15. Kamryn
It’s the Saturday after playing at the bar with Liam, and Sarah and I are walking down the solo-cup-littered street towards the party. You know the party of the year. “So planning on kissing anyone tonight Kam?”
She asks me this question every time. Well, she didn’t have a chance to ask me our sophomore year because...yeah. She didn’t ask me last year since I never left the sorority house. So I think this is her way of getting back into the swing of things.
It’s mind-blowing how fast these four years flew by. Does anyone have a time machine to where I can go back?
I look at her shocked because she’s never this bold with her questioning. “No. I think I’m done dating. Besides, no one here is catching my eye.” I end on a secret confession.
I also may just be a little tipsy. Another thing that I’ve hidden from people is how much I’ve started to drink. But since this frat party is basically booze fest I blend right in.
Back to Sarah’s inquisition. The truth is that I don’t plan on kissing anyone. After the bar debacle, avoiding the male species is exactly what I need to do.
“Look,” Sarah starts. “I’m not saying date anyone, but I don’t know why you don’t just kiss—” But she’s cut off abruptly when we see Liam standing there looking at me differently while his frat buddies cheer on some random partiers. It’s been like this since our summer run-in and that unfateful day at the bar.
“Okay, why aren’t you guys together again? Because the way he’s looking at you, is so not in the friendship type of way. I noticed it three years ago and I’m noticing it now. Kamryn, he is into you.” Sarah points out.
For the past week, when Liam and I did somehow cross paths, he became who he was during our first year here. Only I’m seeing things with a new set of eyes. Lingering glances here. Prolonged touches there. Do I think Liam’s attractive? ABSOLUTELY!! Even when I wasn’t single, that fact remained. Do I want to risk our extremely fragile friendship again for something that might fizzle out again? NO! We already crossed that bridge once and it completely backfired. I cherish him more than anything.
He can’t be the Band-Aid that magically tries to heal me. I think our not speaking all last year is proof of that. He and I both deserve better than that. But just maybe I can attempt to get back on the horse.
Liam has respected the friendship line that I have so firmly drawn in the sand. So why do I get the feeling that someone’s about to cross it?
“I told you,” I stress as we rush past Liam and his friends, “I don’t want to risk a repeat of freshman year. It was complicated enough with us being best friends. But throwing sex into that mix amped the complication factor up. And I’m just getting him back, I don’t wanna ruin that.” My back burns with the intensity of his gaze as I hurry us past them.
“I get that Kam, I really do. But you know how he feels about you. Everyone knows how he feels about you. Why not just take the plunge? For real this time? Maybe it could work out and this would be what you need?” My best friend asked me thoughtfully.
“I just…can’t.”
It’s not that I’m scared of Liam. It’s that I’m scared of more. I’m scared of putting myself out there for the next person to emotionally crush me. But that’s what crushes do, right? They crush you from the inside out leaving nothing but your former self in its wake when it does pass.
Thirty-minutes later with another almost empty cup, I’m leaning against the wall watching a game of beer-pong, when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Liam. He’s one of the few guys my body is acutely aware of.
“I thought I might find you here Rynny,” Liam says as he uses my nickname for him. He also uses it when he’s been drinking. He’s standing so close to me that I can feel the heat of his body and smell his cologne. To distract myself, I tip my head back to finish the last of my drink then turn to face him. I haven’t looked this close into his eyes in almost three years.
“You know-” I start to say but I’m cut off by Liam crushing his lips to mine.
Shock overtakes my body because it feels like deja vu. Suddenly that shock turns into recognition, and I’m kissing Liam back. Our tongues move together as I put my hand on the back of his neck to pull him closer to me and at the same time he grips my hips and pulls me into him
I roll my head to the side to get some much-needed air into my lungs, “Liam, I need to talk to you. In private.”
He kisses me one more time and then takes my hand to pull me upstairs to his room.
Once in his room, I open my mouth to speak but Liam puts his finger over my mouth silencing me, “Kamryn, let me go first. Okay?” He starts and I nod my head, “You were my very first best friend. In Ms. David’s second grade class. I remember it like it was yesterday. I walked in so scared because I was the new kid in class and had no idea where to sit. But this short, curly-haired little girl waved me over to sit next to her. I did and the rest is history. I had my first kiss with you when we were twelve. We played spin the bottle, hormones were starting to change the way we boys saw you girls. Of course we thought we were too cool to play that juvenile game. But we did. And I thank my lucky stars that I played and that the bottle landed on me. I didn’t show it, but I was nervous Kam. Not only were you my first kiss, but you were my first crush,” He confesses to me.
I look at him with a thick throat and unshed tears that he remembers stuff like that. It’s been almost ten years since that game and so much has changed. Yet the bond that formed when we were seven has stood the test of time. No, we weren’t always the best of friends. But the mutual love we had for one another beat out all of those odds.
He cups my cheek gently. “That first day of college, when you kissed me to prove Allie wrong, I thought that would be the turning point for us. But I was wrong. I thought when we started our just sex arrangement that would be the moment we became an ‘us’. Then I got scared of my feelings for you, so I ran. I stood by on the sidelines and watched you and Mason fall harder than ever for each other. To see my best friend happy was all I wanted. But it wasn’t with me. Watching from the sidelines was hard. And I don’t want to do that again.” His eyes roam over my face. Almost as if he’s finally seeing me in a new light.
“If I’m being honest…you scare the crap out of me. Knowing you want a forever kind of love scares me because I’ve never had that. Taking the next step with you scares me. That summer, I knew how vulnerable you still were. If I were a stronger man, I should’ve been the one to stop it. I had the clearest head out of the two of us. But I saw that moment as my ‘finally’ and I jumped at it. From the time we were little you talked about finding your Prince Charming. I laughed it off because that’s what little shits like me did. As I got older and things changed, I thought maybe. I thought, ‘I want to be that guy for you’. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I definitely don’t want to lose you again. Because this is you I’m talking to Kam. When I think about my future, I see you. When I picture the future I have planned, I see you. Kamryn, I’ve loved you since I was twelve even when I didn’t know what love was. You’ve seen me go through every awkward phase that no one other than their mom should see. I want to be the guy that you come home to and complain about a bad manufacturer. I want to be your sounding board when you’re struggling through your sketches. I want to be the one that makes your dreams come true, if you’ll let me.”
He’s saying all the things that I need to hear. “But is it that simple?”
“It can be.”
“We already went down that road once Liam. What makes you think that this can work?” I ask him with complete trepidation. Putting myself back out there after just vowing to myself to swear off men for the year…I mean who does that?
“Because I know you like the back of my hand. I know that you hate sushi. You love the color black. Your favorite season is winter, but you’ll say it’s summer just to please people. You have an amazing voice. You put me in my place and have since we were kids. You dream of having what your parents have. I could go on and on.”
My heart and my head are at war. “But is that what you want too? Am I what you want? Is marriage and kids what you want? Part of the reason I shied from ever taking the next step with you was because I had seen the types of girls you went for. And they were not me. In all of the years we’ve been friends I never heard you mention wanting a family.”
“The only reason I went after those other girls is because I never thought we’d get to this place. But now that we’re here, I can’t imagine anywhere else I’d rather be. You’re the only one I can imagine having a family with.”
I say nothing. What can I possibly say that’ll make this a smooth transition?
“I know you’re still raw from what happened. With me and with him. I want to do what I can to help you. I want the fictitious future we talked about freshman year to become real. I want the dreams we dream together to become real. I want us by each other’s side when we get big news. I want to look up in the stands at my games and see you cheering your head off. I want you to look out in the crowd at your fashion shows and see me cheering with your family. Kamryn, we’re not who we were three years ago. But we can be better.” he says.
What he’s saying makes sense. Taking our friendship to the next level is the logical thing. But I’m still fighting myself with whether or not to finally give in.
I clasp my hands behind his neck before I start. “I’m still iffy about relationships. Being in one again terrifies me. I went in headfirst with the last one and look at how that ended up. I’m not comparing you two, but you’re both athletes. But being pushed aside again for a sport would literally take me out of the game. I know how dedicated to the game that you are. What I don’t want is if I say yes to giving us a chance, that’d I’d be pushed away because you’re being pressured to focus on the game. I need a promise that whatever happens with baseball, that that would never happen. That our relationship can and will go to something permanent.” I say and release a winded breath. “I have plans and dreams that I always pictured someone by my side celebrating those with, and I them. I have this picture in my mind that is so clear of that. And I’d hate for that picture to become distorted.”
“What are you saying Kamryn?” Liam asks as he pulls me into him so we’re flush together. Not an inch of space can fit between us.
“That sometimes the people in the pictures change. I’m saying that if these aren’t just words to get in my pants, then I’m yours.”
He smiles. “Promise. Baby girl, I’m all in.”
“Good,” And I crush my mouth to his.
It takes two seconds for Liam to react. Then he’s kissing me back and lifting me in his arms. My legs wrap around his waist as he walks us back to his bed.
It feels like summer all over again, but much different. I’m not as broken and Liam isn’t just comforting me. We get to have a complete do-over for our first time together. It’s not under the pretense of a dare. We’re obliterating the whole friend zone category between us.
Carefully, so as not to crush me under his weight, Liam gently lowers us to the bed. His body covers mine as our hands explore one another. Taking the time to rediscover places on each others bodies that make our breaths quicken and arch into the other’s touch.
My hands slip under his shirt, feeling the warmth of his torso. I trace the ridges of his taut stomach and move up to place my hand over his racing heart. Like mine, it feels as if it’s going to jump out of his chest.
Liam pulls back on his knees and slowly pulls the hem of my shirt up my body and once it’s off he throws it across the room like it offended him.
“Yours too,” I instruct as I pull at the hem of his shirt, “Off.”
He gives me that cocky smirk I’ve seen him give so many opponents as they approach home plate for their at-bat. But this one is different. It turns my insides more molten than anything. It turns my wanting him into needing him.
When he goes to pull his shirt off I move in on his belt and jeans. I make quick work of unbuckling and unbuttoning, but he has to roll off me completely to take his pants off. When his pants are off, I take advantage and move to straddle him. Kissing down his chest, letting my hardened nipples graze his skin.
As I move lower, I look up at Liam and see nothing but pure animalistic need swirling in his eyes. I’m sure mine mirrors his, but as I make the first swipe across the head and lick up the first bead of pre-cum, his eyes roll to the back of his head. An animalistic groan is freed and when I look up I see his eyes scrunched close and hands fisting in the sheets.
I tease him more by quickly and lightly fluttering my tongue at the very tip. All the while working the base of him, my fist is moving up and down slowly. Slowly and surely, I continue to torture him the way I know he would torture me. I glance up and see that Liam’s restraining himself with his hands in a death grip on the headboard.
I want more of him too, so I take all of him to the back of my throat. Contracting as soon as I’m full of him, bobbing up and down, and then slowly coming back up lightly grazing my teeth. I repeat that until he’s swearing more than a sailor when I cup and massage his balls.
“Holy fuck, Kamryn! Let me come! Please…” Liam pleads.
“Not yet,” I say, right before I go down a little further and suck his balls in my mouth. One at a time. Massaging them with my tongue. I let them slip out of my mouth, but continue to massage them as I go back to sucking on Liam like a lollipop. Swirling my tongue around the head and then the vein that runs up Liam’s length.
I hear Liam’s intake of breath. “If you don’t want a mouth full of my cum, I would move,” He warns.
But I keep the suction on Liam’s cock and hear him swear as I feel him swell before he shoots his load down my throat with a roar. I continue to work him through his orgasm, licking up every drop. When he’s come back down from his high, I slowly release him from my mouth. but not before dropping a kiss to the tip of him.
I crawl back up the rest of his body and wait for him to come back to his body.
“Hot damn woman,” Liam pants, still out of breath. His arm is thrown over his eyes as his chest heaves for air.
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I tell him as I pepper kisses on his neck and his jaw. Kissing everywhere but his lips.
Liam finally opens his eyes and turns his gaze to me. “You should. But for my plan, you are wearing way too many clothes.”
“Is that so?” I ask while rolling my hips over his semi-hard erection. My jeans rubbing on his bare skin has him gripping my hips to stop my movement. I lean down to whisper in his ear. “You should probably solve that then.”
In a flash, Liam has us flipped and me on my back, arms pinned above my head. He’s hard again which gives me a thrill.
“What do you want, Kamryn?” Liam asks huskily.
Easy. I think to myself before telling him what I want. “You. Your tongue, your hands, your cock. All making my toes curl and me crying out your name.”
Liam stills his movements before catching himself. “Fuck.” He says before kissing me hard.
He moves to kiss my cheek, down the side of my neck, nipping at my collarbone, and suckling kisses at the tops of my breasts. Reaching behind me to unhook my bra, Liam slides the straps off my shoulders and tosses my bra to the side. With my breasts free, Liam moves back up to my face. He plunges his tongue in my mouth as his calloused fingers tease my nipples to a hardened peak and I feel it all the way to my clit. His tongue matches the twisting of his fingers over my nipples, pulling a gasp from me. I feel him smile into the kiss as he flicks his fingers across my nipples again and again until an orgasm just from nipple stimulation takes over my body.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” My breath comes in pants as the orgasm flows through me.
When my breathing returns to somewhat normal, Liam trails his lips back down my neck, placing a kiss on my collarbone, and pulling a nipple in his mouth. He circles the taut bud with his tongue, flickering his tongue in fast licks, before sucking and twirling his tongue. All the while his other hand is showing my other nipple the same attention. Twisting lightly and pulling upward until my nipple is elongated, barely touching the sensitive tip while circling his finger over top. One more flick of his tongue and twist of his finger over my nipples and another orgasm takes over.
“Liam!” I cry out with tears from all of the pleasure sneaking out of the corner of my eyes. I don’t know if I can take another orgasm, but Liam is already moving to my pants. Unbuttoning and unzipping my jeans, I should be embarrassed with how wet I am. But I don’t care. When my jeans and underwear are off, Liam slides his body down the bed and puts my legs over his shoulders.
Keeping his eyes on mine the whole time, Liam swipes his tongue up my center before circling my clit that has me crying out. He does it again and dives deep. Plunging his tongue in so deep all I feel is warmth. His eyes close in pleasure as he moans and kisses my pussy, sliding and swiping his tongue inside me until I see the stars bursting behind my closed eyes. Liam adds a finger to his movements and then another. His thick fingers move with precision while his tongue focuses on my clit. The feeling as if I’m floating outside of my body has me wanting to move away so Liam places an arm around my hip keeping me in place.
Not satisfied with the way I keep moving, Liam pulls out his fingers and wraps his other arm around my other hip. He pulls me closer and dives into my pussy. Not letting me move, his tongue moves in that expert way that has my toes curling on his back.
“I’m close,” I pant out.
Liam takes that as a cue, and uses his fingers to spread me wide open. His tongue dives inside and has me on the precipice of another explosive orgasm. Suddenly, Liam pushes two fingers inside me, curling them in a ‘come hither’ movement that has me squeezing his head with my thighs.
“I need you to get there, Kam. One more for me,” Liam encourages.
My body is wrung out. I don’t think I can come again. He continues eating my pussy like it’s his last meal. He hardens his tongue on my clit and the new pressure has me coming harder than ever.
“Fuck yes,” I hear a slurping noise but can’t even bother to care as I continue to come harder than I have in a year.
“I can’t go anymore,” I cry out to Liam.
He slows down his movements and crawls up my body, kissing me so I taste myself. A slow kiss that has my breathing accelerating and my hands pushing him into me. He slides off the bed, walking over to his desk and pulling the drawer open to get a condom. I hear the tear of the wrapper and watch as he rolls the condom on before climbing back on the bed and hovering over me. His cock slides through my pussy, my release coating his condom-covered cock. My hand slides up and around his neck to pull him down for a kiss.
I get lost in him. It still feels new. He still feels new as our tongues dance together. His hand travels down my body, hooks my leg over his hip, and eases inside me.
“Damn you feel good,” Liam says when he’s balls deep.
I can feel my walls still pulsing from the aftereffects of my last orgasm.
“How do you want it, Kam?”
Pushing his hair back to look in his eyes. “Slow and steady. I want to feel all of you.”
Liam pulls out slowly before rolling his hips and pushing back in. It causes us both to groan, “I can do that.”
Liam sets a delectable pace that has my body tightening up and on the edge of release. He pumps his hips in slow, short movements before pushing all the way in. His pelvic bone hits my clit that has me moaning out his name. I bring my other leg up and connect it with the other at the base of his spine. The movement shifts our angle and he hits that spot that has me screaming out his name as my orgasm takes over. Liam drives wildly into me before finding his own release.
“Holy shit!” I exclaim when I come back down from my high. My pussy is still fluttering with the after effects and Liam is still inside. I squeeze my inner muscles milking the last of him while lightly running my nails up and down his back.
He kisses me fiercely before pulling out and rolling over to his back. “Marry me. Now. I need sex like that every night.”
I feel the bass from the music at the party downstairs and turn to look at him. “That’s the only reason you’d marry someone? Mind blowing sex?”
“Of course not. But if sex was like that for everyone, then I’m positive divorce rates would be slim to none.” He and I both chuckle at that. “I’m keeping my promise to you. I want to be your everything Kamryn.”
“I want that too,” I tell him sincerely before leaning over and giving him a kiss.
This feels good. Way better than good.
My last final of the semester is over. Between sorority events, dating Liam, supporting him with baseball, and being in the Arts Building non-stop; I’ve barely had a chance to breathe before something else needed my attention. But now, winter break is here and we get a full month to rest before gearing up for our final semester.
I don’t think it will hit me that I’m on track to graduate, until I’ve walked across the stage. But I have five months before that day is set to make its appearance. For now, I’m focusing on the present.
A knock on my door pulls my attention to it. And the hunk of muscle in the doorway. Throwing my dress on my bed, I walk over to Liam.
“Hi,” I wrap my arms around him to greet him with a kiss.
I go to pull away, but his hand on my lower back stops me. His gaze tracks over my face. Sending my heart into my throat. We’ve been together since the night of the party. Together being a tame word. We’ve been inseparable. Almost like when we were kids. But this is so much more. I look into his beautiful blue eyes and see the boy I knew turned into the man I love.
Liam and I stayed holed up in his room that first weekend. Getting food and condoms delivered instead of leaving the cocoon of his bed. When I went back to the sorority house that Sunday night, the questions were one after the other until I spilled the beans. Sarah almost burst my eardrums when she found out we were dating. Then proceeded to say “I told you so.”
Being with Liam has been so easy. I put in the work to heal my own broken heart. But as the days went on, he helped repair the broken that I couldn’t fix. We haven’t told each other those three words yet. I’m not sure if it’s him respecting the speed in which we’ve gone in our relationship or if hes as scared as I am to say the words.
Sure, we’ve said them in our friendship. But saying ‘I love you’ to a friend is much different from saying those to the person you’re dating. It’s that next big step in your relationship.
“Hi, beautiful,” Liam places a kiss to the tip of my nose before letting me get back to packing.
We’re about to make the long drive back home. Thanksgiving was our first long-distance drive together which is surprising as we used to take trips together all of the time. The amount of times I looked over at him driving almost drove me to having him stopping the car. As hot as he is when he plays baseball, nothing prepared me for watching him drive us home.
I pick up my discarded dress as Liam takes a seat at my desk. “Are you all packed?”
“Yep. The car is all gassed up too. Snacks and Red Bulls are in the cooler, as well as a blanket for you.”
I can’t stop the words from coming out. “I love you.” I did it. Looking at Liam, speechless, makes me wonder if I should have waited. “Yo..you don’t have to say it back. But this is what I feel for you. I love you, Liam Taylor. So much.”
His legs propel him out of the chair and straight for me. Liam takes my face in his hands and kisses me. I rise up on my tiptoes, wrapping my arms around his neck. The lightness that I feel, that I felt before and haven’t felt in years, has made its way back.
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that. I love you too, Kamryn Rawlins.”
We stand there in each others arms. Foreheads pressed together. The love surrounding us is over a decade in the making. My heart feeling fuller than it has in a while. And I owe it to the boy I met at seven making my heart flutter fourteen years later.
We break apart in contentment as I put the last of my clothes for break in my suitcase. My toiletries are already packed, so I toss those in my other bag. Taking another look around my room, we make our way to Liam’s car.
The drive home goes by faster when you’re with someone that makes everyday things enjoyable. We stop once at the North Carolina border and then again at the Maryland border. After nine hours in the car, Liam is pulling into my parents driveway. I could have easily walked with my stuff from his house, but his generosity is one of the things I love about him.
I walk around the back of his car but he shoves me out of the way.
“Jerk,” I tease him.
“A jerk you love,” he tacks on.
I lean up on my toes to kiss his cheek. “Yeah, I do love you.”
A look is shared between us. A look that says more than words can say. Liam breaks our stare and pulls my suitcase out of his car. I go back around to the front to grab my purse and phone. We walk up the walkway to the opened garage. Not bothering to knock, I open the door.
Animated conversation and laughter greets us when I open the door. “Mom? Dad? Jax?” I call out.
Liam sets my suitcase by the mudroom before taking my hand and leading us to laughter that greeted us when we walked in. When we enter the living room and see both of our parents laughing at something the other apparently said. My bet is on Liam’s dad.
My mom must see me out of the corner of her eye and screams. Scaring all of us, especially me, as I’ve never heard my mom make that loud of a sound.
“You’re together?!” She screeches from her spot on the couch.
“Surprise!” I sarcastically cheer.
The delay is comical and then all-hell breaks loose. Both of our moms rush off the couch and crush us in hugs that only moms can.
In the span of time it took for Liam and I to get to this stage in our relationship, we both completely spaced in telling our parents. We didn’t think it was necessary to tell our parents then as we were still getting used to being together. But in the short time between then and now, it’s like our relationship grew exponentially.
Questions are thrown at us right and left. While we answer them, this is also a reminder as to why we waited for as long as we did. I hear the word ‘wedding’ tossed around before the next question is asked.
Liam and I manage to escape our parents to head outside to the patio. He stokes the fire in the fire pit and motions me to join him on the lounge chair.
It’s not long before Liam breaks the silence and hums the wedding march. I do my best to suppress the laughter that’s bubbling but fail miserably.
“Did I tell you my mom was planning our wedding when we were in high school?” Liam asks.
I let out a sigh. “I’m convinced our mom’s had a thread going back and forth as to when to announce that. My mom declared every chance she could to say how she was planning our wedding. Although she started leaving breadcrumbs earlier than high school.”
“They can’t rush us yet,” Liam claims. He attacks me with kisses making me giggle.
“I agree. Although being married to you really wouldn’t be a bad thing.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah. I’d be the hot wife at your games. Oh my gosh! I’d be a WAG!” I exclaim and half-turn on the lounge. Liam looks at me strangely.
“What the hell is a WAG?” He asks me.
Now it’s my turn to look at him strangely. “Are you serious? It’s a ‘wife and girlfriend’ and every professional sports team has them. The wives usually alienate the girlfriends, so you better put a ring on it as fast as you can.” I say with a teasing lilt to my voice.
“I love you,” Liam claims right before he tickles me and I’m gasping for breath.
My thoughts run wild. And before I know it, the holiday break flies by and were back at school gearing up for our final semester.