Chapter 20 #3
‘Actually, I’m just going to head back in.
’ Danni broke the silence. ‘I want to get one of the boxes of pistachio fudge they’ve started selling.
It’s Charlie’s favourite. Maybe you should come in and get some of the mango ice cream, Louie, before they sell out.
They didn’t have all that much left and you wouldn’t want Hope to be disappointed. ’
Danni’s tone was light, but it didn’t take a trained psychologist like Louie to identify the intent behind her suggestion and he quickly agreed. ‘Definitely not. I’ll head in with you now. Do you want anything else, Hope?’
Somehow, she resisted the urge to tell him the only thing she wanted was for him to stay right where he was. She didn’t want to be on her own with Joe. Instead, she shook her head and silently watched the two of them disappear.
‘Not very subtle, are they?’ Joe gave her a half smile, that tiny hint of crookedness she’d recognised straight away more evident than ever.
‘No, they’re not.’ Much to her surprise, she found herself smiling too.
‘I’m glad though.’ Joe’s eyes didn’t leave her face. ‘I’m sorry this has all been so difficult and there have been so many times when I wanted to come and find you, but I also wanted to respect the boundaries you put in place.’
‘Thank you.’ She looked down at the ground, not knowing what else to say, because part of her was grateful that he’d respected her wishes, but another part of her was hurt that he’d been able to do so.
When she finally looked up at him, she could tell he was battling with conflicting emotions just as much as she was.
‘The way you’ve handled this has been incredible.
I only wish I’d handled it anywhere near as well.
It just feels like I’ve messed everything up.
’ Joe sighed. ‘None of this is coming out the way I wanted it to, sorry. I was sure that when we finally got to talk, I’d have it all straight in my head, I’ve thought about it so much, but it’s still all coming out wrong.
What I’m trying to say is, thank you. Your parents have raised an amazing person. ’
‘That’s kind of you to say, but you don’t even know me. Not really.’ Hope didn’t mean it to sound accusatory, but somehow it still did.
‘I know more than enough to be certain of some things, and I’ve seen the way you support patients who are in distress.
Even if I hadn’t witnessed that, just the way you’ve handled the situation between us would have been all the evidence I needed.
You’ve tried to make things as easy as possible for Esther and you’ve put her first; not many people would do that, in your position.
I’m so sorry you had to be the one to recognise what she needed, but you realised it long before I did. That makes you very special.’
‘How is she?’ Hope couldn’t acknowledge his praise, not if she was going to have a chance of maintaining the distance between them. And she knew she had to even before she saw the twist of pain on his face in response to her question. It didn’t matter what he said next, she already had her answer.
‘She’s just taking the time she said she wanted to process all of this.
You made me see I needed to give that to her.
’ His smile didn’t reach his eyes, and Hope had to swallow against the guilt rising up in her throat, even before he continued.
‘I think it would have been impossible for her to get that while we were living under the same roof, so she’s gone to stay with her mum and dad for a little while, but don’t worry, it won’t be for long.
’ Despite Joe’s attempts to minimise the situation and the compliments he’d paid Hope about how she’d handled things, what had happened had put Joe and Esther’s marriage at risk.
Hope wouldn’t be able to forgive herself for that, if Esther never came back, and her voice was choked with emotion as she spoke again.
‘I’m sorry. I should never have come here, or said anything. It’s caused so much harm.’
‘No, no, no.’ Joe closed the gap between them and pulled her into a hug. For a moment she resisted, as stiff as an ironing board, but then she finally allowed herself to relax into it.
‘I’m still glad you told me.’ Joe’s words were steady and certain. ‘Like I told you that first day, I feel so lucky that it’s you and the only thing I’d want to change is how it has affected Esther. All I can do is hope that time is the healer she needs.’
‘Me too.’ Hope forced herself to step back from Joe, suddenly more conscious than she’d ever been that time was a precious commodity.
She had a week left until she had to make a choice about whether to stay in Cornwall.
Joe’s warmth and kindness should have made the decision easier, but somehow it felt harder than ever to know the right thing to do now that she knew Esther had gone to stay with her parents.
She could do with some kind of sign from a higher power, although she wasn’t even sure she believed in that sort of thing.
Right now, she wasn’t sure of anything much at all.