34. Raina
34
RAINA
T hey released me from the hospital on Valentine s Day.
The captain brought me a red, heart-shaped box full of chocolates when he arrived to pick me up, and of course, I cried when he gave them to me. But at least these were happy tears.
There was no way I could completely take care of myself yet—I wasn t even allowed to drive for at least another month—so the captain decided to just take me home with him to Galveston.
But first, we stopped by my place to pack a bag.
As we reached the door to 2G, I cringed, already picturing the state my poor apartment must be in. I could already imagine the stink since I was sure I d had some apples and bananas sitting out in the kitchen.
And my plant... It was probably as dead as a doornail.
I m just going to apologize now, I glanced over my shoulder to warn the captain. Because it s a mess inside.
Except when I pushed the door open, my front room was as neat as a pin. Wha?—?
I blinked, confused, as the captain stepped past me and whistled. Damn, Pookie. I guess I should ve kicked you out of the house earlier if this is what messy looks like to you these days. Your bedroom was never this picked up at home.
I—it… I trailed him inside, blinking at everything before spinning to face my dad. Are you saying you didn t clean this?
He turned back to me and frowned. No. Of course not. Besides, I couldn t remember which apartment was yours, anyway.
Then who…? I wandered through the front room to check out the kitchen.
Also spotless.
And the fruit was gone from the middle of the table.
Going to the refrigerator, I pulled it open to take a big whiff, only to smell pure freshness.
Back in the living room, my plant was still alive. Someone had even stuck a self-watering globe in it to keep it hydrated.
Someone cleaned my apartment, I said, hurrying past the captain to enter my bedroom, then my bath. Remembering the butt of the joint that Kinsey had left on my balcony, I yanked open the door there and found that it was gone as well.
What the hell?
The captain entered my room, holding Kinsey s suitcase to his chest as if cradling a blanket.
My gaze dropped to it, and I swallowed hard, knowing she hadn t done this for me either, no matter how much I might ve wanted it to be her.
Who did this? I asked with a shake of my head.
The captain only shrugged, looking a little lost. That Foster kid, maybe?
My nose wrinkled. Foster? Why would he…?
But then I remembered my key suddenly showing up after Oaklynn s visit—Oaklynn, who was friends with Foster.
Except…
No. I disagreed, shaking my head and refusing to buy such incredulousness. He wouldn t.
Because why ?
When no answer came, I shrugged past it and packed a bag.
Then I went home with the captain.
* * *
Home was dismal and sad.
All it did was remind me of Kinsey. And the captain was so different now. Losing a child had worn on him. Every smile he tried to send me was laced with pain. It made me wonder if he d be happier if I went somewhere else so I couldn t remind him of how he d lost her . I was unsure how to act around him, too worried about hurting him further.
Healing my body wasn t all that fun, either. Physical therapy kicked my ass every visit.
What s worse, I d never gotten around to switching my rehabilitation services over to a center in Galveston, so I had to return to Westport every Wednesday.
The captain would drive me down the night before, leaving me at my apartment. Then he d pick me up again the next day.
On my third trip back, I brought a load of empty boxes with me to start packing my things because I wasn t sure I ever wanted to live in Westport again.
I would ve been too far behind if I d tried going back to school mid-semester, so the university had agreed to let me keep the same schedule without paying tuition again in the fall. I really appreciated how understanding they were, due to my circumstances, but…
I d lost a sister here.
This town was different now. I didn t think I could return in the fall.
So I started in the kitchen, piling some pots and pans into boxes before exhaustion claimed me, and I had to take a nap.
I barely woke in time to call a ride and make it to my rehab. But Chad worked me so hard that I ended up crying afterward because I was in so much pain. I returned to the apartment, feeling like a lost, worthless wuss, and then I slept again, only for the captain to call that evening with his regrets to let me know he wouldn t be able to pick me up until the weekend, which gave me another full day to keep packing.
On Friday, I flipped my wall calendar to March, a week after it had already begun.
Sometimes, it still felt like January to me, though, like I was stuck back in time unable to move forward with the rest of the world.
I was tired of feeling so…adrift.
Something integral was missing now. I knew it was probably Kinsey, but it itched from the center of my chest as if it wanted to break free from my rib cage and just go in search of that missing portion.
The sensation was restless and unsettling, and the more I packed to leave the stronger it grew, as if something inside me was trying to tell me to stop.
I ignored myself, though, because I d learned that my mind couldn t necessarily be trusted these days. I still forgot the strangest things; I feared I might never fully be me again.
So I kept packing, moving on to the bedroom, but when I saw how bare the nightstand looked, I paused, squinting at it in confusion.
I always set my books there that I checked out from the library, and I was positive I should have one to take back.
Hell, it was probably overdue by now. That would be just my luck.
I scoured all the rooms, looking for it, but I had no idea where the person who d cleaned my apartment might ve put it. So I decided to just walk to campus and tell the library I d lost their property so I could pay the fees. I was tired of packing, anyway.
But once I reached the first HaveU bench, I was exhausted and had to sit and rest.
I watched students walk past as they went on with their day, many of them wearing the brown and gold school colors and stallions mascot.
It was bizarre to see life continue for everyone else while I felt so stuck. Hating the hopelessness, I stood up to finish my task, not able to handle much more of this.
Except the guy at the checkout counter in the library told me, Looks like that book was turned in and late fees were paid on January 27th.
I frowned in confusion, knowing I would ve been in the hospital then.
Are you sure? I asked, and he looked up at me as if I were insane. Yeah. I m sure.
So I sighed and turned to leave, only for a couple of girls who were in my Explorations of Education class to see me as they walked by.
Oh my God, Raina! Is that you ? They crowded around, totally invading my personal space and making me feel suffocated. I thought you were still in a coma.
When did you get out?
How are you doing?
You totally have to come to this party with us tonight and tell us everything .
Overwhelmed by the attention, I shook my head and lifted my hands before ducking my face in humiliation and saying, I—I m sorry. I have to—I have to go. Talk later, okay?
I pushed through them and hurried toward the exit, only to hear one of them claim, Gah, what a freak. Comas must turn you into a total nutjob.
I was breathing hard, unable to calm down as I hit the doors. The tears that never seemed far away filled my eyes.
Needing to sit, I stumbled toward a nearby bench and somehow managed to collapse onto it as I hugged myself and glanced around, feeling alone and scared.
Hey, are you okay? a male voice asked from my left, startling me.
I zipped my gaze that way, but my vision had gone blurry. I could tell he was tall, and his hair was dark and curly. But that was it.
I can t—I can t breathe, I blurted. Why can t I breathe?
Do you have asthma?
No.
He sat next to me. Then, it looks like you re having an anxiety attack. Here, take my hands. Squeeze down as hard as you need to.
When I felt his kind, seeking fingers, I latched onto them gratefully and squeezed. Now—now what? I asked, looking to him for advice.
Uh… He appeared to momentarily freeze before his eyes lit up. Oh! Okay, so my buddy used to get panic attacks, like, all the time. And one thing he would do was put his finger in his ear a little and pull down on it. Helped every time.
I blinked at him in disbelief, but then I tried it, anyway.
Good. Now take deep breaths, he instructed as I held down on the inside of my ear. It s stimulating some nerves in there or something. I m not really sure. But it always worked for him.
I swallowed and drew out a deep breath before looking up at the guy and slowly pulling my finger from my ear as his face grew into focus. He smiled from brilliant white teeth and the brightest blue eyes I d ever seen.
Nodding in encouragement, he asked, Better?
I blew out a long breath, relieved. Yeah. Thank you, Alec. That was?—
Cutting myself off, I tipped my head and squinted at him in confusion.
Did I just—did I call you Alec? I asked slowly.
He seemed similarly stumped. Yeah… he answered, wrinkling his nose in confusion. You did.
I am so sorry, I gushed. I have no idea why I did that. It just…came out of nowhere.
I mean, it s fine, he assured me. Since my name is Alec. I just hadn t realized we d met before.
Wait, what ? Your name s really Alec?
Yes, ma am. Did you seriously not know?
Why would I know that? I ve never met you before. I would remember that hair.
He flushed and plumped his curls before shrugging. Well, you must have. Otherwise, this is just super freaky.
I shook my head, answering, It s super freaky because I m sure I don t know you.
Huh. Lifting his eyebrows in a good-natured sign for whatever , he held out his hand to introduce himself. Well, I m Alec Younger, freshman here at HaveU.
And you re a film major, I added for him as I shook his hand.
Right! he cheered. See. We had to have met at some point. What s your name?
Raina, I answered, still frowning at him and wondering how I knew so much about him.
His eyes widened. No shit? You re Raina? Raina Bollen?
That s me, I answered, reassured by the familiarity in his voice. So we have met?
Oh! No. Not physically, anyway.
When I tipped my head, not sure what he meant by physically , he continued, I think I was always away when you came to visit. Wait. Sorry… He laughed a little at himself and then pressed a hand to his chest. Maybe I should tell you who I am. I m one of Oaklynn s roommates.
Oh! I shook my head, not expecting to hear that . Okay. Right. I have heard her mention an Alec before. And I m sure she talked about the film stuff. But I—I m sorry. I don t remember ever seeing a picture of you or?—
No, you probably haven t. Man, this is so great. You must be starting to remember.
Remember? I asked suspiciously. Remember…what?
His eyes flared. What? he asked. I didn t say remember.
Yes, you did, I countered. You just said, you must be starting to remember .
He winced. Yeah. Shit. Could you maybe forget I said that, though? Because I really didn t mean to say it.
But what does it mean? What am I supposed to remember?
Nothing, he rushed to assure me, but I narrowed my eyes at him, and he cringed, gripping his head. Oh God. I m dead. I m so dead. Foster s gonna to kill me.
Foster? I sat upright in surprise. Foster Union?
What? No , he tried to deny. He even waved his hands in an aggressive X to negate his own words. Not that Foster. A completely different Foster.
But if you re Oaklynn s roommate, I deduced, connecting the dots. Then that would make you one of the seven. You re definitely one of Foster Union s friends.
He closed one eye and hissed out a doomed breath, before cringing at me. Yeah. Yes, okay, I am, he admitted with some reluctance.
I shook my head, so completely lost by this entire conversation. So what does me remembering your name when we ve never even met have anything to do with him ?
Alec started to wring his hands nervously. Well, if he s going to kill me anyway, I might as well just tell you everything, right?
Exactly, I agreed encouragingly.
He nodded in relief. Yeah. Okay. Great. So he said you were already dealing with enough, what with the coma and your sister and all?—
When I flinched at the mention of Kinsey, Alec flinched along with me and whispered, Sorry. Sorry. He just didn t think you needed this heaped on you too if you didn t remember. But if you are remembering?—
Remembering what ? I cried desperately.
Right… He blew out a breath and then cringed. You re pretty accepting of supernatural things, correct? I mean, after you visited that psychic in Houston who was able to communicate with your mom, I m sure you re willing to believe some crazy shit, but this—this is really out there.
How—how do you know about the psychic in Houston? I asked, blinking at him in shock.
Oh! He shrugged. Foster mentioned it.
Foster? I squinted suspiciously. And how would he know?
Alec looked me straight in the eyes as he answered, Because you told him. Then he shifted my world on its axis by adding, While you were in your coma.
My mouth dropped open. Wha…? Then I furrowed my brow and tipped my face suspiciously before clearing my throat. I m sorry; say that again.
So we re guessing that your spirit, or soul, or whatever, was severed from your body while you were in the in-between. You know, not quite dead but not quite alive either.
Alec nodded encouragingly at me as if to make sure I was following along with his explanation, but I just squinted at him harder, not understanding any of this.
And Foster, he went on, anyway, was the only person who could see and talk to your ghost for the entire two weeks you were unconscious.
Huh ?
You ve met me before, he said carefully. When Foster came to visit at Archer House. But you were in a coma and in ghost form, so I couldn t see you. Foster had to translate for you if you ever wanted to say anything to us. But apparently, you liked watching funny reels over my shoulder when I was scrolling.
I blinked at him before pointing. The dog died.
An immediate smile took over his face. Yes! You wanted me to replay the donate a dollar to save a dog video. Oh my God, you re remembering. You re really remembering.
I… I shook my head to deny it, but if this was real, then it actually explained a lot.
My nurse told me that Foster probably saved my life when I got a blood clot.
Alec kept bobbing his head. Oh yeah. Your leg started to hurt, so he ran over to the hospital at, like, three in the morning to make them check it out.
And—and… Someone cleaned my apartment.
Yes, ma am. Alec nodded to confirm it. He said you wanted to go check on your plant that needed watering, and you were worried about rotting food.
Well, that did sound like me.
So you asked him to take the key from your stuff at the hospital, Alec explained.
Oh my God, I breathed, still not quite believing this. Foster cleaned my apartment?
Shit. Foster had been inside my apartment? That alone was too crazy to comprehend.
Shaking my head, I began to chew on my fingernails, murmuring to myself, He probably returned my library book for me too.
Alec shrugged, then nodded. Probably.
And the flowers, I realized. Would he send my favorite flowers to the hospital?
Uh… definitely , Alec told me as if that should be obvious.
Holy shit, I uttered, pressing my hand to my brow.
It hadn t been Kinsey at all. It d been Foster this whole time.
Zipping my attention to Alec, I demanded, But why the hell wouldn t he want me to know any of this?
I… He opened his mouth, only to shut it again.
What? I demanded. What else don t I know?
Nothing! he insisted, lifting his hands defensively. I swear. It s just—well, the two of you became pretty close. I mean, you were, like, tethered to him. Everywhere he went, you were pretty much forced to follow.
When I winced in mortification, Alec waved his hands, swearing, Don t worry. It wasn t a bad thing. You guys got along really well. He just didn t want you to feel obligated to keep being his—uh—friend if you didn t remember him. Since, you know, the first thing you did after waking up was tell him you didn t want anything to do with him.
Oh God, I uttered before swallowing thickly. I did basically tell him that, didn t I?
Yeah. Alec nodded with his brows lifted. You kind of broke his heart.
I blinked, straightening in surprise. I did what ?
Uh… Alec s eyes flared with worry. I meant, you just hurt his feelings, is all, he quickly revised.
I only asked him to leave me alone because I thought he felt responsible for the accident. I thought he was only being nice and visiting to appease his own guilt, I cried defensively. Not because we were actually friends.
I mean, he did feel guilty and responsible for what happened, but… Alec lifted one shoulder and cringed. He also really cares about you.
We—so we honestly became friends? The idea was stunning and refreshing, and when I drew in a deep breath, I felt different. Kind of relieved , actually. As if something inside me had just shifted back into its rightful place.
Until I remembered how awful I d been to him at the hospital. Well, damn. Now I feel like an ass.
Which was exactly what he didn t want you to feel, Alec explained kindly. He didn t want you worrying about any of the memories you lost. But now that you remembered my name, he added hopefully. Maybe the rest will come back to you too.
Maybe, I muttered, still finding it hard to picture myself being Foster s friend .
I glanced at Alec. So I just…followed him around everywhere?
He inclined his head in affirmation. Pretty much.
My lips parted as I tried to imagine it. Except I couldn t. Meeting Alec s gaze again, I shook my head before saying, Do you happen to know how I could get a hold of him? I d really like to—I don t know—make amends or something. And maybe ask him about a billion questions.
Of course. He bobbed his head, already pulling a phone from his pocket. You want to talk to him right now?
I bobbed my head. I mean, if he s available, but any time before tomorrow evening is fine with me.
Oh, he ll make himself available for you. Alec sounded sure of it as he punched in a quick text, speaking the words aloud as he typed them. Need you in front of the library ASAP. It s Raina . Grinning at me, he nodded in self-accomplishment. There. That ought to do the trick.
And he started to re-pocket his phone, only for it to begin ringing.