looked lost, suddenly. She was still new to this world and she relied on her mate. I hated this for her and I vowed to myself that I would not let her deal with this alone if I could be of assistance.
“What can I do?”
“Nothing, really. I don’t want you to worry. He’s grieving,” Zaria said quickly. “I just don’t know what that process looks like for a twin. I can’t imagine losing the one you were born with. I was devastated losing my family. Kol was closer to him than anyone else.” There was a flicker in her eyes as she said it. She wasn’t saying something.
“What are you keeping back?”
“Nothing, I’m just worried about him, that’s all. I don’t know what to do. I feel like he’s getting further away from me. He’s— I don’t know how to explain it. ”
“Try,” I urged, Jaxus’ worries about Nyx spinning in my mind. Was he still in a position to command?
Zaria put her hands over her face. “I don’t want to betray him.”
“He’s one of my closest friends, Zaria. I only want to help him. I’m a healer. I would never do him harm.”
She locked her gaze to mine. “I don’t know if I should.”
“You have to tell someone. Maybe he needs more than you can do.”
She let out a breath. “Okay, I guess I’ll just tell you what I’m seeing. He’s barely sleeping and when he’s here, he’s pacing, but he’s barely with it. We go out at all hours of the day and night searching, and I don’t even think he knows what he’s looking for. Like he’s missing something. When I ask, he says for more of the undead or their strongholds, but I’ve been in all the same council meetings he has and there is no evidence other than the last attack they are anywhere else. We have patrols out and he shouldn’t be on patrol. He should be?—”
“Commanding,” I finished for her.
She nodded. “But he’s leaving that to Jaxus.”
No wonder the King wasn’t happy. Nyx had fucked off to do the Goddess knew what, leaving a stranger to make decisions.
“I think it could be something to do with him not being able to bring Kol home. A memorial is not the same. It doesn’t feel like closure to him. It’s like he can’t rest while it’s unfinished. Like he won’t ever truly accept losing his other half.”
It started to click into place. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. But there had to be something I was missing. It was like a syndrome I’d read about, but it couldn’t be. He was acting like he’d lost his soul-bonded.
“What are you thinking?” Zaria asked.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’m just going over what I know about grief.”
She searched my face .
“I will look into it,” I reassured her. I didn’t have time for more research, but I had no choice. I had to figure it out. The kingdom’s survival may rely on Nyx being well enough to command the armies. We couldn’t suffer his loss, too. There was no more of his line left. He was the last Asra. If this drove him to madness, who could take his place?
I took Zaria’s hands in mine. “I’m going to figure something out. I promise you.”
I had to.
None of us could bear to lose Nyx, too.