35. Gigi
CHAPTER 35
Gigi
“Wha—” I stutter. “What do you mean a real couple again?”
Luke’s face is tight. He looks away to the parked cars before returning his gaze to me. “How we’ve been, we’re practically roommates, Gi. It’s like you, me, and Kai are sharing an apartment as friends, except we have two kids with us.”
“That’s not true.” It’s a weak shot and I know it.
“You’re right,” Luke answers. “You’re friends with Kai and I’m friends with Kai, but the two of us are barely friends. We’re just…coexisting. I want us to be more than that.”
And I cry. Not because I don’t want to, but because I do. I want to be the person he can depend on right now. I have to be . I want us to get back to where we were. But at this point I’m so far removed from the old Gigi I don’t know what’s left of her, even if I dig deep enough.
Can Luke accept the fact that I might be a different person now, or does he only want the version of me that he fell in love with?
“I’m sorry. I know I’ve been pushing you away.” I stand there with my head down and my hands curled up in fists so tight nails are digging through my palms. The world’s worst wife award should go to me. My husband just lost his dad, yet here he is, trying to salvage whatever’s left of us. “We can talk about this later, Luke. You need to mourn Vince today.”
“Fuck Vince.”
“You don’t mean that,” I say, tipping my head up to him. “He’s your dad, Luke.”
“He hasn’t been my dad in a long time.” I don’t miss the resentment in his tone or the way his posture goes rigid. “And if he were a good dad to Becca, he would’ve thought twice about drinking behind the wheel. He drives for a living, for fuck’s sake. He could’ve injured a lot of fucking people.”
“It’s all my fault.” Tears break free and they all drop on Ethan’s baby hair.
Twin lines form on Luke’s forehead. “Why do you think that?”
Hiccupping, I admit to him what I confessed to Andrew before. “He was upset about us being together. He said it over and over again every time he saw us together. Now with the twins and us being married…I’m sure he thought I fucking tainted the Palmer name or something. I shouldn’t have come on to you during spring break.”
The man in front of me stands still, gaping. “Is that what you think?”
I give him a weak nod as I rub the tears off my face.
Luke snakes his arms around my shoulders, his palm dropping just right above Ethan’s head, pulling me into a side hug. I hate that I flinch at the touch. I’m not used to this anymore, and I know it’s my fault.
“I’m sorry I’m horrible for you,” I whisper.
“Gigi,” he sighs as his chin rests on the crown of my hair. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to the Palmers. You and your mom. So get that shit out of your head. And my dad was a ticking time bomb. A relapse was bound to happen sooner or later. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine for not paying close enough attention.”
I have so many things I want to say to him, but I bite my tongue and nod instead.
He holds me tighter. “What’s on your mind, Gi? Talk to me.”
“I want you to focus on your dad today, Luke.”
“I want to focus on you.”
If I hadn’t missed the shot, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant and Luke wouldn’t have to work so much. He would’ve visited Becca more often and could’ve spotted the red flags. Because I’m no good, I just have to open my mouth and tell him what’s on my mind instead of leaving it alone. “You, Mom, Ethan, Gwen, and Becca…you all deserve better than me.”
Gigi, you’re a selfish bitch.
Luke is about to say something, but from our right, the small group of people who were here to pay their respects to Vince start to disperse. Men and women dressed in black are heading for the parking lot, and in the middle of them, I see Mom with Becca by her side and Gwen on her hip. Luke might not be in the mood for Vince today, but I know Mom is, and she needs me. At the very least, she needs me to take my child so that she doesn’t have to play babysitter during her own husband’s burial.
“I’m going to get Gwen,” I say hastily before pulling myself away from him.
“We’re not done, yeah?” he responds before letting me go. “You and I are going to have a talk about this, Gi. A long one.”