33. Foster
33
FOSTER
R aina had been out of her coma for a week now and in a private room for two days. And I felt as if I wanted to claw my way out of my own body; I was that anxious to just…go see her again.
The night before, I had lain in bed, drumming my fingers on my leg and repeating over and over to myself that it would be bad to sneak into the hospital just to peek at her sleeping. But Parker had given me her room number and told me she sounded regretful about banishing me, so the urge to try one more time to visit her had damn near consumed me.
But I restrained myself.
Barely.
I had no idea how I was going to keep this up for the rest of my life, though. A week of it had nearly driven me crazy.
Thane told me he had coped after losing his first love by keeping himself busy. But training had started back up for football; I d taken on more hours at Duke s; I spent twice as much time with my family and friends; and I was up to date on all the papers I had to write for classes. This was probably the busiest I d ever kept myself, and yet it wasn t enough. I still lay awake at night, staring over at the other side of my bed, just trying to will her ghost back into existence.
I couldn t figure out how mere weeks with her spirit had managed to leave such a huge, gaping hole in me. But it seriously felt as if I d lost a piece of myself.
What was worse, I knew she was out there, still hurting. Not from missing me, but from her grief and recovery. I hated not being there for her or helping in any way.
When I had to deliver a pizza to an apartment located across the street from the hospital, I sat in my truck—chewing on my thumb knuckle and staring at the huge Red Cross symbol on the side of the building—for too long before I was able to put the vehicle into drive and return to the pizza parlor.
As I pulled into the parking lot of the pizzeria, my truck filled with the scent of pepperoni and mozzarella, I glanced over to the passenger seat. But no one was there.
I sighed, depressed, and cut the engine before climbing from the truck, only for my phone to ring.
It was Amy.
Hey, I answered as I started for the entrance of Duke s.
Dad s taking Mom out for a date night, so I m stuck with the rug rats, and I don t want to cook.
Pulling open the door, I stepped inside the restaurant, only to spot a couple of girls that I was taking a pre-med class with sitting at a booth and eating. When they spotted me, they sat up in interest as if they d been waiting for me to arrive.
I bobbed my head at them vaguely as they called my name and waved. And to my sister, I said, Okay, just bring them here. I ll pay for it between runs.
Really? Great. Thanks.
Getting what she wanted, she promptly hung up on me, and I pocketed my phone before slipping past the counter and into the back to see what was up to deliver next. Glad I had a new order waiting and already bagged, I slid it off the shelf and hurried back out of the store, glancing over briefly at the crestfallen faces of the girls, who d obviously wanted me to go over and talk to them.
It reminded me of Keene s advice to get over one girl by getting under another. But I just couldn t. Raina was still the only one for me.
By the time I returned from my next delivery, my siblings had arrived and found a table to wait at for their pizza. I didn t have anything to deliver at the moment, so I went over to sit with them.
Little immediately crawled into my lap for attention while Reed and Brey talked over each other to tell me about their crazy day. I guess Reed s English teacher was going to have a writing contest and he already had plans for a whopper of a story, while Brey shocked me by announcing that her friend Kacey s parents were probably getting divorced…again.
Dread settled in my stomach over that one. Really?
Glancing up from her phone where she d been texting friends, Amy said, Yeah. Apparently… Leaning across the table and lowering her voice, she lifted her eyebrows and said, Mrs. Crowder cheated on Mr. Crowder this time.
Oh shit, I gasped, not expecting to hear that . But damn it all to hell; I hoped to God the person they were talking about was not me.
Umm… Little spoke up, twisting around on my lap to face me so she could slap both of her chubby little hands over my mouth. You re not posed to say that.
I peeled her fingers off my lips so I could fake pout in apology. You re right. I m sorry. What should my punishment be?
But before she could answer, someone called my name, interrupting us.
I glanced up to see the girls approaching who d been sitting in the booth earlier. I had completely forgotten they were here.
Hey, I said, settling my sister back around on my lap and trying to get the little wiggle worm back under control.
Man, that lecture today in Microbiology was a snoozefest, huh? one of the girls asked, smiling at me coyly as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
It felt as if it would be rude to say that I d actually enjoyed Professor Minton s lecture, so I just kept my mouth shut and murmured, Hmm, as I nodded in understanding.
The girl faltered a second before glancing at my siblings and asking, So are you off work now?
Uh, no, actually. With a wince, I explained, I was just sitting with my family while I waited for my next delivery order to come in.
And as if by magic, Carly at the cash register yelled, Foster! Order up.
Relieved to escape, I sent the hovering girls a regretful smile. And there we go.
I handed Little over to Brey and stood up, instructing my siblings to save me a piece when the pizza arrived. Then I turned right into one of the girls who was standing way too close. Lifting my arms to avoid her, I twisted, saying, Whoa. Sorry about that. And I shimmied past, calling, See you later.
Relieved to get away from the clingers, I grabbed my next delivery and was out the door, but once I was alone in my truck—with no babbling Raina to keep me company—I started to stress about Robbie and Emma Crowder.
I hoped to God that their newest problems didn t have anything to do with me because I really did not want to get mixed up in their marital dysfunction.
I was quiet and withdrawn when I returned to the pizza parlor again. After paying for my family s meal, I returned to sit with them and barely even noticed how Little crawled back into my lap so she could color a picture on the paper menu that Duke s handed out to kids.
The pizza had been delivered, so I grabbed a piece and shoved it into my mouth, chewing without really tasting anything.
Around me, my four siblings talked about…something—I wasn t sure what—until Amy snapped her fingers in front of my face and said, Foster, wake up!
I focused on her and said, What? Sorry. What re we talking about?
Instead of answering, she wrinkled her nose and shook her head before demanding, What is wrong with you lately? She wasn t very quiet about it either. It s like you re present but not even here anymore. Are you on drugs or something?
What? Widening my eyes at her in censure, I hissed, Jesus, no. And will you keep your voice down? That s all I need—some stupid rumor spreading that I do drugs.
When I glanced across the pizza parlor to make sure no one was listening to us, I accidentally made eye contact with Connor Resson of all people at the checkout counter, paying for a to-go order.
Great. When he turned away and grabbed his pizza before hurrying out the door, I groaned and sank lower in my seat. And that guy works for the school paper.
Well, geez, I was just teasing, Amy shot back defensively.
It s not going to be so funny if it ends up in the paper, Brey muttered, coming to my defense.
Yeah, Reed joined in. Besides, you know Foster would never do that.
Exactly! Amy explained, throwing up her hands. Who d even believe he was a druggie, anyway? What was the harm in joking around?
What s a druggie? Little wanted to know.
I sighed and rubbed at the aching spot in the center of my forehead.
While Reed and Brey tried to explain it to her, Amy kicked me under the table to get my attention.
Lifting her hand as if to prove her point, she said, Something s still off with you.
When the other three paused to look at me, I sank away from all the stares. Nothing s off, I assured them.
Well, no one believes that , Reed countered with a roll of his eyes.
I groaned, hating to be put on the spot, so I just blurted, I lost a girl. Okay? Lifting my hands, I added, That s all this is. It s just regular, old, normal heartbreak.
The three oldest kids dropped their jaws in shock before Reed uttered, I didn t know you were even dating anyone.
I wasn t, I started, only to wince. Not technically. It s…complicated.
I ve never seen a girl break your heart before, Amy said next, looking stunned.
I shrugged. I guess there s a first time for everything.
Wow. Brey shook her head. What s her name?
I wasn t going to tell them, but then I decided they wouldn t know who she was so what was the harm.
The moment I murmured, Raina, however, Amy gasped and slapped a hand over her mouth.
You mean the coma girl?
My brow lowered. How did you?—?
Her dad came to eat supper with us. Duh, Breydan reminded me.
Right. I winced. But shit. I forgot about that.
I thought you didn t know her, Reed asked in confusion.
I winced, not sure how to answer that, until Amy shook her head. Did she die or something?
No. Actually, she woke up. But she asked me to go away and never come back.
Holy shit, Reed breathed, causing Little to snap her head up from her drawing and point.
Bad word.
Why would she do that? Brey asked, blinking in bewilderment.
I shrugged, even as I explained, Life is hard for her right now. She just lost her sister, and coming out of the coma was really confusing and painful. She s learning how to walk again, and my presence there was just…irritating for her.
Amy squinted in disbelief. But you re not really that irritating. I mean, sometimes you re so helpful and considerate and perfect that it is irritating, but you personally are actually a really good guy.
Thanks. Coming from Amy, that meant a lot.
Maybe she ll get better and want to see you again, Reed said hopefully.
I smiled sadly. I hope so, but until then, it just hurts. I don t like not being there when she s going through such a tough time.
And I missed her.
God, I think I missed her more than I d ever missed anything.
I have some stuff at home to help with the bags under your eyes, Amy offered with a small cringe, trying to help me in her own way. I mean, if you want some.
But fuck, it almost made me start crying right there.
Managing to huff out a choked laugh, I answered, I think I m okay, but thanks. And I reached across the table to squeeze her hand in gratitude.
On my lap, Little announced, Done! Look at my picture, Foster.
As she held it up to show me the Duke s logo that she d colored, I kissed her hair, grateful for every single one of my siblings that I had left. I love it, I announced. Can I hang it on my wall at home?
Of course, she answered in such a grown-up-sounding way that I melted and pulled her close so I could rest my cheek on the top of her head.
Glancing around at the other three who were still watching me in concern, I announced, I swear, I have the best siblings on the planet. I m so grateful to have all four of you. I don t know what I d do without a single one of you.