16. Foster
16
FOSTER
I stayed with Captain Chum for a couple of hours, until I thought my stomach was going to start eating itself.
Can I take you out to lunch, sir? I asked him, praying he agreed because I was starving.
But the captain only shook his head and waved a dismissive hand. I m not hungry.
Next to me, Raina said, Don t believe him. He s always hungry.
So I pressed, You need to eat. To keep your strength up.
When the captain blinked at me in surprise, I flushed. Sorry. That was just the most common thing everyone told me after my brother died. But I was nine at the time, so…
Sympathy and understanding flickered through his hazel eyes, and he said, No, you re actually right. I can t remember when I last ate. I probably do need something in my stomach.
He likes hamburgers the most, Raina told me. Those old-time grill, burger joints.
The Hamburger Shack is just down the road, I offered. We can walk there from here and take in some air along the way. It s the best place in town, run by the same family since the seventies.
Alright. The captain nodded before gifting me with a small, grateful smile. You talked me into it.
* * *
At the Hamburger Shack, the kid at the checkout counter recognized me, and his eyes grew big before he asked if he could take a picture with me.
I did so graciously, and the captain eyed me curiously, no doubt trying to figure out who I was. But he waited until after we put in our order and found a seat with our fountain drinks before he said, What d you say your name was again?
Foster, I answered, only to shrug. Foster Union. I play football.
That s right. Shaking his finger at me, he began to nod. I didn t put two and two together earlier. You re that famous quarterback. I watched your championship game.
Sitting next to him in the booth across from me, Raina assured, I didn t tell him I had a huge, groupie crush on you. Don t worry about that.
I glanced her way briefly, failing once again to pretend that I wasn t seeing someone else. Then I managed to turn back to her dad. You ever play? I asked, trying to turn the subject from myself.
Me? The captain shook his head. Naw, never. Fishing was always my passion.
I nodded. Yeah. I heard you owned a charter service. What type of catch do you specialize in?
Oh, I ll chase just about anything that can be caught. Depends on what the customer is interested in. If they want to stay bayside, we ll play around with the speckled trout, flounder, and redfish the most. Or if they d like to head out into the bay, I have equipment for marlin, kingfish, red snappers, mahi-mahi, cobia, wahoo, you name it.
Nice, I said, wishing I knew more about the subject. But all I really had was, My dad likes to fish. I ve only ever been with him a handful of times, but my little brother Reed, he s going to be the fisherman in the family. He and Dad pulled in a thirty-two-pound redfish once, thirty-eight inches long.
The captain drew out a long, impressed whistle. Now there s a trophy piece, right there.
I smiled proudly. Yeah. We have it hanging above the mantle in the living room. The kid s a natural, and yet he loves reading and writing about fishing more. He s always jotting down these short stories and saying there aren t enough fiction books about fishing out there. With a chuckle, I shook my head. I swear, he s going to be the next great American novelist.
Instead of Old Man in the Sea , we re going to have Little Tyke in the Big Bay , huh?
I laughed. Yeah. Exactly.
Wiping at the corner of his eye as his own laugh settled, the captain told me, I had a customer catch a thirteen-pound, eight-ounce flounder once. It was just three ounces shy of the state record.
No shit? That s pretty cool.
Yep.
As our food was delivered, we both tucked into our meals, and the conversation stayed on fishing until we finished. As we stood together, I asked, How long are you going to be in town?
And just like that, the smile I d worked so hard to pull from him died on his lips as reality returned.
Fuck, I don t know, he admitted with a weary sigh as he ripped off his hat to run a hand over his balding head. I want to be close when Raina wakes, but I can t afford to leave my charter for long. And then there s all the decisions to be made about Kinsey. I only booked a room for the night at the nearest hotel, but…
It s a lot, I said with a sad, understanding nod. Is there anything I can help you with?
No, no. He waved a hand to refuse. You ve already done too much, taking my mind off everything for the past hour. You don t have to worry about me. I m sure you have other things to do.
I only shrugged, glancing at Raina, who d grown concerningly quiet and couldn t seem to move far from her father s side. She needed more time with him. So I said, Actually, football season s over and I don t have to work today, so… I promised my dad I d help him with my sister s car this afternoon, but other than that, I m free.
The captain s gaze lit up. What s wrong with the car?
Possibly the CV joint, so Dad wants to check out the axle shaft.
That could take the rest of the day if you re checking all four.
I shrugged. I think we re just going to work on the front two.
Still. The captain winced and then sent me a hopeful glance. If you need another set of hands to help out…
My lips parted as I realized he wanted more distractions to keep his mind off the painful shit.
Nodding my head, I announced, You re on. My dad never turns down free labor.
* * *
So Captain Chum followed me home and spent the rest of the afternoon with my family. When Reed wandered out to the garage to watch us, he and the captain got to talking about fishing, and before long, Reed ran inside to get some paper and a pen to write notes for a story idea.
After Mom learned he was the father of the girl who d gotten into the car accident, she made him stay for supper.
My siblings were confused about who Raina was, so I had to confess that I d never actually met her. She was simply a friend of a friend, and I d run into her dad at the hospital when I d been visiting Raina with the others.
Thankfully, they dropped the issue easily enough. But then the captain mentioned Kinsey s death not long after all my siblings left the table, and that really got my parents into opening up with him about Hayes and dealing with the loss of a child.
All the while, the chatty, cheerful Raina I d first met seemed to withdraw farther and farther inside herself, no longer speaking or trying to interact, just curled in the corner and out of the way so no one could walk through her.
It was about forty-five minutes before visiting hours ended at the hospital when the captain announced that he wanted to stop by and visit her room once more this evening. So I walked him out to his truck.
All three of us were quiet until he reached his door. Then, the captain paused and glanced back at me.
You know, he started, I don t think I ever believed in fate until you walked up to my bench outside that hospital today. I wasn t sure how I was going to make it through the next hour, let alone the rest of my life. But you—you just led me right through it all, step-by-step. And then meeting your parents… He shook his head sadly. Hearing about their experience… Voice shaking, he admitted, I needed that. I had no idea how much I needed it until I heard them talk.
The evening had turned dark, so I couldn t see his face, but I knew he d started to cry.
Next to me, Raina gripped her face and sobbed, Oh, Captain. Turning to me, she said, I—I ve never seen him cry before today. I don t think I can take much more of it.
I m sorry for your loss, sir, I choked out, stepping toward him and opening my arms for a hug. He latched onto me gratefully and held on for a good ten seconds.
Thank you, he whispered. Thank you.
By the time he pulled away again, he was clearing his throat and wiping at his eyes. You sure you don t know my Raina? he asked with a nervous laugh, clearly uncomfortable with revealing so much vulnerability. I just never met a complete stranger who went to such lengths for me before.
I never personally met her, no, I admitted, glancing at her standing beside us, only to turn back to her dad. But our friends were trying to set us up together.
Caught off guard by that, the captain pulled his face back and then shook his head, clearly bewildered. Come again?
It s my fault, I confessed, unable to just shut up. I didn t want anything to do with a setup or blind date. I didn t care how amazing they insisted she was. I just—that wasn t for me, you know. Except they told her where I was. Hearing my own voice shake, I started to rush my words. I didn t learn until the next morning, but she was in that car, on that road, because she was trying to finally meet me. So it s my fault. You lost a daughter because of me, and the other s life is hanging in the balance because I—I didn t want to meet her.
Oh, Foster, Raina said, shaking her head. You didn t have to tell him that. Because it s not true. You re not to blame. Not at all.
In front of me, the captain was oddly quiet before he shoved his hands into his pockets and bowed his head briefly. When he lifted his face, however, he crooked his finger at me, beckoning me forward. Come here, kid.
Swallowing thickly, I took a step closer, and he reached out to hook a hand around the back of my head before he hauled me in and set his forehead directly against mine.
Listen to me loud and clear on this, son, he murmured, lifting a finger sternly, because I m only going to say it once. You are not at fault for what happened. Not even a little bit culpable. Fuck, I don t even know if the drunk driver who ran into them can be blamed. I m sure he didn t mean to kill anyone. It was all just a tragic accident that no one could foresee. It was…the shit side of living. So I m going to need you to put all this guilt behind you because you re too good of a boy to let something like this rule the rest of your life.
I didn t tell him it was far too late for that—blaming myself for Hayes had molded me into what I was today—so I merely nodded. Yes, sir. I ll try.
Good. He pulled away and let go of my neck, patting me on the cheek as he went. And for God s sake, the next time my little girl wants to meet you, just fucking meet her. She s an amazing young lady.
With a small laugh, I bobbed my head. Yes, sir. I will.
I actually do think you d like her, he told me as he pulled his door open and started to slide into his truck. Raina s incredibly easy to like.
I gave another thick swallow, silently agreeing with him, and I nodded. Drive safe, sir.
I stayed standing there as he started the engine and backed out of the driveway.
As he disappeared down the street, I finally turned to give his daughter my full attention.
Thank you, she told me quietly. Thank you for spending the day with him.
After a small nod of acknowledgment, I glanced down at my hands and then back up again. How re you doing? You ve been awfully quiet.
Raina lifted one shoulder and turned her attention up toward the stars.
I don t know, she murmured. My whole world just kind of…altered. I had this hope that if I could only wake up in that hospital bed, things would go back to how they were again, but… Her gaze sought mine before she shuddered out a breath. That s not going to be true now. No matter where I go from here, everything will be different. Kinsey will be dead and…
Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head.
What can I do to help? I asked softly.
Raina laughed softly and wiped her eyes. I don t even know. Glancing at me, she asked, What did you do to move forward when you lost your brother?
I scoffed. Everything wrong. I had anxiety and panic attacks. My parents put me into therapy for five years, and I still don t know if I ve actually moved anywhere yet or not. So… I rubbed my hands together. Yeah. I m not a great source of advice for healthy grieving.
Raina blew out a long breath. Well…
Before she could say anything else, the front door of the house blew open, and Little shouted, Foster! from the doorway. Can you read my bedtime story to me? Mama s busy helping Brey with her hair. And Daddy s listening to Reed read his new story.
You better go, Raina told me.
But I faltered. You coming too?
She made a face, then returned her attention to the stars. I might sit out here and enjoy the view for a little longer.
Okay. I turned toward the house and added, Let me know if you need anything, though.
Thank you, Foster.
Inside, I hoisted Little up into my arms and carried her to her room, where she conned me into three stories instead of one. But life was so fleeting, why not make a little girl s night and read her all the books she wanted?
By the time she fell asleep during the middle of the third book, I eased the cover shut and snuck back to my room, only to find Raina there. She wore a long-sleeved pajama set and was fast asleep on my bed.
She looked so real that I had to reach out and see if I could touch her, but my fingers went through her arm. She didn t stir once, but her eyelids shifted quickly back and forth as she dreamed.
Grabbing my sleep clothes from a drawer, I changed in the bathroom, then opened the door and paused in the doorway as my attention returned to Raina.
She wasn t real, I told myself, even though—damn—she sure looked it, all beautiful and precious with her face tucked against one of my pillows. My chest felt heavy as I approached the mattress. And when I went to lie down, I did so gently, afraid to wake her. Except I had no idea if that was even possible.
I kind of liked watching her undisturbed on my bed, though, so I continued to move as easily as possible and kept quiet until I was comfortably on my side, facing her.
Only inches separated us.
I reached out again, hoping to capture just the smallest tendril of hair, but the only thing my fingers managed to grasp was air.
I exhaled and dropped my hand, finished trying for the night. Then I closed my eyes and fell asleep next to the girl who wasn t really there.