15. Foster
15
FOSTER
T he hospital parking lot was more crowded this morning. I cursed as I drove the aisles, searching for the first spot I could find.
Throughout the drive over, I had checked the passenger seat every few seconds, thinking Raina would appear and tell me, wow, that was a freaky trip, or something bright and perky like that.
Except she didn t.
And my chest kept getting tighter with every mile I drove.
Once parked, I jogged all the way to the front entrance and couldn t seem to wait on an elevator, so I hit the stairs, wishing she d scare the crap out of me again and just poke her head through the door on every level I climbed.
But she didn t.
Please don t be dead, I whispered as I reached the fourth floor. Then I drew in a deep breath and pushed my way into the rest of the hospital.
I turned down the wing where I knew her room was located, and I immediately spotted two familiar figures in the hallway outside her door, hugging and crying.
Jaylani! I called as I jogged toward her.
Jay pulled away from her girlfriend, Scarlett, and lifted her face to wipe at her eyes. Foster? she said in confusion.
Hey, I panted, out of breath, as I reached her. I was over at Oaklynn and Damien s when you called. How…? I tipped my head toward Raina s room, where I could see half a dozen orderlies through the glass walls, working feverishly as a doctor pressed a defibrillator to her chest.
I turned away, swallowing hard, then stepped out of the way as more doctors jogged up to assist.
They re still working on her, Jaylani told me unnecessarily.
The nurse from last night who had escorted me to the elevator appeared in the doorway to the room. Mr. Union. Back again so soon? She opened her arms to get our attention and block us from seeing what was going on behind her.
I stepped forward. Howdy, ma am. Is she?—?
I m going to need you and your friends to wait in the room down that hall to the right, please, and someone will be out to update you soon, okay?
With a nod, I turned to Scarlett and Jaylani. I ll tell Damien where he and Oaklynn can meet us. They should be here any minute.
So we retreated to the waiting room together, where the girls collapsed onto the loveseat, and I fell into a chair, wiping a hand over my hair and blowing out a long breath before texting Damien.
He and Oaklynn arrived five minutes later, and as she hurried over to Jay, Damien came to sit in the chair next to mine.
No news yet, I told him before he could ask. They were still shocking her when I showed up.
He nodded and rested his elbows on his knees, head bowed as he quietly asked, And how are you?
I rubbed my forehead. Honestly, I don t even know. I m still trying to make sense of all this. I mean, why was she sent to me, only for this to happen barely two days later? I don t… I shook my head and looked to him for answers. I don t get it. What was the point?
I think I know, a familiar voice answered near my chair.
I zipped my head up, and when I saw her standing there, barefoot and once again wearing the jumper I d first met her in, I leaped to my feet, gasping, Raina! Oh my God; you re back.
She had tears in her eyes and her chin was trembling, but she nodded to confirm it. I m back, she said, her voice raspy and unsteady. Your brother sent me back to you.
Brow furrowing, I shook my head slightly, My—my brother ?
Hayes, she answered, causing me to jerk away in surprise.
Before I could ask all the questions, Oaklynn rushed over, interrupting us, with the other two women beside her. Who re you talking to? Is that Raina? Is she okay?
I nodded. Yeah. She s back. They must ve been able to revive her.
Oh, thank God.
As the three girls hugged, Raina ignored them, too busy watching me from tearstained eyes.
You didn t tell me about Kinsey, she accused. Why didn t you tell me?
I… I shook my head. I didn t know how. I didn t want to hurt you.
She stared without forgiveness. You should ve told me.
I m sorry. I thought it would be better coming from Oaklynn. She s your friend. She could have comforted you, but then she couldn t see you, and Keene just blurted it out before I could figure out what to do next.
I didn t even get to see her, she said in a hollow voice. Hayes told me she was there. She was with my mom. But I didn t get to see either of them.
I m so sorry, I repeated. My chest started to go tight, and anxiety flooded my veins. I m sorry.
Before Raina could answer, a doctor stepped into the waiting room, asking for the Bollen family.
As the others surged forward to hear all the medical jargon about what they d had to do to save her, I stayed back with Raina.
She sank into a chair and hugged herself, crying openly. I can t believe she s gone. She s really gone.
When the doctor told us we could go back to visit her, Damien glanced at me questioningly.
I waved him on. Go ahead. I ll be there in a bit. Then I sank into the chair next to Raina and waited.
She cried for a couple of minutes before wiping her face with both hands. Then she stood with purpose and changed her outfit into a yellow, sunflower-themed dress and sandals. Okay, I m ready.
I nodded and stood silently, walking with her as we returned to her body. Oaklynn and Jaylani had stationed themselves on either side of the bed, each holding one of Raina s hands. A machine let out a steady beep, and her breathing machine hissed and pumped.
Raina went to the end of the bed and looked at her body for a moment before she retreated to the side chair and settled down, looking extra small as she hugged herself and stared sightlessly up at the heart monitor machine.
Time passed from there. Damien and the girls talked in hushed tones around Raina s bedside, and I found a clear spot on the wall to lean against while Raina s spirit remained in the chair, mourning.
When the others left, I bobbed my head at them in farewell but then motioned toward the chair, letting them know I was going to stay awhile.
Raina needed a minute.
Nurses came in and checked her vitals, shifts changed, and when Nurse Darlene passed through and spotted me, she and I talked for some time.
All the while, Raina remained sitting there until nearly noon before she glanced over. You re still here.
I nodded. I figured you d have to leave when I did, and I didn t want to rush you.
She heaved out a breath and then pushed her way to her feet. We can go. You told your dad you d help him this afternoon.
I checked the time. I still have another few hours if you want to stay.
But Raina shook her head. No. I can be sad anywhere just as easily as I can be sad here.
Okay, then. I bobbed my head and came away from the wall. We can go.
She followed meekly as I left the room.
In the elevator, the doors closed around us, and Raina said, Your brother asked me to tell you thank you.
I glanced over at her, frowning slightly. What?
He said when he was dying, only you could see him in the in-between. He told me you guys built a sandcastle together, and he wasn t scared because you were there with him. He just wanted you to know he appreciated that.
I exhaled slowly as her words rolled over me, nearly knocking me to my knees with their impact.
As a knot formed in my throat, I tried to ask, Why…? But my throat went too dry to speak, so I swallowed and then hoarsely asked, Why didn t he tell me he was in trouble? Maybe I could ve helped him. Saved him.
Raina only shrugged. He didn t say. He just wanted me to thank you.
Okay. I nodded, and the elevator opened on the ground floor. Yeah. Thank you for telling me.
Staying where I was for a moment, I admitted, I used to have nightmares of him drowning, being alone and scared, unable to breathe. I m glad—I m glad he wasn t scared.
I didn t know he died on your birthday, Raina said softly as the door slid closed again, shutting us alone in the elevator.
I looked at her. With eyes full of all the sadness in the world, she tried to reach out and touch my cheek, but I could only feel it with my heart.
Nodding to her in thanks, I waited a moment to pull myself back together. Then I pushed the door-open button, and I stepped out onto the first floor. As I started for the exit, however, more pain radiated through my chest.
If only I d known I could see the in-between back then, maybe—maybe I could ve gotten to Hayes s body in time. Maybe he d still be alive today.
I wanted to howl in anger and then break something.
But why hadn t he told me he was dying?
Walking stiffly out of the hospital, I somehow kept it together until Raina gasped beside me. Hey! Wait. That s the captain. Right there.
I glanced in the direction of her stare at a man who was sitting by himself on a bench out front. He had a trimmed beard and a ball cap on his head, wearing a T-shirt and dark cargo pants.
I pointed. That s your dad?
Yes. Raina s face crumbled as she watched him. He doesn t look okay. Do you think he s okay?
No, I answered honestly, and I started his way. I doubt he s okay at all.
What re you doing? she demanded, hurrying after me.
It s your dad, right? I glanced over at her and shrugged. Do you want him to be alone right now?
Well, no. But he can t see or hear me.
He can me.
But what—what re you going to say to him?
No idea. Lifting my hand, I called, Captain? Captain Chum?
The captain glanced up. Yes? Pushing to his feet, he tucked his hands into his pockets and squinted at me in confusion. Do I know you?
No. Sorry, sir. I held out my hand for him to shake. I ve just seen a picture of you. I m Foster. I attend HaveU. With Raina.
He shook with me readily but appeared cautious the whole time. His hand was rough and weathered. It was obvious he spent most of his life outdoors.
You know Raina? he asked, eyeing me as if he didn t believe a word I said.
Oh my God. Please don t lie to him, she begged from beside me. The captain can t stand liars.
So I motioned vaguely and cleared my throat. She, uh, she s friends with my buddy s girl. We ve all been visiting her. Have you been up to see her yet?
The captain glanced toward the hospital and grimaced. No. Not yet. I just… He shuddered. I hate hospitals.
I smiled softly, remembering the first night I d met Raina and how I hadn t been able to persuade her to go to the hospital.
Must run in the family, I said aloud before I could help myself.
When the captain sent me a funny look for knowing that fact about his daughter, I cleared my throat again. So, hey, I can walk you up and show you where her room is if you d like. Whenever you re ready. She s on the fourth floor.
He nodded once and then settled back on the bench, obviously still needing time. That ll be fine. Thank you, he told me. You don t happen to know where they re keeping Kinsey, do you?
My lips parted, and Raina began to cry as she sat next to her dad. Oh, Captain, she sobbed, trying to stroke his arm sympathetically.
Uh, the, uh, the morgue is in the basement, I started, only to wince when the captain s face crumpled with pain. Who would ever want to hear that their child was in a morgue?
Sorry, I apologized gruffly.
He waved a hand, excusing me. They told me over the phone all the things I need to do to get her body home, all the different forms I gotta fill out and permits I gotta apply for. Covering his eyes with his leathery hand, he bowed his face and shook his head. I don t know how I m going to do it. I don t really feel like filling out any forms right now.
He hates forms, Raina told me as she kept trying to stroke his arm.
When he began to cry, she cried with him, and I wished I could give them their privacy, but I was afraid of tugging Raina away from him. So I stepped over toward another bench nearby to sit until they got themselves under control.
It was hard to listen to them. I kept thinking about Hayes and the day he d died. It had been such a surreal, traumatizing thing for me. And families all over the world had to suffer through this all the time.
It was just too much.
Ten minutes passed before the captain stood and glanced around for me.
I stood as well, stepping forward.
I m ready to go up now, he choked out.
Yes, sir, I told him and led the way inside.
In the elevator, Raina tried to press against her father s side and stroke his arm some more. I m still here, Captain, she assured him. I m not going to leave you alone. I swear it.
What do you think of cremation? he asked, not hearing her as he glanced my way.
I… My mouth gaped as I slid my gaze to Raina for some feedback.
I might not have to apply for all the transit permits if Kinsey s cremated.
Yeah. I guess that is one option, I said slowly after Raina only shrugged and murmured, It doesn t really matter now. She s not going to need her body anymore.
The elevator stopped on the fourth floor, and I cleared my throat before saying, She s this way.
As I approached her room, Darlene stepped out. Mr. Union, she said in surprise when she saw me. Back again so soon?
I ran into Raina s dad on my way out. Stepping aside to include him, I introduced, This is Captain Mitchell Bollen.
Cap n, sir, Darlene greeted him with a respectful nod of her head. Your little girl s right in here. We ve been taking the best care of her. I ll get a doctor, if you d like, to come and explain everything to you when you re done visiting. And we have some paperwork for you to fill out, too.
Of course, you do, the captain grumbled before stepping into the room and stopping short in the doorway. Oh God, he rasped, gaping at the bed before he stepped forward and cautiously approached Raina s side. Pookie? he choked out. My little rain cloud.
He touched her head wrap briefly, then took her hand and collapsed to his knees, pressing his forehead to their interconnected fingers. Please don t die, he sobbed. Please don t leave me, too.
I glanced over at Raina standing next to me. She wept openly, looking scared and alone, as she watched her dad mourn her.
Not sure what to do to help either of them, I sank back against the wall and tried to act invisible as all the misery in the room swarmed around me. When it caught hold of me, latching on hard, anxiety tickled the back of my throat.
I squeezed my eyes shut to combat it and made myself imagine different football plays to get through.