Chapter 31 #2
There were so many things wrong in this whole situation. So many. The true character of Elijah was something out of one of my nightmares, and Damien had turned into an innocent bystander.
Collateral damage.
I’d brought this into his life.
But Grant and Maylee, what they could have endured because of Elijah—because of me—was too much for me to imagine.
I pulled my hands from Damien’s. He said nothing, but watched as I placed them in my lap.
“How is Violet?” I needed to know that there was a happy ending somewhere in this tragedy.
“She’s fine. Almost good as new. Kicking cancer’s ass and taking names.”
I visibly relaxed. “Oh, thank God.”
Damien smiled, but it was guarded. “It’s been an enormous relief.”
“When you came to see me before, when you saved me from Elijah, what changed your mind?”
“Violet was doing so much better. The doctors were confident in her recovery. Then you sent me those messages, and I didn’t want to lose you. You’ve been on my mind every second of every day and I was working up the courage to call you.”
I nodded, understanding. “There was no chance of Grant and Maylee losing their mother. That’s good. I’d never have forgiven you otherwise.”
Damien let out a chuckle. “I know.”
“But still.” I looked up from my lap and into his eyes.
Anger continued to course through my veins.
“You should have told me, talked to me. If you knew I’d support you being there for your family, why didn’t you tell me?
Instead, you just left me here like a used tissue.
Wadded up and tossed aside, forgotten. You didn’t communicate when that was the only thing you needed to do. ”
I pulled my feet out from under me and stood.
I pushed my shoulders back, doing my best to empower myself to stay strong even though tears rimmed my eyes.
“You had the best reason to do what you did, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that you were cruel.
You made me feel sad, alone, and insane for thinking someone like you would honestly want me. ”
Damien stood, moving toward me and placing his hands on my shoulders, his eyes pleading with mine. “I’d never intentionally hurt you. I was only doing what—”
“I know,” I cut him off. “But the fact remains. You devastated me.” My tears fell with my words.
Words I’d never spoken aloud because speaking them only made them more real.
“You had to know, Damien. You are a smart man. Someone doesn’t follow you around and travel to see you without feeling something.
And I did. I did those things because you made me fall in love with you. Every single part of you.”
I watched as Damien’s Adam’s apple bobbed, agony written all over his face.
I continued. “You did what you thought was best, and I agree. I’d never want to be the reason you lost your family. But I can’t forgive you for how you treated me.”
I stepped back, out of his reach, but he followed. “Cadence, wait. You’re not letting me finish.”
“I’ve spent the last three months trying to forget that I love you and create a life of meaning for myself.”
“But I lo—”
“Please don’t say it. I can’t bear to hear it.”
“You’re not being fair.” Damien grabbed my shoulders and pulled me against him before I could stop him. I melted into his touch, warmth spreading to thaw the frozen heart that lay in my chest. “You tell me you love me, and you won’t let me say it back. Play the martyr and you damn both of us.”
“You were justified in your actions, yes. Absolutely. But you so easily dismiss what it made me feel. You allowed yourself to be manipulated by circumstances, saying to yourself ‘it couldn’t be helped’ and now we’re both paying for it.
” I pulled my head back and looked up at him. “All you had to do was talk to me.”
“I couldn’t.”
“Circumstances may have kept you from telling me the truth, but they didn’t stop you from calling and telling me you no longer wanted to see me.
At least then, I would have known there was no chance for us.
Instead, you left me sitting here waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass for months! What you did was worse.”
We stood like stone statues. Damien’s jaw ticked as his eyes bore into mine.
I sniffled, breaking out of his arms. “You should go.”
His chest rose and fell quickly, a testament to how upset he was as unshed tears lined his eyes. Pleading for me to ask him to stay.
So, I turned my back on him.
I barely held myself together as I heard the door shut.
Jade didn’t take long to peek her head out of her room. When she did, I’d already retreated to my spot on the couch, watching the dust settle in the morning sunlight.
She sat next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “I’m not gonna lie. I heard everything.”
My only response was a cross between a grunt and a sniffle. It was better that way, I wouldn’t have to repeat it now.
“Cadence. I don’t understand. Why did you tell him to leave? You both want to be together, so do it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”
“Yeah, but you two are in love. Love is special. It’s the thing that no amount of money can buy, and yet some of the poorest people have the most of it. I love you, but you are being really stubborn.”
“Please, Jade. I can’t talk about Damien anymore.”
Jade scoffed, “Fine.” She rubbed my arm for a few moments, and I placed my head on her shoulder. “But we’re going shopping then.”
“Shopping? Now?”
“Duh. It’s Saturday, and we’re sad. Retail therapy and all that. Plus, we might get hit on at the mall, which will make us feel better about being sad.”
The corner of my mouth lifted. “But you aren’t sad. Last I knew, you and Colton were doing just fine.”
“Yeah, but I’m sad in conjunction. You’re sad, so I’m sad.”
“I don’t think that’s really how it works.”
“Oh, come on. It will be fun. We can put on some cute outfits, try on some clothes, stop and smell some candles, get some free food samples from the food court, and end our adventure with Chick-fil-A.”
“All my favorite things.”
“Exactly.”
I let out a deep sigh. “Fine. Take me shopping. Feed me Chick-fil-A. Tell me I’m pretty.”
“Isn’t that on a t-shirt?”
“Something like that.”
“But you’re saying you’ll go?”
“Yep. I’ll go.”
Jade jumped up with a squeal. “Yay! Let’s go get ready.”
I closed my eyes for a moment to steel my resolve before standing.
Time to suck it up, buttercup.
It’s time to wipe Damien from my mind completely, and get back to normal.
As I walked into my bedroom, I couldn’t quiet the little voice in the back of my head that reminded me—time to get back to emptiness.