Chapter 39
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Esther groaned softly as her entire body shouted in agony. Every muscle and joint was hurting. She had no idea that one could even feel this way.
“My Lady, how are you feeling?” Ruth asked as soon as she heard Esther’s groan.
“Awful, can you help me sit? I am tired of lying on my back.” Esther said, her voice sounding hoarse even to her own ears.
She knew that she had been unconscious for the last three days and was staying at Gilendale Manor.
Her mind had registered a few events as she drifted in and out of consciousness.
The one thing she remembered significantly was Ian’s presence beside her whenever she had opened her eyes.
Ian was always there, holding her hand and whispering to her.
She didn’t remember his words or anything he had said but she knew that he had been extremely worried about her.
Still, she remembered everything that had happened at the terrace three days ago perfectly well.
Every single word said by Jack was still etched into Esther’s memory, and there was no way she could ever forget it.
“Absolutely, My Lady,” Ruth replied as she moved towards Esther.
She picked up a few pillows and repositioned them on the bed behind Esther.
She then held Esther’s shoulder with one hand and took hold of her hand with the other.
Esther felt as if all strength had left her body.
She breathing heavily due to the effort but was finally settled comfortably.
Every movement caused a surge of pain through her body, and her scalp felt as if needles were being pierced into it.
The pain receded once she had adjusted to her new position. She sighed in relief and moved her hand to touch the bandage on her head. She had no idea how she looked but assumed absolutely awful. Her long chestnut hair was open behind her back and she wore a soft white cotton nightgown.
“Thank you, Ruth,” Esther said once she had rearranged the bed to suit Esther’s comfort. “Can you make me some of your herbal tea? I think it might help with my headache.”
Ruth nodded at once and started preparing the tea.
Esther sat there resting her head on the pillows.
She closed her eyes, wishing for every awful memory to go away.
She still had no idea how she had fallen down but knew it was probably because of her frenzied state.
She had been crying heavily and had perhaps lost focus and direction.
“There you go, My Lady.” Ruth came back towards Esther and handed her a cup of hot, steaming herbal tea. Esther took the cup and inhaled the calming aroma.
“Thank you,” Esther said softly and watched as Ruth went about the room straightening things out.
That was when Ian entered. She had been expecting him to come to her sooner or later.
The physician must have informed him that she was awake.
Ian’s face brought back everything once again, and Esther turned away, not willing to look at him.
He had shattered her heart, and she wanted nothing to do with him.
She didn’t care that they were engaged or even that she loved him.
The only thing she knew was that she had been nothing but a means to an end for Ian.
He had only wanted to marry her to fulfill his father’s ultimatum.
“Esther,” he whispered softly as he walked towards the bed but stopped mid-way. Esther knew he was probably scared of coming too close, knowing that she was angry with him. She was glad that he looked guilty. It was his fault after all.
“What do you want, Lord Gilbert?” Esther addressed him formally, not wanting to be personal with him. The affection between them had ended from her side, and she wanted things to remain as proper as they possibly could.
“I just want to talk to you Esther, please,” Ian said and whispered the last word. Esther’s heart went out to him as she stared at his troubled face. It was clear that he had hardly been sleeping at all. She knew that he had been beside her day and night, praying for her quick recovery.
“But I do not wish to talk to you, Lord Gilbert. Please leave me alone,” Esther said, her own heart breaking in two. She might have been angry with him, but she couldn’t deny her love for the man.
“Esther, please just give me five minutes. I only want to explain everything to you,” Ian said, his face displaying an array of emotions.
Esther knew that she needed to hear him out for her own peace of mind.
She needed to know what he had to say, or else she would continue wondering about everything.
“Only five minutes,” She said softly and watched as relief overtook Ian’s desperate expression. These five minutes could make or break them, and Esther had no idea what she wished for.
Ian couldn’t believe that Esther had agreed to converse with him. Just the fact that she had given him five minutes of her time meant the world to him. Everything she had heard from Jack three days ago was simply outrageous, and he would have understood if Esther had rudely turned him away.
Ian watched as Ruth picked up a few things and quietly left the room, leaving him alone with Esther.
He had no idea why Ruth had allowed it today, but he was grateful for the privacy.
He would be much more comfortable telling the truth to Esther if there was no one in the room except the two of them.
Ian walked forward to sit beside her on the bed.
She looked beautiful, her hair tied loosely at her nape.
Ian was so happy to see her look better.
He extended his hand to take hers in his like he had done countless times in the three days she had been unconscious, but today she hastily snatched them away.
Ian didn’t blame her. He had hurt her terribly and she had every right to want to stay away from him.
“Your five minutes have started, Lord Gilbert,” Esther said, and Ian sighed deeply. He had noticed how she was making it a point to address him formally even though they were alone. Ian was certain that she was only doing it to prove to him that there was nothing left between them.
“Let me first tell you what happened three years ago. I was going to tell you why Adam and I were estranged at the soirée, but the dance floor opened, and I decided to tell you later. Though honestly, I was scared to tell you the truth,” Ian began, but Esther interrupted him.
“I already know what happened three years ago,” Esther told him, and Ian stared at her with a lost expression. He had no idea how Esther knew about it. His parents couldn’t have told her, nobody in Esther’s family knew about it. His father had made sure that the matter was kept a secret.
“How do you know?” Ian couldn’t help asking, extremely confused.
“Lady Beatrice, the biggest gossip in London, told me the day I went to Lady Juliet’s tea party.
It was why I was so troubled that day. On top of that, the announcement of our sudden engagement confused me even more,” Esther answered, and Ian nodded in understanding.
He knew who Lady Beatrice was, but still couldn’t imagine how she found out about it.
The truth was, he didn’t care at all. He was simply glad that Esther knew, which meant that one problem was out of his way.
“I am glad you know about that, Esther. Though there is one thing I have realized, that I was never actually in love with Lisa. It was simply an infatuation. I couldn’t understand it at that time since my pride was bruised, but now I understand it perfectly,” Ian informed Esther, wanting her to know every single thing about him.
Esther nodded without replying, and Ian went on.
“It was the reason that I left society and became a rogue. My reputation declined significantly, and there were rumors all over England about my rakish reputation. I didn’t mind, and no one stopped me.
However, all that changed when I suffered an accident after a tryst with Lady Balewood.
I was wounded and hurt, and it took about two weeks for me to heal completely,” Ian said, leaving out the more sordid details for the time being.
She once again stayed quiet, and Ian noticed how expressionless her face was. For a second, he thought she was trying not to laugh but dismissed the idea.
“My parents found out and gave me an ultimatum. If I didn’t return to London for the Season and find myself a respectable wife by the end of it, my father would cut off me off entirely.
I knew that I had no choice but to set out for London.
Thus, I straightened out my appearance and came back here in search of a suitable wife. ”
Ian felt a certain weight lifting off his chest as he continued with the story.
“Jack is an old friend of mine, and I reacquainted with him at White’s.
I told him about my situation, and he advised me to marry a wallflower.
According to him, courting a wallflower was much easier since most are desperate to get married.
I could accomplish my goal quickly and get on with my life.
Then I saw you at Madeline’s ball and noticed how uncomfortable you looked with Fergus and hated how he was treating you.
I discovered you were a wallflower and decided to court you.
I enjoyed your company and loved conversing and dancing with you.
As I started calling in on you and we went out together, my feelings began to change.
I was certain that you would be an excellent wife.
Though what I didn’t realize was that I was falling in love with you. ”
Ian said everything quickly and almost whispered the last words. He noticed that Esther sucked in a sharp breath at his words and stared at her hands in her lap.