Chapter 41
THE VILLAGE WAS quiet, as it often was on a Saturday morning.
She was grateful not to bump into any familiar faces.
She just wanted to get this over and done with.
She felt sick with anxiety as she walked towards Lavender Cottage.
She had to force one foot in front of the other, summoning her courage as she braced herself for whatever his reaction might be.
She knocked on the door. There was nothing but silence.
She tried again. Eventually, she heard the tread of footsteps approaching.
The door swung open. Noah stood there, looking more handsome than ever, his most charming smile dimpling his cheeks.
He kissed her and ushered her inside, closing the door behind her.
She scanned the room for Raffy, but there was no sign of him.
There was an awkward silence as she took the ring out of her pocket. Noah was looking at her expectantly. She took a deep breath and gathered her strength. She looked him directly in the eye. ‘I can’t marry you, Noah,’ she said.
She watched as his expression morphed into one of disbelief and then outrage, the muscle in his jaw immediately bulging in that way she had seen it do so many countless times before.
‘You say you’ve changed,’ she said, feeling herself grow in confidence. ‘Well, I have too. I’ve learned that I deserve better than anything you can offer me. I don’t love you anymore.’
He ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled sharply. ‘You really think you deserve better than me?’ he laughed scornfully. ‘That is priceless, really, Helena. Priceless.’
She stood up a little straighter. ‘You can try and belittle me, try and make me think I’m worth less than I am but it’s not going to work Noah. I am not the same woman you wore down, year after year, until I didn’t even recognise myself anymore.’
‘What the fuck are you talking about?’
‘You know exactly what I am talking about,’ she felt the volume of her voice raising to match his. ‘You treated me like a piece of shit.’
Noah snorted. ‘Is that how you describe it? Paying for everything so you never had to work, keeping a roof over your head?’
‘You wouldn’t let me work, Noah. You wouldn’t let me see my friends.
You controlled how I dressed, how I ate, how I exercised.
You made me a shell of who I was when I met you.
It has taken me all this time to rediscover who I am, to learn to love myself again.
And I do, I really do. You think you are so much better than everyone else.
So much better than me. Well, I am worth a million of you.
And I will never, ever settle for someone like you again. You are pathetic.’
She knew she was pushing him but she couldn’t stop herself. She knew she was risking the chance of having Raffy in her life but it felt so good to finally tell him everything she had wanted to say for years. She could see the rage simmering within him.
‘You are the worst partner I could ever have asked for. Marrying you would be the biggest mistake I could ever make. I am just so glad you left when you did. So I could finally wake up and see the bigger picture. To see you for the worthless piece of shit you are.’
At this, Noah could not contain his anger any longer.
He closed the gap between them in a single stride.
He got so close to her face she could see a small pink vein snaking through the white of his eye.
She could smell alcohol on his breath. She knew he was more volatile when he’d been drinking, but she was determined to hold her ground.
‘Fuck you,’ he said with such venom she could feel specks of his spit land on her cheek.
She wiped them off with her sleeve.
‘No Noah,’ she held her head up high. ‘Fuck you.’ It was then that she noticed Raffy, sitting at the top of the stairs and peering through a gap in the banister.
His eyes were wide with shock and filled with tears.
How long had he been sitting there, watching them?
As she was about to call his name, the searing pain of Noah’s fist smashing into her cheekbone took her breath away.
She stumbled backwards, clutching her cheek.
She shouted in fury, ‘You just can’t control yourself, can you? You think it’s acceptable to hit a woman? See. What kind of a man does that? What kind of a father?’
She shoved him out of her way and raced up the stairs to Raffy who had screamed out her name as he had hit her.
Noah watched as she pulled Raffy into her arms, a wild expression in his eyes.
He took several steps backwards, then turned and ran out of the door.
A few seconds later she heard his tyres spinning on the gravel as he screeched out of the drive.