The Longing

Chapter 53

As promised, here's the next chapter. enjoy ! ;)

Survival is the key to the future. But what if it's threatened? What if it's challenged by different possibilities?

Chaos.

We get to live in this world because we think of good possibilities, but what about when those possibilities turn for the worse?

Like a cold, heart gripping demise.

If there's one thing humans are afraid of, it's death itself. It chokes you, holds you hostage until finally, you give up. Until you feel nothing and see nothing.

For me, the world was always as dull as the color gray. No warmth, no color. I've always wondered if the afterlife was the same.

As a soldier, death is always standing outside my door. It was just a matter of time for him to knock or for me to let it in.

But I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't that easy.

I jumped from the ground and towards the edge, it's better than getting torn apart by angry lone wolves.

I consider myself to be unfortunate because what the fuck. I just healed and now I'm about to die again, there's no way I'm gonna survive a jump this high.

If Kris saw me right now, she'd freak, I wouldn't want that. I can't imagine her face when they bring back a lifeless body.

I love my sister, yet fate puts me in a position where it jeopardizes my connection with her. She hates when I hurt myself even if it's a small scratch.

I did this to myself but I don't feel remorse or guilt. I'm just trying to help because duty calls to me or maybe, I've fallen in love with the place and... finally liked someone.

Back at home, no one wanted to be friends with me. So I settled playing with boys my age and blend in. It went well, too well that nobody found me or looked at me differently. Something like more than a friend.

I was always the friend but was never the beautiful one, the pretty one. I gave up infatuation a long time ago, and so it resulted in me avoiding topics containing love or intimacy.

I always went quiet when things go that way, not able to say anything because I can't relate, not having to experience it.

I grew up with no knowledge of holding someone's hand, kissing their cheeks or spending quality time with their spouses.

Signing up for the military forced me to realize I wasn't born to be soft. I was made to stir up mayhem.

What would Titus do if he found out what happened? I wanted to see how his face would morph from nonchalant to pure sorrow when he figures it out.

But, if I die from this fall, I at least wanted to tell him how I felt even if he was an overbearing person. Titus was strict but kind, he's strong and a good ruler.

I don't why I feel this way for him, it just...happened.

I cut through the air, watching the cliff in case one of them was brave enough to follow me just to take a nip.

I'd flip them off with my right arm, probably.

To my surprise and relief, they just stared at me near the edge. They were still growling and barking, ones I could hear while I fall.

The moon shone above, catching my attention. It didn't light up like this a while ago when I was fighting for my life, but now it's here.

I sigh in content, the beauty of it relaxes me, it always does when I see it. The adrenaline rush finally runs out, the pain unbearable. I felt tears flowing down my cheeks and I know deep down it's because of realizing that I can't see anyone I know before I die.

Everyone dies eventually, the only thing that hurts the living is losing someone and for the dying person to not witness anyone they know before they pass.

Gravity pulled me down and down and down. I can't remember how long I've been falling but when I finally hit the bottom, I'd been submerged in water.

With no strength left in me, I lose consciousness.

Fuck.

Sweat ran down my face, my back and my stomach. I kept running but I know I'm too late, too far. I was too damn far.

I'm such a goddamn fool, I shouldn't have left her knowing how dangerous it was when alone. Should've pissed on a trunk instead of risking it.

I'm damn terrified on what I'll find.

Is she alive? Did they die by her hands? What if she's dead? What if she didn't make it? What if she's bleeding out?

My thoughts were all over the place when I reached the area and witness two dead wolves, their bodies lying on the dirty floor.

I commanded the rest of the men to make sure they're dead.

She did it again, she killed our kind more than we can.

Fucking amazing.

But there was one huge problem; she's not here. It's not good news because my ears picked up barks and howls far away and a faint smell.

Katie.

The sound was close enough to hunt them down. I didn't wait for anyone else and rushed towards the sounds. Trails of blood covered the forest floor.

But whenever I keep getting close, the sound gets a lot farther than where it originally was.

They were running away.

I sped up, only to stop abruptly when a cliff comes to view. I took a deep breath and smelled the air.

Katie's smell was strong, and there were four more scents surrounding the area, but I can't figure out who. My senses were blocked by something dark in me.

I got closer and saw a puddle of blood on the ground, it reeked of her.

My breath quickened, reality settling in my bones.

"They finished the job." Someone voices behind me. I turned quick, my eyes darkening in pure anger.

Something close to fear took over my mind, it was dark and ominous. Deadly.

"You should know better than anyone that she fought them off, Smith." I growled threateningly. She cowered away and lowered her head. I snarl at everyone else when they got too close to the scene.

"Back. Off." My fingernails grew, anger filled me.

"Shit."

"Stop him!"

"He's losing control!"

"Beta!"

I blocked them all out, my sight blurring every second. I could feel the crack of my bones, the growing of my face, the rising of my body temperature and the changes in my whole system.

My senses heightened, I could hear the snapping of branches a few distances away. I could see more in the dark, darting my eyes around. The ground felt hard against my paws, the wind having no effect on my fur.

One moment I was standing on two feet, the next I was growling at everyone and snapping my teeth at them.

I couldn't stop my wolf from taking over, it was angry and was looking for something, someone.

It bit the air, threatening anyone who comes close. It raises its nuzzle and sniffs. It turned around and noticed the blood, whimpering at the sight of it.

It howled, so loudly it frightened any animal close to us. They all scattered away, afraid of the noise.

My wolf kept howling, only to be stopped by my pack mates when they put a muzzle on his face. It snapped its mouth shut.

He shakes his head and tries to push it off with his paw to remove the damn thing but it did not budge.

I felt his discomfort, anger, and frustration. He knows what's wrong, he knows who's missing but he didn't know what to do.

My wolf met Katie back at camp. We were only twenty years old when she helped us overcome everything.

The last time she encountered my wolf was in the shower, my wolf smelled her blood and tried to break free and check on her.

I managed to fight him for control, telling him off that it's inappropriate and she wouldn't approve of it. The little shit almost gave me a serious beating from Katie if she saw me.

But I'm glad she didn't because I wasn't human back then, I had the ass of a wolf. I tuned him out for days, consequences of being an idiot.

He took a liking to her because she was kind, supportive and strict. He saw her as a sister and refused to part with her. I too, held her in the same regard.

I respected her and everything she did. It's just my personality to behave like a fool in her presence because she makes me feel alive.

I didn't have anyone else with me but she stepped up and treated me like I'm human, that I'm someone worth paying attention to.

My parents weren't like that, they always had eyes for my brother, the brightest and youngest.

My brother outshined everyone around him, including me. I didn't mind it at first, but as we got older, I was starting to notice the neglect I was receiving.

My parents couldn't attend orientation because they had to take care of my sick brother. I had to sit there with other adults with their kids.

They didn't attend my graduation ceremony because my brother wanted to go to the pack park, to have fun.

It was always him, and him, and him. Never me.

Born almost normal, my parents didn't want me. They wanted a son who took their strength, carried their legacy and bloodline.

My parents and their parents and their parents before them, fought for their lives to earn the Beta title. It wasn't given freely, it's not easy to obtain.

In our culture, we fight to the death. Whoever wins the fight earns the respected title and is given the blessing to be the Alpha's right hand man, the second in command.

An individual powerful enough to stand beside the most strongest and the most feared leader.

I wasn't the chosen one.

I eventually shifted at the age of twelve, longer than the others have. Pups usually hit puberty around nine or ten. I was behind everyone and it looked bad on my parent's reputation.

My parents saw it as a weakness. They put words in my mouth, telling my brother lies about what I've done when it wasn't true.

His view of me changed.

My last straw was my brother bragging about his achievements in front of me with his friends, mocking me for my late blooming and my lack of ability to defend myself without Titus and her.

I got angry and accidentally hurt him, and I realized it too late. He came home with tears in his eyes as I stood beside him in shame.

My father hit me and locked me up for days, no food and water as a punishment for being foolish. I only got out after my brother's face healed.

And so at twelve years old I ran away, never looking back again. I didn't want to end up on the side so I thought I could survive without anyone's help.

I left everyone behind and didn't bother to say goodbye.

I saw a poster when I reached the human border that says, 'recruiting'. I didn't hesitate and signed up, but they said I was too young to enter, mocking me for thinking I could join when I was just a kid, but I was serious.

And so I waited.

I roamed the dirty streets of the humans, watched the news daily and absorbed new information that could help me fit in. I had to fit in.

Six years is a long time, but the past felt like a cold winter blowing over me and then nothing.

The time to enlist finally came. I handed in my legal papers and got accepted without any problems.

But I got bullied because of my stature, I didn't have anything to fill my stomach. Able to survive on scraps and barely enough water.

My digestive system didn't receive the nutrients it needed. I couldn't do push ups or any hard exercises but my body held long enough to get through the day.

My commander transferred me to another unit, throwing insults at me and tore a muscle in my leg when he kicked it, saying disobedience is not accepted when I was just glaring at his dead eyes.

It was Katie's unit that I ended up in.

It didn't take long for Katie to notice me. I was really small compared to the humans who were built like warriors.

"State your name, soldier." She had asked me in a commanding yet soft tone.

"D-David Nasser Bennett, M-Ma'am!" I stuttered, I was already embarrassing myself in front of my new commander. She didn't notice it though, or she didn't care.

"You don't look like a David to me, soldier."

The others laughed at her statement, but she didn't. Her face held a frown as she observes everything visible to the eyes.

It should've came out as an insult but it was more a fact than an opinion. David, slender and small boy compared to others surrounding him, held confidence and strength. He managed to take down Goliath, the giant warrior with a swing of his rock.

I was alone and weak, I didn't believe in saints nor did I have a weapon I was confident enough to put my trust in like he did.

But she saw through me and here we are, having each others back since then. Because of her, I learned about the good type of humans and learned to control my urges, avoiding casualties and other forms of violence.

We got close when I was permanently stationed to be in her squad.

"You know, for someone named after a hero, you're acting the complete opposite." She snorts at me.

We were eating outside the barracks, the cold air hitting our skin, it was our turn to patrol and she chose me to rotate with her which I didn't mind. I enjoyed her company, she was cool.

"It's just a name." I grunt.

She rolls her eyes at me, hiding her amused smile. "Don't you want to change your name?"

"Who does that?" I didn't know that was a possibility, or if it's legal.

She scoffed, "Basically almost half the population wants to change their name because they didn't like what their parents gave them."

"I use to think they were hypocrites but after you, I think it's okay."

I looked at her, something like hope coursed through my veins. I could change my identity, my name. I need to. If my past came looking, they wouldn't find me easily.

An escape.

"I want to be named Frank."

She snorts.

"Don't be an idiot."

I stare at her, taken aback. "What's wrong with Frank? It's a good name." It's a very good name because a lot of people use that name. It'll be harder to trace me if ten percent of the world has the same name as me.

"If you told me your name was Frank right now, I'd say you're lying."

"Why?"

"Because, my dude, it doesn't suit you."

"Does it matter?" I questioned.

She exclaims in disbelief. "Uh, does water quench your thirst? Yes, it does! Your name is your identity, you carry it wherever you go. I will not have a friend called Frank when clearly, he's more of a Theodore type of person."

"Doesn't that name mean ruler?"

She nods, playing with her remaining food. "You feel like one."

I froze.

That got me quiet that I forgot I could talk. I came from a family of rulers, but that didn't mean I wanted what they had. Not anymore, I was happy to stay here and get to know others.

"I can feel someone's presence, heavy and light. It isn't always correct. But for you, it's suffocating, heavy and authoritative. It feels almost natural."

The night stretched by as we took turns watching. Katie's voice coming from behind me startled me, my heart calming down once I saw her.

"Derek Nasser Black."

"What?" My brows raised in confusion.

"Your name."

Satisfaction thrummed in my blood, realizing what she meant.

From then on, I was no longer David Bennett.

My wolf and I agreed that we'll protect her til' our last breath. We took an oath; a promise to never let harm befall her.

We failed.

We finally had something to live for, to care for. But we lost it. The sight of blood made my stomach churn, I didn't like how it belonged to Katie.

It fueled our anger more than it already has.

We want revenge.

My wolf howled in agreement, the image of the enemies blood on his teeth made him feral. He wanted them to feel her pain, have them feel what they did to her.

If she's dead, then he'd kill every lone wolf there is, no questions asked.

It didn't take long for the men to sedate him, catching him when he loses control as I finally take my consciousness back.

Still, I'm one with my wolf. Sedating him means sedating me too.

I lose consciousness when I landed on water and now I'm fucking falling again.

This time it's endless, there's nothing to land on, no whisper of air against my skin and no sign of life.

It's just darkness all around me, my senses were even quiet.

"Katie." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"You bitch!" I tried to grab onto her, onto something but there was nothing. I was just flaying around.

"Watch your tone with me, young lady."

I scoffed, annoyed. "How about we go through your riddle shit a little faster so I can enjoy this definitely amazing, colorful void."

It was rude but my patience was hanging on a thread right now. "Say what you have to say."

She hums, her hair brushing my outstretched hands. I shivered at the touch. "It was stupid falling off that cliff. You and I both know you can take down at least one."

"Lady, have you seen my injuries? I have a torn back for fuck's sake! I'd rather drown than get eaten by rabid animals." I gagged in disgust.

She tsks. "You're underestimating yourself. Deep down, you know who you are."

That had me pause. "What do you mean?"

"Remember when you took down the leader of shifters?"

I nodded, "Samar."

"Do you remember how you defeated her?"

"No."

I can feel her eyes, it's burning my skin. "Yes, you do."

"No, I don't. I passed out, remember?" I kicked the air, trying anything to amuse myself. I sure as hell can't see her so might as well take the chance to accidentally hit her.

"You did not pass out; you woke up."

I groaned, fed up with her riddles. "Whatever you think happened, didn't. I know my own body, I passed out, end of the story. It was probably Titus who captured her or Derek, who cares."

"You do."

That silenced me.

Yes, I did care. I was worried about everyone and wanted to know the truth. But everyone kept saying random shit and it got me thinking that they're trying to blame me for something I didn't do.

I got scared since I wasn't awake, they'd lock me up and make preparations to hang me again. I couldn't go through that so I fought every step of the way.

Even when Titus reassured me that I help win the fight, I didn't believe him.

"Anything else you gotta get off your chest? I want to go back to floating around to absolutely nothing."

Sarcasm dripped from my voice, changing the topic.

"Mutant." She whispered softly. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What?"

"Mutant." It was louder this time, and more deep.

Fuck this shit, change of plans. I don't want to float around anymore.

"Wake me up, I don't want to see your neanderthal looking face."

Too late, she screamed into my face with her disgusting form, making my heart skip a beat. I fell over even though there was nothing there.

The impact of her voice broke my hold from my unconsciousness, finally seeing a light shine above.

Then I woke up.

I sat up abruptly, the feeling of warmth surrounded me.

That son of a bitch. I fucking hate her.

I mean, how hard is it to just snap your hands or, wake someone up without scaring them to death? Fucking easy.

But no, she finds it easier to do shit like that and throw me off guard.

I calmed my breathing, anxiety leaving my body feeling tired.

Where am I?

Is what occurred to me when I finally look around. I wasn't familiar with the brown wood, the non-tiled floor and the chimney on the end of the bed where I am.

The lights were dimmed yellow, at least illuminating what there is to see. The wood inside the chimney crackled as fire consumed it.

There were no signs of life except mine. No noises, nothing.

I sighed weakly. I grabbed the sheets and pulled it off me, only to register the agonizing sensation from my arm and back.

I looked down, white, clean bandages covered my whole chest and my left arm. There was nothing blood on it so it was recently cleaned.

I was able to maneuver and plant my feet on the ground. My gaze wandered and saw my torn up clothes.

I put all my strength to pull myself up, managing to do it minutes later. I was sweating already.

I leaned on the wood that was acting as a pillar in this cozy house. I stayed there for a bit before I moved towards my things, or well, whatever is left of it.

Hope gripped me, maybe I could find traces and it might help me point out what happened and who saved me.

A note will do, they definitely left a note because who leaves a stranger alone in their house? They'd be crazy if they did that, valuable stuff could disappear within seconds.

Said hope died down when I reach the spot.

Nothing, absolutely fucking nothing. The straps on my waist were broken, my long sleeves in pieces. Whoever mended me saved nothing.

I groaned in annoyance, turned around just to sit back down on the bed. That journey alone consumed most of my energy.

I jumped off a cliff, landing on water and then nothing. I can't recall anymore details, even little ones like we see in movies.

Blurred faces, hushed voices, none. Absolutely fucking nothing. What is wrong with me? This isn't the first time its happened and won't be the last any time soon.

But I only know one person who can help me. Probably fix me if she was strong enough.

She happens to haunt me in my dreams or whatever.

Witches reside in covens with other witches, keeping each other safe from outside threats.

I recall Sen saying to never mess with them because they will retaliate. Witches are one of the most powerful beings to walk the earth.

They were mostly there to mend people but that didn't mean they can't be the source of trouble.

Witches play dirty when it comes to favors. One second you're happily married, then the next you turn into an animal that represents your personality.

Brutal little shits. Van also warned me not to look for witches, because either they will disappear without a trace, or they'll find you first.

I didn't give a fuck.

That witch inside my head definitely won't turn me down, she hasn't had her fill yet. I can feel the incompleteness she emitted when she's near me. Her aura was dull but it was absolutely hungry for something.

I'm about to find out what that is and figure out why she keeps appearing inside my head. Maybe I already know.

Time to go witch hunting.

I roamed the house, searching the kitchen for food and going up the stairs to see if I can find clothes.

I did find a black t-shirt and a lose pants, too big for my liking. I put in on either way, having a hard time to put the shirt because of my injuries. Took me a while but I did it without putting too much pressure on my left arm.

I got down and grabbed a kitchen knife, walked to my torn clothes and grabbed my belt. I cut it in half, tossed aside the broken one and tied the decent one on my left thigh and pressed the knife in between.

I saw my shoes near the door so I grabbed it and tied my laces. Fuck yeah, at least my boots are unharmed.

I got up and was about to leave, but the door opened and a silhouette came through it.

His presence was so heavy, I felt the atmosphere drop in pressure.

Now I know why there is no note.

"Why are you up?" His deep voice sent shivers down my spine, the hair on my neck and arms stood up.

"Titus." I said breathless, shocked by his appearance.

"What are you doing here?"

How did he find me? Did he save me?

"Sit back down." He says, closing the door behind him, but he doesn't walk towards me. He just stays in his spot but his eyes roamed every inch of me.

First my eyes, my lips and then my whole body, making sure to check twice on those with injuries. "I'm fine, I need to-"

"You're not going anywhere." He cuts me off with a low growl, the tone setting me off.

"Sit. Down." This overbearing son of a-

"Please." He adds which made me stop. I have never heard this man plead, let alone in a voice dripping in despair.

Still shocked, I slowly turned around and forced my feet to move towards the bed. I can hear Titus follow me, his footsteps heavy as he walks.

I sit down and so did he, on the seat in front of me. His eyes were on mine as I took him in.

His hair was wet, from sweat or water I don't know, he looks good though. I clear my throat, roaming my eyes to his clothes. It wasn't what he usually wears back at the pack.

It's a white plain shirt and he has on the same pants as I do. I assumed what I put on was his considering the size.

"Is this yours?" I referred to the house, my eyes snapping to his dark ones.

He nods his head. "This is far from the border."

Disappointment settled in my bones. "It's okay, let's go back before anyone gets worried."

"No." Titus stops me from standing up, gripping my arms and pulling me back down.

"Ow!" Pain rippled through me, starting from my arm then to my back. He lets me go in a flash, putting distance between us.

"I apologize." I glared at him.

"Yeah, whatever."

Titus sits back down, slowly as if he's afraid he'll scare me away. I scoff and massaged the place in my left arm where it isn't bandaged up.

I feel so sore. "You fixed me up?" He only nods his head in response.

"Thanks, I guess." Again, no response but the nod of his head.

I realized though, if he did fix me up, he took off my clothes to clean the wound. Suddenly aware of that truth, my cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

Titus, with his enhanced vision, saw it and smirked. I can see the understanding behind his eyes. "It was dark, I didn't see anything."

As if that helps.

"We need to go where the others are. Derek is probably worried sick about me, and my sister too."

"We will, but you need to heal." He gets up, his height towering over me. What I didn't expect was for him to grab my shoes and untied it. After that, he puts my legs up the bed, his scent engulfing me. He gently lays me down, his grip soft on my waist and non-injured arm.

"I'll wake you up when I need to change your bandages."

I stare at him in contempt. "No thanks, I'll change it myself."

He shakes his head, "You won't be able to do it properly. Let me help you."

I roll my eyes. He's right though. The wound on my back was large enough that it started from the top and ended almost at my waist. My left arm was bitten down to the bone, making it burn more than the one on my back.

Titus didn't say anything more, leaned down and kissed my forehead. The action so fast it didn't register until he disappeared upstairs.

I screamed internally.